News Marriage & Relationships

How you react if somebody say "I love you"?

ORIGINAL POST
Posted by logung 19 yrs ago
well, it's difficult to say. in what kind of relationship she is with him to say "i love you". it can makes him happy same as freaking hom out.

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COMMENTS
logung 19 yrs ago
Faoxx>> he is just humble

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NemesisX 19 yrs ago
Although I'm a girl and you specifically asked for guys to answer your question, here are my two cents. Given his comment I think he is letting you know in polite way that he is not going to take this further. If the feeling was mutual he would have said right away that he loves you too or that he was hoping that you would say this. Don't forget, he is attached. Just reverse the situation. What would you tell someone who tells you they love you, but you are not romantically interested in that person yet do like them as a friend?

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Vulvic 19 yrs ago
It sounds as if he is trying to let you down gently.


Perhaps it would be wise to focus your attention on somebody single.

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wildorchid 19 yrs ago
To be honest, my boyfriend told me exactly the same the first time when I told him that I loved him. But it was when we are already few months in relationship and he repeated many times that he loved me. He told me later that he could not belived in what I said that I loved him and he was almost to jump up and dance on the table because of happiness:). We were in a very nice restaurant then.

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NemesisX 19 yrs ago
That is definitely not a situation I would want to be in. I mean the 'see if you are worth to leave his current partner for'. I would neither want to be the new nor the old partner. I choose someone for him, and not because he is better than the one I have now. We are talking about human beings, not shoes or something like that. Wouldn't it be sad if you only stay with your current partner, even though you've lost interest, just to have someone, and dump them for the next best thing? Definitely not the kind of guy I would want. I might be the next being treated that way. But that's me, I guess.

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wildorchid 19 yrs ago
It sounds a serious hang over, JC:))

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logung 19 yrs ago
JC, if it is like this we can only go for girls who never had a bf before so we are the first and only. whenever the partner has a past you will be at least the second one.

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NemesisX 19 yrs ago
Just ask him bluntly what his feelings are.


BTW, I would definitely not want someone who is already in a relationship. If he wants to take this further with you, it would be a decent thing to ask him to end his current relationship first before you jump into a new relationship. Otherwise we will end up having another thread at the wimmens from his current partner. I think we already have enough threads on cheaters.


Vulvic, you're so right. Some relationship etiquette here would be nice.

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NemesisX 19 yrs ago
Foxx, there is nothing wrong to tell a person that you love them if that person is single. If that person is already in a relationship, no matter how shaky, you must not only consider you and him. You might not only drag him but also his partner into this. Just go on the wimmens and read how miserable women are who are being cheated on.


PS JC, didn't read what you posted before me when posting this comment.

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wildorchid 19 yrs ago
Totally agree with Nem. Don't make troubles for others and others will not cause you troubles!


You cannot control your feelings but you can control your actions!

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NemesisX 19 yrs ago
JC, fo' shizzle my sizzle!


Foxx, "If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving one be me". Think about this line. It's from a poem by W.H. Auden.

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wildorchid 19 yrs ago
Thank you, JC. At least it happened to me few times in the past, that's why I voiced it here from my own experience.

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Vulvic 19 yrs ago
You see, this is why I get a little offensive and rude at times - the sheer stupidity of some of the people on this forum.


You try to tell them nicely that they are making a mistake but they still don't get it.........


FOXX - Instead of trying to steal another girls boyfriend, why don't you find one of your own.


I don't care how shakey his relationship is, what you are doing is WRONG. If you continue to pursue this man it will only end in heartbreak and we will all have to re-name you SLAPPER instead of Foxx.


Ok end of rant.

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The Expat 19 yrs ago
To answer the original question - I would say " Thank you ... i really appreciate it"


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NemesisX 19 yrs ago
JC, pretty is as pretty does.


Indeed sigh.

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tia 19 yrs ago
In love with a taken man is just a lose-lose situation. Run, do not walk, away and find someone single.


As for the reaction, well, if you feel it back, say so. If not, try not to make a big deal out of them saying it.

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Vulvic 19 yrs ago
JC - it's all soooooooo predictable! You just want to grab her by the shoulders and give her marbles a good shaking!


Nemesis - classic phrase and frighteningly true!


Miss P - if we knew where they came from, we'd have sent in troops to round em up and re-educate em. Or at least I would, lol!

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The Expat 19 yrs ago
You got mine Foxx.. (Male number 1) Guys any secondings?

