I've dated a Finnish guy for a year and recently we split up. He blame it on his job, which he have to return to Helsinki. I wonder anyone out there like myself dated a foreigner or finnishguy? on contract?
your comment on cross culture relationship? or even HK dating scene?
I'm in my mid 40's, canadian chinese.
Wml
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I strongly think very likely he is Santa Clause and must now be summoned to prepare for Christmas!! Does he wear a heavy beard with big belly?
Sorry I don't mean to rub salt in your wound by stupid jokes but really have no clue what exactly are you asking though some (unrelated) questions are being put forward. I bet this is not your first relationship in your life, is it? Given your age and expat background, don't you still basically understand a relationship fails or works out regardless of race, age, distance or whatsoever if it's meant to be?
Let's say you are dating a Canadian Chinese, what makes you think the same or similar situation (he has to leave HK for another job) won't happen at all? what's still striking you now if from day one you knew his job is on contract?
Are you new to this site? I recall there is another thread about cross cultural relationship from where you may find some deeper discussion on this topic. But personlly I didn't read it - too old and too long.
And sorry i also can't relate the 2nd part of PrincessOM's comment to the original post.
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Wendy
People break up for many reasons.
Moving back home and not wanting to get into a LTR is one reason.
Having a relationship whilst on secondment, then ending it when you go home is also common.
Being with someone who you don't really see a long term future with, but you know you are leaving soon. And so you blame it on the job, allowing her to save face, is common.
There are many reasons. You may notice that none of the above are cross cultural issues.
Sometimes relationships end. In fact most of the time. I am middle aged and have a number of relationships. Most of them ended, except for the one I am in now.
One thing I did learn. Time does heal a broken heart.
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Whether you date a Finnish guy or any guy...when its finished, its always heart breaking. For that, I mourn with you.
The truth is, if this was a relationship that was so "right" and so "fingers on the pulse" then it wouldn't have ended merely because he was leaving. The reality of it is, his contract ended (and this is a common thing in Hong Kong, lots of people come here on contract for one or two years only) and he went home without you.
Time will mend your broken heart, as tigerbay so wisely said.
I have made many friends who came to Hong Kong on a contract and so have now had to accept the fact that these friends live in New York or London...not here. In time, everyone on a contract has to leave Hong Kong. So the next time you consider a relationship with a short-timer (someone who has been in HK less than 4 years) then maybe you should also consider how much you care about them and maybe manage your expectations from there.
I am sure you will be fine in the end. Just remember, lots of folks have been there before, so you are not alone.
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Thank you for everyone's response. In the beginning of the relationship we were very happy together, occasionally travel together and even move in together. He spoke about the options he has about his job, and gave me the impression that he will become independent (freelance) should his new contract fail. I visited him recently in Helsinki, got the opportunity to even meet his family memeber. All seems well, than he drop a bomb on me. Not only he goes back to his old post full time and that he said I'm not the one for him!!
Can anyone make sense out of this?! He email me now, wonder if we can still be friends?!!
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Sweetie, if he has e-mailed you and wonders if you can still be friends, I think its simply so he can have his conscience clear and know there is no one out there that hates him.
You have been let down, you have been dropped. You have nothing to gain in remaining friends with this guy and making yourself feel all the worse for it. Do yourself a favor and just hit the delete button. It will make your transition from heartbroken to hearthealthy a lot easier :)
Much positive chi your way to mend that broken heart and to shed light where there is confusion.
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I don't think he emailed you to ease his conscience, more to keep the door open should he want a booty call next time his in HK!
There's no need to give this relationship an autopsy. It's his problem, move on and have fun!
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