Posted by
balu1_hk
18 yrs ago
Same problem after 17 years, but there are a few success stories.
By real friend I guess you mean someone who will be there for you in a moment of need ?
Its an "in and out" town, ppl usually dont give that much to others as they know they will be leaving sooner or later, but there are, occasionally, some exceptions, mostly unexpected.
Worst when single, slightly better when married (especially with kids). Seems that family mentality helps reliabilty in friendships.
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nicolette perhaps we should get together for a drink someday...i was born and bred here, went overseas for a couple of years and cant seem to fit in anymore...ppl tend to look pass you as a person and are only concerned bout how can you be useful for themselves etc.
this is a capitalistic city after all...sad yea, i end up having my IBM as my best mate now, not that i dun enjoy going out, but i'm tired and sick of meeting all these ppl who either think i'm hot enuff for a casual shag or can be useful in furthering their career or something...
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Agree there are a lot of flakey people in HK but it may also be the type of people that you are meeting and how you meet them.
I was raised here and have some very strong friendships - both HK old-timers and people relatively new here. Of my close friends, these are people that I have met through sport rather than the bar scene.
THere are good, genuine people here in HK.
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shaq
18 yrs ago
It's true; one can hardly make real friends in HongKong. It seems to me it is because the transcient nature of HK; everyone, including the Hkgers themselves, think they're only passing through and so friends are needless.
I believe however that there are people here who could be real friends. E.g., if those of us who have responded to this tread see this as a problem and make an effort to be real friends ourselves, then the wheels of real friendship could be set in motion. Remember, little drops of water .... Cheers, folks and brighten your little corner by being receptive, warm, and genuine!!!
ShaQ
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Perhaps but most of my good friends are people who have come her under contract from various c*ntries.
My partner has been here 7 years and also has some very close friends that he has made during his stay here.
For both of us, these friendships have stemmed from sport and hobbies (it is also how we met) rather than the bar scene. Put it this way, if someone is able to commit to a team sport and show up every weekend to partcipate, chances are they will be more reliable as a friend.
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Lol! I don't mean athletes as such, just using it as an expample. Basically the type of person that is dedicated to something other than work and bars.
Anyhoo, just my 10 cents.
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Knowfrickinway - Lol! Thanks.
CrikeyMoses - where can one purchase your flakey-fakey-bullsh*t detector? Does it have a setting to detect dippy-drippy-losers?
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Only if you are a good tipper.
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sheep
18 yrs ago
Don't think it's just HK, its the same in any country where there live a lot of expats, thing is when you live in your own country you have friends you've grown up with have a history with Speaking for myself) but here people come and go so often never to be seen again probably, i have some good friends here but i put my money on it when i leave we would loose touch eventually as the friendship isn't quite the same as the friendship i have with people ive known for the past 20yrs they are true friends the one's who would drop everything to help you and be there for you when the sh** hits the fan, i don't miss my home country after being away for 6yrs but i have never made good friends like i have there.
people know they will leave one day and i think they hold back a bit in order not to get hurt to too close. Its sad but true.
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sheep
18 yrs ago
Don't think it's just HK, its the same in any country where there live a lot of expats, thing is when you live in your own country you have friends you've grown up with have a history with Speaking for myself) but here people come and go so often never to be seen again probably, i have some good friends here but i put my money on it when i leave we would loose touch eventually as the friendship isn't quite the same as the friendship i have with people ive known for the past 20yrs they are true friends the one's who would drop everything to help you and be there for you when the sh** hits the fan, i don't miss my home country after being away for 6yrs but i have never made good friends like i have there.
people know they will leave one day and i think they hold back a bit in order not to get hurt. Its sad but true.
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Yeah, some of the locals are very nice and helpful... It doesn't matter which country they come from, some people are just superficial wherever they are... Maybe hong kong just more so, but same as most of the big cities such as NY or London....
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I agreed that it is not just HK. Fakes Friends are anywhere. It is not that they re expat or local. I know lots of expat here, they just want fun. Friendship depends on mutual respect. Real friends are really different to find. Luckily, I do have some.
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Jester - to which swimming pool are you refering, dare I ask.
