Posted by
sxlittle
14 yrs ago
I have seen much good advice in these forums and hope that I can get some wise counsel on a domestic situation that has arisen within my own marriage. First some background on me and the problem.
I am a middle aged English guy and I live in Hong Kong with my Filipina wife. We have been married 14 years now. I first met my wife through the wife of a good friend and one mutual attraction was that we had both just finished relationships with partners we considered unreasonable; me because my English spouse had been repeatedly unfaithful; and she because her abusive Philippine partner had threatened that she would lose her 3 children by him if she ever left him.
When we got engaged I promised that I would support her 3 girls, but not the rest of her family (the cliché with Filipinas is that you don’t marry the girl, you marry the family) and she readily agreed to that. Shortly after we got married in California, where her parents lived at the time, I bought a large (4,000 sqft) 4 bedroom - 4 bathroom house in her home town in the Philippines and she moved her girls there and her sister to look after them.
Over the years she split her time between me here and the girls there and I supported them through private school and college - not big bucks in the Philippines (although the youngest has now gone to college in Australia which will probably cost me over US$100k by the time her three years are finished). However, unlike my own kids who left home shortly after graduating and have been pretty much self-sufficient ever since, my wife’s girls have remained in our house and I am still supporting them.
The eldest (now 27) got married 4 years ago and rather than moving out, she has moved her husband into our house. They now have a 3 year old child (our grandson). The middle girl, who is 26, has also moved her long term boyfriend into the house. Although they have jobs (on and off) they do not contribute to the household financially, and they also rely on our two maids to do most of the work around the house. The corollary is that instead of supporting 3 kids for 10 years or so I now find myself in the position of supporting 5 adults and 1 kid indefinitely (in addition to my wife and me). My wife will not accept any criticism of her kids and has also admitted that she now gives money to other family members on a regular basis.
This all came to a head about 18 months ago when I noticed that our spending in the Philippines had got out of hand (one month it was over HK$100k). I raised the issue repeatedly over the next few months and when there was no change I cancelled my wife’s credit and ATM cards and I have now got the figure down to a manageable HK$40k or so a month. However, I am now considered a miser (“kuripot” in the vernacular) and any shortage is blamed on me. I do not think this is reasonable.
I have discussed the situation with a number of male friends here in Hong Kong and the general view is “ditch the bitch”. However, I am reluctant to end our marriage merely over finances. In all other respects the relationship is sound. But it has got to the stage where I dread the end of each month and the arguments over how much to remit. I would welcome a feminine point of view, particularly from any Filipinas out there who could advise on the cross-cultural aspects. Should I continue to cough up and shut up, or am I being taken for a ride?
Please support our advertisers:
I am not a philipina or a woman. But my first thoughts are these.
You said you would not support her family. But her daughters are effectively your daughters, and the grand kids are yours as well. And you now have a legacy to support. This may not seem fair to you, but try to find out if this is normal in the Philippines. It may be normal and they will repay the debt by supporting their own kids and spouses and you in your old age.
However, the flip side is that you must balance the books. It does not matter if you are called a miser. They will have to make up the shortfall.
Tell them if any of them are free to leave your house if do not like it. And encourage the boyfriend to find a place of his own. If you are not living there yourself it is hard to throw him out.
You could also threaten to sell the house and buy a smaller one. You could instruct a real-eatate agent to put the house on the market, with no intention of selling, that would be a huge wake up call.
But you must avoid ultimatums.
I think the key thing is to make it clear that as the main income earner, and only contributor, YOU are the master of the household finances. And if they don't like it they are free to leave. You don't have to threaten to throw them out, just remind them where the door is.
Please support our advertisers:
Afterthought
Look at some other Filipino or Asian patriarchs. They are often autocratic and paternalistic. I can understand why. Look at how the ones who successfully manage these demands and copy them, if you can find a role model. Even though yours is a mixed marriage, you are running a Philippine household.
