Posted by
hys
17 yrs ago
one minute he wants to know everything about me, planning trips and all, next min he's distant and away on biz trip.
And just when u decided it's not worth the headache, he comes back with flower and legitimate excuses. (more than once)
Am i being paranoid, or he just hasn't made up his mind about me yet? I feel like a backup plan!
All my friends thinks he's sweet, and I should be nicer to him, but I just don't feel sitting around and waiting for him will change his behaviour.
I have a career too! He's not the only one working! Should I swallow my pride and just play nice?
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hys
17 yrs ago
distant - when he's on his biz trip, he disappears completely. I can understand that he's busy and exhausted, and might not want to talk. All I ask is a text message, or an email, just a few words saying that he has think of me at least once.
Am I asking too much?
As for our "career". We are both in our mid 30s, middle management, pulling in a good income, high stress. What I meant to say is I always manage to call or email when I am away, why can't he do the same?
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hys
17 yrs ago
We've been dating casually for a few months already. Dinner, movies, concert, etc. Yes, I slept with him already. It was a relax relationship and it seems like we both manage to fit our relationship nicely into our daily routine. We haven't gone so far as to introduce each other to our friends and families yet.
However, he threw a fit on Xmas about me not letting him in my life. (he was slightly drunk) I invited him to come to the xmas dinner with my friends, trying to fit him in my life, like he asked.
He turned me down. Like nothing had ever happened before. I am just confused.
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he does sound lke he's playing wiith your mind if he's asking to come for xmas one minute and then turning you down the next.... some guys are like that... they will only want you on their own terms, which is what it sounds like from what you are explaining.... (though some guys just want to play with your mind because that's what they do, which is even worse...!)
If you're waiting for him to change, in my experience people don't change... you will probably have to wait forever and he will never change...
The questions you have to ask yourself is: Does he make you happy...?... is this the person you CAN spend the rest of your life with...?
I hope that helped.
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jwm
17 yrs ago
Have you asked him why he does not SMS you or call you on the business trips? Have you told him that this upsets you, if so, what was his reaction to that?
I really get a laugh from some of the respnses you received from some posters telling you to dump him and that you are his back up plan. How someone can get that from the little information you provides is beyond me, perhaps those posters have a god given talent to make a judgemet based on two or three sentances.
Seems to me you are both educated and have common sense, and if your relationship is heading anywhere, you will be able to communicate, meaning he should be able to provide you with answers to your questions, but you need to ask them!! don't just sit and speculate.
If he is not willing to talk with you about how you feel, then is he really worh keeping around anyway?? But if you can not communicate with him, than you are as just as much at fault as he. Good luck
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hys
17 yrs ago
I have been thinking about discussing his "rant" with him, but I am afraid that might embarrassed him.
I feel comfortable with him, but there is no butterfly in my stomach. He's what I'd consider a good candidate for hudsband; you know the ususal -similar background, similar value/moral system, same income bracket.
The rant came a little unexpected, I am open to the idea of us having a serious relationship; if he didn't act so nonchalant the next day.
Didn't want to pressure him, that's why I didn't ask. Now it's been 5 days, since his rant....I don't know
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hys
17 yrs ago
I don't know. I always dated the "artsy" type of guy. Musician, photographer, etc. For all the guys I dated before, he is the only one has a "regular" job (no disrespect to entertainer and freelance artist), and has a pension plan.
I can talk to him about my job, he can relates to what I am going thru in the office. He is not very romantic (at least compare to all my previous bf), he likes holding hands, watching DVD on sofa, eat in.
My first time feeling secure, comfortable, and actually feeling like I am in a mature adult relationship. I love kids, i don't want to be a super career woman. If possible, I'd like to settle down, and have 2-3 kids. I am not saying he's the one. But I want comfort more than passion now.
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jwm
17 yrs ago
If you cannot have a discussion or communicate your feelings with him or any other guy, I think you will always have these issues, so I am sorry to say that you are an equal part of the problems. You will not embarrass him, and again if you do, perhaps he is not the guy for you.
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hys
17 yrs ago
I will when he's back from his biz trip. tks.
(he disappeared for 2 days again)
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