How to move on

How did you do it guys and girls...give me some help as i still need it...(can you believe that)


Its been 3 months since i wa stung real bad and it still feels like yesturday in terms of bitterness and that feeling that i wanna make that man pay.


As you may/ may not remember i was the girl who wrote the cheat thread and told of the american man who lied and cheated on me for over 6 weeks til i found evidence.


I still cant get this feeling out of my head. Im so bitter that i find it real hard to concentrate on anything as he keeps on slipping into my thoughts.


I dont want him, i just want to be over all this and Im not sure if there is anything else i can do to help my recovery. I've come back to britain so im around family and have company all the time, im seeking a decent job (though i still dont feel like working ...lol) and I've quit smoking and joined the gymn! Ahhh what else guys?

Look, i dunno what really happened to you, but I only know that you're still freaking angry and perhaps you're right to be.

I'm glad that u agree to move on, but you still have to go through this mourning process and get control over your temper.

Yes, you need something hands on.....Find this job and stick your responsibility to it, develop new skills and keep yourself busy.

Most important....learn to forgive, because you could have given contribution to that bastard for what happened. For example, you could have known better, stopped this earlier and please get out of the excuse of being that victim, because you're an adult and you can get control over your life.

Be happy, there's still a lot more people who deserve your love and trust. Good Luck!

P.S. Quitting smoking is good, but again it makes you moody at first.

I love only her...mens popular problem...and popular answer is try to find 10 other...it realy help...same to woman ...i think...

Men and women can both be good cheaters, Maximum07.

Some just dont get enough and are never satisfied and they will never find happiness. Those are sad people....just so sad

sorry to hear that you still not getting over for your ex. Anyway, it takes time, time is the best medicine for healing this kind of wounds.


quit smoking and gym of course will be good , but find a job is very important, as a job can take away your time of thinking too much! good luck take care...

Dorris, if I were your mum I'd be really proud of you. You are obviously a 'life force' so get on with it. Stand tall and go forth!


PS Let us know how you get on!

SOunds like you are taking all the right steps so far in getting on with it....finding new things, making changes.


At the risk of sounding VERY cliche, time heals all wounds. 3 months is perhaps not that long, especially if you were hurt badly. I have had relationships of 3 years that I was over in no time and shorter ones that took longer to get over, depending on the hurt and the relationship.


You are on a good path now and in time, with a job and more things that are positive in your life, the pain of the ar$e who hurt you will subside.

As everybody said it right, you need a bit more time to get over it. But as long as you can speak the concern out, in this forum or with your mom, your family, your friends there, it help a lot. Keep sharing your pain with loving you ones, they feel happy to be able to help you.

Hi there, Im not sure how but u have to make yourself belive that, he wasnt the right persont for u and u deserve better, i dont know what happened there, but i know it hurts, and its not that u still love him, but the anger which is still there, and sometimes it feels like it will never go away, but its all up to u... i had bf 4 years, lived together, and we were going to get married... but past 2 years he lived in a different city, we used to see each other every months, talk on the phone every day, i could call him anytime, well..... then i found out that he had a gf there for one year... oh it hurts even now, i really dont care about him at all..... but the fact that i was fool for one year, and everything i believed.... i just see things differently now, and i hate that...i dont think i can ever trust anyone.... but thats not a point, first months i was crying and feeling so bad, friends were telling me i need time, but day by day i was feeling worse and worse.... didnt care about him at all, but i was so angry... angry that he told me stupid things when i saw them together.... she knew about me, i dont know what did he tell her but she told me something i just couldnt forget... well, there were so many things i didnt know, and i dont know why but when friends were telling me u have to let it go...i was feeling even worse.why let it go, and why me feeling so bad, i didnt do anything wrong... anyway.... i just needed to know everything, and i went there, i knew that was stupid thing to do, and even now i believe so.... but i knew i had to do that, and i did go there but i talked to her, he wasnt at home.. she told me everything, and gee it did hurt so much... she was talking about my bf, and she told me that she was listening to our coverstations, i mean that she was there.... well, after talking to her, i wasnt very sure if i wanted to see him again, but she asked me, coz there were some things she didnt know about him, that he was coming to see me... and some small things, she said he told her that we broke up im not sure when... well.... he came home, and i dont know, it just didnt go the way i thought, wasnt too bad, but we didnt talk much, it could be better if we were alone i guess, but i was so angry at him, i told him everything.. well almost...

