Posted by
thepanther
18 yrs ago
Accidentally I got involved with a married man. Neither of us want to hurt each other or disturb each other's life, but we enjoyed the company too much. Now his wife finally found out and we agreed to break up. But it is great pain and I feel so lonely after that. And recently we start to talk again. I know this was a mistake from the beginning, and the best thing to do is to cut off totally. I just don't have the strength to do it. So we tore between and I am so upset everyday. What can I do? This must be the punishment to me.
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mhtc
18 yrs ago
Simply put...what you did is wrong... to get involved with a married man???? Are there no eligible bachelors out there that you need to get yourself involved with one that is married? You didn't "accidently" just got involved with him you probably were well aware of the situation. I love how woman like you make all these excuses to make you feel better. Bottom line is your a home wrecker. He of course is just as much to blame, but you allow him to act that way when you opened your legs to him.
I am guessing if his wife didn't find out you'd still be with one another? For me that's just scandalous, I am sorry but you are living in your own little la la land for sure... he will not leave his wife and will probably try to continue the relationship with you. Once he has his hand in the cookie jar already why should he leave his wife if your willing to be the other woman... One other thing to think about, if he can do this to his wife whom he loves... he'll be able to do it to you as well just as long as he can find more of the likes of you... I am sorry to be cruel but sometimes it's the only way to have you realize what you are doing is wrong. I know many people that do what you do and to be honest the only way that you will win is to take your losses, don't contact or have relations with him again, that is if you are strong enough other wise you'll just lose in the long run trust me.
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I know, I want to break, and the fact is I tried a lot of times but failed every time. I simply don't know how to cut off totally. Where can I get that strength to do it?
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Are u from Shanghai? Ya I think better stop orelse very complicated and messy.You will be the loser unless the man is legally divorced.Cos i love a gal in shanghai and I have hurt her after my wife came to know.Now i lose both as my wife going divorce with me.
sad
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How long was the break? Some people need longer time to break off a relationship, to totally get over. It's a phase. Often times, people start contacting before the phase is over and they end up being together again. Seems to me the break simply wasn't long enough or you didn't try hard to distract yourself during the break, i.e. keeping yourself busy, meeting new guys.
If his wife found out already, chances are she'll find out again. And you'll be heartbroken again when he chooses to go back to his wife. You seem to have no control in this situation and it's time to get a grip now, by calling it quits, cutting him off, deleting his phone number, throwing away his stuff, etc.
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cut clear and never contact with this guy ever again. No matter how much you love him or he the best friend you can never find. He's not a friend you can afford. If he turly love you he will never wanted to see you in pain. the fact is. you and his wife are both in pain and he just a greedy person who wants everything.
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I agree with what wonderfulday said. He wants to have a cake and eat it at the same time. This relationship is not bringing any joy to me anymore, and it is wrong from every possible way. I will try to concentrate on my job more and go out meeting new guys.
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mhtc
18 yrs ago
useexpat16 you must be a man... even better a man that has prob cheated on his wife. Actually I am in my mid 20s Asian american living in HK. I think my response was quite straight to the point I mean I could of been worse.
I still believe single women who get invovled knowingly with a married man is nothing but scandalous, but let's put those comments aside.
Of course there are temptations everywhere and even more so in Asia, women like "panther" make it easy for men to cheat on their wives b/c of the fact that the know prior to being involved that they are married.
My suggestion to panther since she asked, otherwise she wouldn't have posted it on this thread was to forget about him. I believe that he's not going to leave his wife as most men who cheat don't. It is up to her to decide for herself whether or not she wants to still pursue the relationship...
Since being out here in Asia, I've noticed that many women are willing to be with married men... I just don't get it. The outcome for the most part does not favor the "other" woman.I see it all the time.
By the way what the hell does being in Iran or Cambodai changes things or how does that make sense in this context? Panther is asking for advice and I am giving it to her... that's all, just like the rest who have responded.
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mhtc
18 yrs ago
Panther, like I've said to my friends that have been in your situation. Forget about it... I would not put too many high hopes in it at all. Start going out with your friends have fun... you deserve much better than that and until you realize that you're not going to get over this.
My comment before how he's had his hand in the cookie jar and all it's true and I agree with the other comments people have given to you. Put it this way what if you were put in the position of your man cheating on you. It's not a good feeling. Leave him and don't look back...you deserve better.
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Panther, If by saying you accidently got involved with a married man you really mean that you did not set out to target a married man then that I can believe But no matter what your intentions the fact remains that at some point you knew he was married and choose to get involved anyway. He made it perfectly clear where his priorities were by his actions after his wife found out. He clearly demonstated that he had no intentions of leaving his wife. If you choose now to rekindle your relationship with this man then you setting yourself up for more pain. Don't you deserve someone better? Someone who is free to make commitments to you. usexpat16 stated that you don't owe anything to the wife and he/she was right, you don't. But just for a minute think about how you would feel if you were this wife and you found out that the person who had promised to love, honor and cherish you had betrayed you like this. Don't do to others what you wouldn't want done to you.
useexpat16, you sound like either a man or someone's mistress who is trying to justify thier actions. It is very easy to cast the blame on others. As someone who has been on all sides of this equation I feel that I can say without reservation that the truly guilty party here is the married person who dishonors thier wedding vows.