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Vulvic 19 yrs ago
Along with the word 'slapper'.

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The Expat 19 yrs ago
I just loooove being a man lol

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logung 19 yrs ago
yep, seems to be easier :-)

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wildorchid 19 yrs ago
Sadly that people tend to take serious advice as critics and negatively react to that.

But the thing is that if you really listen to what those advice suggest, you can learn a lot from them.

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Vulvic 19 yrs ago
Not true, hormones are good. They make things interesting, from what I remember.



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The Expat 19 yrs ago
Ok ok here's the thing...


i faced somethin similar to that... my gf's friends... was flirting with me for long with negative response from my side... and at the end.. she told me "Listen.. i know it may sound weird.. but i like you" And she knows that i am pretty in love with my gf... I was like " Oh thank you, I really appreciate it" She got the message... and was like " I am sorry i shoudnt have said that" And honestly she shoudnt have said that.. i consider it weakness... we all have to control our emotions.... it's selfishness from her side to tell me such a thing... If i were the type of guy who can use this... i would have done as what Sizzel says... but naah... come on... you girls can sense it if we flirt back or not... if we're flirtin back... then defintely " I love you " will be the right thing...Forgetting the fact that my gf was HER friend, I would say such a thing would damn turn me off.. and phase out as shizzel says... (... to be continued)

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Vulvic 19 yrs ago
Fair enough, but you don't advertise on a forum and not expect people to react.


Anyhoo, she's just admitted that she has slept with him. I stick by my earlier comment of 'slapper'.

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wildorchid 19 yrs ago
So now we are provided with more details about Foxx's relationship with the taken guy!


Foxx, whe did you sleep with him? when you both are already in relationship with your partners?

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The Expat 19 yrs ago
*Quote*


"well anyway, we already slept a few times and we both know we had a great time together, he does not need to pursue me to bed. "


*Unquote*



From this, if you truly have feelings for him ... i can tell he is a selfish guy looking for sex with another woman to please himself... and then dump you.. sorry to say that but don't think this guy is for you...

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flabbergasted 19 yrs ago
I think "Thank you" sounds like the end of a polite letter - you know, correspondance that does not need an answer. You know an email that says "do not reply to this"....also morality - yeah thank you Bear. I have been attarcted to people's boyfriends in the past, but I have taken every care to not be in any situation which could be misinterpreted by any one of us. EVER. My ex who was involved with someone I knew had to wait 3 years before he eventually could even take me out for dinner. Then it took a year and a half of calling me, mailing me and asking me out....before I agreed. And I liked the guy. He was a smart guy in all of this as well, why....because he never smothered me with calls or mails, but was subtle.....


Thank you to me means - no thanks and good bye....

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Vulvic 19 yrs ago
And she is stupid enough to let him.


.....and the world keeps turning.........(sigh)

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NemesisX 19 yrs ago
Foxx, wakey wakey. He slept with you a few times and when you tell him you love him, he says "why a good looking girl like you love a guy like me?" Enough said.


This guy is not going to trade in the old cow for the new cow, me thinks.


I feel so sorry for the girlfriend.


Shizz, was definitely not taking your name in vain. *curtsying* Was just talking to my sizzle JC.

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wildorchid 19 yrs ago
>JC: you're right, she's single. I thought I read in her posts that she was also attached.


She was in complicity with the guy to cheat on his girlfriend, she would not have any problems then to be cheated by him one day!

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NemesisX 19 yrs ago
well, as the bear said look up the word 'morality' and while you are at it check 'scruple' and 'self-centred' too.


PS two wrongs don't make a right

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NemesisX 19 yrs ago
Massive headache over here, and I didn't drink last night.

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Vulvic 19 yrs ago
Well I guess losers attract losers.


nuff said.

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Vulvic 19 yrs ago
Read the above, lol!

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Vulvic 19 yrs ago
We're you there last night shizzel? Am confused.

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Vulvic 19 yrs ago
What does it mean when he says 'I don't love you, I only slept with you because I was pissed'?


Shizzel - dammit, I thought we weren't going to talk about that in public.

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NemesisX 19 yrs ago
* My boyfriend has cheated on me, so I am right to cheat too, or not?


* Who cares about the partner being cheated on?


* Relationships are soooo last season. Cheating is the new trend.

(Whoops, we already had a stylish gal thread on the wimmens.)






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The Expat 19 yrs ago
Hell nooo!!

