Posted by
handcream
17 yrs ago
I have met this Spanish guy 2 weeks ago, and we had a click on the first date,and he said it was the most enjoyable time he had since coming here about three months ago. The following weekend we spend a night together but the next morning he didn't even cook the breakfast for me only made the tea for me then after couple of hours saying hes gonna go to gym. Also I know he would leave for holidays in Spain two days later . The next day I texted him to say hello, and he told me he's just came back home early in the morning which made me a bit paranoid and asked him something a bit stupid: did he F..anyone , Ｉ know its not my business but i still would like to know. He replied back saying just have great nite dancing,chatting and laughing with friends, and there's other ways to ask if he's been with someone else. Plus its not my business coz he didn't ask me. I apologized for things i said. But he didn't reply anything before he left for his holiday 2 days later. So is it my fault and is it really rude by saying F word, or its just a one night thing I really don't know as i thought it was something more than that.
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I am sorry, but you've got to learn to protect yourself a little bit if you're not willing to accept the consequences.
Yes, what you have mentioned are tell tale signs of 'just been played'/used.
Some points to consider
1) Why should he cook breakfast for you? Did you derive this scene from some hollywood movie?
2) You didnt have the right to ask him about his 'whereabouts' or activities, that is a sure way to turn off a man- act jealous or possessive, esp when it is uncalled for. It is not the 'word', rather the question itself.
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I am not sure about your wording balzac.
I would have phrased it as...
Yes, what you have mentioned COULD BE tell tale signs of 'just been played'/used.
But I agree 100% with your 'points to consider'.
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You go out with a guy for a couple dates, sleep with him once and then you think you have the right to ask him if he slept with someone else?
Yes. It is over. You successfully scared him away. If you are like this when thee is no commitment between you, what would you be like if there was? Would you be the kind of woman who calls or texts him 20 times a day and then gets paranoid when you don't get an immediate response?
Are you the type that would go through his email, cell phone and computer files looking for any trace of infidelity, real or imagined?
Please. Do yourself a favor and get over this guy. He is gone and if he is smart, he won't be coming back.
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Well,besides the fact I am being paronoid asking something like that, the other part of reason is out of curiority.As I texted him saying: I know its not my business and I just want to know. I was just trying to find out is he the type that could be easily emotionally detached,someone who could get involved with someone else in no time,just like shutting one door off in the meantime opening another one. Because I am not that type who can move on just like change of the brand of cereal, so its better for me to know it sooner than later. The problem is the way for me to ask it was too blunt. Maybe next time I should learn something more round-about-way saying it. But on the other hand, if you really like someone would you really don't care about if he's with someone else or just pretend not care at all?? Maybe i didn't pretend enough.
And breakfast guy do exits, but its just people different and the way doin things different.
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Oh!! Guys,
I can’t believed what I have read on this threat,
handcream...
Well let me tell you a little something, I’m Spanish too and I can tell you for a fact that many times a bunch of us go out for dance, dancing for us is basically a relief of stress, enjoin listening the music,
And many of us don’t even drink is just dance a cultural thing; and is not necessary to end up with someone or go and sleep around (happens but not in all the cases)
And let me tell you something else, first you have asked the wrong question, and it is a very offensive in our culture; and even if you were kidding this is not a kind of question you ask to someone that you just met.
And to be honest Spanish man like to hunt and not to be hunted, so if you right ways ask for activities report, I’m sorry but you just scared him away.
I will run away too…. Good luck but I don’t think he is coming back..
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Breakfast is a bonus, nice to have, can't be expected. I think the question was a mistake, it shows possessiveness at too early a stage. Don't think he will come back for more.
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it is nothing serious sometimes even he cooked for you. and it can be nothing serious even dating for half year. sorry but your thinking is naive.
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Handcream - doesn't matter how you ask it your thinking is selfish. It's not about HOW you say the F word or even not to say it, you are trying to control him and you annoyed him already rightaway.
I hope it's just the fact that you are very young..If you are above 25 ur still imature like this, i wonder when you would start learning.
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Thanks for all of you pointing out my problems.
Buba- I will bear in mind -RESPECT, sometimes its so easy to do , sometimes it could be so hard.
Wotever -I know I know I've got this problem.
Sometimes I realize it could be a mistake of saying something or doing something wrong before actually doin that. but still i cannot help crossing the line to test the boundaries.
Now I know it seems all the guys are the same that don't have much tolerance on those classic mistakes I made. I feel sorry for myself , why I cannot just play by rules. Also I have a tendency to deny or doubt everything when everything is so perfect. I don't know what was wrong with me, should i consult some therapist for this??
Docella -I'm normally not that possessive freak as you imagined. I think its more about the culture thing in this case, also my judgement does not function properly when i was with him.
JC-I think you are right, I even feel somehow relieved now that he's not coming back. It could have saved me a lot of trouble.
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