Please support our advertisers:
Hi sxlittle,
I do understand where you are, how your feelings are in this situation. I am a Filipina married once and now alone to support my son who is in middle school..too far away to be independent in everything.
During my marriage, I am engaged in a 3 full time jobs so as to support my younger brother and sister to fullfil their respective dreams who was left by our late father. As a result of this job,no time to my own immidiate family (my son and husband). All money earned by me was sent to the Philippines for for my brother, sister and mother for her to maintain our house back home. Here in Hong Kong it was my husband who pays our helper, all utility bills, food and everything except our pad as it was provided by one of my company.This situation continously happened in 10 years that had affected my marriage so badly that ended in divorce.
After so many years of my being divorce and doing the inventory of my past, to see where the mistake was? I believed I have to blame myself and partly to my husband and not those people whom I provided for and protected. I played a great role as the provider, protector to my family back home. And this was a lesson learned. My husband should have talked to me at the early stage, when he saw that I am focused to make means so I can support my family back home and neglect him and my son. I blamed myself as I obliged myself in supporting them. I should have stop supporting them when they finished their degrees. I shld have lessen my remittances to my mother as it was too much over her expencess. As it was too much she obliged her self too to support my other siblings who are already with their own family and can support themselves if they want too. Instead, I even helped other people in my family of being lazy. I agree with you, they will call ua miser if you won't give them what they asked. So that my family back home would not name my x a miser, I just gave them what they ask (money) or their expences when they travel. Was a big mistake. I should have not done it.
My advice is do not throw them away from the house, just stop sending them talk with your wife your kids are grwon up. They should provide for themselves and should not expect any from you anymore. The house is huge blessing for them to stay hence they must make means to maintain it not you anymore. Again, thalk with your wife. If you are worried of being called a miser. Forget it you are helping them to be more lazy....So what if you are a miser at the end of the day, they will be proud of you as you showed them their way to help themselves. Here I bet, they will be proud of you one day.
Be firm when you say no, it's enough as it is already too much.
Don't let this ruin your marriage.
Good luck
Please support our advertisers:
These people are no good in my view. Why invest ion them? Not even your own kids.
Please support our advertisers:
I am from the philippines and yes, i would say, thats always the norm in the philippines when it comes to family and marriage - u have to marry the whole family. the best thing u shld have done was set the rules straught even before those boyfriends and husbands come into the picture. right now, the situation hasnt sky rocket, but u will find that one day, all the husband's and bf's relatives will be cramped into your house. The biggest worry being that u r in hk and is not there to guard the house of these intruders.
setting the rules straught would mean, having it communicated to them children when they graduated from university, and when they have their respective bf's, also, i think havent spent much time enough with these children to communicate your values and expectations from them. Normally, i have seen foregn husbands tell their filipina wives they cannot bring any relatives into the house to live as a deal.. and u as a husband shld do the same. it has to be settled even b4 marriage.
i think right now, all is quite too late. and kicking those people from the house will only instigate chaos. but its not that late IF you can impose the rule without care of hurting anyone's feelings. but still.... i dont think it will ever get imposed. bec most of the time, these girls marry those me with not much money and where do u think they will live. the greatest worry is the time the 5 audlts and 1 child household becomes a 10 adults, 3 children and so on....
if i were u, i will impose a budget for the household BASE on WHO YOU WANT TO SUPPRT ONLY. Say u only want to support the unmarried daughter, a maid, etc... so budget it accdgly. I think 100,000 HKD IS A LOT OF MONEY for a month on that household of 5 adults and 1 child. Gosh..it could send u bankrupt with o guarantee those girls will grow into matured independent individuals ready to take care of u and ur wife in your golden years. U might even be working til past retirement if this is the case.
I would say: set a budget for everything:
1. Utilities: 6,000 PHP - this is already a lot. Our family consists of a fam of 6 with 2 maids, and only uses up 10,000 php, its bec we turn on the a/c every nite and long hours. In your case, tell them to be more frugal.
2. food and groceries: 4,000 PHP - this goes so far already. as in far.
