Was I right to leave this man?



ORIGINAL POST
Posted by darkchocolate 18 yrs ago
*** Edited and had the previous body text removed ***


After receving all your comments and support, I think I definitely made the right decision to have left the guy, my ex.


Now I'm cool and released, meeting up new people, ready for a new relationship. Good luck to me and you gals and boys, hope we will find our another half soon.

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COMMENTS
hklady06 18 yrs ago
Wow! He's like a bastard. Surprised that you could stay with him for all those years. Especially he could force you to let him f*ck you together with another gal. That really hurts! I will split up with my bf even he mentions 3some. Obviously this kind of guy only wants a caring gal to be with him when he wants, not in return. No future at all. Just a time waster!


Well done Gal, good to get out from an abyss.

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hklady06 18 yrs ago
Let me clarify. HE IS A BASTARD! Not like a bastard. Just a typo.

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wonderfulday 18 yrs ago
good for you. I don't think this guy loved u at all. he just used you. what a Ass....

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hai.jenny 18 yrs ago
Sometimes LOVE makes you blinded to self-abusing. Good for you to wake up.

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shaq 18 yrs ago
Great that you've been able to leave this terrible relationship.


Why the 'hell' did you stay in it that long? Low self-esteem? Damn, I bet you've a heart of gold.


From the way you treated him (like a king and letting him have his way in everything, including sex), he'll miss you and come back. You got to be strong NOT to get back with him. Otherwise, this time round, you'll be treated like a door-mat.


Boy, some men do know how to make us (men) feel/be BAD :-).


ShaQ

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Claire 18 yrs ago
He sounds a bit too self-centered for a mature, adult relationship - not a good mate for someone who is caring and giving.

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BigDon 18 yrs ago
In a healthy relationship, there probably should be a balance of some "give and take / compromise" on both sides, and there is bound to be various differences. But if only one side is doing most of the "giving" and the other side is doing most of the "taking", and/or if the other person is often asking things of you that is unreasonable and makes you feel uncomfortable, then it's obviously way out of balance and perhaps it’s time to rethink whether one should remain being in that particular relationship.


Of course there's two sides to every story (some people say 3 sides - one person's side, the other person's side, and somewhere in the middle is the "truth"). However, going by what you have told us, he seems very selfish, rude and immature... and in that case, I'd say you're so much better off without him.


Move on and in time hopefully you'll be able to find someone that with treats you with the respect, decency and attention that you deserve.

Best wishes.

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trix 18 yrs ago
I'm sorry to hear how your ex treated you. Moving on, you need to learn how to be more assertive in your next relationship. I'm shocked you put up with so much for so long. You should have had a talk with him whenever something wassn't right, or even told him off for bad behaviour, otherwise he'd assume it'd ok and continue behaving that way (which is probably what he did). You also need to tell yourself that you deserve more, and knowing when to cut your losses. Men respect women who respect themselves. Men also respect women are independent and take no b.s from them, not those who center their schedule and whole life around them and give them everything they could ever desire. Because you handed the power all over to him, it's no wonder he abused it. This might have been a painful episode but take it as a lesson and learn from it. You have much to give, but you have to learn how to demand as well.

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annebin 18 yrs ago
Amen to that, 13th Apostle.



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darkchocolate 18 yrs ago
Hi guys, thanks for your support!

I have amended my topic.


What I said is true, 100% fact. I do have self-esteem. I was just too soft-heart. Every time he apologized I forgave him. But after all these years, I said to myself - enough, no more tolerance and suffering! I got to be a strong gal, stopped being abused and hurt by a guy like him, doesn't worth a nice gal.


Everyone know me say I'm a nice gal with kind heart, asked me to leave this bastard. Just that love made me blinded and wasted time on him for all those years. Never too late when we know what is right to do.


Good luck to me guys.

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hk-bella 18 yrs ago
I think she is a nice girl. The problem is that guy is NOT the right guy. A guy likes that is NOT appropriate to have a long-term relationship, as he is not healthy spiritually and mentally.

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hk-bella 18 yrs ago
I hope the guy won't be able to catch any other nice gals and hurt them like he did to you.

You met him thru AsiaXpat?

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darkchocolate 18 yrs ago
>> HK-Bella

Yes we met at here the Personals section. So gals BE CAREFUL! Hope you will never hit into him.


You are welcome to send me email if you happened to meet a British guy 40yo thru Personals section here at Asiaxpat. (He may tell you he's in 30s.)

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darkchocolate 18 yrs ago
>> The 13th Apostle


I realized the problem, already erased the description of him.


So gals if you want to clarify if the British guy you newly met are that bastard, you can send me PM.

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SillyCat 18 yrs ago
Hi Darkchocolate,


Im glad you made a very right decision. Pls dont look backford, every horrible memory was over now. I believe God will give you a better guy :-)


take care


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darkchocolate 18 yrs ago
>> Chasing Dreams

I am sorry to hear that you had 10+ years similar experience with a man like that. To me, these 2.5 years are too long already, when I looked back now. So silly I was. Shouldn't be so weak and torture myself for a man like that.


You know what, when I was breaking up with him, he told me he actually doesn't need anyone. At that moment I was so regretful. I was just "anyone" to him. Why I would have spent all the time, thoughts, efforts and money in a relationship like that.

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lulu 18 yrs ago
You should feel happy that you finally gone out of sorrow and find a new life! There are just so many tossers around, especially in Hong kong, think they are gods or something. I met a guy in personals in expat as well, spent 18 months in the relationship and gosh, so glad that i kick him away! nightmare...

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Kiwi_Elaine 18 yrs ago
Darkchocolate - oh my... sound like this is a story that you read from a woman's magazine or something... good on you for breaking up with that horrible guy. I'm just wondering... have you ever try to break up with him before?


Jigglypuff - if the electrical appliance didn't get it right the first time then the red card will be drawn!! and OUT he goes hahaha......

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darkchocolate 18 yrs ago
>> Kiwi Elaine

Yes of course, we kept arguing and breaking up, many times. Just you know, gals, our heart is too soft. Kept forgiving and thought he would change. The tears I generated from the pains caused by him could fill up the whole Victoria harbour I guess. Cried so much, so often.


>> Jigglypuff

Yep, he is really a shame that corrupt the name of British guys. However, I have heard many British guys are not nice when comparing with American, Aussi and even Kiwi.


Yes, general speaking gals have better tolerance and patience especially for their lovers. Just opposite, guys can be so mean and can change so quick even on love matters.


Anyway I am so glad to have left this horrible man. If there is a bulletin board for gals to post the bad guys' info, I would definitely do so. That helps we gals to avoid dating those bad guys.

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