Has idea of women freedom gone too far?

Here is an incident which makes me think about women rights or Freedom.My girlfriend has a job and has rented a room downtown.She doesnt make much as she doesnt have skills and willingness to improve herself.I often support her financially. in fact i give her more than what she makes in a month from her 8 hour job.I have always wished that she lives comfortably.For this extra burden i work really hard.On weekends, she stays at home. i went to her room/flat.....i asked for a glass of water....and she replied " I am not your servant, take it by yourself." I have never asked her to do anything for me except this glass of water.I talked to her about it later and she said ....women are equal to men.....why should she give water to me? well, i just wonder .....has the idea of women freedom or modern women gone too far? no doubt that men and women are equal. I work hard to support her financially and have never even complained ....if she doesnt want to give me a glass of water then why I should work so hard for her? I was brought up in a family where my father earned and my mother took care of home. Means sharing responsiblities......That day, I suggested her to leave her job as she makes almost nothing there. I asked for her opinion if she would like to take care of home and study further, promised to support her ....the answer was ....."I am not your salve!, I have freedom to live as i want" I dont know whether i am right or wrong ....but equality means sharing responsibilities. What Type of sense are we giving to modern women? Man are supposed to do everything ....from making money ....working hard and more hours while you watch TV at home.After all that, cant even ask for a glass of water.

It is not about woman rights.


She is just a selfish person. If her job doesn't even cover half her living costs, she is not independent - end of story.


You probably have spoiled her too much. For some reason, some men (quite often in Asia for some reason) feel very powerful and masculine by spoiling and pampering - bit like the multi-wife scenario. How many of those women would stick around if it wasn't for the cash eh?


Looking after a woman who is a loving and caring home maker is much different to being walked over and taken advantage of.


Not so sure? Why don't you see for yourself? Cut back on your over generosity and see how long she sticks about.


You say you were brought up where your father worked hard and your mother took care of THE home. But this is not the same situation - your girl friend has her cake and can eat it. She is not your wife, she doesn’t have to take care of YOUR home, she doesn’t have to worry about balancing her finances or trying to progress as you are the safety net, and she still has her complete independence as she doesn’t live with you and can be gone tomorrow without and custody debate over the couch or TV.


Then how about you let her live in YOUR house and you pay all grocery bills/normal expenses, rent, electricity, water, telephone etc. Then she won’t have to worry about any living expenses, and she will be able to spend all or wages on whatever she wants.


I would wager on either 1) your financial outgoings would significantly decrease, or 2) she will refuse as she would probably reduce her lifestyle and her independence, and less spoiling.


Don’t buy the line “I don’t know if I am ready for such a commitment” – she’d rather you just be committed to subsidising her lifestyle with her being able to still do whatever she wants.



COMMENTS

Most of the guys I know who either spoil the g.f.'s or wives to the extent they no longer appreciate things have ended up with lots of trouble.


Further, the guys I know who have felt so strong and powerful by telling the g.f. or wife (this is the ones without kids) that they don't have to work or just have a trivial job, have ended up with much much worse problems - these women have all gotten up to mischief in the worst possible way (more so that you are even imagining!).


This has been so devastating on these guys, as they thought they were so big and strong and intelligent and that was why they were so well loved, only to find their g.f. or wife has (as a very proactive participant) been "about town as it were" with a younger, much poorer and much less intelligent man. These “hero” guys fall hard, really hard - everything they thought made them such a big man and that was so desirable to women turns about to be nothing. They realise she was only with them because they were a pushover and an ATM - not for the witty and charming conversation, charisma and superior intellect and education.


Smart men do not make the mistake of “renting” a woman, as opposed to “buying” – the difference being renting is short-term, expensive and not savvy or sound long-term.


Smart men do not tell them g.f.’s or wives what they earn, or allow it to be calculated – at least not for quite some time.


Smart NEVER let themselves become an ATM without a purchase requisition or business case being made.


Smart men are realistic, they do NOT subsidise a girl’s lifestyle. They pay for things when they are both doing them (dinner, movies, holiday – whatever), and do NOT become a cost centre for her cell phone, rent, electricity etc. Also, they keep things very modest for quite a long time if the girl is in a lower socio-economic situation to themselves. Sure, you may not get intimacy immediately or as frequently as you might like – but do you want to be a effectively a John?


