Posted by
abitmiffed
14 yrs ago
Ladies I would like to know a few things. Have you cheated? If not have you thought about it? What were the circumstances that made you want to cheat? Were you after a bit of pleasure or something else? Did you tell you partner about your cheating? Would you do it again.
And finally if you were to give us guys one bit of advice as to how to keep you on the straight and narrow what would it be?
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I never cheat my partner even in the thought, word or action. And I always remind faithful. Trusted him in the way you trust to your self.
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you know that women will never be open about such a topic - even it's an anonymous forum like here
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Well, as a result of women not being open. I thinks it is fair to conclude that they will not admit to such indescretions. As a result if this fact, makes me realise that all women cheat?
I know it's a gross generalisation but what othr conclusions are you letting us men draw?
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the thing about women admitting in a semi-public forum is that they will get attacked by other women
for men admitting, they will usually get attached by women, not by other men.
that's basically the reason why women are more sneaky
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Cara: maybe less have cheated you say? I don't know if I can truthfully believe that, once upon a time in my naivity yes I may have agreed with you. But not now and without a doubt not in hk. I know personally of three relationships where the women have slept around and do know to the best of my knowledge that the mm were faithful.
Other people that I do not know personally have told me silar stories. Also women who are close friends of mine tell me that women cheat the same amount and if not more than men.
So if my observations are correct, women cheat more and are more manipulative and sneaky about keeping it a well held secret that they in fact cheat more than men do.
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Women will cheat on their partners when:
1. When you guys started off, she settled bec she was desperate to have a man, but rather dont reall yknow what she wants. so when a new man comes along provoking her, she just slips out and make out with him. thats when she feeds on her fantasy.
She settled on less money, now she is way above her dreams and wanted something more which u cannot provide.
She settled for normal height and body shape, but actually, like you men also want, we women also want packed abs.
She settled for a low key employee and when a powerful man comes along to tickle her fantasy, there she goes her way.
2. No matter how good you treat your wife, if she is no longer happy with the relationshiop becuase of different views, then yes, she will cheat.
3. We shouldnt be talking man or woman here, but rather, as human beings, we cheat for the same reason. when we dont get the respect from our partners, when we dont get the love and attention from our man. BUT, too much attention will drive us cfrazy, too much love will bore us, too much of anything is a poison to us.
and when that poison seeps into our system, we started to build fantasies, just like u men do. we usually dont act upon it like you men do, but when given the opportuity, yes, we will bite on the cake.
and when we do, we are doing it more out of love than just to get over an itch.
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When the temptation becomes too great, it is my motivation to end things with my morality in tact.
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Cara: I am not married, neither are my friends. Maybe the skew we see has to do with a wedding band. Obviously getting married requires more thought and soul searching. So can we start to assume that maybe women in a relationship but not in wedlock are commonly cheating?
I would love to hear the opinion of some non married women in relationships if that is the case.
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Not that I disagree with you Cara, I applaud you and respect your morality/judgement. I just am not sure others are in the same boat as you and some of us men who are honest and faithful!
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hahahaha~~ Okay before giving my honest answers to your questions, I would like to know what does cheating mean by your definition? In thought, words, and deeds?
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Well, nowdays a lot of men get paternity tests - especially if they are being asked for child support. And the average “failure” rate of such tests is 30% in Hong Kong. Interestingly, someone did a meta-study, and the found this rate is amazingly consistent across the world.
It’s pretty obvious that a lot of women cheat, but they take more trouble to conceal it, and most men are too niave to work this out.
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Cara, you make some pretty strong statements - I am not surprised no one around you admits to cheating. When you take a position like this you stifle the truth in forums.
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MJ1
14 yrs ago
If ladies can have relationships with guys knowing they are married with kids, what's going to stop them from cheating...
Once the right guy comes along, they'll be lining up just as fast.
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GAllen, why do you say that? i think it is way easier for a man.
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Sexyboop: my definition of cheating is fairly all encompassing. Intercourse, oral, kissing, touching etc. Now the grey area for me is say for example suggestive dancing, although not technically cheating it hurts to see your partner doing that with someone else. It also needs to be taken into consideration what your partner is thinking. If there is no sexual or emotional attraction but she is enjoying dancing with someone of the opposite
sex then that does not even register for me. If she is chatting and being an outrageous flirt with some hot guy then, although not technically cheating, I may still consider it so, but not be that agreived by the fact.
I think cheating is less about the physical act but more about the emotional reasons behind them that cause the other to seek out physical pleasures.
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And as of yet we have not heard back from any women who will admit to cheating. We all know it happens. Come on ladies fess up, I want answers to my questions!
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Cara
I wouldn't fess up in front of you on an anonymous board! You think I'd do it if you knew me! :-))
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Spurito is that an admission of guilt?
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Err, no, it wasn't meant to be.
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hey abitmiffed, can you excuse some delay in reply from someone who are expected by the boss to work 24/7?
