Going Crazy

Ok I am home tonight and although am very busy normally....I have 2 jobs. I found myself being a bit curious and decided to check some email account I set up for my boyfriend to use for professional use. He does not own a computer. I set this account up and we hardly used it. Now that he is working again, he started to use it. He knows I am a Jealous type and has a personal email which I do not have access to. Ok this is what happened he is in Europe right now. I read an email from a co-worker she is in France the email was very platonic, friendly. Nothing bad except he wrote her Hi Babe! is that normal? now to make matters worse...I went into panic mode. I tried to call his room like 20x no answer he told me to call him, he goes out to the bar to hang out every night. He likes me to call him at night,he did not answer the past 2 nights. Then he must have discovered that I went into the email account because he changed the passocde. Ok I admit I am wrong about this, but does anyone else think it is suspicious? He is in his 30's I am in my late 20's...we have been dating LDR for over 1 year. I know he wants to work it out with me, but he says my insecurity is a problem, but if he is out everynight telling me he is lonely? am I wrong? I don't know what to think.

babe can be innocuous, and since you did say that the email was platonic, it doesn't appear to be that big of a deal.


the thing that disturbs me is that you actually went into his mail. not knowing your situation, i don't wanna judge, but that's a red flag for me.


in regards to going out every nite, what's the problem? maybe he is bored at home. maybe he needs to unwind. maybe he wants to meet new friends.


unless you know firsthand what you bf is doing, i would give him the benefit of a doubt.


at least he is being honest and telling you.


it is up to you whether to trust him or not.

ahhhh NEVER go into a guys mailbox ! Serious i wish that i never had! Dont talk to me about mailboxes.


Over the years ive had nothing but problems from those mail things (lol) MY first BF of 12 years had a shared ntl account with me but my male friend in work didnt know and decided one day to express his love on a mail to me...needless to say the BF checked the mail before me and we had a blazng row, there wasnt anything going on with me and this bloke but you try explaining that!!! LOL


Then a year or so later I was in China and hadnt quite broken things off with this same bloke, but obviously we had problems hence me going to work in China for a bit. He found out about my new BF through getting into my mail account cos he hadnt heard from me and was worried....ahhhhhh!


And finally my last BF of a year and a half was a cheating pig and i found out cos he left his mail logged on one afternoon and i read a mail from the girl he had just F* the weekend before. She talked about where they went and what they had done....not nice mate trust me. If i had not have found out this way then im sure he wouldnt have told me and it would have been one of those fling things that many people do .... dont know whats best really! I realise now that sex and making love are different...a f* is a F* and though im not into cheating myself I know many men who dont see it as cheating really, especially so in HK...


Dont mind me though my friend, im still bitter,twisted and a tad insane...lol

very cute girl> think this is really going crazy...why people like to invade people`s privacy that much?? I would be so piss off even my mom goes into my emails! and that is only your boyfriend, in long distance as well...ffs...


i am surprise to find that so many women are like that now, so suspicious and not trust your other half! how are you going to move further with him??? that is why men do not want any girlfriends anymore cos they try to invade not only their freedom and also the last bit of personal privacy!


well i had long distance relationships before and it did not work because i found he just not suit me,too immature and personality, not the distance nor i dun trust him.i never check on him nor anything, even now he move to hong kong i still do not think we will work out.


So rethink about your relationship with him, love based on trust and respect. talk to him before this is too late and give some respect to your other half, everyone need some privacy.


moreover, babe is nothing, i called my colleague babe, sweetie all the time as well...

Update....

Thank you for all your input and advice....I gave it some more thought. I am wrong to go into his email account. My BF was not soo upset about that but more upset that I don't trust him. He is telling me that if I can't handle this type of relationship I should find someone else. He does not want or have time for the drama. He also says he does not want to put up with my insecurity, he says it is ruining our relationship. However, he says he loves me and he can't wait to see me in Jan. Also he mentioned that the girl he called Babe is really not a babe.....he is just being nice. Pink Tulip was right....I don't fully trust him. I worry because he told me things he has done in the past....I worry he will do things to decieve me. The sad part is, he has done nothing so far to decieve me. In fact I was the one who cheated on him....he does not know.....it was not even anything but a 1 month of dating some guy that I just really wanted to be friends with. I feel horrible that I was being decietful to him. I know that it is possible to continue this relationship with him.... it is just extreamly hard.we are talking ...about me moving to live with him next year. We do want a future together.

You suspect him over nothing and then you tell us that in fact you had cheated on him??? !!!! Jeez. Excactly the type of thing that gives women a very bad name....