3. Misc 3,000 PHP.
13,000 php is all it needs per month !!!! Tops is, if u wanna spoil them happy is 30,000 php. Your grandson's education and needs falls to the lap of ur son in law.
Please support our advertisers:
and yes, hun 196988 said it all true. u shld learn from her mistake and her advice is somewhat straight to the point. good luck.
26 is an age where one is already a graduate of a degree. one shld find herself some work.. if u allow her to stay idle.. one day u r gonna feed her husband and children even. and the rest of the daughters will follow, including their new families, their husband's families, etc.
dont u know.. that in the culture of the philippines, if one member of the family is abroad working, all the rest, includig immediate and up to 3rd 4th degree families lay idle and wait for monerary sup[port from whoever is the sponsor, in this case, YOU!
Please support our advertisers:
this is like something from little britain!..quite entertaining. hmmmm sounds like shes using u...strong words are necessary or else end it. 100,000HK a month..shes using u as a cash cow!...fillipina, western girl etc...doesnt matter..
Please support our advertisers:
i'm sorry to hear about your situation.
can I ask how you came down to 100K? and now that you've trimmed it down (yey!) to 40K - what is that money for? that is equivalent to over 200,000pesos! how much are maids in the Philippines? 8t if you're very generous.
All I can say is, if I were you and I could afford it, I'd give some, but not too much. Yes, I am a Filipina married to a western man, and no, I don't get money from him for my Family. These people are taking the piss. Rent your house out - at least you'll get a bit of money from it and at the same time, have an excuse to get them out of your property.
Please support our advertisers:
I'd say...let them have the house as long as you are not using it, but don't pay for the rest. Help with education or important things, but do not pay for their day to day existence. Set the rules. You have given too much power to your wife and her tribe.
I would like to emphasise that you should not listen to those who suggest to you to dump your wife. Easy for them to say. Relationships should not be treated as a disposable object. In most relationships there are times that people should fight really hard. That's when you stay and take the necessary measures until you get things right.
Tell your wife's family and your wife not to mention the word miser again. Demand respect. You assume that respect and fairness come naturally. That's where you are wrong. It should be demanded! The only proper measure you have taken so far is cancelling your wife's credit cards. There is more to be done.
After the storm...there will be tranquillity.
Please support our advertisers:
You are paying into keeping people lazy.
Let them stay in the house, but thats where it ends.
Wife should get with the program.
I am with the 13,000 peso quote. And if you want to be generous, 30,000 pesos. Which is about HKD6000.
Seriously, where did life get around to costing that much out there??? You are essentially giving all of them beer money and then some!
Please support our advertisers:
sxlittle,
I admire you for helping your step children, but ENOUGH is ENOUGH! you have to step up and set the right tone to your wife and to all of them back in the Philippines. Don't indulged or spoiled them because that is not the reality. You have sent them to college/university to become able and educated person. And it's time for them to use it. They are not crippled to depend their lives to you and to your wife. DO NOT LET THEM ABUSE YOU! TALK TO YOUR WIFE and tell her that money sould'nt be an issue at all. This is about parenting, deciplining and teaching your kids to be responsible and independent. Actually, it makes my blood boil reading your message and this only proves why there are some Filipinos are still working abroad for 20-30 years.
Anyway, good luck and hope your wife should understand your point. If she didn't understand you at all. She didn't think your important at all, only your money.
Please support our advertisers:
in principle it sounds like you are being ripped off. i would test your wife's love by stopping the money completely for 2-3 months and see the reaction. you gave them so much, it should be easy for them to live on a bit less for a little time.
one key question though, is 100k/month a lot for you or not? if you make 10m a month, then 100k is peanuts. if you make 200/month, then 100k/month is crazy
Please support our advertisers:
This is absolutely ridiculous, you are in my view very generous to support her children's education, and have been generous all along, now that you want to tigthen a bit, they're calling you a miser, now wow, that is just really being very ungrateful!!! I think you really need to save for your own retirement, look after yourself, and what about your own children, i understand that they can look after themselves, but haven't it occure to you that they might at least have sour feeling of their own father being over indulge with another man's children??