But it helped so much to see his real face, the things that she told meabout him, the way they got together, about their relationship,a he has changed, anyway he was a different person, but i dont know.... was he playing with me or i just didnt know him...

I came bk, and i feel a little bit better, its always better to know the truth...even thou it hurts so much....

but hey, while we cry and feel sad, im sure thay are just fine, having fun! so come on... Tell yourself you are a great individual and

believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you.

You can make of your life anything you wish. Create your own life and then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets..Learn a lesson in life each day you live.

You need to keep urself very busy, spend more time with your friends...they helped me so much to forget about it, im not sure what would i do without them...

for me its been just four months that i broke up, and i dont know if i can trust anyone, its too soon to talk about it i guess... but i hope i wont make the same mistakes again...

so sorry to hear of your pain...the depth of your love for your ex is usually directly related to the effort it takes to get over the relationship. i can tell you only what my very wise sister told me after a bad break-up long ago: it is almost impossible to believe this today, but precisely because you have experienced love you WILL be open to it next time, and it WILL be worth the risk of heartbreak.


in the meantime, love yourself again, for example: dorris joining a gym and quitting smoking, because in a very short time she will become a total fox, dodging all the boys! ;-)


and all the other advice about getting back to the work and the hobbies you love, which all boils down to you-you-you - do the things that make you happy and you will attract people who want to make you happy and love you in your happy-state. perhaps in your last relationship you stopped being yourself, and started doing only the things HE liked - you forgot about yourself, so he treated you terribly - you forgot to teach him how to treat you well, because maybe you didn't continue to treat yourself very well in your effort to please him.


and last but not least - a cliche, an old adage, grandma's (and tia's) wise words: time truly does heal all wounds (as long as you stop picking at the scab)

hi sylph, you asked "Why is it so difficult to find just one guy who’s suitable?" first of all since you're still feeling very sad, you're not in the best frame of mind to know when you *have* found a great guy.


maybe you should take a complete break from the dating scene and just stop dating altogether for another six months. just put it out right out of your mind and agenda. decide to be alone for a while. one of my girlfriends did this last year after a particularly hard break-up, and ended up going on some of the best trips of her life PLUS is now receiving more work than she can handle. and you know how it is: you meet people when you're *not* looking for them.


when you're ready to start dating again: in this matter i think we women should take a page from the guys' book, i.e. they play the numbers - the more guys you date, the more you increase your chances of meeting your next bf. you're doing the right thing by dating around after your last break-up BUT maybe the time just wasn't right for those guys (and definitely never ever right for the married one!), and as you say you are still feeling really low over your ex.


so one suggestion on how to move on is just forget guys altogether and focus on yourself.

;-D ...yes, that's why i didn't bother writing a paragraph about you up there!


8-| "another suggestion would be to seek He Who Is Called The Bear, aka historian and (Wannabe)Master of Seduction..."