Well given your extremely strict and encompassing standard, I think I (everybody) would need to admit the cheating (Happy now guys?), but it's not in serious relationship. I am never afraid of being attacked or despised as I don't value myself by others' judgement and social norm. While Cara just stands firm in what she believes so no need to hide anything from her, and I think she is a lovely and respectable person.
As for my advice for men to keep us women on the straight and narrow: Love us fully and show it to us.
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Hey Cara
I am not knocking your views, or knocking you for holding them. I am (tongue in cheek) though agreeing that Madtown's assessment is probably correct.
If you have girlfriends who understand and respect you for holding those views, they are never going to ever fess up in front of you for cheating as they wouldn't wish to lose your friendship/approval. That would undoubtedly be why in 15 years you believe that you haven't met a woman that has cheated.
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It's about having your cake and eating it. Having a variety in your sex life. But people do not want to throw a way a relationship where they have everything they want. It depends whether or not you have had experience in cheating or being cheated on. I think you will find that it can be incredibly hurtful and I agree with cara in how she describes it.
I would like to think I would never cheat as I put myself in the others shoes and now how devastated I would be.
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Sexyboop can you elaborate on your experiences? Simply fir the sake of debate. When I explained how I believed cheating defined, if cornered I would say kissing onwards. Let's not get confused a kiss on the cheek is not cheating...
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Cara is your friend also Japanese? I am not racial stereotyping just curious.
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If a woman wanted to admit guilt of cheating - why do it on here when she would just PM you.
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Well why has no one sent me a pm then? Let's face it women cheat as much as men and will never admit their indescretions as much as men do. Maybe women feel less guilt, you cold ice queens you!
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madtown, are you a female? I dont know and I surely cannot prove, but I do get the feeling the numbers of men verse women cheaters would be almost equal, a fifty fifty split.
It is sad that no one who has slept with someone else whilst in a relationship can talk about it on this forum. It may actually be detremental to the whole debate as it has just made me more paranoid of women who claim innocence. Not saying that all of you are cheaters though!
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Cara: I am not sure I'd want to enter into a relationship like that. KNOWING or EXPECTING your partner to have his flings?! That is strange to me!
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My experience was nothing special but dating a few men at a time, none was very serious. One guy was really keen and crushed, and I stayed with him simply because I didn't want to hurt his feeling. Yet, it's no fun at all to meet, on a daily basis, with someone whom loving you overwhelmingly whereas own feeling was very little. While my feelings for another guy was stronger, and the time together was quality ones, but he's superbusy. There might be another one or two who asked me out but i pulled out before it went too far. Sounds stupid and selfish but that's how i dealt with the situation that time. Now my only lover is 24/7 work, hurray!!
I hope that's enough to quench your curosity from a "single" perspective, and you don't want to hear me go on details on the differences in kissing them and so on....
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i was once in this category- when i was unmarried, and with a long term relationship that was on its last legs. We were good friends but just no chemistry or intimacy(body and mind) anymore towards the end.
No proud of it but it was like 2.5 years of living a lie. After i got out of it both the affair and relationship, life was much better when you can see people in the eye and think that what you see is what you get. I would never walk down the same route again. Being duplicitious is a torture and taxing, even though sometimes we think we have no choice, i.e being stuck in a relationship you cant leave (or think you cant due to committments or family closeness), yet wanting some emotional or physical intimacy to feel less dead inside. Maybe it's something to do with one's personality, i.e not being able to be upfront and hurting someone short term for each other's long term happiness.
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I think more men than women cheat.
I've been racking my brain, trying to think of women I know who've cheated. I can only come up with 2 people - maybe I need to think some more.
1 cheated because she was young, maybe early 20s, and didn't fully realise the seriousness of what she was doing. When her boyfriend found out, she was really upset and saw that she had been doing a foolish thing. The boyfriend took her back and asked me if he was foolish to accept her back. But I told him that she's really learnt her lesson and would never do it again. They dated for several more years after that.
Another, married couple, the woman would just get drunk and was kissing some random guy in the nightclub. Her husband said "what are you doing???" and she just gave him some stupid look. Anyway, they got divorced - I guess it wasn't meant to be.
I know PLENTY of men who have cheated!!!!
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Slammy thanks for the reply. The last story seems funny, although I am sure it wasn't! "she just gave him a stupid look"! Hilarious!
Ok so how many guys do you know who have cheated? What I am trying to establish is whether the amounts of women to men cheaters are equal. Everyone says men do more than women but I believe that it is possible that men fess up more or are caught more than women. This means the numbers are tilted to make it look like men are the as s holes of the species.
There is no way I can prove it though!
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sicn
14 yrs ago
Many women prefer moral high ground as a weapon to regulate their partners. But in the end, we are all imperfect creatures. I believe men and women all cheat out of similar reasons, compensation of non-satisifaction.
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Hi abitmiffed,
Yes, the second story probably came across as a bit strange! Actually the couple had been having ongoing problems and that story was just the final straw - like she just didn't respect her husband, and would just get drunk and liked attention from other men and was behaving stupidly!