I agreed with Inkpot88's comment, time to check if your wife loves you for what you are or you are just a Caucasian with money that is a great provider.
Please support our advertisers:
First of all I have to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to respond in so much detail. You have given me much food for thought. It is also very encouraging that most responses seem to be sympathetic to my position (and not overly critical of how I got into this situation). Many of the points you raised I have already considered but there are some particular ones I would like to pick up on.
There is perhaps one point that I should clarify. When I say that my expense is now down to HK$40k a month, that includes the costs for the youngest step-daughter at college in Australia. The costs in the Philippines are around HK$25k (Still Ps160,000 which should be enough to support a whole barangay). The youngest daughter graduates in December this year.
Tigerbay, you suggested that I should threaten to sell the house. I have indeed said that when I retire (or semi-retire) in 2 years time we will sell the house and move to a smaller place at the beach. My wife has not put up any resistance to this, but we will see what happens when the time actually comes.
Hun196988, I am sorry to hear of your situation, but that is exactly what I want to avoid. I don’t want my marriage to end because of this, but it is in danger of doing so at the moment. That is also why I am not rushing into anything.
Veebabe, yes, you are right. It is the norm in the Philippines. I have lived in Asia for 35 years and I have seen many cases where the “puti” has ended up supporting the whole extended family. That’s why I set up the rules before we got married. I kept my part of the bargain! You are also right that by not being there it is hard to control who is and is not in the house. The situation did not develop overnight, but over many years.
Amparo Kia and inkpot88, you have picked up probably the biggest problem I have. When my son was here for Christmas I told him how much his step-sisters were costing and he pointed out that it was more than he earns. Yes, there is resentment there. He has been self sufficient since he graduated. While we still have a joint bank account here I have cancelled my wife’s ATM and she does not know how to access online banking, so I control any remittances, and give her cash for use here.
Once again, many thanks for all the advice, particularly from the Filipinas. I do not intend to rush into anything, as I have too much to lose. However, the current situation is unsustainable.
Please support our advertisers:
I don't mean to sound harsh, but it does seem that you've been a bit of a soft touch. Support your wife by all means, and even her elderly mother ... but to be still be supporting her kids who have long since graduated ... shouldn't they have their own jobs by now and be supporting themselves? I'm not in the least bit surprised that you say there is resentment from your own son ... and things can only get worse if you allow this situation to continue ... is that what you want?
It's time you spoke to your wife and explained that you've done your fair share and kept your end of the bargain to support her kids through university ... now it's time for them to stand on their own feet ... like your own son has been doing since he graduated! Make it clear that the free money is coming to an end ... give them a couple of months to find jobs, and then make it clear that they are on their own.
As a final point ... I do hope you have a will and ensure that it is applicable in whichever country you are residing in ... otherwise, you may find that one day, when the inevitable happens, you own kids won't see anything of what you leave behind. In my mind, I'd rather my money/possessions (however big or small) be left to my own kids, before someone else's ... especially those who seem to have taken more than their fair share already .............