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Bendy52, even you live in a local area does not guarantee you speak it... I was living in mongkok for 7 years and the first 3 years I spoke none... You have to be not-easy-embarrassed to learn any langauge... Don't feel stupid when people laugh at your pronunciation.. You will get there some day...
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It's not just HK but also other countries. Perhaps foreigners will always be foreigners eh?
I've lived in HK 3 yrs and have to admit that good friends are hard to come by. Learning to speak cantonese...everyone keeps telling me to learn mandarin! So which one is more important? Cantonese or Mandarin???? HELP
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Mandarin!!! Let's say more than 1.2 billions people can understand and speak mandarin, but only few millions speaking cantonese... mandarin is the way to go...
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I honestly think you get what you put in with friendships anywhere. It's easy to feel used here - in my industry I tend to get a lot of "friends" expecting freebies. I try to do it within reason - favours do tend to find their way back to you sooner or later, it's the laws of the universe! Obviously there are some insincere people who take the piss but they are relatively easy to spot.
Because it's a relatively small expat community here, it's almost like a village mentality if something goes wrong, + people are very willing to help out. I broke my leg and was amazed at how many people rallied around to help me - giving me lifts to work and picking up groceries - even the people I least expected.
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CM , point taken... Though, a lot people here start to learn mandarin and also it's easier to learn mandarin than cantoneses ....Most of shops now in hong kong, one of the criterion they want when they hire people is speaking mandarin...I know what you mean , but i was just saying mandarin is the trend
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Well I do make an effort in Cantonese and some Mandarin and my friends seem to appreciate it! But I cannot get into "inner circles" because I speak Cantonese with an accent. Good thing is .... if I don't get invited for lunch or wedding dinners... I just don't take it all to heart. Life is too short to worry about whether you fit in or not. Just be yourself and friends will come.
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Harimu: You've got a great attitude going on. Just let life roll like a pendulum. Sometimes it swings your way and sometimes it doesn't. Those who are meant to be true and sincere friends to you will ultimately be. You're right, no need to fret about it at all. If you want to go into the "inner circles" (do you mean the local crowd?) I would be glad to take you along for the ride. Fortunately I've got the best of both worlds and dare I say it's not so much about language ability, but about being humble, open-minded, and willing to take ourselves outside of our own boxes. Send me a reply and will take it from there. Cheers!
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Happyface... Thanks! Let me know.
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Harimu: Sorry for the delay. if you yahoo...my u-name is the "t"itle of the oldest restaurant in SF, underscore and then the first 7 alphabets of the city mentioned (no capitals). is there a better way to exchange contacts? Am completely open. Thanks!
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You know you get out what you put in. I was raised here but find friendships fine. If you're looking for the kind of lifelong childhood friend from back home, you're going to be unhappy but there are still plenty of non-flakes out there who make great friends for the time being. Sure, it's a different ball game with transient friends but you have the internet, so it's easy to keep in touch. Maybe you're expecting too much too soon, or being reserved because you expect people to leave. Hong Kong's great as you can have a multitude of friends, with all different backgrounds, interests and their own sub-groups of friends. It's not the same as a "one on one buddy" but it can be just as fulfilling.
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Happyface - I dun get your code... PM me.
CM - did you crack the code? Hee hee
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Harimau, where are you from? Your name sounds very interesting.
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Autumn - Malaysia! It's a malaysian word too.
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Are you male or female? Sorry for asking too much, just wanted to know more about the people on this website.
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PLEASE STOP LABELLING PEOPLE, I have been reading many posts in this site, it is all about HK people are rude, Fake, snobbs, why this? why that? why...............
First, Good and true friends are hard to come by no matter where you are, there are fakes everywhere. The turth is HK is a great city and like many others great cities, it has all kinds of people.
I live both in HK and Toronto, I tell you it is exactly the same.. So open your eyes next time when you meet someone, and do not have any expectations of them and learn about your ownself, then you will attract people with similar qualities as you have......
Why give up, why get piss, it is more important to be happy with our ownselves. if great friendship happens, great, if not, we cannot force it..can't we!
When you meet someone that clicks with you, you will know!!
Lastly, before epxpecting anything, what are we willing to give??
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hear hear - very well said, bye22ca!!! fakers and keepers are everywhere - it's up to YOU to choose which kind you surround yourself with.
