Another No sex relationship

HI all,


Well here is my little story.(which turned into a big one)


My gf is Filipina and I meet her in Australia were she had been for several years. She had 2 previous relationships where she got used by the guys for their finicail gain. She wasnt a hooker or anything like that, She worked hard in a cleaning job and the guys cleaned her cash out basically


Any way I met her and the sex has never been great. She would make comments like "hurry up and come". She has always been a little off standing. I put this all down too her previous relationships.


So I brought her first car, taught her to drive, trips to Europe and brought her an apartment that we lived in etc.


I thought she was just a little insecure and she would come through it. She wanted to have a baby and I agreed(please I know who the fool is).


Ok soon as she learns she is pregant, thats it no sex. She turned right around. She would go to another room to get changed. Come to bed dress etc.I did get pretty upset one nite and put the hard word on her and made advances. This totally switched her right off even more.


The baby arrives, I am not allowed inside when the baby gets delivered etc. Mainly because she doesnt want me to see her body, this continues to this day.


I got sick of it all and said I am moving to the Philippines once the baby is born. She can stay in the apartment with baby. But she agreed on selling and apartment moving to the Philippines with me.


She is like a flat mate and wipes her mouth if i give her a peek on the lips. She told me to relieve myself, she said she would let me hold her hand if it helps. But I am not allowed to see or touch anything else. Any other time she wont hold hands with me.


This has been going on for the last 2 and halve years. It is getting harder by the day. I love my little daughter madly. However I am not getting any younger. I am 38. I work 6 weeks away from home , having 3 weeks at home.


I want just come home to a loving partner, who appreictes the sh*t I put up with working and also has missed me.


Sex would be start.


I have plenty offers for sex, but so far have turned them down. I am not just after the sex.


Does this relationship still survive now a days or am I living in the past??????????????

i cannot believe you are still in this relationship. (this better not be a wind-up!) i'm so sorry about your daughter but things aren't going to get better with your gf. in fact they seem to be getting progressively worse. you already know what to do. if and when you finally extricate yourself from this pathetic relationship, make sure you hire a good lawyer, provide for your daughter and make sure you have enough visitation/custody to remain a significant part of her life.

This is not a wind up. Its my story.


I could get out of the relationship tommorrow, but several things stop me.

Firstly my daughter. I do have a daughter from a previous marraige and I wasnt there for her, so I would like to be there for this daughter.

Secondly, I guess I am scared on how the GF will react, she has told me she doesnt love and go and get a GF. But I am uncertain she is speaking what she really means.

She always gets my daughter to the phone and doesnt hinder the relationship I have with my daughter.

I dont think a lawyer will be needed. I brought a house in the Philippines , which has also a bedsitter that I could move into. House is in her name, but I am not worry about that.

I dont know how she would react but dont think she would stop any visitations ect.

She insists I am the one with the problem and that she has none. She is happy for us to be together for the sake of our daughter. She has told me that is the only reason she is there.

I am not a handsome man and a little over weight, however I have women hitting me all the time in the PI. But I would need to get out of this mess first, secondly how the hell do you find some one with old values like mine???

I am 38 this year and seem like 68 with what I want according to a few. All I want is some one to share things with etc. I have a 5th Wheeler in Australia, I would love to take a few weeks at a time travelling, I have 1/2 block of land just out of Darwin, where again its great to get away from hustle and bustle of life and just listen to noise of the bush.

I work hard 12 hr plus days 42 days straight and if I am lucky get around 19 to 20 days at home.


Is it too much to ask these days , to be looked after and treated kind when that person you share you live with gets home???????

It is so not asking too much and your wants and needs aren't that old-fashioned at all, so don't go along that line of thought, there's still plenty of people who think and feel like you do, (even if the don't admit it) deep down they probably do. I think you really should listen to "TheVoiceOfReason", literally and make moves to get out. The longer this crappy relationship goes on the worse it'll be to get out. Don't put so much trust in this person where u don't think a lawyer is necessary and you don't mind about the house being in her name etc. When it comes to finances etc females like the type she seems to be from what you've said here, will stop at nothing when the guy is leaving to take as much as they can get and hurt a guy where it hurts the most. In your case I'd say that would be your daughter. So cover yourself. I cannot believe you've stayed with this person for so long without getting out and sorting out custody/visitation rights for you and your daughter, but at least your conscience can be really clear in that you REALLY tried to make it work.

GOOD LUCK.

PS: She sounds like a right cold-hearted, cold-fish....u need to find someone warm-blooded who is worthy of your love and affection, but I'm sure you already know all this by now.

I just have to say some stories here are unbelievable. Girlfriend looking at boyfriend's emails, fictious email account to test boyfriends, no sex relationships, no sex with baby relationships(!), etc...and there are guys like that and there are lucky women too!


