Posted by
JYN
17 yrs ago
I know that guys generaly aren't interested in weddings - but my fiance always seems to come up with excuses when it comes to looking at venues...I don't push him to get involved with decorations or anything like that - it would just be nice to get his input/interest on the basics. It's really hurtful as he cancels appointments to play sports...he always tells me he loves me - and I know he does. But I can't help but wander, is he trying to back out/avoid this? Or do most women go through this & I'm just being paranoid?
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JYN
17 yrs ago
Yup, date is set in three months...he says all he cares about is spending the rest of his life with me - not the wedding. But I'm also finding his response (or lack thereof ) rude and inconsiderate. Just needed to know I'm not the only one!
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JYN,
For our wedding, my hubby was not very involved in the planning - intentionally he left everything to me to decide. Weddings mean more to women than men. Having said that, hubby was involved whenever I asked him to be. Not being too involved and cancelling appointments to play sports may be two different things. I would suggest you sit him down and tell him all this is bothering you.
HF
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JYN
17 yrs ago
Thanks HF. I have spoken with him about it before. That's when he assured me that he wants to marry me - he just doesn't care that much about the actual wedding. He was getting better (ie he would actually talk about it on his own) but then recently he called to ask if he could change an appointment again as he wanted to attend a sporting function on that day. To him it's not a big deal as the appt can be re-arranged - but to me it looks like he's putting the other first. Again, I'm not pushing him to get involved in anything but the choice of venue (and there's only a few of them) as I know it's not a guy thing, so I can't help but find it hurtful that he's done this again...
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The other thing I forgot to mention was I also delegated most of the planning to his family. Apart from picking out the gown, the wedding bands and the limo, I left it all up to his family. Hubby picked out the music - and that was it. May seem strange to some people but the wedding was not in Hong Kong and we were both really busy with our jobs. If you turn this around - my hubby could have interpreted this as my unwillingness to marry him. The truth of the matter was the wedding ceremony and dinner is really for friends and family.
Take it easy - if you have sat him down and he has assured you that he loves you and all that - dont think too much about it.
HF
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JYN
17 yrs ago
Thanks so much Linchee & HF. He does have a lot of great qualities - which is of course why I love him & want to marry him. I suppose it's easy to get caught up with insecurities when it comes to things like this and it can be a little disappointing when the other person doesn't show as much interest as you had hoped. But your comments definately help to put things into perspective. Thanks again!
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From a man's perspective (or mine to be more accurate!). To me a wedding is all about the commitment of 2 people who are pledging to spend the rest of their lives together and are going through a legal ceremony that cements that relationship.
Unfortunately weddings have become far too commercialised in recent years and people plan for years and spend fortunes. And after doing that, if just one thing goes wrong on the big day, then everything is ruined.
Don't ever let the true meaning of a wedding play second to the commercialism. (Most people would never admit it!)
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So why not use his sports schedule to fix your wedding date.
Just tell him that is the date and that you will be sending out invitations and whether that is OK with him.
Could it be that he wants the marriage but not the showy wedding? I sympathize with him (try getting married in VietNam!) - so pick an earlier sports dark day and just have a civil marriage - and a party / dinner on the other date.
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