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Vulvic 19 yrs ago
Shizzel - perhaps she suffers from a rare form of amnesia which is triggered by really bad sex.


Just a guess.

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wildorchid 19 yrs ago
VV & Shizzel, there was a thread of around 1 month ago about something similar (I went on a date with someone from AX):))

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Vulvic 19 yrs ago
Love is blind dear Shizz, until the hangover hits and you realize that Brad Pitt next to you is, in fact, Bernard Manning.

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NemesisX 19 yrs ago
Vulvic, Bernard Manning!!! Haha! Gross, but then again he might make you laugh. And a man who makes you laugh is a thing to be cherished.

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flabbergasted 19 yrs ago
Vulvic, bad sex does not trigger amnesia, buttriggers some people into taking up athletics, ie, they get their running shoes on and sprint really fast out of there, but remember it enough to never put up with it again.


Loved that thread of I went out on a date with someone from AX....it was great....


Vulvic, had to look up Bernard Manning and for anyone else that is interested Read More

But don't blame me if you get a shock...I am not responsible...

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NemesisX 19 yrs ago
Pretty is as pretty does ...

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balzac 19 yrs ago
to put it simply, just because he took a few free samples, it doesn't mean he wants it as his main course.


He took you for a ride, Foxx.



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wildorchid 19 yrs ago
Take it easy, foxx. Nobody knows you on the net, so don't feel offended, pick up the relevant to your situation advice and move on!

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wildorchid 19 yrs ago
Let's call it a thread here, or?


I think others appreciate our comments more.

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rats 19 yrs ago
Foxx, the guys (if they are male) gave you the answers... when someone says 'I love you', they think it's a great chance to have a 'free ride'or 'free lunch' :P and they 'feel sorry for the silly girls who take them seriously' ...... lol


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wildorchid 19 yrs ago
You're right, JC.



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NemesisX 19 yrs ago
Foxx, if you think this guy is head over heels, truly madly deeply in love with you and will dump his current love for you because you are the best thing that ever happened to him, it's your right. We've only told you what WE think of the situation.

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NemesisX 19 yrs ago
Oh, I'm so sorry, just pass the tea and sympathy?

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balzac 19 yrs ago
Men do not equate bonking with love. Most men would feel pressured or indignant if asked to buy something that they have been getting free before.


Sorry for the bluntness, but it's better if we tell the truth sometimes than to say nice things to make you feel better. But that doesn't solve anything.

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flabbergasted 19 yrs ago
Anyone would feel indignant to pay for what they were getting for free before...

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balzac 19 yrs ago
Get well soon!


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logung 19 yrs ago
Foxx, just followed the whole chat. Was pretty frank for you. Get well soon and make up your mind about your current situation.

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The Expat 19 yrs ago
So loong Foxx:)

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balzac 19 yrs ago
I didn't really understand that last rant about handles.

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lulu 19 yrs ago
well balzac> the handle things mean everybody got "an image" on their own handles. Like me, lulu is "looser always complain that nodody loves and desperate at the same time" , whether i started a thread, they will lecture me of their "right ways"!


That is why i dont post much anymore. hahaha...


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flabbergasted 19 yrs ago
so lulu - tell me then why I am flabbergasted?

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lulu 19 yrs ago
sorry, not too sure. i did not read much these days, let the regulars tell you...oh may be not, they might be on holiday!

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Kristin49998 19 yrs ago
If we're talkin' handles, someone explain mine :)


Foxx-- let's step away from the guy for a second and just look at YOUR future.


If this gentleman were to dump his current gf and become yours, HE would NEVER trust YOU.


WHY? Because You went after HIM whilst he was attached. That means that you do not hold relationships sacred and will continue to look-- and look at everyone-- regardless of their attachments.


The illogical conclusion, to your mate, is that if you will look at attached men, you will look at men when you are attached.


It's not the largest logic leap in the universe.

But it may be the biggest relationship death trap.

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Kristin49998 19 yrs ago
Foxx--where are you girl??

[I'm not talking geography here, but it's about time you commented again!]


Bear-- oh how I wish.

I was a user of THAT's Beijing when it was, ah, assimilated [resistance IS futile] by AX and my user name was transported over here.

Speaking of sci-fi, know any Daleks [to escape them, just use the stairs...]?

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balzac 19 yrs ago
Lulu if I were in HK, I'd buy you a drink.


