Posted by
cgirl
15 yrs ago
Dear guys, would you date a woman who is unemployed? I see some personal ads who are looking for women employed only. Why? In this financial crisis, a lot of people are jobless. Maybe they have enough money to spend or maybe it's not their fault there aren't enough jobs out there? Pls share your honest opinion.
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My honest opinion.
I wouldn't. Not in China. Too many bad girls have spoiled it for the rest.
Trust issue about thier motives for wanting to date.
I know there are genuine cases, but I wouldn't want to take the risk.
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Apart from the financial issue, an interesting fact I noticed is that umeployed women are often very clingy, if not, in worse case dominating/controlling. They are paranoid and insecure and their worlds revolve around the guy, and thus there is really no pleasing them, which creates all sorts of various issues for him. Pretty much true in most, if not every single case. I guess the same goes if a woman has a better job than the man, but with the genders reversed.
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I find putting "employed" as a pre-requisite when looking for a date is absurd. Dont forget in Hong Kong there are quite a number of career women who have achieved a lot financially and career wise. They realise life is much more than just going to work, so they are either retired early or taking a career break to enjoy life. They are independent, smart, sophysticated, fun and matured enough not to be clingy because they have a life of their own to enjoy. You don't know what you are missing if you exclude them from your choice...Be open, and be adventurous. After all, it's all about personality and chemistry. Will you stop loving/going out with someone just because he/she is unemployed?? Come on...
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C.Y.
15 yrs ago
I think the guy who post that ad is assuming umemployed women are lazy and going to spend his money...
bad assumption, or bad experience...
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Hey guys..
completely agree with aulinpike..its ridiculous to automatically assume that if a woman is unemployed she is after your money!! You need to have the maturity to judge on an individual basis..
For instance in my case I had a fantastic, highly paid career for 18 years & I gave up my job bcoz I wanted to spend quality time with my kids, after my divorce and I am completely happy with my decision..
I am very good-looking, independant, non-clingy & dont need a man to take care of my finances coz I have more than enough to support myself and my kids!! And yet, when I first communicate with someone and I tell them I am taking a well needed break from work they automatically freak out thinking I am either a scammer or expecting them to look after me & my kids!!
So for the guys out there who have this mentality, I say use your brains and dont jump to conclusions..
Also I completely disagree with the statement that most if not every unemployed woman is clingy, dominating & controlling..infact it may well be the opposite!! Would you rather have a woman with a fantastic job earning more than you and making you dance to her tune?? Hah..guess not..that can happen whether or not a woman is employed or unemployed..
So its pretty much individual choice..Never stereo-type anything coz you never know what the reality is until you check it out..
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The Original Poster was asking guys their hones opinions on dating unempoyed women. I think it is safe to assume that the word 'guys' refers to men in this instance.
Some may think these opinions unfair.
But they are honest opinions, exactly what the OP asked for.
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Bravo Misoup..
my point exactly!! It really is very shallow & materialistic of a man to only want to date an employed woman..makes you wonder about his intentions doesnt it? Does he want her or her money??
also tigerbay..I am aware that cgirl has mentioned 'guys'..but that does not mean women are not allowed to voice out their opinion on this matter..
I completely agree with Misoup..Guys who only want to date rich girls are not worth dating anyways..
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I actually can see the reasoning behind it. We might have such ideals as ppl should not be judged by so and so, but in reality, relationships need similarities to work. If a guy has a high powered job whilst the woman is not working and they go to a work do, I would imagine the woman might feel out of place when they start talking about work stuffs.
Sometimes what might seem to be snobbery or materialism is just about being practical and realistic.
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Putting 'must be employed' may filter out a FEW good candidates, but it also filters out a LOT of bad ones. Especially where there a lot people looking to escape economic problems.
I can live with that balance of risk.
I have dated unemployed women before, would not recomend it.
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MJ1
15 yrs ago
I don't see what the problem is, obviously he is just managing expectations upfront. He doesn't want to (or is not in a financial position) to get involved with high maintenance women. Fair enough I say.
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I also see other criteria, stated by women.
Must not be bald
Must not be fat
Must be over 1.80m
Must be good looking
I see no problem with that. Unfair to short fat balding guys like me, but saves a lot of time going on dates that don't get off the ground.
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hahahah tigerbay, ur funny dude !! maybe you and I can form a short fat balding guys forum or group...and call it the "George Constanza group". hahah.You know, many women are into that.
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Mi Fu
15 yrs ago
Oh dear! Hongkong!
seems that the only purpose of their existence is to make money. Thinking of material matters even when looking for a date.
I could live everywhere in China, even places like Taiyuan or Nanchang, but never, never Hongkong.
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Just because a woman is unemployed does not mean she is without income.
I once met a lovely lady who was divorced from a super wealthy husband and was pulling in HKD 80K a month in alimony. The lady made it quite clear that if she were to remarry or co-habit she would lose at least half the maintenance and needed a guy who could compensate her for her economic loss. As I was paying alimony and child support myself at the time it was not something I was prepared or able to do.
