Posted by
freshjive
18 yrs ago
Following the thread on how to approach a guy, my question is if you already know him, how do you lay down baits so that he would ask you out or would like to spead more time to get to know you better.
Any suggestions or experiences?
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tia
18 yrs ago
Invite him to a movie.
Ask him to lunch/dinner.
Let him know when a group of you are going out and he can come and hang out as well.
Emails/IM chats.
Phone calls.
If he knows you already and you have some friendship between you, it should be pretty easy to spend time together.
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maxis
18 yrs ago
hahaa!
Don't bait, just show him you are intersted but don't come across as desparate or needy- delicate balance really.
maybe try and be interesting yet appear to have more than meets the eye - oh and a busy personal/social life so her knows you are a pretty wanted specimen.
I he a Workplace guy?
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Thats the problem. How do you show someone you are interested and yet dont come across desperate? How to balance?
What is interesting?
He is a friend's friend. We met a few times and even went on a one-to-one dinner. Exchanged emails and texts. But I dont know how to bring it forward without looking that I am head over heels. I just want to know him better and vice versa.
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tia
18 yrs ago
If he is a friend of a friend, a group of you could go out and you two could chat.
When was the one-to-one dinner? How did it go?
An email saying "Hey, had a great time at our dinner the other night. Thanks. Want to get together again soon for another one soon?"
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It was recent but it was a short dinner.
I am really interested to know how to girls get guys out without asking.
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tia
18 yrs ago
Without asking? Honestly, good luck. Men often don't pick up on subtle hints OR they worry that they are reading them wrong and do nothing.
Group events can be the easiest way to see him without doing the asking if his mate asks him to come.
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Keep in mind with each guy it's different. Some guys (me!) go gaga over aggressive, sexy, self-determined women, and some guys (most HK Chinese guys) hate that, and like the innocent, virginal type. That kind of guy would be put off by your asking, or even by flirting, but the kind of guy like me would love it!
Try to guess what this particular guy is looking for, determine if that's who you are (I don't suggest you try to change yourself) and if you can be his type, be it.
If he's the kind of guy who likes assertive women, you're set. If he likes passive women, the situation is a bit more difficult. If that's the case it might be better to let him know of your possible interest through a third-party (your friend?) who can drop him a hint, or say, "Hey, my friend freshjive is a nice girl, but she's a little shy. I think you should ask her out!"
I agree with tia that men are helpless when it comes to picking up subtle hints. You, or an accomplice MUST be more direct to get a response.
Unless you're really patient and can wait for something to happen more slowly, knowing that he might meet someone else first...
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sex - sex - sex.
Wear sexy revealing provocative clothes.
The rest will follow
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Withing asking probably means nothing, unless you are alluring enough to create a chemistry but it probably was happening in the 1st time meeting....
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Before I start another thread...what is alluring?
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tia
18 yrs ago
Alluring means you are interesting/sexy/attractive, you make people want to get to you know after only one meeting. What is alluring is different to everyone as is the definition of sexy/attractive.
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See... setanta thinks like me. The girl with the shortest miniskirt is probably the one I would approach first in a bar.
BUT... lots of guys would judge you badly forever if you tried that... so tread carefully.
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You get what I mean? I am so confused right now that I need to seek out what alluring is.
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tia
18 yrs ago
When you talk to man, do you look at him? Do you touch his arm sometimes? Do you smile? Are you interested in HIM and what he has to say? Do you smile lots? Will you start the conversation?
This can be alluring for men. They like to know that women are truly interested in THEM.
How do you carry yourself? Do you wear nice clothes? Are you clean and tidy? Do you take pride in your appearance?
Not all men are looking for a super model, but they like women who look nice and well put together.
Can you talk about nothing and everything? Do you like sports/movies/food/travel/computers/music? Can you tell a dirty joke?
You may be able to spark his interest if you have a common hobby or if you make him laugh.
I'm not the hottest chick in Hong Kong, but I have little problem talking to men. A smile here and there, ask them what they are drinking or if they had a good day/are having a good night. I am happily married and not looking to pick up, but it seems that there are a good number of men out there who would love the attention of a good woman if she made the first move.
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Tia, you are so smart:O)
Should we include alluring is indirect asking....
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LOL, waaaay back at my first university, I had this friend who was consoling me over some beers after I had been totally shot down by a girl I was into, lean over and plant a serious kiss on me. I was like holy sh%t I have this great friend, shes completly cool and I like hanging out with her and all of a sudden I saw her not as a friend but as a very attractive girl who was into me and had all these commonalities w me. I just never looked at her that way in the past. then she backed of and told me she didnt want me if I was just gonna use her as rebound material. But my eyes were opened and I pursued her and we went out for a year and a half until I transfered schools.
Sometimes we are just stupid and cant see the great thing right in front of us because there are so many women around or too many vapid, mindless supermodel/cheerleader-zombies are pulling our eyes away.
Rare is the Western guy though, who will balk at a woman who uses the direct approach. (as long as you dont come off too slutty, we will respond to that too, but we wont really think of you as real GF material)
Just make eye contact, hold gaze, smile. If he doesnt walk over (hes stupid or gay) then get off your bar stool and go over yourself.
