Do the right thing and stay out of it. It's none of your business!
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I hate & disrespect cheaters and would gladly expose their wrong doings to the world to shame them.
But for you, it would be quite difficult as you know all 3 parties. The wife may be an ostrich and doesn't wish to know so definitely does not appreciate the warning as it might ruin their marriage and in case the wife does not believe you and forms a stronger bond with the husband, you will lose the friendship of the couple. Back in the office, you would have 2 enemies working with you everyday. Think about that and see if it's worthwhile or not.
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If you must say anything, say something to the cheater. Perhaps he will see the stupidity of what he is doing, perhaps not.
You have been put into an intellerable situation. This will probably end with an arugeument and you will not longer be seen as a freind by either of them. In effect an end of your freindship.
Perhaps you should just end the friendship now. Let the cheater know why. He will then have to field embarrassing questions from his wife.
It is a no win situation.
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I would talk to the husband and hope he comes out of his senses.
I have a somewhat similar experience as you, i found out accidentally that my best friend's husband is having an affair with another friend (the wife and the other woman don't know each other), i was like you thinking about what I should do, tell both the girls or ??? in the end, I just talked to the husband. See sometimes, what you don't know won't hurt you, especially if they have children, knowning her husband's infidelity would definitely cause a lot of heartache for the wife and children, and their life might not be the same again. Maybe the husband is not serious with the extrammarital affair or is simply having fun or only a fling...Let us just hope the other woman will back out eventually.
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I wouldn't suggest you say anything. You don't know the circumstances/complexities and no-one will thank you for it. Suggest instead you put a little distance between yourself and the husband - he will probably sense the changed vibe, but will be unsure as to whether you know what is going on or not. That will be a hint for him and then the ball will be in his court - his problem not yours. That will give him the impetus as well as the flexibility to do the right thing (whatever that may be) and won't leave you exposed to any of the parties. Of course, you are placed in this mess so no outcome is great, but I think this is the best way forward for you and for everyone else. Any other approach would be very disruptive and quite possibly a massive blunder. Under this approach it's the hardest for the wife as she is being cheated on and that will be hurtful for you to observe, but in the circumstances (working with the husband) anything you do here should probably be about your relations with him. Hopefully he will respond to your slightly changed relations to him without you having to consider what next to do. I strongly agree with the other posters that if you go directly to his wife (even, I think, anonymously), life iis goingto be hell for you one way or the other. Good luck.
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keep quiet, it is none of your business
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If she is a friend, then it shouldn't even be an issue. Of course you tell her. If it is not a friend, that none of your business...
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Assuming you know for sure that they are having an affair, I can understand that out of loyalty it would be very difficult not to say anything to your friend. However, I do agree that really it's best not to say anything to her, as not only is it none of your business what goes on in their relationship, but there's always the possibility that she wouldn't thank you for the information.
However, having to work with your friend's husband and the other woman, knowing what they are up to, would drive me insane. Do either of them know that you know what they are up to? If not, perhaps it's time that they did ... if, as you say, this guy is a friend of yours, then he should respect the fact that as you are also a friend of his wife, the situation is very difficult for you. Depending on how good a friend he is, perhaps you could mention that although you realise his personal life is not your business, how awkward the situation makes you feel and how does he expect you to be able to continue your friendship as normal with his wife knowing what is going on. If it's just a stupid fling and he really doesn't want his marriage to be put in jeopardy, hopefully he'll come to his senses and put a stop to it. If he decides to carry on, then I personally would not be able to continue my friendship with him. And all you can do for your friend is to be there to help her pick up the pieces if she eventually finds out. The hard thing is that if she does find out about the affair, and then finds out that you knew, she could be really angry with you for not telling her!! It's an no win situation!
Just out of interest, does the other woman know that the guy is married? If not, then perhaps it's time she knew. If she does, then I'm afraid that I would have to make her life unbearable!
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Personally, if I were your friend, I would want to know. But then you never can gauge how someone else would react to the news that her husband is having an affair. Unfortunately, you are in a very bad situation ... the guy is not only your friend, but he's also your boss! And rightly or wrongly, if you did decide to spill the beans to his wife, this would make your working situation impossible ... he could (and very likely would) make life extremely difficult for you. Can you risk losing your job, or having your work life made so difficult that you have no option but to leave and find another?
On the other hand, if as you say, your boss seems to be very open in the office about the fling, then I guess he simply doesn't care about his marriage, and it's probably not the first time he's done it! There's always the possibility that his wife already knows or suspects what's going on, but chooses not to confront it. Stranger things have happened ......
Whatever you decide to do isn't going to be easy. Knowing that the guy is your boss, I'd probably be inclined to keep my head low; only deal with him when I have to during working hours; be civil to him; but make it quite clear that any friendship you once had outside of work is well and truly over. If you socialised with him and his wife as a couple, and she suddenly wonders why you no longer wish to do so, then I'd ask her husband what reason he'd like you to give her.
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What do you really know about this 'affair'? Were you in the bedroom with them? Presumably not, so I think you know nothing really about it.
But he is open about his fling, you say? Well maybe they are just teasing each other and you mistake it as an affair?
The wife doesn't know about it and would be angry if you did not tell her? How you know she doesn't know about it? How you know she doesn't know and maybe has her own affair that nobody knows about? How you know she doesn't know and maybe has her own affair that he knows about? Ever heard of cuckolding as a fetish? Maybe that's what they are into? All just possibilities of course.
Anyway too many questions you don't know the answer. If this couple is not your very top best friends growing up together since childhood, you risk way too much in getting involved.
Last but not least, we all have a tendency to apply our own opinion and moral standards to other people. Reality is - even more in a globalized world across cultures - that we have very different opinions about right and wrong. I would keep mine for myself in 99.9% of all situations.
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bigmac...can i ask...are you male or female?
and..if the wife is working in the same office...she doesnt notice or suspect anything? esp if like you say everyone else seems to know abt it...doesnt the wife suspect or hear the stories?
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Keep quiet, or you'll loose them both. If she comes to know, and talk to you about it, you can always say you've heard things but didn't want to give any attention to gossips.
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jon_99 ~ I don't think that the original poster has once mentioned that the wife is working in the same office ... only the guy and the 'other woman' ...... ?
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If I was the wife I would want to know! If a friend of mine knew that my hubby is having an affair then I would be more than upset if he didn't tell me! I think do the right thing! If the wife is horrible then it's about time they seperate! Why let things keep going !
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i agree with donut waver, none of your business really. unless asked specifically stay out of it.
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Having an affair is bad enough. Compromising friends with the knowledge of it is beyond the pale for me.
Personally I would not accept the situation. Its one thing to be discreet but once friends are in the loop then its a done deal. The wife is going to be told.
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Ask yourself this question...If it was you in your friends situation, would you want to know...and then you will find your answer...good luck..I would hint around at it with her, dropping casual remarks to see if she had any idea at least....
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Think, about what you say.
"These men should be taught a lesson" is great rhetoric, but the reality is something else.
Statistically, most men who stray do so only once. It is women who are more likely to be serial adulterers. OK there are a few bounders out there, and they get themselves noticed, but they are in the minority of men.
As for teaching lessons.
Who are we to take the moral high ground?
What are the stakes? A ruined marriage, distressed kids?
You cannot control the fact that this man cannot keep his pecker in his pants. But you can control the fact that it will be you who is opening up the can of worms, and that won't be forgotten by anybody in a hurry.
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well if i were the wife, i'd definitely want to know.
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