How do I fix this?

Ok, so here's a question... I've been here in Shanghai for a couple years now. Before I came here, I sort of started something up with a guy- but was cautious and didn't lead him on because I knew I was leaving home. He and I have stayed very, very close since I left with regular emails and such. It was always something hovering above our heads that he and I both have feelings for each other, but something that I would never act on while being so far away.


Anyways, last week he told me that he loves me and that he is "waiting for my return so we can be together, and he hopes I am doing the same". I didn't know what to say back to that, because I have not been, as he put it "waiting" to be with him. I have feelings for him, yes. But I have been gone a long time, and it's not like we're in a relationship.


I told him that I had feelings for him, but that I didn't know what would happen between us when I return for many reasons. I don't know when I'm going back home, I am not the same person as when I left, and also, I feel that he is not the same. So, now things are strange and I'm afraid to loose him as a friend. I hurt him by saying that he and I getting together wasn't "for sure", and I'm not too sure how to fix it.


When we talk, the uncomfortableness is very prevalent.. any advice on how to fix this?

re-posting.


in my opinion you did the right thing by telling him the truth. you can't "fix" this right now, because he had an expectation of you which turned out not to come true. at least you didn't lie to him. if he is a good friend, he'll come around eventually. hopefully the awkwardness will fade over time.

Lexus--


I think you just have to play it by ear especially if the conversations are becoming uncomfortable because of "mismatched" expectations.


You don't have to fix anything after being honest about your feelings. If he was hurt because of what you said, let him get over it. If and when you decide to come home, then see how things will work between you two. Tell him that you value the friendship, but that's far as it will have to go at the moment.


Star-studded--

I know it feels good to have someone have feelings for you, but if Lexus does not feel as passionately and cannot reciprocate, why would she not let go? If they can salvage the friendship, well and good. Otherwise, get on with life.

I doubt he only said it because he thought that's what I wanted to hear. I never even came close to hinting that I wanted to hear that from him. Some things have happened between us, (that I left out of the initial post, and will leave out of this one because of comments that will be made). But I'm not forcing myself to have feelings for him- I do feel for him. But not enough to not even consider dating- or even seeing any one else while I'm here... It's really just the friendship that I'm worried about. If he gets over me or whatever before I come home- good for him. But I love him as a friend, and don't want to loose him.


Advice like, you did the right thing, and he'll come around if he is a good friend, is pretty much what I had expected to recieve, although not particularly helpful... : )

was wondering if that would come up... the two of us had sex only once before I left, and it wasn't like I led him to believe that I wanted a relationship with him, or that us having sex would somehow make me change my mind and not leave. So, my question is.. why after almost 2 years is he telling me that he loves me??


I think whatever we had is now, clearly over. He's now stopped talking to me completely. So... can I email him and explain? Or call him? Or is this not a good idea.... should I just wait it out? But then what if that's it?

my 2 cents worth, just do whatever you feel right, and if you end up back where you came from and the old BF still wants you then sort it out then....no use worrying about it from Shanghai if you are not hanging around waiting for him.