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I guess it depends on the situation, but if I was a guy I wouldn't date an unemployed woman. I dated a guy once who was unemployed and he was so clingy it was really annoying (money wasn't a problem), then he got a job again as a trader and it was like I was dating a completly different guy, too busy working to ever have fun. Total waste of time.
Basically it is a really strange time to start dating someone... assuming they are looking for a job there is a lot of stress and uncertainty, and well if they aren't then seriously why would you go there.
I think it's fair enough for a guy to write that in a personal, and compared to some of the 'requirements' ladies put up in their adds that is very PC. My personal favorite was a lady who even included that men who replied must be circumcised among many other things. Brilliant stuff.
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There is a little naivety in some of these postings. Firstly, Hong Kong is full of gold diggers. Poverty drives many, greed drives some. Secondly, do these fat old ex pats think these young girls are all over them for their charm and witty conversation ? Do the women on this forum think that too ? More like "compensated dating" if you ask me.
Incidentally, I heard of a guy whose first date would only go on a second date if he showed her his bank statement, and another guy who paid for his girlfriend's flight to visit her parents then found out she had emptied his bank accounts and didn't come back.
Whilst advertising for "employed people only" might weed out some undesirables, a hooker would actually fit the description :-)
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Ha ha..so true RealMadRidd..and the funny part is that some of these 'fat, bald, ugly, old ex-pats would happily splurge on hookers but make such a hoo-hah about going on a date with an unemployed woman!! And to think of it like you said a hooker would be consider gainfully 'employed' right?
Anyways..I think where casual dating is concerned its really upto a guy if he wants to go out with a woman who is unemployed but when its a matter of long term relationship or marriage I feel its justified if a guy would think twice..If its a matter of a temporary break from work, lost job etc. its one thing but if this person has no intention of earning & expects a man to shoulder the bills that should sound alarm bells!!
After all its very unfair for a man or a woman to have to take on full responsibility of the finances if his/her partner has no source of income unless he willingly wants to..especially true in a place like HKG...
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Hey!
I am a fat bald old expat.
I'm not interested in hookers.
Why go out looking for margarine when I have butter at home in the fridge.
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i can see that this led to some interesting discussion here. just step sideway a bit (since RealMadRidd mentioned about gold diggers) - am i correct to say that most expats in hk consider themselves as "gold mines"? they must do, or they won't think in that way. this is funny - having a job in hk does not make them
"gold mines", it's just a job, which may pay them relatively a high salary, but that's a long way from being a "goldmine". i just cant stand that sort of attitude.
having said that, i also feel sorry for them that they have encountered such bad experiences with gold diggers. where do they meet them? in lkf/wanchai? in my circle of friends, we respect each other and have our own fair share in a r'ship.
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You are not correct to say that most expats see themselves as goldmines.
But there some (not many) who want to fleece us.
There are those who are from poor or peasant backgounds and who see expats as a good catch.
40% of the mainland population are classed as peasants (income less than US$240 per year). So by camparison to what they have had before (or could expaect from a home town boy, expats are seen as worth pursuing.
You will often find these women (sometimes middle-aged)hanging around the hotels in the mainland, looking for a boyfriend. I assume HK is no different. These women are not prostitutes, but often local women view them as being no better.
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Thats a horrible general comments between Mainland and HK.
To tigerbay
40% of the mainland population are classed as peasants so do you know the population of HK that is PEASANTS??
Education for HK is so different from that in China? all youngster are guaranteed of 9 years Free education to at least Form 3 of secondary school. Is there any guranteed education in China? Do you know the percentage of children that have dropped out of school. I gave you some figures here:
In China,
1. About 87 million, with one out of every 15, are illiterate. In rural villages, over 50% of children drop out of school mainly due to poverty.
2. 23.65 million living in rural areas subsist on an average income of less than RMB2 per capita per day.
In HK,
1. on an average income of HKD566 per capita per day. (taken into account of the difference of the living cost between China and HK, HK is a wealhty place still)
2. 9 years compulsory/guaranteed education for all youngster in HK. Yes. there is a very minor percentage of the kids that cannot finish the school up to Form 3 in secondary school due to personal abnormal reasons.
Please kindly amend your assumption. Though said that I know what you are saying, some mainlanders look for husband (to the money side) and I am not denying that. No doubt, every where, there must be some girls look for a rich husband to pay their bills. I can say, the percentage of HK girls is less than you think.
Please see below the round up figures
1. 46000 caucasian in HK
2. 3700000 female in HK
3. Age from 20-39 (this is a competive age range for being a gold digger): 1700000
If I exergerate the situation by assuming all caucasians in Hk, they have a local chinese (gold digger) as girlfrd/mistress. the percentage is about 2.7%
So when you all expat (both female) thinking the local is easy, gold digging and stealing the caucasian men away, please re-think the comment again.
There will have some girls looking for money but this is not the majority.
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Little Kitten, perhaps you could explain why every other personals advert for woman looking for men states ' must be financially stable' and on men looking for woman does not. I somehow doubt they are flooded with responses from people who are homeless. Financially stable obviously means well off.
