Posted by
staxi
12 yrs ago
Hi there! I'm a Christian mum with a Jewish husband, we having a 1-year old boy and have freezed the discussion about what will happen in the future to our boy re religion..... does anybody have equal experiences/thoughts for me?? many thanks!!
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You really should have talked about important issues like this before you got married.
Were you married in a Jewish ceremony, or a Christian ceremony? Your choice of wedding ceremony is probably indicative of your ability to agree on religious affiliation.
Which one of you is more closely identified with his/her religion?
Is your husband liberal in his Judaism (I would guess he is). A good place to start might be to talk with a liberal Rabbi, and get some options. It might be acceptable for the boy to be baptised, and also to have a bar mitzvah when he is old enough.
I would suggest, raise the boy to respect both religious traditions, they both have something positive to offer. Take him to church with you (and hopefully your husband could also come), and equally, go with your husband when he goes to the synagogue, and takes your son.
If you all genuinely love each other, and respect each other's faith traditions, things will work out fine. After all, Jews and Christians do worship the one God.
Incidentally, my understanding is that, in Jewish tradition, your son is not Jewish, because you are not Jewish. Only Jewish mothers can beget Jewish offspring.
It is also worth reminding yourself that Jesus was Jewish, as were his followers.
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how about raising the boy in no religion and let him decide when he is old enough?
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I don't know much about Judaism but as I understand it, unless the mother is Jewish - or converts - the child can't be Jewish. Not sure what the situation if the mother converts after the child is born. He can still become an Israeli citizen though.
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selda
12 yrs ago
it depends on how religious you are.
If religion matters more to you, then baptize your child and raise him as Christian (as a family you will celebrate Christmas, Easter etc).
On the other hand, if your husband cares about his religion, your child will still be accepted as Jewish by the Conservative/Liberal synagogue and community. You can even send him to the local Jewish school (Carmel) where he will mingle with other Jewish kids. A lot of mixed-race kids go to that school.
Bear in mind that the Orthodox community will not regard your son as Jewish, so forget about the old Ohel Leah synagogue.
If neither of you are particularly religious, explain to your child your different backgrounds and traditions, and let him make up his mind when he is older. If he wants to convert to Judaism and be accepted by the Orthodox community, he will need to undergo the same long and hard conversion process as any non-Jewish person. There is no fast track for those who have a Jewish father.
If he doesn't want to bother with religion, it's not the end of the world. He can be an agnostic, a perfectly moral individual with an ethical compass that is not provided by any religion but comes from looking at good examples set for him by his family and other influential people in his life.
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I just stumbled over this thread by accident, it has been moved from the Living in Hong Kong forum. I hope the original poster knows, because I believe some good and useful points have been made.
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i am jewish, married to a catholic. While dating, shortly after getting serious, I basically said that I was interested in raising my children jewish and having jewish home. At the time she said it was fine (and still does). As the mother isn't jewish, we had a conversion ceremony for our son known as a hatafat dam brit.
I would suggest you "unfreeze" the discussion asap, because this issue can really screw with a relationship. The very fact that you froze the issue in the first place indicates that it is a contentious issue, and therefore can potentially cause problems. More importantly, views on the importance of religion for children can easily change over time, when people realize just how important it is to them, and therein lies the risk.
Whatever you do, do not allow the child to choose a religion, as this is effectively asking the child to choose between Mom and Dad. If you are not religious, just remain non religious. If you want your child to have a religious identity, then you need to choose it for them, and both parents must agree and support this identity.
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"Whatever you do, do not allow the child to choose a religion, as this is effectively asking the child to choose between Mom and Dad."
Nonsense. Tolerance and acceptance of people's beliefs begins at home, under the guidance of the parents. Likewise, intolerance and division.
I'd say the OP has an opportunity to show by example that we don't need to be defined by these arbitrary divisions. When the child is old enough, then he can choose a team - or not.
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And I thought only the Pope pontificated.
Tolerance of others does indeed start at home. You decide what happens in your home, others will decide what happens in their home. I am not Jewish, but I am acutely aware that many Jewish families have painful memories of the persecution that their ancestors suffered - not for their beliefs, but just for being Jewish. My family traditions are not particularly important to me, in a religious sense at least, but I can fully understand why they are to some people.
We are not talking about choosing a football team to support, we are talking about matters that for some people go to the very root of who they are, traditions and beliefs that must be honoured and observed, no matter what.
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Hopefully the little boy will grow up with enough sense to see both options for the utter mumbo-jumbo that religion is and be athiest.
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Helo
Hellos...... Christian mom and jewish dad.... It surely is a pity to know that in this day and age one should bicker over the choice of relegion your little son is to follow... Gone are the days of non-accdeptance in inter-relegious marrages, and the acceptability of this is paramount in this day and age...
If i were in your position and feel strongly about the faith i follow, this would be my personal choice, and not one that should be put on anothers shoulders.
As i am also a Zoraztrian married to a Christian, we believe that our children need to be taught the values of each relegion, and then allow them to choose which faith to follow when they are capable of taking a decision in this regard without any influence. Until that time, take the little one to the Synagogue and to the Church, and let him grow up to believe in what he percieves as his faith.
Have a wonderful life....
( I am based in Hong Kong)...
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staxi
12 yrs ago
Thanks all for your helpful comments! Sorry my late reply. We are both Germans and tried to get married by a prostestant pastor and a rabbi in a non-religious environment, though under a chupah (baldachin). We immediately found a pastor but no rabbi who was willing to do that ceremony together with a pastor. So we ended up with a very nice fake-rabbi, who was actually catholic priest but so into Judaism and had studied Hebrew that he was thrilled doing the jewish part. They two were a perfect team and eventually we had a wonderful jewish-christian ceremony. But, the fact that we didnt find an open enough rabbi made me think hard. I don't want my son growing up in that Jewish community only, and in the end not being accepted because of his mother, he simply cannot be Jewish in the first place. I would like to baptise him and let grow with both religions, of course. Having christmas with my family, also going to church, and having Roshashana in the synagoge with hubby and me. Eventually he might get his confirmation, which was for me an important time in life. Having two year classes before confirmation, I have learned a lot about God but also about being social and giving towards other. It was just a remarkable time in life which I would like to have as well for my son. If eventually with 18 he would decide, he wants to become Jewish and convert, I would be fully on his side and respect his decision.
How could I convince my husband that we could get him baptised first, and eventually when he is old enough, he can still decide for his own?
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staxi. One of the good things about this story is that you have really made me happy with that story about the fake rabbi/priest. I'm sure there is a script in there somewhere. On a practical note, you could always baptise your child yourself. I did that with my youngest daughter after having hard an argument with the priest.
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Technically, your son won't be recognised as Jewish by an Orthodox community. Some Conservative congregations might also have a problem unless he goes through a conversion.You might want to look at Reform. I don't think the essential teachings ( bar those from Paul) are necessarily exclusive considering that Jesus very much comes from the Hillel teachings however I think that getting him baptized would pose a problem because by doing , that, you are formally committing yourself to raise your child to believe that Jesus was the Messiah. Why not take him to both services without requiring a formal service and leave it up to him to decide when he is older? That said, Hebrew lessons from a young age would be very useful whatever he decides upon later in life since it is the basis of both and will give him a deeper understanding of the texts.
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That's a great response, Auslass.
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