Anyway, Foxx and all, we know that everyone posts questions on the internet but in the end hardly anyone makes a decision based on the advice they read anyway.In many threads you could already read the 'intent' of the poster before they had posted their questions. The ball was already rolling before the thread was out. Is a bunch of words from people 'hiding' behind handles going to count?


am I making sense here? If I'm not sorry- hangover from last night.



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NemesisX 19 yrs ago
Balzac, even with a hangover you make more sense than some here! ;0)


Yes, it seems that some people only start threads just to whine or to find confirmation or validation for their actions. Sometimes it's very disappointing for them when most of the other posters do not concur with them or tell them the truth they already know deep down. That's when things go ugly. Shame. There's nothing wrong with keeping an open mind. Yes, we all have our opinions, and believe me I am very much pro individualism. Nevertheless, if everyone else has more or less the same opinion about what you've done, you might want to reconsider your point of view. Also, when you post on a public forum it's not unlikely that people will voice their opinion and it might not be the thing you would want to hear but then again you did ask for it. If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen.


Btw, no I'm not hiding behind a handle, in real life I am most people's nemesis too, haha. With a vengeance.


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NemesisX 19 yrs ago
Foxx, speaking for myself, I have NOT been telling you what you should do. I did that on the other thread you started, but you explicitly asked for it there. You know, the how to turn down someone nicely thread. BTW, I hope it's not the same guy.


I'm digressing. I've only told you what I think of your situation. Like you said yourself, it's a 'pure opinion' thread. Take it or leave it.


I firmly believe that most people here have offered their advice or expressed their opinion with sincere intentions. I personally cannot think of other intentions. In the present case it did turn out to be an exercise in trying to steer away the Titanic from the iceberg, but hey that's all in the game.


BTW, if you already know that you are going to get the so-called same old lectures (which you've been giving too yourself!) why bother posting?!!! You've been here long enough to know. Like you said yourself, you've been giving the same lectures too.


If expressing my opinion means that I am desperate to educate people, so be it. Luckily freedom of expression is still a basic human right.


The fact that people share an opinion doesn't mean they gang up against you. Get over that idea please.


I also don't think that newbies get treated differently, we've all been newbies once. I think it's just that some of us don't suffer fools gladly and have a hard time refraining from such comments. That, however, has nothing to do with people being a newbie or a regular. (I've always thought I could suffer fools gladly but I'm starting to doubt that now.)


Indeed, no need to change handle, a few posters here know what biting the dust means. ;0)


PS jimmylee, if condemning cheating and stealing other people's partner makes me a prude, I am glad to be a prude.

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balzac 19 yrs ago
There is no such thing as a wrong reply. As to the 'chatting' It happens in many other threads too, so don't be too sensitive about it.


It's good to say nice things most times. I have friends that tell me nice things all the time.


While it is nice to be stroked like a cat, sometimes, I need them to tell it straight to my face- no trimmings or sugar on the side. In fact people who have made an impact on my life are people who are not afraid to offend me to correct me.


If you can't see it or accept it, it is definitely no loss to them.

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Vulvic 19 yrs ago
If you don't like to hear the opinions of others, why ask for them Foxx??


Frankly speaking, there seem to be some rather 'fragile' people on this forum. One wonders how they manage to function in the real world.

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freshjive 19 yrs ago
I have just been through something similar to that of Foxx's though I did not sleep with that guy. I pulled out from the entangle because I figured out myself what Vulvic, Shizzel, JC had been trying to say. So Foxx, they are valuable advice and I wished I had come across this forum earlier for I would not have to go through it myself and figure it out myself. Sometimes when you are in it, you just lose your act. It is always good and lucky that there is someone, in this case, so many people, knocking sense into you. And for your information, I am new to this forum and I dont find people here territorial. These are real advices. You may not wish to accept it now. When you are out of your situation and read through this thread again, you would realise what they said are indeed valuable.

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BumpyDog 19 yrs ago
Foxx, I agree you shouldn't trust this guy as you know first-hand what he's capable of, but do you really think he would trust or respect you in the highly unlikely event that he leaves his girlfriend for you? You may be single but you've still slept with an attached man more than once and unfaithful women are usually judged much more harshly than cheating men. Unfair maybe but the way of the world. If you don't want to be called a slapper or treated like a slapper, don't act like one. Simple.



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freshjive 19 yrs ago
Fresh Jive is new here.

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NemesisX 19 yrs ago
Welcome Fresh Jive! I love Freshjive rucksacks btw.