Anyway, I couldn't even begin to put a number on how many men I know who have cheated. I have a bunch of male friends in HK who I used to go out drinking with, and I've known some of them since I was 18 years old. They are really good fun guys. But they all go to girly bars. They are married, they cheat on their wives and their wives are unsuspecting. One confessed to me about it. The others... I know they cheat, even though they haven't told me. But my brother - who is friends with them - told me what goes on and says that's partly the reason he doesn't want to live in HK because, while he enjoys going out drinking with them, he comes home early because after a while they go to girlie bars and he doesn't like that. So that's a group of maybe half a dozen or more guys that I've hung out with.
Another - same bunch of friends - cheated on his wife. Had an affair before they got married which continued for years until she found out.
I know of a few guys who've been dating girls but have also slept with other girls without their girlfriend's knowing.
I know of one guy who was in bed with his girlfriend, and got a call from another woman who wanted a threesome with him. He got out of bed, went for his threesome, and then came back home and climbed back into bed with his girlfriend!!
The only thing that gave me faith in men was the fact that, while most of the guys I knew cheated, I did also know men who were faithful and good people who would never consider doing such a thing.
One male friend told me... why cheat? If you're in a relationship, there should be no need to cheat. Another who had a long-distance relationship with the woman he eventually married and would never have considered cheating on her.
But it's definately skewed - more men than women cheat.
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Another story: I knew a guy who had a fiance to whom he's now married. But everytime he went out, he's always trying to pick up other one night stands. He picked up one of my friends once, took her to a hotel, but he had taken too many drugs that he couldn't perform and was quite embarrassed.
I took great delight in spreading that story around amongst our friends!
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Woman cheat there just better at keeping it a secret, like by not talking about it on a forum.
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merm
14 yrs ago
I know of one woman who cheated - she's not attractive at all, married with kids, wanted to prove herself and basically had nothing to lose.
I on the other hand have been hit on by quite a few attached men so i think there are more men who cheat.
A really good looking guy i know would try hard with different girls but i can tell he's not the cheating kind once he's found somebody.
So it seems to me at least that attractive people tend to be more faithful probably because they're more confident and don't feel that they're missing out on anything and don't have to try to see if they can get it.
When i was with my bf, i was sometimes attracted to other guys but would never have cheated, partly because of me and partly out of respect and love for him.
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OK this is no word of a lie, two days ago I was sitting around eating lunch. Two girls opposite me were talking, quite loudly I might add.
Blonde says: Yeah I was didn't you know?
Brunette says: Ummm no, why!? OMG, did he find out?
Blonde says: No, they never do haha.
Brunette says: What so you have also cheated on S....... before?
Blonde says: Yeah of course, every one I have been with I seem to have.
Brunette says: Are you serious?! Why would you cheat on S....., I thought you both were really in love?
Blonde says: haha well, because I can, he doesnt know any better.
THEN I get a few emails popping through and about a string of 20 later, my friend (male) in Australia tells me he is sleeping with a married woman. AND she got married two months ago and that they were sleeping with each other before she got married too. He was invited to the wedding!
I couldnt believe it!
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veebabe:
I think you will find most guys don't cheat becuase they don't feel 'respected' by their partner. They cheat cause they are horny and it's a natural instinct, its physical.
I know some women cheat for puerly physical reasons but I think its rare, they normally cheat for psychological reasons (not loved, revenge, etc etc). Men do this too but its much more rare.
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I would cheat on my husband now without any qualms or guilt. He has cheated on me...I found out. So, my feelings have changed. We were married for 13 years when he strated cheating on me. I found out 3 years later. We are still together but I do not love him like before. I will cheat if an opportunity arises. Why not? He could do it while I remained faithful to him all these years. Why should I stop myself from cheating ..all in the name of marriage when obviously those did not mean anything to him before.
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sicn
14 yrs ago
Doesnt matter who cheat first, cheating is cheating.
Whenever you cheat, you are asking for being cheated on.
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Thegraduate: Ummm why would you do that? Why bother, if you dont love him like you used too why not just call it quits. When both of you are willing to cheat why keep it going? Maybe you should swing...?
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A few months back, I'm in LKF with some buddies, and 2 young ladies walk past. One of my (more extroverted buddies) invites them over for a drink, and they come by. So now they are hanging out with us (and more,but not saying anything)... and this goes on for a couple of hours, meanwhile they are texting their boyfriends (waiting in a bar nearby) with some baloney story about why they have been held up for nearly 2 hours. Eventually they left to meet with their boyfriends.
This kind of dishonesty is how women cheat... happens all the time... men (on the whole) are too niave, and women too good as liars.
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As a female, no, have never cheated, and none of my female friends ever have either. Sorry to disappoint. And what a boring post this is. Some friends have had affairs with married men while they themselves were single but maybe that is not technically cheating? It might be an interesting subject to explore though.
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