Meeting Women Outside of Clubs

Okay, this might seem like a strange question... I keep reading over and over again how wonderful China is for a single Western man. I get the impression that if I were to go to the clubs in Beijing, I'd have young attractive Chinese girls lining up to be my girlfriend. Maybe its my age (40), or maybe I'm just over educated and too stuffy for my own good, but I'm just not interested in going out to a club. I don't like hip-hop, and frankly, I like to be home and in bed by midnight, not heading out to a club. I'm more into the quiet conversation and drinks scene. So where can a single Western guy go to meet Chinese women? The girls at my gym are very sweet, but I feel kind of silly hitting on them. Is it the clubs or nothing? I'd like to experience a little of this legendary dating imbalance everyone seems to know about. Thanks for the advice,-Jack.

Personals on this site is are one option. Also there are the usual classics:

- Taking classes and meeting people there.

- Meeting friends of friends.

Hi,


I'm a Xpat female so I it might help to know where I met my Chinese female friends from:

- friends of friends

- work

- sports - diving club, paddling club, gym classes, running club e.g. spin, yoga etc.

- language class

- philanthropy / chairty events e.g. charity runs etc.


I think the guys at work have met quite a few of their girlfriends / wives via the above. I have made some great friendships this way because they are outside of the pub scene.

I also made some great friends via the social scene as well :)

Cathy,


Not every guy wants, or wishes money to be an issue. It is just there are so many horror stories about women in China. This thread seems to be asking where can I meet normal girls without money being an issue. You seem to have taken offence to a simple and genuine question - WHY?

Everyone is attractive to what is different. We have to admit the universal fact that at first any foreigner will favor an asian and viceversa (notice I am not using genders). However, when you are past that phase, you realize you miss to play monopoli or eat bread and nutella with someone who really understands what that means, not someone how have learned to appreciate it recently.


But answering the question posted in the topic, I really don't see where the problem is. I can tell you from my own experience chinese women don't go for the money at all! Actually, let me rephrase, chinese women interested at money can be spotted at miles.


I still remember a girl I meet some time ago who, on the first chat over MSN told me that I "don't need to worry because" she doesn't "ask for ***much*** money" (literal quote). Needless to say I declined dating her at all!


I wouldn't meet girls in pubs or clubs, but you can meet women anywhere! I have picked up dates at the metro, in a bank queue, in ikea, on touristic places, you name it! I think it has more to do with your personal disposition. Just remember there is nothing wrong with approaching a girl you like and asking her out. In fact, now that I look back I have never ever picked up girls at bars, and I have had plenty.

So it sounds like what people are saying is that there isn't necessarily a difference in kind in the ex-pat experience, more a difference in quantity. What I mean is, that if I want to meet Chinese women, I should do pretty much what I would do in the States, pursue my interests, join clubs and groups, ask friends for introductions, etc. If there is anything to the legendary Western man-Chinese woman thing, it might be just that I'm more likely to be successful at dating just because there are probably more women interested in dating a Western guy. Am I on the right track?

just to be fair, i would like to point out that i actually know many chinese(hk) women who would not consider dating a western guy. but those who are, you can tell quite easily.

you can date Chinese woman in States too ! just happened you are in Asia and 95% of the populations are Asian so apparently for sure there are more chance to find an Asian girlfriend. Dating game is all the same around the world. however, China is not like Hong Kong or Singapore. most of the people in China might not have much chances encounter with western people (well, that happen in HK and Sin too. but there more ppl can speak English in those cities so there still easier and more chances to meet Asian Woman in different occasions). Language would very likely be one of reason to keep those people away from the place where westerner hang out. Guess what, I would say that's the main reason why westerner has stereotype of Asian women !

there's no particular guideline of who would be interested in western who not. if you are talking about international exposure, i know abc girls who would only go out with abc guys, but i also know girls who never set foot in europe but claim they 'only go out with western'..everyone's different.

pick up a girl at bank, supermaket, metro...etc.

you dont like hip-pop, you like stay at home..then meeting ppl in a club is the worst choice. lol

I meet women in bar/restrnts like Cohiba in Panyu. Where its much more mellow and people go to eat and hear nice (though amusing) renditions of western music, Bob Marley even, and play the dice game. I see an interesting woman at an odd numbered (male to female) table and if I can make eye contact, pick up my dice cup, smile and ask "Wo keyi... ma?" and either get a big smile and a wave over or not. I make new friends all the time that way and I get digits or invited out again more often than not.


There are a lot of nice places to go out that are not hip hop clubs and a lot of them are moving at an earlier hour. Maybe other people here who are more in the know can name a few more good locations for Shakespearebro?


As to Bank, Grocery Store, walking down the street etc. I get smiled at everywhere I go. Just make a habit of making eye contact with attractive women and smiling at them whenever you are out and about and you will know right away who's interested. If she holds your glance and smiles back or smiles and looks away but then peeks back at you then go right over and say Hi, Ni hao! or what ever.