Alternatively, smart men go for women who are in their ball park socio-economically. Sure, it is much more difficult to be worshipped as a “hero” by this sort of girl as she is rubbing shoulders with guys who earn more than you all the time. But at least these men know this girl is (usually) genuine about her feelings.


You are really gambling with “love” if you are an ATM - don’t forget everyone knows foreigners in Asia (generally) earn many time the average local wage.

And remember, if there is not an intellectual connection and something much deeper than just having fun and there is a large financial disparity, there is a high probability that really you are just renting – sorry if that sounds harsh


DISCLAIMER

There are many exceptions to generalisations, and only time tells the truth of a person’s intentions or true character.


There are plenty of relationships whereby one person is the main provider and the other not. But, when someone is spoilt (hence the term), unless their own character is impervious, it is going to end up in tears for the spoiler.


The only true test is to see what happens during bad times. Therefore, if you flaunt and spoil with generosity too early and too much, you will never know the truth.

She sounds like a spoiled brat. Probably started with her father spoiling her.


If it was me, I would dump her and find somebody with her feet on the ground. Not a little princess with her head in the clouds (or up her 'word not allowed').

Hang on - how do you know this woman is a spoiled brat? You don't know the context in which he asked for a glass of water. i800 is not the only one working in this relationship - the girlfriend is working an 8 hour day too - and if her job is less skilled and less well paid chances are it's more physically demanding and the poor woman may just be exhausted... does she then have to get up to wait on her man simply because he pays for more stuff? Doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to me


i800 - if you choose to support a woman - it's your choice... do it out of love and not out of expectation of something in return - I'm not saying that you should let a woman walk all over you but that you need to examine your beliefs about a woman's needs/ role or even (heaven forbid) "place". The very title and first line of you post suggest that you believe that women's freedom or rights should limited in some way (as opposed to a man's which presumably can be limitless and can even put limits on a woman's rights). Many of your beliefs may well be cultural, but if you want to have a meaningful relationship in which you feel nurtured as you desire, then I suggest that it would be helpful to examine your beliefs and expectations surrounding women


My husband has contributed more financially than I have at times, but I nurture him because I love him and we have a relationship based on mutual respect and understanding rather than an expectation that I must look after him because he has contributed more to the finances.


Do you love this woman? I understand that you're angry and disappointed right now, but they way you describe her isn't very loving or respectful and she clearly doesn't nurture you as you'd like - so why are you with her?


Flashback is right - this is about your relationship - but I also suggest that you might want to look at your beliefs around women before you enter into your next one.

Apparently, you thought just because you pay her for things you have any right at all. Now you are sadly mistaken.


If I were you, I would cut her "salary" right now and find someone else.

She does not see a future with you. Hence, she does not want to leave her job and take up your offer. If she does and one day yo guys break p, she will have nothing. She is holding onto a security blanket whilst trying to get extra bucks from you.

dump her. get someone you deserve.

I800, Please do not mix women's right and freedom movement with your dilemma of love and money. If you pay for her expanses out of love, then be happy she spend it, period. If you pay for her to love you, then you have some serious issue here.

Many older & richer + younger & poorer couple face similar kind of problem. If the relationship start with love + money or money + love, then gradually, either party will complain not enough money or not enough love when their lives merge and mingle. Some eventually bitterly break apart when either love or money runs out.

Personalty, I do not understand why a man will pay for the girlfriend's rent if he has any intention to keep her as a life partner. I only see it works for the married man wanting to keep a love nest on the side for a certain period of time.

Thanks for replying. Kate71...... I never ask her to do anything for me. And her 8 hour job doesnt involve any physical work either.its not about i pay so she must get me water.Its all about the notion or the understanding of life.As i have already mentioned it was weekend she wasnt exhausted at all.she cant afford renting a flat downtown (expensive).I pay for her as a family member. and for me family means taking care of each other, sharing responsibilities. I support the idea of living together but I work in Suburbs and she works downtown.