Please support our advertisers:
I am a puti and married to a filipina for 20 years. I am luckier than you in that her many brothers were all in the navy and have their own modest pensions, neither do they sponge. Sadly, however the philippines has a culture of dependency that (usually) sees the wife and mother working in a foreign land washing dishes for ass** at a pittance while hubby sits and drinks san miguel and raises his fighting cocks. If you think this is a wild generalisation, go to any barangay and look around you. My missus had a cock-eyed view of my finances and seemed to think that I had some secret store of gold from which I could draw ad lib but chose not to because I am kariput. Over the years we have compromised, I pay more housekeeping than I think i should but am saving (hard) to build a second house for our retirement. My wife has bought into this plan and knowing I am saving has reduced her demands. If it helps you, our household expenses in PP per month are (ball park) for me wife and 2 dogs:
part time driver 2-3K maid 3K groceries about 25K (could be much cheaper but as I said, compromised) Power. phone, water, satellite 8K (as you will know, electricity is expensive here). DSL 2.5K (for me), van expenses/gasoline/road tolls/insurance 3-4K. Clothes - not much ?? House expenses (land tax and residents fees) 2K, House maintenance/odd jobs 2-4K. in all this is around 60K pesos, but i send 100K and pay emergency extras and dinners, etc myself. As someone said already, you do need to be firm - and once you have made some concessions should do so with a clear concience: 'thats what you get until we review again'. Is is quite sad when things have to be like this, the worst part is that I feel it is more of a boss and servant relationship than the partnership marriage should be - but you can't always get what you want and at least I know she is not in it for the money. i sympathise with you, but yr missus needs direction and you are the only one who can give it - after all it is you who works for the bread and you who has the last word on it. Give a little but enough is enough. good luck to you. (BTW if you have dream sat or cable TV dont renew - that gets rid of a few ;}
Please support our advertisers:
I fully agreed with Sapphire's advice on the Will, you need to start consider your own children as you have done enough for them. Especially since your son is a good boy, he supports himself after he finished school, unlike those parasites who live on an old man rather than get a job and stand on their own feet. It will be a shame if your own children won't see anything of what you leave behind...
Please support our advertisers:
HK1
14 yrs ago
exlittle,
I agree with your son - if I had that kind of money spare each month I could actually support family members in the UK who barely earn that monthly amount in a whole year...! Regardless of your earnings, clearly you are being v generous and obviously we're talking about a more than substantial amount to enable your wife's family to enjoy the finer things in life back in the Philippines.
I also agree that it seems so straightforward and easy to throw away a marriage and I have the utmost respect for your willingness to work through your problems and make the relationship work - so many people give in so easily with marriage nowadays and to take a tougher road takes courage and strength.
With these characteristics I'm sure things will ultimately work out for you. I'd also hope that other than money. some of these values would have been instilled in your step-daughters (although they were admittedly a little older when you became their step-father they must've seen how much better things were compared to with their father - and I don't mean simply financially...)
I'm a great believer in karma and can but hope that your nature (and clearly the overly generous nature of your wife to her family also) will ensure the best outcome for you both.
In any event - DON'T accept being called a miser (how rude can they be after all that you've done?!?!?) and take a proper stand on this. Such disrespect is really not healthy for you nor your combined families and is the main reason that I believe many previous posters are so keen to throw the towel in on them all, and perceive your immediate and extended family to be greedy people after you for just that one thing. You are certainly NOT a miser and should address that point asap and stick to you guns. Ultimately if it's really going to work with your wife, she'll understand and support you as you are being more than reasonable.
Anyway, good luck!
Please support our advertisers:
Thanks for the advice on the will. I took care of that many years ago and all my assets outside Hong Kong and the Philippines (90%) will go to my two biological kids. My wife will get the life insurance, what’s in our joint account and, of course, the house.
I have decided that I am not going to do anything rash, but to slowly start turning off the tap. By reducing month by month I think it will get the message across, and also give them the opportunity to adjust to the new paradigm. If the response is negative, then I will take more drastic steps. But as I said at the beginning, I am very reluctant to finish a relationship built up over 15 years just because of money.
Please support our advertisers:
HK2
14 yrs ago
Hi sxlittle,
am not filipina but have grown up in the philippines. The situation you're in is not surprising to me. Even if your wife did not marry you for the financial care you represented, her family saw dollar signs when they saw the color of your skin! You've been given good suggestions above but i would like to tell you to please also be careful of your physical safety when visiting the Phil. It is a country where lives are taken over trivial things like traffice incidents and i am concerned that if it is known you are leaving your wife insurance, the house, money in the bank, it may encourage someone to harm you to get to it. And i don't mean your wife - could be any of the others who depend on you and might be in dire straits should your financial help stop (as you have been telling them you might do).