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Man role vs woman role...is a much more complicated issue and about human's idealogy. Long history and its greatly depends on the culture, biological side.
OK. there are on and off 2xx Ad for Women wanting Men.
1. Is all the Ad from local chinese?
2. Is all the Ad with requirement "financially stable"?
3. Ok. even if all the Ad a) from Chinese and b) required financially stable, 2xx represent the whole hong kong female population?
I dun judge their motive but there many reason behind
1. financially stable women do not want to pay the bills for their partner, they can contribute to the family.
2. financially stable women want a men with self confidence (you can ask the men, career and finance status are part of their source of confidence)
3. ya. its true. some women wants an easy life (I never deny that while i doubt the percentage of the local women who have the intentions)
4. during woman pregnancy, they may need to off for a period of time. Who wants to work till the day before she give bith to her child? while women take the role (given by God to have baby), it would be good to have the partner taking care of the family expenses for a while...is that too demanding?
5. want a man who is financially stable, does it mean that the woman quiting their job waiting for food.
6. Can you tell me, Birtish woman, American women, other western women, they dont want their partner to be financially stable? is it just the local girls' want?
Cheers
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Littlekitten
Do you know how many mainland Chinese women there are in HK, Singa, etc.?
And are you telling me that there are no urban poor in HK?
Lots. I have read complaints on websites, including this one, about the new incoming Chinese. It is the local women who are complaining.
Nobody is saying that all HK women are gold diggers. But if you think there are no gold diggers then you are fooling nobody but yourself.
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No doubt, every where, there must be some girls look for a rich husband to pay their bills.
please do not overlook my statements. I agreed with you some of the HK girls are gold digger.
No. there is some urban poor in HK. you are right.
Incoming chinese - not grow up, educated in HK...culture and mindset is different. I dont consider them as local HK. And you are right, the incoming chinese, leaving their home province to HK, some of them is looking for money.
if you look back to my comments, i did not rule out all the possibilities. Just a gentle reminder, when using the words "most" "many""often", re-think that again.
thanks and i do agreed some of your points.
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littlekitten, i hear what you say and i am with you :-)
the reason i brought out the point of gold digger, hence goldmines, is that someone said in his posting>> the exact word: Hong Kong is "full of" gold diggers. that's so wrong, and what littlekitten has been trying to do is demonstrating to those so called "gold mines" that most of HK girls are not gold diggers. i used to date an expat in hk who earned much less than i did. one good thing about western guys is that they don't mind if their partners making more $$ than they do. (most chinese guys mind that.)
coming back to the point, guys, there are lots of decent hk girls out there who are genuine, sincere and financially stable (or comfortably-off). open your eyes, they are everywhere but lkf/wanchai :-)
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Aulin
There are no 'so called' goldmines. The terminology does not work.
The 'gold diggers' would not see themselves as such, and so the term 'gold mine' does not fit in thier world view.
And going back to your original barbed remark, expats do not see themselves as 'gold mines' either.
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guys, if u think unemployed women are not good human beings and heartless, then don't bother dating them even if they are attractive, sexy, funny and with a real good personality. if u think employed women make a better girlfriend material u have to think again. i think being employed is only bonus points for guys. it does not really sums up the whole dating process.
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qbbabe
I think you are missing the point here. It is not about being fair, or PC.
With 10s of thousands of people on a website you have to start filtering. Some good people are always missed.
Any bonus points help potential matches.
Like it or not it is a selection process.
Person A selects a number of candidates, on many criteria. The biggest factor probably being the profile photo. Many people spend most of the time looking at profiles with a photo, and perhaps not even bothering with those witiohout photos.
Person A may then send a message, to several candidates.
Any or all of these candidates can reject Person A at this stage. Becuase they do not meet the criteria.
These criteria are arbitary.
Age, race, sexual preference (some people only want a bi-partner), height, weight, hair color, wears/not wears spectacles, bald, facial hair, hobbies, taste in music, kids/no kids, no divorcees, no blacks, no expats, no Asians, no teachers (yes I have even seen this one 'wanted expat, must not be teacher), income level,
and employment status.
The same arbitary standards are often applied to non-computer dating as well.
It is not about being fair, arbitary has not concern about fairness.
Aribitory casts no aspertions about people 'not being good human beings and heartless'. It reflects little about the person making the arbitory choice to date or not date. It reflects little about the person chosen or rejected.
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Yes, I would date an unemployed woman.
Sadly, Hong Kong has more than a few women who could be described variously as greedy, lazy, gold-diggers, spoilt princesses, clingy, freeloaders, anally retentive, uptight with hang-ups, etc. These stereotypes exist, because many such people exist, and insisting that your date have a job reduces the chances of finding such a person.
The more interesting question is - what kind of hang-ups does the man have that he needs to specify no unemployed women ?
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To put it in an ad?
Maybe not hang-ups. Maybe just a bad experience(s).
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Its kind of weird such questions ever pop up .......... Really if you ask an asian lady, she will beat you up for sure ......... becuz in the Asian culture, most of the time, men foot the bill in whatever dating circumstances........ and the ladies expect it.
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