And while we're on this subject, how about you girls checking out the SMS messages on your bf's phones. Thats just the same you know as checking their emails....

verycutegirl


is this a joke to you? are you yanking our chains?


what are you smoking? you come on this board with your sob story, and now you drop this fricking bomb on us?!?


you need to get professional help. i wouldn't go near you with a ten foot pole.

The self-absorbed are so pathetic.

LOL LOL...ooops cutegirl think you need to change your name about now...lol


Hey guys, in terms of going into your mans mailbox i should like to point out (as above) that yes i did read a mail that was on my mans computer, open for the world to see, just like a tv program being left on...and having found a packet of condoms in our room the week before i feel i had every reason to snoop a bit. If it wasnt for women and their tuition then men would have several hoars and several girlfriends. I dont feel that some of you see how many evil men there reallly are out there. This last BF lied and lied for 6 weeks of an affair, i could feel it and cried and cried until i found that mail.....thank god i did, cos the crying stopped and i couold start feeling normal again. Dont talk to me about being bad in snooping over cheating basterds!!!

Hold on now, when I cheated I mean I decieved him by dating someone else...I did not sleep with them. I had no intention or leaving my BF it was just some guy that liked me and I liked the attention....Yes I am finding that I transferred my guilt onto him. And Dorris- I do believe in intuintion---I have been in other relationships where guys lie and lie, and to find out that they cheated. I mean very decietful men...not a couple of harmless dates-the kind to test the waters. I knew(intuitive) they were lying but I had no proof. So in this case with my BF I am just not sure....becaue It is long distance. I need even more trust then ever.

well verycute girl, i really got no comment on you. If you like to move in with your boyfriend , do so, check his emails/sms,please do so, cheat on him, do so. Do as you want.


Some girls just like to behave like that and they got a boyfriend, that is why no good men around any more...*sigh*

That is rediculous Lulu ... it takes 2 to make or break a relationship . You know what about this...my BF after he found out I went into his mailbox, he changed the passcode. If he has nothing to hide why should he change the passcode? I did not ask him why he did that... Does anyone see something wrong with that? Am I the only one wrong here. He wants me to trust him but stays out till 3am, he is not around until 12 because he is out at the pubs. He tells me he is lonely. I don't know maybe I am paranoid insecure and jealous but does that behavior make you a little worried? His excuse is he doesn't want to stay in the house all the time and he gets angry when I suggest staying in. He has always picked up my calls when he is out at the pubs. However lately he has been out more then usual and he says even when he is home he does not hear the phone ring. This has not happened before....I don't know if he is hiding anything. He says he has been faithful.

ok verycute girl, you are very cute and you got all the right moves to look into his mail box and check.

You are a victim cos you're lonely cos he was away,not giving you enough loving, then you cheated on him and he is too stupid to find out.



You are the victim cos you feel sad of checking his mail box and found some "Hi babe" in there.


He treat you badly cos he change the bloody password and you cannot check on him again.


You are right to ask him to stay when you live 5000 miles and he is an adult.


Do you feel happier now?


Gosh, this world is getting ridiculous.

Mmmm just a few comments :


1 - If he is far away, you cannot "check" what is going on. For your own sake, simply trust him.


2 - Personaly I would not mind to have my gf checking my email or SMS. Happened to me, and I have nothing particularly exciting to "hide". So ... no problem. Of course then opposite situation : I have been with a cheater. One time, the phone rings while she was away, SMS from God knows who. I simply tell her : hey you got an SMS ! Then she gets upset, asking me if I read it. Of course not I did not read. Why should I read, right ? That's when I felt strange. Moral is : you should not invade someone's privacy, but if they feel so nervous about it, there is probably something fishy.


3 - I think that instead of worrying about he's being faithful, the right question is when are you going to be together, in the same place. Distance is a killer in a relashionship, aspecially when you don't know when it will end.


4 - Lulu, sorry to react but you seem to be a bit bitter and taking things to personaly. I am sure you have your own beauty, so why attacking others right ? And if you read well VCG did not cheat. She is feeling insecure, which after all is normal.

evohe> i am not bitter, just feel sorry for people (this case is VCG boyfriend). Please read carefully, VCG did cheat on her boyfriend!



Quote: "I was the one who cheated on him...he does not know!"


Hey feeling insecure doesn't mean she have to look into other people personal stuff right? I am not taking it personally i just think people dun treasure stuff and like to abuse it and then blame other for doing it wrong after all!