You really don't need to be supporting the people in your Phil. house. But i'd say if you can afford to, just help out and maybe gradually reduce it. Start planning for a smaller house for you and your wife! you may never get this one to yourself again!
Let your younger stepdaughter finsih uni and tell your wife you won't be able to do more for her after that.
And i really agree with the test some suggested to see your wife's loyalty minus the money.
If i were one of your biological kids, i would resent you for giving your step family so much when there could have been a bigger inheritance for me. especially if i've never been dependent on you otherwise.
I hope it all pans out well for you. I agree it's not easy to throw away a relationship after so many years. But i also think we need more money now than before to maintain our lifestyles in retirement because we're all living longer and wanting better lives so i would say you need to think of yourself, too. these people you've helped may not be there for you when you need them. have seen it to often in the Phil.
This may not be helpful but i just had to add my 2 cents.
Take care. Wish you well.
Please support our advertisers:
agree with billybally, stick to the average filipino budget. Find out what the average income is, minimum wage, and stick to supporting them with that figure. That shouldn't be too much and if they desire a more luxurious lifestyle theyd have to work and pay for it. Just stick to the basics, food and shelter. Let them pay for utilities and for the maid.
With the life they have right now, its no wonder none of them are motivated to work. There is no need, they get everything they need, want and more.
Please support our advertisers:
i agree with ur male friends. thats all
Please support our advertisers:
I am a filipina living in HK for the last 20yrs, I was married to a westerner and we both have kids from the past. My ex did not offer any help so I worked very hard to support my children until they finished Uni, I set an agreement with my kids that I will support them all the way provided they will abide by the rules, and be reponsible people. Now they are all employed with good jobs and they don't bother me anymore. I admire your being a good provider, but for me you've been taken for granted! not only by your wife but even her family, I hope you are setting aside for your retirement.
Please support our advertisers:
IMO the "filipino way" is just an excuse for lazy people to milk other people for money for their needs and luxuries.
The "Asian" way is supporting aged parents.
Supporting old parents is fine and understandable, but adults who are more than capable of finding a job demanding/expecting financial support is unacceptable.
exlittle,
From what you have said, you have been very generous to an ungrateful lot. The fact that they call you a miser proves this. It is very disrespectful to you, their benefactor, considering they are all still living in your house in the the PI and your wife should not tolerate this. Your wife should be the most grateful of all since despite your saying that you would not support her family before you got married, you still did. The thing is, the family will keep growing as her kids will have more kids and you will be expected to support them thru UNI as well. You have to put your foot down. They may be her grandchildren but the grandkids are the responsibility of the parents not yours.
It would seem heartless to not give money for food but it is even worse to tolerate laziness which your wife is doing. I suggest send only a minimal amount like HK3,000 would be more than enough for food for a month. If they want a maid, then they should work to be able to pay her salary. None of them are working anyway so they have no excuse to not do household chores. Forcing them to work would be the best thing to do. If they have no money to pay for utilities, then they will have to work or else endure living with no electricity or water.
Your wife's family is blatantly abusing your kindness and generosity. Hope things work out. Good luck.
Please support our advertisers:
From the extended family's perspective in the Phillipines your generosity is completely defeatist. Think about it, no matter how hard they work, or what they do, given the pay scale in the Phillipines they could never supply themselves with the lifestyle for which you pay for and to which they have become accustomed.....why toil away at a job that relatively pays peanuts whilst trying to struggle up some career ladder when it is much more comfortable to just work in an easy/dead end job for their disposable income (which presumably you don't give them). There is no impetus for them to make more of their lives. Moreover I'm sure your wife is parenting out of guilt, in some ways she may feel she has abandoned them (was not with them when they were younger) and since she has 'made it' needs to spoil them, even if in fact she is crippling them. My helper tells me that she is viewed as a saviour amongst her family, but with that comes many demands, since she has started her work in HK, her parents, siblings, nephews and nieces believe in their right to a better standard of living and now refuse to attend the public hospital services as they deride them as being inferior, occasioning quite a number of cash flow crises with my helper (when they call up a million times demanding money to be allowed to be discharged from the private hospital!!!!)