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freshjive 19 yrs ago
Thank you very much for your welcome. I love jazz though I cant imagine myself in a band. I cant play any instrument. But now you know, I like jazz and older men...ka ka ka...

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snuffles 19 yrs ago
*sigh*


Oh Bear, you're such a doll. Got any single male friends of your calibre in HK?

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evohe 19 yrs ago
Foxx :


When a guy, or a woman hears :"I love you", the reaction is similar :

If you love that person, you are happy and reply "I love you" or you show it.

If not, well either you run away, or you abuse the person's trust. Depends on your morals.


What I meant by showing, is big evidences, not just your imagination.


Just a short word, because I understand you are fed up to hear the same lines, which are said quite harshly.

1 - Get out of here, for your own good, and take a nice break : travel, basically wash your mind of it. I don't think I need to tell you why.


2 - As a basic rule, could you not encourage cheating. Rule of thumbs : if you stick to certain principles, you hang around with people who stick with the same principles, which is good in the end. The ones who don't go away for your own good.


It is hard to control ones' feeling or desires. Wish you to have the strenght to do so.

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Nat27 19 yrs ago
Foxx, u know, i guess whatever reaction guy might have doesnt matter, but in your case guy is not really intrested.... but hey who knows... u might get him anyway...


But u know, i just dont understand girls like u.. guy has a gf... he might be happy or might ..., but thats not an excuse to go and sleep with him..... as i understand if guy tells u he has a gf, it means he is not sure about u as well... if he wanted to break up with her he would do that long time ago for ya... i just hate when girls are going after guys who are in realtionship... and as i can see there u r after him, and he is playing u.but what i hate about it is that u might really make him leave his gf for ya.... how can u be happy after all when u know that u broke up relationship, and broke someones heart.. can u at least imagine that gfs feelings if she found out about u two? or even if he leaves her for u.... that kind of relationship always ends up with one or even more heartaches.....


I had bf for 4 years, almost two years LDR, we broke up a few months ago, he was dating someone there, he told her first day that he had gf, well, anyway its a long story, when i found out we broke up but it hurt me so much, its been a while almost 6 month but i have to go trough the same pain every day, love him? no not even a little bit...when i saw them two together that was it, but it hurts really bad.. and leaves really big scar ... im just not sure was it worth it? Why cant u just walk away, leave them alone, or if u want him so much and if he feels the same way, ask him to leave her first and then come and start something with u... no need to waist time... u just make it easy for him , he can have u both.... i dont know, its just me... and its better if ill just stop here, coz i might say things that regret later....


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lulu 19 yrs ago
nat27> i can see all the saddness and bitterness you are having. well i got a boyfriend for 10 years, we even planned to get married. then he got an affair with another girl, he doesnt want me to know about. But I asked him and he admits that. I walked away from that minute. I did not go back. I never feel that bad as i think somehow i believe in fate. 6 years now, i still have not met anyone that is better than him, but so what? Life goes on, may be i am alone but i did experience something in life for the last 6 years. Thou i might be sad, i never blame on leaving him. Somehow when you love a person, you do not really need to have him right?

Do not hate a person, it is very difficult and sad to do that. Set him free, sometime have someone could be such a pressure.


Foxx> sorry i got no comment on your case, cos i think all the good guys are either married or attached!hahaahaha


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Nat27 19 yrs ago
Lulu, u r right there, and i dont really feel bad that i broke up with him, i guess thats what he wanted anyway and i do know things like this happen and in our case we lived apart for two years, he had relationship with her almost a year... it was more than just bf gf relationship, he was studying and i was helping him out a lot im working in beijing and i never got sorry or even thank you after all... the only thing he said was, that he couldnt tell me before...

anyway i guess we all have right to choose the way we want to live our lifes...

i was just fine but last nite my gf stayed at my place, she broke up with her bf, and its the same storry , almost like mine.... didnt sleep till 4 am, coz she was feeling really bad.... and somehow all this feelings came over again, i guess i wasnt really ready for this now... all these bad memories... girl still loves him anyway and she is not sure what to do... cant really give her a good advise... but its weired these days it happens so often that makes me feel sad...

I dont hate my ex, and maybe it could make me feel better if i did, i dont know... but cant have nice memories about those years, he was my first love and thats what hurts.. i was always hopping that if we were not meant to be together i would always remember him nice... i guess it takes some time...



Well, anyway Foxx good luck but still, there are so many other nice guys around.. well,i hope there are.... lol


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