Posted by
setanta
19 yrs ago
Seems like any time I get close to a woman, after a while something goes click in my head and I start feeling really stressed out about the relationship. Fear of commitment u might say. Seems like the only way I can get rid of this stress is to stop seeing her. Even if rationally I like her. Can anyone shed any light on this dilemma. Maybe i need anti-anxiety tablets just to have a relationship?
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shaq
19 yrs ago
Setanta:
Your problem is not unusual and you don't need to take tablets or any drug. You just need to take control of your life.
If I may share a little knowledge here, your dilemma has to do with self-image. If you could see yourself as adequate and realize that commitment in a relationship is no different from job commitments, for example, you'll not stress yourself up. See the lady you're dating as 'helper' and one who will have to consider committing too. That way, if commitment is the issue at all, it wouldn't put you off. Life is beautiful, if you're in a relationship, which is full of mutual understanding and respect ... commitment is necessary, but it can come later.
Does this make any sense to you?.....:D
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this is tricky and easier said than done. I actually have this male friend of mine who really has major issue with commitment, exactly what you described how you feel. I've known him for over 10 years and he's 34 now and still has the same problem, sometime this year his girlfriend got pregnant by accident and guess what? he still couldn't make the commitment, he would financially support the girl and the baby and nothing can get him into commitment. As a woman who seeks commitment as usual, I truly don't understand what the men are fear of.
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Terrified of invasion of privacy territory, i would say.
How about this....isn't it much better to care and to share rather put it up alone?
Unless you're dealing with an enormous emotionally dependant somebody, or else I would say to give it a go.
Life is full of risks; what do you have to loose?
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Casey - Yeah, u have a point here. Sometimes we just get chicken (u dont have to be a guy btw) for some moments in life...a relationship between men n women, or other relationships, or important decisions, or current job.
I agree that you cant always be ready for everything 24/7 and all the way. Cheers,
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Setanta - could i ask how old you are? How long was your longest relationship and why did it end.
Sorry to be so personal but it might help to understand your situation.
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31.
Longest on/off relationship I had was about 6-9 months.
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"waiting for the other shoe to drop"
I have found myself arguing over the STUPIDEST stuff, and later when I regain my cool and composure, I realize-- dumb me, I was just picking a fight to see if he'd hang around and prove that he'd put up with all of my "character."
WHY do we do this to ourselves and those we want to love....just "fire insurance"?
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There's no cheese in CHINA!!!!!!
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so setanta, your longest relationship was "on/off"? you're quite young, maybe you simply haven't met The One yet - you know, The One you absolutely don't ever want to be off with, only on. may i ask if you have ever told anyone that you loved her? or at least felt like you might have loved her and just didn't tell her?
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lulu
19 yrs ago
the answer is: you still not find the right one.
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Thanks for the advice folks.
To answer your question voice of reason:
I've never told anyone I loved them.
I have felt like I might have loved... but didn't say it. Not sure if I believe in love.
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Perhaps you're gay Setanta and that is why you have never connected with a woman.
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Perhaps you're gay Setanta and that is why you have never connected with a woman.
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Not the case x 3
Don't get a boner in the changing rooms.
I feel I have connected but then this thing gets in the way.
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Sorry, had to suggest it. You'd be surprised how many people are 'not gay'.
Think you need some counselling if only to talk things through.
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Maybe he's a bit of a metro??
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It's ok Ann.
I know you're just lonely and insecure.
If u wanna talk about it I'm here.
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Setanta,have you ever lived with your girlfriend(s)?
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um... I was with a guy many years ago who had commitment issue and the relationship was on and off many times. when I was about to move on, he would always come back to me. Eventually, we decided to move in together and give it a go. I think he was miserable to have a live in girlfriend for the first month so I decided to move out of his place. A week later he came back and told me how much he missed me and since then he was well committed to me. It took me 13 month to have this guy made the commitment. What I am trying to say is sometimes it makes a hugh difference to live with someone then see someone irregularly.
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