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PS Whatevr Tia may look like, I bet shes really quite sexy when you are in her company.
That was a good post.
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tia
18 yrs ago
Gee, thanks. You're making me blush. :)
Sasquatch: The same can be said for women as well. What about those nice guys, the ones who have a heart of gold but don't look like (insert hot celeb here), the ones who will treasure a woman but get over looked because they are not total eye-candy or aren't brave enough to approach a girl? Women get just as blinded as men.
I feel for men. Why do they have to be the first ones to make the first move all the time? I have some GREAT male friends that are single because they're not as bold/brave as they should be and (I hate to say it) a little clueless to the subtle hints. If a girl asked them out, showed interest, they'd be thrilled and the guesswork would be gone.
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maxis
18 yrs ago
Sometimes woman (probably men too) give hints which are more than subtle, talk, chat, smile, spend quite awhile with a guy that evening, then wonder why the person asks if they see them again - that can make some guys be over cautious and perhaps go for the cheerleader zombie one in preference (see ref above to this specimen) cos at least they know what they are getting without grief.
However, if you be alluring yet don't come across as non-obtainable, and of course not too easily obtained then you are more likely to meet someone who considers you are worth the pursuit/courting.
A nice and encouraging courtship (not too easy but no playing-hard-to-get rubbish!), over a decent period of time (different duration for everybody, of course) can be tantalizing and so exciting! And you know the weekend is tomorrow and you will be seeing her shortly and are smiling here at work thinking about her :)
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Just ask the man out! Men rarely say no to anything! For sure the ones with slightly less imagination need the miniskirts - but there we have it!
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If you have already had dinner alone with this guy and sent text messages to each other and still no result, perhaps he is not interested. Don't flog a dead horse.
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trix
18 yrs ago
Why invent excuses for the guy? If you're in constant contact via email and sms, and he's not asking you out, he's just not that into you.
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Yeah, but some guys BECOME interested when a woman shows interest.
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trix
18 yrs ago
Interesting. From the other side of the fence, even when a guy expresses interest in me, I may not necessarily be interested in him. Is it really a matter of making the first move?
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Yes. Show interest. Many guys are so tired of games women play that they will not make the first move.
Also, women speak a different language. Translate it into plain "man-ese" which we call English. If you are interested, tell him you are ..... "interested".
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tell you more about that short date you had. How did it come about, any chemistry?
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The dinner came about after our first meeting and my friend told him that he should get to know me better.
As i said earlier, it was a short dinner. We talked about his job, his varsity years and his lifestyle. That was all. Before I left, we reminded each other about the next date which we fixed earlier.
However, I cancelled it because I was stuck in a meeting. Even though I proposed another time, he did not confirm it.
We did meet each other again with the same group of friends. Things were normal. And that was it.
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So now it's time to call him up and cash in the rain0-check on that second date! After youcancelled, he might have thought YOU weren't interested... or you weren't dependable...?
Personally, I've been through a relationship where I was second to (excessively frequent) work obligations, and I don't want to repeat the experience. If a woman I'm dating starts cancelling dates because of work obligations, I would probably look elsewhere.
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tia
18 yrs ago
TPM has a point. He might view your work as an excuse to not see HIM, not the truth.
I'd ring him up, say sorry for last time, and ask for another date.
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I think girls tend to overthink situations. You want to get to know this guy better? But you'd prefer him to ask you out? Honestly, trying to be all flirty in the hopes that he'll get then hint and ask you out can come off as cheap sometimes, of course sometimes it's alluring, but there's definately a risk (arghhh! there's an example of a girl overthinking a situation right there!)
I have no idea what would work the best for your situation. But what I would do is call him one night and say 'Hey, there's this fabulous restaurant I've always wanted to go to, how'd you like to take me out tonight? I can go from officewear to stunning in one hour.' It's spontaneous, it's flirty, it's confident...
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tia
18 yrs ago
KitFaarie and Woz's Pup are right. Take the bull by the horns, so to speak, and ask him. What's the worst he can say?
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If it were me, I'd call him and tell him that you like him and say why. Say you find him interesting, funny and that you like being around him. Then pause to see if he responds...then if he does, say that you don't know him well, but you were hoping the 2 of you could go for lunch or a drink sometime. LUNCH is great.If you ask someone to lunch and it doesn't work out, it wasn't an obvious date. That's why there's an organization in the states called "It's just lunch!" It's not as awkward to go for lunch with someone for a first or second date as it is to go for dinner. I'd save my flirting for when I knew the person better and really meant it and knew it would be well-received.I think 'flirting' can take many forms. If you're out for a drink or lunch and you say things like "You've certainly done a lot in your career." Or, Sounds like you're from a good family, etc....The guy will feel more comfortable with you and more likely to see you as a dating partner. Good luck.
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If I liked someone, and they rang and told me they liked me too. I'd be dissapointed (and I'd feel like it was going too fast and pull back). Part of the fun of relationships is the teasing! It's nice knowing that they find you attractive, funny and interesting, but when they say they 'like' you too early, it's a bit scary. And it cuts down on tension, and that's a pity cos tension can lead to some wonderful ways to relieve tension!
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