"Lastly, before epxpecting anything, what are we willing to give??" - so true.
look at any of the threads where someone is bashing the Chinese, or HK locals...generally posted by people who haven't made much effort to understand them, and get so frustrated and angry because they are judging locals' actions, in another country, against their own home country value system.
what i know of the two HK people I know well, one a friend, the other the wife of a childhood friend: yes, material success is very important to them, as is face, and therefore many of their actions are guided thus - however, this doesn't make them bad people, just different from me in some ways, and they are still loyal, honest, and reliable...they are just motivated differently. you might have to find and press different buttons, but you can still get universally desired results - loyalty, honesty, friendship, love.
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This site should be called HK bashing site Not HK Expat site...
I wonder if someone is so unhappy about a place where they live, either leave, go somewhere else, and spending their whole life searching for "the perfect place" when the only problem is themselves!!
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So true "Voiceofreason" by the way nice to hear from you again.......
The moment we give up is the moment we loose our chances of meeting a genuine friend..
I have lived in NY, SanFran, now HK and Toronto, I have met all kinds. To say any city is bad, because certain types of people we meet, it is quite irresponsibles.. I have seen many aspects of HK that no where else has.. maybe constant focus in negativies have prevented them from seeing the positive....
Ultimately - it is your own happiness that you control, so i rather remember the wonderful, freindly,amazing fews that i have met, than the not so intersting others!!!
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I think it depends which people you meet. For me even i born here and station here, I also found it's difficult for me to make a real friends, especially from the company that u work for. Some of them even get the benefit from you for their own promotion in the company..it's quite harsh. But real people still here in Hong Kong. Maybe you're not lucky enough...same as me..well...this is the real world. I hope you and me can also find some real friends.
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mhtc
18 yrs ago
Fake friends are everywhere in the world... I find it more so in Asia then anywhere else though. I am not saying that there aren't good people here, it's just that I've met more bad people than ever. I am a young asian American woman living in Asia. I've traveled all over Asia and it all the depends who you are talking about- locals or expats. I find myself with more similarities than the the locals.
What I do hate are the looks that I get from the Chinese locals(whether from HK or SG). I am of south east asian origin and I know when they meet me they are already summing me up for a prostitue, of course these are people I wouldn't want to be friends with anyhow but when they find out I am an American they are so much friendlier to me... Again, FAKE!!!!
I used to be upset and dwell over it but being out in Asia for 3 years I've grown a thicker skin. I laugh at these girls because they are the ones that hang out with the expats mooching off them. I will end on this note though... at the end of the day I respect the prostitutes more than the local girls. Prostittes are in it for the $$ and that's it. These local girls...I would have to say scandalous... how do you know if they are have real feelings for you. The prospects of a better life with an expat is out there. you and I see it everywhere.. beautiful or decent Asian ladies with the biggest, ugliest white guys.. Uggh!
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mhtc
18 yrs ago
Fake friends are everywhere in the world... I find it more so in Asia then anywhere else though. I am not saying that there aren't good people here, it's just that I've met more bad people than ever. I am a young asian American woman living in Asia. I've traveled all over Asia and it all the depends who you are talking about- locals or expats. I find myself with more similarities than the the locals.
What I do hate are the looks that I get from the Chinese locals(whether from HK or SG). I am of south east asian origin and I know when they meet me they are already summing me up for a prostitue, of course these are people I wouldn't want to be friends with anyhow but when they find out I am an American they are so much friendlier to me... Again, FAKE!!!!
I used to be upset and dwell over it but being out in Asia for 3 years I've grown a thicker skin. I laugh at these girls because they are the ones that hang out with the expats mooching off them. I will end on this note though... at the end of the day I respect the prostitutes more than the local girls. Prostittes are in it for the $$ and that's it. These local girls...I would have to say scandalous... how do you know if they are have real feelings for you. The prospects of a better life with an expat is out there. you and I see it everywhere.. beautiful or decent Asian ladies with the biggest, ugliest white guys.. Uggh!
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The world is full of fakes and , looking at some of the replies above, some very weird people also. Spend time with people who have the same interests - the friends will eveolve in due course.
( I am based in HK)
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