why does it take so long for girls to move on... its been just four months since i broke up , or u can even say 6 month... i never had date before him not even after, but it was more than enough to learn the lesson... its scary but now i dont think i can trust anyone as much as i used to... love, lol, im not sure if there is love at all.. i know its strange, i loved him but now after all...... u love one so much, and feel u r so close to each other and then suddenly......u dont know him, after so many years, he is stranger, and love... everything is just gone in one second... just pain, and waisted time, never thought i would think about him this way.... i dont think its all about guys, girls can be so cruel as well, his girl knew he had a gf and it didt stop her, she was listening to our conversations, it doesnt matter what did he tell her about our relationship, he said he had a gf.... Well, things like that happen every day and im not mad at him because of that, but there were worse things that he did, and killed part of me.... ruined all my ideas about people, after so many years i thought i really knew him, but guess what, everything what i knew about him and i loved, was just a fake... sometim,es my friends are telling me its good that i experienced this, but u know what... i dont wish anyone to feel the same way like i do... i think cheating is not that hard... but when u feel betrayed, used... and u cant say or do anything coz dont want to feel even worse.... i wish i could forget about those years, him...

Thanks Space Cadet and well done Manicair...tis lovely news that you appear to be moving on.


Your right bout Leeds, its pretty grim here but there are people in the house all the time and having lived on Lamma in a massive flat alone for months im sure this is closer to what i need. Plus i got a little nephew (he's just 3) whose a delight! ahhhh

In addition i have a few male friends who havent stopped calling and checking on me so that helps though i havent ventured out with any of them as of yet...only been back 2 weeks. Still doing good with not smoking (did smoke 1 last week though...ahh) and keeping busy is definately the key....plus easting seems to help so long as i keep the gym thing going ...hehe


One thing ive realised from my three years in asia is that im a strong chick and losing a pig headed man aint no skin off my nose...just a bit of an adjustment thats all!

Hi Dorris,


It's only natural for you to feel the way you do. I have a best friend that went through the same thing you did but I think hers was worse because she was with her ex for 7 years and she lost her virginity with him. It took her six months to let go and she lost so much weight. When she recovered, she told me that her friends and God were the ones who really got her through it all. She started getting back to shape and that boosted her self esteem and she felt good about herself. Two years later she met her husband and she said he is 3 times better than her Ex. Now her advice to everyone that has a broken heart is to know that there is always someone out there for you. Things happened for a reason. If you're a good person, God will look after you, just wait and see.


Take care!

Its just that bitter taste i keep getting. I go a whole day without feeling sick about the whole thing now which is a start i know. How the hell i will ever be able to give such love to anyone else i will never quite know...i guess time will only tell.

Maybe i should take a break from men...(ha she says when she has a date this evening)

No seriously though, i am meeting new people, yes and they are mainly men, but no sex involved just nice chats and meals and im trying so hard not to talk about cheating, basterds and my want for revenge (lol lol lol)

I went out on saturday with a half decent bloke (only half decent lol) and when he asked what happened to my ex i sweetly replied 'ahh it just didnt work out!' wow i felt so proud and it felt realllll good

Well Done Dorris, one thing at a time, don't worry too much about how you can trust somebody in the future, it would take care of itself once you feel like you are over with the bitter feeling.


I have walked the path and from learning (how sad that I had so many chances to learn how to deal with a breakup), the quickest and best time I recovered was everytime the anger sneaked up or his face popped up in my mind, I consciously told myself stop thinking of him or the anger - he wasn't worth it and still isn't.


At the initial stage, I would try to think of those people much less fortunate than myself (such as those fighting the bird flu, Katrina aftermath, etc.) and how thankful I should be just to be healthy, with my family and pets, being able to go to the gym with my own legs and how silly it would be to waste even a second feeling anything negative about someone who should not mean anything to me anymore.


Hope it helps - and while it is perfectly right to let time take its toll, try not to use it as an excuse, otherwise it can take years to get over with it (I have seen too many cases like this)


best of luck!

thanks peops, the support on this forum has been on par with what i have gotten from friends and family and you lot have no reason to read my winges! LOL

Xpat isnt like other sh*t forums out there, i for one really do care about the people here and i think its amazing how we manage to talk some sense some of the time.

There are things that i have written here that i would NEVER share with those people who really know me for fear of letting them down....cant explain what im trying to say too well but i know its possitive! lol

keep up the good work all and god bless you all!!