Posted by
unlucky
16 yrs ago
I am hoping that some of you out there can give me some advise as to what to do in my situation.
I met a guy last November while drinking with friends. After that we got together, but I had no idea that he had a girlfriend. About two months ago, he told me that he had a girlfriend and that he wanted to break it up with her but couldn't as many things were under her name etc and she had no where to move to. At first, I was really angry and demanded to end it straight away, but he got the better of me and I gave him a month to sort out the situation with her or I would walk away. It has been 2 months since then. He called me on Friday night and told me that his gf said that she would move out within a few days and would leave her key behind etc... He asked if he could move to mine while that happens, but I did not reply yes or no as to him moving over. After work that night I called him back and he told me he was driving and that it was not good time to speak, he said he would call back...but I heard nothing since then..and now its Monday? I called him a few times during the weekend but still no reply...
Something inside tells me to forget it...but I just feel even if he did choose her or whatever reason at least he should tell me. I feel so upset and worried....can anyone give me any advice???
Please support our advertisers:
Yes, call him and try to meet with him. If he doesn't want to, forget him.
Please support our advertisers:
I called several times but no answer and no reply...I understand that he may need time....but I hate to be waiting especially if nothing turns out in the end.
Do you think I should continue calling? I don't want to look desperate, but waiting is like waiting forever....
Please support our advertisers:
nom
16 yrs ago
sorry but you should forget him if he's not calling you. He's a jerk and a liar.
Please support our advertisers:
Stop calling him. If the man is keen on you, he will have called you now. If someone is in your thoughts, you would text them or call them. If they don't, then maybe they are just not into you. I do not believe in texting and calling more than once if someone does not reply. It can make you come across as desperate.
Please support our advertisers:
It is now almost 6pm on Tuesday, still no call or sms......
I did not call him since Saturday....I guess it's really over!
Actually, I don't mind so much that its over..just wish at least he could have the guts to tell me so. Feel prettysh*t actually, I thought I was worth at least a call?
Seriously trying hard not to think about it...but its really hard!
Please support our advertisers:
Unlucky, you have to understand that sometimes men are scared of being confrontational and calling it quits with a girl is confrontational in a way. It is a frustrating experience, but instead of blaming him for not having the guts, why not try and understand that maybe he cares too much about you to have the heart to say it to you and see you cry? I know this is going to sound like I am painting too perfect a picture of someone or taking sides, but I think understanding is the best way to get closure and move on.
Please support our advertisers:
I did try to understand the situation tutorjoanna....but it is now Wednesday...still no call or anything? I think even the words "im sorry, or we better not see each other again..." should be said at the very least.
Also, I lent him some money before...do you think I can ask for it back?
Please support our advertisers:
It is now Thursday and this morning I got some No caller ID calls...the caller did not say anything but I can hear that someone is there...usually waits for about 10 seconds and cuts off. I got 3 of these calls...I thought maybe it is someone who called the wrong number..but how come no caller ID and how come wait for 10 seconds then cut off?
IS IT HIM? Its really pissing me off....What should I do?
Please support our advertisers:
Also the calls are not consecutive...one every hour since 9 am...
Please support our advertisers:
Unlucky, I know what you mean and know how frustrating it is when someone leaves without a word. But what I am saying is that if you keep thinking about it or him, you will not get closure. It is by understanding and forgiving why he did this that you will be able to get closure and move on. Hope that makes sense.
Please support our advertisers:
Thanks tutorjoanna....to be honest, it is now Sunday am...I couldn't slept as I was thinking about him again!
I totally understand what you mean by closure, but saying and doing is so different. I really tried to understand as you said, but just couldn't understand still!
To be honest, I did send one sms on Friday to him...I tried not to, but I did borrow some money to him before and I think if we were not together that I had the right to get that back at least.
In the sms I wrote something along the lines of....
"Whatever the result is I do not care, but I Hope that you will at least let me know that you are ok, so I do not have to worry. Also, I am going to purchase an apartment and would be grateful if you could insert the money into my account when it is convenient for you, thanks."
I know u think I am a loser and sucked by sending this sms...but it was like the last straw...
Ok, it's now Sunday and not even a reply to that sms...I guess my money has gone as well as someone that I used to love...kind of a double blow to the face!
