Posted by
patrickd
18 yrs ago
I wonder if any of you was as unlucky as me to have met a player, who played with your love and your emotion. What was your experience and what did you do to him? Is there any way to punish these guys or I just wait for his karma?
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The guys I met before are decent ones who are serious towards our relationship, except this cheap, despicable guy who claimed to survive a marriage for 10 years!!
He must think that he is white and living on the Robinson Road so that he is fully qualified to play the Chinese girls around.
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I had a good laugh at the discussions. Let's don't be bitter or rude to each other. No need to add salt to others' scar.
Patickd, not sure about your pain but pls do move on. Girls can live happily without men, right? Move on and you'll be happier. Cheers
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Not all men can make you happy Chat noir. Some have the ability to make you very very sad. Don't get near them.
Will it make any difference if am from China or from Africa? Am an international citizen :)
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I understand you are hurt, ego crushed etc etc. But if you think closely you'd realise that there were signs all along that you two didn't exactly make the perfect pair. Since it wasn't going to work out anyway, you can try to be glad that it's over.
Don't you know that you were being used? If you didnt well now you do, and next time don't get together with someone for the wrong reasons, which I suspect you did youself. (If I am wrong I apologise)
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mizQ
18 yrs ago
Earlier this year, i experienced something similar to what you're describing. You may want to read about it (details below) to see if it offers you some valuable insight, or a different perspective, on what you're going through now. Wish you well.
Visit: Pg 30 of the "Women Only" category and read the thread titled "Lonely, Foolish and...Damaged".
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let it all out, patrickd!..i see that you are very angry because of this turkish bloke and i'd commented on your other thread too...it's hard to let him go just like that because he was/is a complete a.hole..eventually, you will realise (soon enough, i hope) that he was such a waste of space and he wont mean anything to you later..time will heal the pain!
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I have to agree with mpl on this one. I've never intentionally been a "player" but been accused of it just for being the overly-chatty American.
I was able to deal with intentional "players" better when I started thinking about dates as "dessert" rather than "main course." If you go into a date or two hoping it's "the one," you end up putting expectations on someone who may or may not be ready/able to fulfill them. They're just not ready to be your "meat and potatoes". When they are, they'll tell you.
Until then, I find it best to keep my life my life and enjoy dates as a wonderful addition to an otherwise great life. Think cheesecake, not chicken unless they tell you otherwise.
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The one described in Jungle Duet's story is definitely a player. Like what mpl said, "it's the definition of the word that has everyone scrambling for strategies to avoid them."
There're many people in HK who don't want to make serious committment but I wouldn't call them players. Both men and women. We should respect their choice.
I have a male friend who has never dated me. He doesn't want any of his relationship to become heavy hence only have casual dates. He does tell all of his girls from the beginning about his preference. I think he is a decent guy although I often mock him up for what he has been doing :)
The bottom line is to be honest about your intention. If you genuinely love him or her, tell the truth. If you only want to dine and wine him or her once a while and spend a night together, okay as well. But, be truthful. This way, you'll never be a player!
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I would check out with my fortune-teller :) It's more accurate than checking out with the guard or security men... Hahaha
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If you've ever played a sport or an instrument, you may have had that experience where you get tentative and you either make a nervous mistake or the other team takes total advantage.
I'm sensing serious dating tentativeness here. Your question, stated another way, is "How can I tell if they are eventually gonna make me feel like s***?"
I'll go back to my original assertion. If you think of dating as dessert for an otherwise good life, it doesn't matter if they're playing or not. You won't become emotionally involved until they've proved themselves deserving of your heart.
How can you tell if they're deserving? Get to know their friends (DON'T ask about the guy - just get to know the friends because you're truly interested in them). I find that quality people hang with quality people.
Have fun. Assume they're having fun too. Define how far "fun" is for you without feeling like you're in too deep.
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I am not against all white guys but I was talking about this particular white Turkish guy. Please don't be over sensitive.
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I express my anger here because this guy LIED to me as he wanted to get me. He lied to me he was single but in fact not. If I knew the truth at the very beginning and I still stepped into this trap, then I deserve it and I won't blame anyone.
After dating for few months, then he asked to break up. Why I think he is a player is that he didn't put any effort in this relationship but blamed me for this and that.
This guy is a hypocrite and full of fallacy. He said I am not suitable to be his gf because I am afraid of dogs!! But how many dogs did he keep at home during his 10 years' marriage? Fruitcake!
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I can definitely sense you anger and it sounds like you have every right to be angry.
I find it really hard to let go of anger. At the same time, I have to ask myself, "What benefit am I getting by being angry?" I find that anger is a personal prison that keeps me locked up from the rest of the world. I find myself thinking about it, talking about it, and worrying about it until I'm no fun to be around anymore. Then I REALLY lose.
I fully believe that he will eventually get what is coming to him - but it's best for it not to come from you. Double-lives don't last forever. In fact, there may be things in his life that you don't know about that he took out on you. That's not right. That's not excusing him. But, it may make you feel sorry for him and look at him in a different light until some healing has had time to come about.
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back to original question,
a player's punishment is being a player and not being able to get out of the game.
Destined to a life of deceit, emptiness of true relationships, never truley happy, always itching for something else, never feeling satisfied....punishment for ever perhaps....
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I will never forgive this Turkish guy and I will hate him for the rest of my life. Sure I will not take my revenge on him but I will pray to god and hope it will give him severe punishment ASAP. Also, I hope him never find true love and be alone for the rest of his life!! He will never have his own family and kids!!
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patrickd, i feel ur pain. i really do. but don't be too harsh with yourself. hate him? for now is completely understandable. for the rest of your life? c'mon...
the people above has been more than kind in giving you sound advise. travelinteacher i believe made it clear that when you hate somebody, the only person who loses in this game is you. because either the other person doesn't know about it, or he simply wouldn't care.
move on... let go. learn from this experience and make something positive out of it. struggle yourself to become even more wise. wisdom is always a strength.
cheers!
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Wish him live everyday in PAIN...
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I've always found honesty to be a selling point to tattract the kind of women I want to attract -- those who are romantic and honest themselves.
If you want to attract a money grabber pretend to be rich. If you want to attract a social climber pretend to be connected. If you want to attract a sincere woman, be sincere...
I guess if you're not looking for a relationship and just looking for sex, then you can lie about whatever you think will get you laid... which apparently is the motivation of the topic of this thread and Mr. Doyster.
Hey, and I've had one night stands being honest... and I'm not Mr. Handsome Joe Abs nor am I rich so I don't know what exactly makes Roy so unattractive that he thinks he'll "never get laid" if he doesn't lie.
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if i were you patrickd, i'd pray every night that i'd never meet that man ever again!! he doesnt deserve ur tears or ur anger. be strong and walk away from him. what goes arnd, comes arnd. he will get what he deserves. just wait and see... good luck
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Thanks wisedup. Now I have totally ignored this jerk and move on with my life.
One unfair comment he said when we broke up... he said he lost $200K after meeting me (in fact, he lost the money on stock, nothing related to me but he counted this on me)... well, i wish i made him lose all his fortune!! Too bad.
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