Kind of reminds me of a family member of mine. The wife never worked after she married (and only puddled around before as she was waiting for the ring)as she felt she was making peanuts compared to her husband working at a bank arranging mortgages for people, but come the financial crisis and the her hubby's business hit some serious cash flow strife which forced her to return to the work place and really work and fight her way through obstacles, and she found her feet!
Please support our advertisers:
I dont think the house can be 100% legally his as generally foreigners are only allowed to own 40% of filipino property.
Please support our advertisers:
dayma
14 yrs ago
gobsmacked. sxlittle, these people are taking you for a ride!!!
Please support our advertisers:
your wife gives the being married to a filipina a negative view. She should have respected your hard earned money and should have taught the children to work hard and respect the value of money and being a responsible individual. Why dont you have a dialogue with them?
As a family, you should let them know how you feel and probably you can compromise a better solution to the never ending drama of money in the family.
Please support our advertisers:
Many thanks to all for the continuing advice and comments.
I never said the house was an issue. That was bought in my wife’s name (it is difficult for foreigners to buy landed property in the Philippines). If we stay together then we will live in it after I retire, or move to a smaller place that will also be in her name. If we split up (which I am hoping to avoid) then she will have the house. I would not want to leave my wife without a roof over her head, and I have other properties.
The issue is the dependency culture and entitlement attitude of the extended family, both living in the house and outside.
Please support our advertisers:
I'd suggest you to keep your marriage.. sort out your other issues. If the property isn't the issue, why don't you call your wife to live with you here, since the children are grown up and they seem to have their own lives --somewhat and then even though they are living in the home, you don't have to pay for the helpers and the other expenses.
Else if you have holidays, go on a world trip or something. Get your kids independent in some manner or another, without making a strong statement, because your wife will feel emotional about it to some extent.
The part about you supporting the daughters going through school and college.. well it's kinda normal in all asian cultures. Just the part of them moving in their husbands and boyfriends .. that's kinda strange --so for that.... either set a stand by discussing it with your wife by telling her what will they do later in life when your'e not there to support them. Or have your wife live with you here... and cancel of certain luxuries that you don't need to pay for ....i.e helpers.
Please support our advertisers:
These people are wastrels. they do not love or respect you.
Please support our advertisers:
it is all about balance, comunication, do you still love her and her family?do you think it is worthy?sometimes money is nothing, think of the positive side,you have a big family around you. you have gone so far, keep going love them as much as possible, if u still able to afford it.but ofcause u feel tight then have to reduce the spend call a family meeting,talk it out.
Please support our advertisers:
The girl and her family is clearly taking you for a ride. Ditch the bitch.
Please support our advertisers:
"Sometimes money is nothing""??? well, hey, I'd say this marriage is all about money..
"A big family" ?? first, let's face it, I hate to say this but they are his family only because he can afford and is willing to pay for all their expenses. And what is this so-called family anyway, a family who calls him a miser because he wants to cut cost! A family member who at 27 is married but still rely on her stepfather's money. Another who at 26 can't feed herself but has the guts to pull in another one into the household and rely on the Stepfather, and all the while, the wife stands there watching and permitting her children abuse the kindness of her husband.
Of course, the OP is the one who knows better what kind of marriage he is into. From an outsider point of view, I could only see that OP is not being respected and is more like a walking and talking ATM to them.
I just feel sad for OP's children, it sure hurts to see how people abuse my father's kindness and sadder to see that my father is willing to be abused.
Please support our advertisers:
yyng
13 yrs ago
sxlittle: been a while since your post. what's the update?
your wife, is an ex-dh, but is she not working now?
Please support our advertisers:
yyng
13 yrs ago
sxlittle: been a while since your post. what's the update?
your wife, is an ex-dh, but is she not working now?
Please support our advertisers:
< Back to main category
You must be logged in to be able to reply.
Login now
Copy Link
Facebook
Gmail
Mail