Please support our advertisers:
I just want to thank everyone for the advice they have given on this post!
Last night as I was having dinner with friends I got a No Caller ID Call. I picked it up as I do get calls from overseas and did not think it was him.
It was in fact HIM! His voice sounded really different, almost weak and dying. He ask me if I recognised his voice, and I replied "No" as it really did not even sound like him. Then he told me it was him, he said he had lots of issues to deal with as he had a huge bust up with his family about his gf. Also, he had a car accident and would probably be sued for damages. Also, something at work had meant that a file would be opened and that they would investigate him. When I asked him why he didn't even reply my sms or calls. He said just that he didn't want to talk with anyone and wanted to be alone while he sorted out his problems. He also told me he would insert the money into my account once his salary cheque went through. And that he would not contact anyone for the mean time till he had sorted his problems out.
I didn't say much as I was not expecting a call and there wasn't much I could say except "take care!".
I just feel relived to have got that call...finally I can let go....
Please support our advertisers:
And wow, so many issues just popped out in the short time he's been silent? Accident and issue at work and family? Geez! Don't tell me you believe all that.
I mean even with all that, it wouldn't have taken more than 10 seconds to call you to tell you he needed time to sort things or that something came up.
Here you are worried about whether or not he is okay yet he is NOT concerned that his silence may have got you worried.
Time to move on, I think. You don't need someone who is selfish enough not to call and you don't want to be dealing with all those "dramas" in his life. Eg. Money issues, relationship issues like the one he had with his ex (two timing), work problems....
Good luck.
Please support our advertisers:
Thankyou GemmaW, Greenvalleys and Misoup for your comments!
Actually everything you guys said, I knew...but just at the time when he called, I was lost for words...
I know it is out of order that he did not even let me know that all these things happened. Yes, he is a drama king and he has got isses that are hardly attractive. So I really hope that he does not contact me again as I would like closure to this. I admit that I do think and miss him still, I don't know why...even after all this!
I just hope that I am strong enough to keep going.
As for believing him, of course I have 1000 doubts in my head, I just hate that I still miss him...
Moving on...I am doing all that I can....
Please support our advertisers:
Please grieve this properly otherwise you will find it very difficult not to go back to him. It is really important you don't just move on and forget. He clearly meant an awful lot to you and the loss is huge and real otherwise you wouldn't have tortured your self so. So recognise it for what it is so you can work through all the emotions associated with it, which will in time allow you to move on totally, and be comfortable enough that if he does call you can easily deal with saying no to him.
Please support our advertisers:
Thanks for your advice guyhar...actually, I know that I HAVE to move on...I don't know why I still think of him at times...like half way during work and on the way home...it's crazy! Can you give me advice how to "grieve" this properly as you suggested?
By the way, he still didn't insert the money into my account yet....perhaps thats why I still can't let go? Please help!
Please support our advertisers:
may be it is just suspicious ol' me but there seems to be something wrong here. the OP has posted under two handles - Unlucky and Wasabigirl (see below post). i remember a few threads posted under the latter handle of Wasabigirl which variously related to - (i) Wasabigirl being in a stable relationship but cheating w/ a younger guy who borrowed money from her (a motif that has recurred in this thread), eventually breaking up w/ both (ii) Wasabigirl being propositioned by someone carrying a flame for her since long ago but who has a gf whom he doesn't really love w/ Wg again taking the high road and deciding not to start anything w/ him. this is the third thread in this series. there are so many gaps here that this/these story(ies) are more holes than cloth.
OP, you should really do the honourable thing here and come clean and explain this stuff or stop wasting folks' time by posting your fantasies on this forum. there are people w/ issues who come here for advice and others who spend precious time advising them (btw, Flashback, Nemesis, kudos to you for clarity of thought, empathy and sound advise always) and it would be a real shame if you've been wasting their time.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Posted by Wasabigirl (12 days ago)
I did try to understand the situation tutorjoanna....but it is now Wednesday...still no call or anything? I think even the words "im sorry, or we better not see each other again..." should be said at the very least.
Also, I lent him some money before...do you think I can ask for it back?
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Please support our advertisers:
You must be logged in to be able to reply.
Login now
Copy Link
Facebook
Gmail
Mail