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Some people say the best way to get over a person is to find a new one. I am not sure if this is true since I just got hurt by someone and it may not be a good time to enter a new relationship. But I do feel lonely constantly, and I believe this is the main reason for me to go back to this a**hole again and again. So what do you think, my friends? Will it be a good idea to get close to some other boys to get over this relationship?
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Put yourself in his wife's shoes and you'll understand and you'll know what to do. And when I say,put yourself in her shoes, I really mean it. Imagine you being the wife or imagine that happening to you...How would you feel.
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Of course she has no obligations to his wife. But she is f*cking the wife's husband... How would you feel towards the other woman if your husband f*cks around with another woman. That's what I'm trying to put across. Remember, what goes around, comes around. If thepanther feels nothing wrong taking a wife's husband, that's fine then. Because if one day, the same thing happens to her, how would she feel then.
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btw, some of us asians, believe in what goes around, comes around, it's karma to us.
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to each their own....wonder if it is fortunately or unfortunately that you're an educated asian....hmmm...wonder..wonder..or an asian that is promiscuous with no moral values.
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to usexpat16. I am posting my problem here for advice and help, not for more upset and insulting. I may have a lot of problem, but insulting won't help me.
And I don't want to put myself to his wife, we are totally different people, I have my own problem and need to solve my problem, not hers.
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usexpat, are you an angry young 20 something man? Well, say what you want...I believe in freedom of speech as well...or rather the freedom of displaying one's stupidity. And well, everyone has choices and consequences. And so be it.
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usexpat16 are u really that mean?
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usexpat16 you should start another thread instead of highjacking this one...we can all talk about your issues...
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usexpat16 you should start another thread instead of highjacking this one...we can all talk about your issues...
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usexpat16 is too mean, but he is right on one point. why are we ladies immediately blaming thepanther for the affair? many years ago i lived this situation, and i was the wife. my husband was having an affair with a colleague at work. after we split up, their relationship only lasted another 1 year.
what i learned from that difficult time is that my marriage to my husband was broken before the other woman came into our lives. forcing fidelity and commitment with a marriage certificate is not a real solution in these times. i have since remarried, and am in a better relationship.
thepanther, i do not know if this other person is worth your trouble. but i do not judge you for your role in his marriage. only he can decide that for himself. god be with you in your decision.
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Navv
18 yrs ago
Try to be strong and let go of the past memories, time will heal your broken heart. Seek new friendships hopefully you will find someone unoccupied and better than before. All the best and God bless.
P.S. Don't worry about the negative comments coming in your thread just pay heed to the ones which seem real :)
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the panther, we noth same situation but mine is worst because i am merried too and involve to a merried man.... i am seeking advise but it seems all the blame just for me, your right its not easy to leave a man you love, a man that gives you love, and feel more safe if your in his arms, dont worry just keep on dreaming..... remember theres no need to pay tax of having a fantasy everyday..... thats all we need to do, be ourselve...
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maya
18 yrs ago
well, most of the westner men pull you towards them until the worst time. I think Panther should just leave him and find another one better cuz if he is deceiving his wife then one day he will deceive you. there is no garantee of Men in Sin world!
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I think I should cut off this relationship. He kept saying he still loves his wife and will NOT leave her. There is no point for me to wait anymore. I think I deserve someone better.
It will take sometime, maybe a long time. But by doing this I hope to mix more with my own community. And I believe this is the right and healthy way I should take.
I start from now, and I will see how far I can go. Thanks for all your information and advice. Good luck to me!
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mhtc
18 yrs ago
WOW after all this time I thought that he was stringing you along making you think that there's a chance for the two of you...
He made it clear that he still loves his wife and won't leave her! What the hell is the dilemha here? Is he really worth fighting for, especially knowing that he won't leave his wife?
Yes you should cut off the relationship and there is NO POINT in you waiting at all. I really hope that you learn from this... it would be a shame to be put in the same position all over again. Well good luck to you...
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usexpat16: you don't need to be so mean. I might be weak-willed and low self-esteem, but I believe someone like you who has never known me is not in the position to say my "only value". BTW, I will use a new account for a new thread in 3 months!
Aijin: thanks for your supporting words. I hope I will have the strong will to finish it totally. It wastes too much of my time. And I will NEVER want it again.
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thepanther,
Guilt is enough punishment.
I just hope that lessons have been learned from this experience and you won't go the same path again. Best of luck in finding your own Mr. Right
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