I dun want to get into a relationship cos there many werid and selfish people around!


very cute lulu. hahahahaha





































































Going Crazy


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Going Crazy

Posted by verycutegirl (2 days ago)

[ Quote ]

Ok I am home tonight and although am very busy normally....I have 2 jobs. I found myself being a bit curious and decided to check some email account I set up for my boyfriend to use for professional use. He does not own a computer. I set this account up and we hardly used it. Now that he is working again, he started to use it. He knows I am a Jealous type and has a personal email which I do not have access to. Ok this is what happened he is in Europe right now. I read an email from a co-worker she is in France the email was very platonic, friendly. Nothing bad except he wrote her Hi Babe! is that normal? now to make matters worse...I went into panic mode. I tried to call his room like 20x no answer he told me to call him, he goes out to the bar to hang out every night. He likes me to call him at night,he did not answer the past 2 nights. Then he must have discovered that I went into the email account because he changed the passocde. Ok I admit I am wrong about this, but does anyone else think it is suspicious? He is in his 30's I am in my late 20's...we have been dating LDR for over 1 year. I know he wants to work it out with me, but he says my insecurity is a problem, but if he is out everynight telling me he is lonely? am I wrong? I don't know what to think.

(I am based in Unspecified)


Posted by jimmylee888 (2 days ago)

[ Quote ]



from a guys point of view, if you look into somebody elses mail/e-mail etc, make sure you are prepared for the consequences in case you find something there you don't like.


I have a lot of female friends and I have no qualms at all in calling them babe, Nothing is going on between me and the girls and its just friendly banter, they call me babe as well, its just a mutual thing.


theres lonely and being alone, maybe he goes to bars to try and socialise rather than being stuck at home etc.

(I am based in Hong Kong)


Posted by lost in gz (2 days ago)

[ Quote ]



babe can be innocuous, and since you did say that the email was platonic, it doesn't appear to be that big of a deal.


the thing that disturbs me is that you actually went into his mail. not knowing your situation, i don't wanna judge, but that's a red flag for me.


in regards to going out every nite, what's the problem? maybe he is bored at home. maybe he needs to unwind. maybe he wants to meet new friends.


unless you know firsthand what you bf is doing, i would give him the benefit of a doubt.


at least he is being honest and telling you.


it is up to you whether to trust him or not.

(I am based in Guangzhou)


Posted by Dorris (2 days ago)

[ Quote ]



ahhhh NEVER go into a guys mailbox ! Serious i wish that i never had! Dont talk to me about mailboxes.


Over the years ive had nothing but problems from those mail things (lol) MY first BF of 12 years had a shared ntl account with me but my male friend in work didnt know and decided one day to express his love on a mail to me...needless to say the BF checked the mail before me and we had a blazng row, there wasnt anything going on with me and this bloke but you try explaining that!!! LOL


Then a year or so later I was in China and hadnt quite broken things off with this same bloke, but obviously we had problems hence me going to work in China for a bit. He found out about my new BF through getting into my mail account cos he hadnt heard from me and was worried....ahhhhhh!


And finally my last BF of a year and a half was a cheating pig and i found out cos he left his mail logged on one afternoon and i read a mail from the girl he had just F* the weekend before. She talked about where they went and what they had done....not nice mate trust me. If i had not have found out this way then im sure he wouldnt have told me and it would have been one of those fling things that many people do .... dont know whats best really! I realise now that sex and making love are different...a f* is a F* and though im not into cheating myself I know many men who dont see it as cheating really, especially so in HK...


Dont mind me though my friend, im still bitter,twisted and a tad insane...lol

(I am based in Hong Kong)


Posted by Pink Tulip (2 days ago)

[ Quote ]



you're obviously not into the LDR thing anymore, after a year you're expecting something out of your relationship and and it showed when you start to invade your partner's privacy.

it's not just your insecurity which cause this problem, it's also that you don't fully trust him.

take sometime to assess yourself and your relationship.

(I am based in Hong Kong)


Posted by lulu (1 day ago)

[ Quote | Edit ]

very cute girl> think this is really going crazy...why people like to invade people`s privacy that much?? I would be so piss off even my mom goes into my emails! and that is only your boyfriend, in long distance as well...ffs...


i am surprise to find that so many women are like that now, so suspicious and not trust your other half! how are you going to move further with him??? that is why men do not want any girlfriends anymore cos they try to invade not only their freedom and also the last bit of personal privacy!


well i had long distance relationships before and it did not work because i found he just not suit me,too immature and personality, not the distance nor i dun trust him.i never check on him nor anything, even now he move to hong kong i still do not think we will work out.