I am just normal, i dun hack email, dun look at others SMS, enjoy sex and no gold diggers but i'd been single for 6 years and non stop meeting junks ....*sigh*

Hey Sounds like a case of lack of communication between the both of you. Have you both discussed this topic openly between the both of you and express how this is upsetting you and hurting your relationship. Hey I know it sounds easy and its actually a lot of hard work trust me i use to be with a guy who isnt interested no matter how much i make a pass or make a move at him. (hey i know some may say its cheap but honestly a girl dose want some affection some time and the girl can make a move now adays right? ) any way to cut a long story short well we did counselling with a good lady and it open up our communication. OKOK if talking is hard try writting its easier then talking face to face some times........

Hey mate i wish you the best and i understand and you want to remain faithful ....

cheers

OzGuy

She has made it clear more than once that you are free to go. If she ever did love you, she does not appear to now. The sex was just her doing her duty, and it stopped as soon she had teh baby.

Possibly she was in a revenge mode when she married you. i.e. Men are users, so will I be. It may be that she is in a utilitarian relatioship for herself and her daughter.


It is possible she will never love another man (I wasted 2 years on a woman like this), that is why you are free to have a girlfriend. Yes she means it. It means you are free to love and have fun, but if you wanted to marry, things could get difficult if she feels her security is threatened.

If this is the case, it is better to go for a 'no fault' breakdown of the relatioship. That way no recriminations now or future and you can see your daughter.

OzGuy

She has made it clear more than once that you are free to go. If she ever did love you, she does not appear to now. The sex was just her doing her duty, and it stopped as soon she had teh baby.

Possibly she was in a revenge mode when she married you. i.e. Men are users, so will I be. It may be that she is in a utilitarian relatioship for herself and her daughter.


It is possible she will never love another man (I wasted 2 years on a woman like this), that is why you are free to have a girlfriend. Yes she means it. It means you are free to love and have fun, but if you wanted to marry, things could get difficult if she feels her security is threatened.

If this is the case, it is better to go for a 'no fault' breakdown of the relatioship. That way no recriminations now or future and you can see your daughter.

Thanks guys, you all have pretty much thoughts as my self, just dont want to admit i suppose. denial is not just the river in Egypt hey.

To be fair she is open and we have seeked counsilling in OZ, however she didnt listen much, saying that the problems is mine not hers.

Communcations is not a problem she knows what I want and need. She has told me straight I dont love you and cant force myself to love you.

I guess I was hoping with bubs etc that she would come around.

I think other problem is she may not be attracted to white guys, as she does have a regular guy that she communicates with. I dont think there is anything sexaul going on.But believe in the past they may have been before I came on the scene.


Thanks for all your comments. I guess its time to start a fresh

And don't feel guilty about your child; you know you'll do your best by her and that is all you have to remember. She is young enough to come to terms with it and adjust quickly enough; just keep letting her know you love her...


Good luck...

BUT really see a good lawyer BEFORE you start off with someone else and get things settled. A very good friend of mine got screwed in that way...because he was seen as being unfaithful even though there was no relationship left.


If i bought property with muy closest friend I would have things drawn up in contract by a lawyer NOT becuase I could not trust the friend but if there was ever a dispute, then BOTH parties would be protected.


Take care of your child. But the relationship is not there (NOR ever really has been to tell the truth), and you need to protect yourself.

i wont speculate on the whether she is a golddigger or not. But it is evident that she doesn't like sex. There are people with zero libido and view sex as a burden.And it is obvious that she is not in love with you at all.


She got her child, which was what she wanted.Since she has indicated that she would not hinder you from seeing your daughter, just pick up the pieces and move on. Speak to her. I wont be surprised that she would give your her blessings.

Falbergahsted

Agree

I entered into a small property arrangement with my brother and we drew up a contract, had it sanity checked by a lawyer.

We both trust each other, but we wnted to be clear that we both had the same understanding, and it removed any risk of us falling out over money, due to missunderstandings. why did I do this you ask? Because I love my brother too much to fall out with him over misunderstanding about money.


If you do enter into an agreement, don't hamstring yourself out of a sense of guilt. Take legal advice on any settlement proposal.

Once it is settled, you can always give her, or your daughter, support as you see it is needed. For example you might want to save for your daughters education.


Before you get too generous in any settlement, ask yourself how you will feel in 10 years time, if this woman has a new man and has another 3 kids and you are, in practical terms, supporting them.

Oz guy> feel sorry for you. I think it is better to leave her alone and then start your new life again. Just go and see the baby sometime. there are many strange people in this world, they are selfish and inconsiderate, they just want to get what they want.

OZ guy,


lulu is dead right. Please go see a lawyer to know the ramifications of leaving this relationship, such as the amount of alimony, etc. I think everybody here is rooting for you to come out on top. Don't pay anymore than what you have to in order for your child to grow up with the means to a better life. And please don't lisetn to your ex when she says that she needs more money from you to take care of your child. She's just playing you as a fool like before. All the best.

If she asks u for money again, send her the hundred dollar bills from Monopoly.