Last comment: Learn some Chinese...


Nee How - Hi


Wah kuh yee gay nee dah dian hwa nee ma? - Can I call you? If she says yes give her your phone and she will call herslef w it so you have her no. Then text her later. its easier than speaking Changlish on the phone and gives you time to pull out the ole dictionary.


Wah she hwan nee dah way shao - I like your smile, Compliments compliments and dont tell her she has a sexy a** or anything overt until later or you'll come off creepy.


You know this stuff any friend who you trust can tell you a few more things. You are shooting for a girl with enough english skills for your level of Chinese of course but even if her English is spot on she will think its cool that you have taken the time to learn a little Chinese it shows respect for her.


Ting Boo Dong - (I) listen, dont understand. - this one is your fall back, for some reason they always laugh and smile and repeat it when you say it. Whereas Wo bu dong or other forms just dont come off as cute. Besides once you throw out your only Chinese lines she will assume you know more and start talking to you in Chinese and you need to get it back to some English.


EE dee Ar Poo tong wah - a little Chinese, thats the other one for after you tell her you dont know what shes saying.


And dont be a player. When your in the clubs with the dancers and bar girls etc, you can play them cause most are their to play you, but when you meet real women out and about or in a nicer restrnt, they are usually very nice and genuine girls. So treat them as such. I'm certainly not saying don't go out and have a good time but you know what I mean. Often they have not had the social education we as westerners have so it would be quite easy to see them as naive and take advantage. You are an embassador for the rest of us single Western guys.

PS, the second "nee" in "can I phone you" shouldnt be there. Otherwise its all good. And thats my home version of "phonix werked for me". Dont write any of that out anywhere or you'll get funny looks.

HAhahahahahahaha that was the best mandarin lesson I've ever read! 'poo' tong wah, it's a classic! If only they taught mandarin like that at my school, I would have picked it up much faster. If I might offer a slight correction:


A little chinese (as in I understand a bit) = yee dien dien putonghua


(yee being the word for 1, meaning 'a')


I feel so enriched now I know how to pick up a girl in Mainland China... but don't you just have to be male to be able to do that? Oops, that wasn't nice.


Annnnnyway, aren't those tips just normal dating 'techniques' that you could use in any country? I remember meeting a greek student in my uni bar once and being impressed by him speaking greek, foreign languages are interesting no matter where you live.

i like clubbing, so i go to clubs to meet ppl. because ppl there are supposed to like clubbing, make sense!

how could a white guy have problem in dating in china? white guys are so popular in china...i heard a lot of stories that in bus, in metro white guys got picked up by chinese girls..etc.

LOL, Thnx Pupalicious. I try.


But really Im just tryin to help a (Shakespeare)bro out.


You are right on all accounts though. Same thing Id do in any country just different phonetics, and again they DO try and pick me up everywhere I go. Not the same for my 50 yr old coworker though (15 yrs older than me). Just as white as I am but hes 6'1" or so tall and I'm 5'7" blond, blue eyed and I speak a decent amount of Mandarin. Aside from the smiles etc maybe I'm less intimidating and a bit more approachable? I don't know.


Banter, teasing a little works on Chinese girls just like anywhere else in the world too.


Her: Im you number 1 girlfriend"

Me: Of course you are, liang niupengyou Chengdu, san... zai Beijing..."

Her: Aiya! I keel you! (hits me) but I love you"


Chinese women are just women. Treat them right and they do the same for you. We arent gods (no ego tripping please) we just score extra points here like +3 on 1 to 10 for being different in a world of same. I get even more like +5 for blond w/ blue eyes but Im more specialler. Short bus for the win!


Disclaimer: By the way everything I say here is purely hypothetical. I do not claim to or would not in real life have any actual or practical knowledge of anything to do with any real Chinese women.


OH wait, LMAO... Nin doh a dah... How old are you? Important for obvious reasons

It's true that teasing works. I also ask my boyfriend if I'm the best girlfriend in the world, he says I'm the best girlfriend in this room. Keeps a girl on her toes. But I'm not Chinese so it just goes to show picking up Chinese girls is the same as picking up anyone in the world!

A friend of mine who is 40 has a very good strategy. I say 'good' because it works.


He sits in the park, or in a street cafe and watches the girls go by. If he sees a woman he likes he smiles at them and says hello. You probably would not be able to do this in the west, but in China this is civil behaviour. Chinese people are much friendlier than us uptight westerners, there is not 'stranager danger' culture here.


It is unusual for the smile not to be returned, we all like a bit of attention (I don't care if that doesn't sound PC). Occasinaly some women will stop and chat, where you go from there is up to you.

at a cafe/restaurant, the cliche line always (and still!) works (wonders, if i might add)


"is the seat taken?"...


after that, take in whatever is on the table at that time for a conversation-opener, u know the deal!