So rethink about your relationship with him, love based on trust and respect. talk to him before this is too late and give some respect to your other half, everyone need some privacy.


moreover, babe is nothing, i called my colleague babe, sweetie all the time as well...

(I am based in Hong Kong)


Posted by verycutegirl (1 day ago)

[ Quote ]



Update....

Thank you for all your input and advice....I gave it some more thought. I am wrong to go into his email account. My BF was not soo upset about that but more upset that I don't trust him. He is telling me that if I can't handle this type of relationship I should find someone else. He does not want or have time for the drama. He also says he does not want to put up with my insecurity, he says it is ruining our relationship. However, he says he loves me and he can't wait to see me in Jan. Also he mentioned that the girl he called Babe is really not a babe.....he is just being nice. Pink Tulip was right....I don't fully trust him. I worry because he told me things he has done in the past....I worry he will do things to decieve me. The sad part is, he has done nothing so far to decieve me. In fact I was the one who cheated on him....he does not know.....it was not even anything but a 1 month of dating some guy that I just really wanted to be friends with. I feel horrible that I was being decietful to him. I know that it is possible to continue her boyfriend!

I appreciate all the comments even the ones from Lulu.What I did was not right as everyone on here agrees. I see that Lulu says he is the victim.... I understand that. I apologized to him and he did not make a big deal about it although he was angry that I did check his mail behind his back. We have put it in the past. I am working on taking everyones advice, and that is trusting him. I will let you know how it goes.

Oh and by the way....yes I cheated by going out on dates with someone. I told the guy from the begining that I had a boyfriend. The guy was very persistant and I went out with him a few times. It was nothing and I guess I still feel guilty that I lied to my BF.

is Lulu and Justin Credible (part deux) the same person here? Yes I am not perfect

Dunno what happened to this site, this is the thrid time i posted.


Me and JC are defo a different person, just use search and find out.


I am out of here!

wow, things must really have hit rock bottom if even lulu gives up.

It feels as if all the threads are starting to sound the same.


Girl reads b/f's e-mail/ SMS messages

Girl thinks b/f is cheating on her

Girl seeks sympathy.


.....blah, blah, blah.

OT, but Bear, why did you blank out 'syphilis'? Does it have a new application as an obscenity?

I'm so going to use it as a new swear word. Next time I'm really pissed off, I shall exclaim: "Oh syphilis!"

Hi Very Cute Girl,


I don't think reading your bf email was a sin. Perhaps you did it because you wanted to find out if you can trust him. The only problem now is you became more suspicous.


I think it's okay for girls and guys to flirt with others, just as long as they don't go overboard by kissing, hugging, and having sex. I think as long as he calls you every other day, it's nothing serious going on. However, if he doesn't call you often then I would be a little worried.


Like my husband said to me once, he wouldn't call me if he's dating a girl. He would feel bad lying to me if I asked him where he's been. Therefore, he avoids calling me unless he needs to.


I learned something this year that I would like to share. If you want him to be honest with you, you need to know how to ask him. Instead of acting like his mother by asking him where and what he did all night, you want to ask him, "How are you honey? Are you enjoying your time off? Did you do anything fun yesterday?" I'm glad your having fun, you feel really rested or you really need it. Keep doing this and eventually he will want to share things with you. Whatever you do, don't let him know that you're jealous. If he knows, he won't tell you fearing that you might get upset. Try to be understanding, instead of interrogating him.

Thank you all for your replys even though some are a bit rude, I especially appreciate the ones with criticism. I really needed a reality check because I was going crazy. I mean I needed to see if I was wrong and I was. However, my own issues aside. I think really liked the adivce Really hurt gave. She is absolutely right...I ask my BF if he goes out and where....he does not like that so much. He also knows I am jealous so that platonic email from his co-worker he called Babe was nothing. He just chose not to tell me and he has mentioned things like I am not going to tell you because you get jealous. He knows I react to situations in an extreame manner. I tend to jump to conclusions. I know this is a problem and I am working on it. However, I am just worried that I might be taken as a fool. I dated someone else and realized that I am the fool for doing that. Now, my BF is the victim. I don't want to tell him and really regret it. I am the one who messed up and I am looking for him to do it too. That is why I called this post going crazy. Now I just have to be aware of what I suspect him of. It actually may just be me transferring my guilt on to the relationship. I really love him and want to be with him. We have been LDR for 1 year. I hope it will work out. I can't control him and I just have to let things be. Thank you all for your opinions.