Confused!



ORIGINAL POST
Posted by mimi72 14 yrs ago
My husband told that he doesn't love me any more , he s not happy with me (been married for more than 16years) he want divorce all because of my jealousy. But he still having sex with me every 2/3 days Is it normal for a man no more love but still want sex??!!I m so confused

Please support our advertisers:
COMMENTS
wake up call 14 yrs ago
Sorry to hear that. No need to be confused any longer. He has been pretty clear with you.


Simple, only have sex if you feel up for it. Otherwise tell him no.

Please support our advertisers:
mimi72 14 yrs ago
I m just accepting this situation going that he will change his mind. Hoping that he will fall in love with me again. I m afraid if I say no to sex he will get it somewhere else.

Please support our advertisers:
cookie09 14 yrs ago
mimi don't work on your sex life but work on your jealousy! he told you what the crucial thing is, so what are you waiting for?

Please support our advertisers:
mimi72 14 yrs ago
Thanks coolkie, I'm working on it! Is just not easy hearing from him Thad he doesn't love me he want divorce is hurting a lot and I don't know if i have any chance to bring him back to me!

Please support our advertisers:
mimi72 14 yrs ago
Thanks Ritti, I keep asking him are you sure you want divorce and his reply always (yes) you Alright I have to stop mentioning it.

Please support our advertisers:
tigerbay 14 yrs ago
I would suggest counselling.

It may or may not help fix things.


It may be able to help you sort things out and suggest ways to get in touch with the love again.

Another thing it may show is that the marriage is over, and it can help you come to terms with it.


But you have nothing to loose by trying.

Please support our advertisers:
mimi72 14 yrs ago
Thanks tigerbay. I tried counselling in the past but didn't help much. I m tying to work it out by myself. Not easy when you don't have freinds or family to talk to. I have to act like I m happy with my life specially at work or in front my kids!

Please support our advertisers:
sexyboop 14 yrs ago
How jealous are you?


Without rectifying this problem, you'll never win your husband's heart back. Do you how terrible it's to deal with a jealous woman every single day?

Please support our advertisers:
wake up call 14 yrs ago
Why does your husband say you are such a jealous person?


Has he ever given you reason to feel inferior and insecure? Otherwise the marriage is not really the issue.


Otherwise, counselling wont help. Better you work on improving yourself (job/studies/area of insecurities eg looks so loose weight and get in shape if feeling bad about your body figure) and your jealous mind/attitude with a psychologist.



Please support our advertisers:
wake up call 14 yrs ago
Get your self respect back and you will lose the jeolousy and insecurities.


Measure yourself not by other people's approval but by your own achievments.


eg. if you are a cleaner on a low wage. If you get yourself a better company environment still as a cleaner, or a cleaning job with same pay but closer to hhome, you have improved yourself!!! From your own efforts and not ssomeone else. So congratulations on a well done outcome.


I know the above is a simple example, but I think you really need to improve your mindset as you seem to agree with your husband that the problem is you and not him????.

Please support our advertisers:
mimi72 14 yrs ago
I m obsessively jealouse! Off corse there is a reason of that it started when I found out about his infedility 5years ago.

The problems are two

my jealousy that is ruining my life and my family but I m trying to sort it out.

Him saying that he is not in love with me and want divorce but still asking for sex do I have to accept or say no???


Please support our advertisers:
viper342 14 yrs ago
Your husband had been unfaithful to you 5 years ago and you've sorted out things and had stayed together and now he said he doesn't love you and wants a divorce.......!!

Do you love him enough to take this sh*t? If so, it's your feeling and only you can solve it and make your own decision. If you both plan to stay on, you must free yourself of any jealousy, at least not to show sign of it in front of your husband which I think is what irritates him. And there are children to be involved in? That's another problem you need to figure out.


As to sex, aren't you lowering yourself too much to give in to him at this stage?

Please support our advertisers:
hellokittyhk 14 yrs ago
Here is a suggestion. Do you want your children to be in the same situation as you? Would you like your son or daughter to be in a marriage where their partner cheats, says that they don't love your son or daughter, and yet will still uses them for sex?


If your answer is 'no' (and I hope that any good parent would answer 'no'), then you need to examine your situation very carefully. You need to realise that you are setting an example for your children that it is OK to be treated this way in a relationship. If you allow yourself to be treated like this, you are condemning your children to the same attitude and expectations for their relationships.


To be honest, your jealousy is a natural reaction to the betrayal that you have experienced. However, you need to take the reins of your life; take control of the situation. Think long and hard about your relationship - make your decisions on what is good for you (and subsequently your children), and don't leave your happiness and well-being in the hands of another person (namely your husband, who, for all intents and purposes, does not appear to love you and is willing to use you despite this).


I recommend you to seek counseling as you have stated you have no one to talk to, this way you can speak with a qualified person, and perhaps you will be able to see your situation clearer.


You have the power to leave the relationship, if you so choose. Why leave your situation in the hands of another?

Please support our advertisers:
wake up call 14 yrs ago
Did your husband suddenly keep pushing for divorce?


Or has he been insistent on a divorce for quite a long time because you have not been able to stop thinking about his cheating, move on and so keep irritating him about it constantly with your jealous behaviour?


If the first scenario, I hate to say it but I feel he is just using your jealous behavior as an excuse. He wants to dump you before he embarks on another relationship/seeking new pastures. And this time he knows he should do it in a better and clean way than cheating on you. Hence why he can still have sex with you regularly. He can still get physical release without emotional attachment to you while you slowly work out the writing on the wall.


If this is the case, not much you can do as he has thought long and hard about leaving you/his current life already. Afterall, it is not like he was younger and 5yrs ago when he was not sure if he wanted to leave or not, so the cheating/testing the water while still married. This time a round, he KNOWS he does not want what he has had for 16yrs.


This is just my perspective from what you say.

Please support our advertisers:
wake up call 14 yrs ago
IF it is the later, 'he been insistent on a divorce for quite a long time because you have not been able to stop thinking about his cheating, move on and so keep irritating him about it constantly with your jealous behaviour'?


Then YOU really need to work through your pain and insecurities from his mistake. Not sure how (others with said experience may be of help), but this is the best chance of saving your marriage.

Please support our advertisers:
mimi72 14 yrs ago
I asked him why is having sex with me even if he is not in love with me and thinking about divorce. The answer was tha I m still his wife mom of his kids.

If I accepet divorce I know it will not be easy to me take care of 3kids.in case I divorce I will go back home with my kids and I will be alone there. he said he have no problem keep the kids with him but I can't immagine my life without them.

Please support our advertisers:
sexyboop 14 yrs ago
Let me add further to rititt's point with my personal experience:


I once met a popular guy and we like each other very much. Upon invitation he brought me to a house warming party of his friend where WTF he played around (embracing in his arms and kissing) with 1-2 other women in the face of me (He was very drunk as he later claimed)! Undoubtedly feeling heartbreaking, but I didn't burst out. As usual in the following day he wrote to thank for my company as if nothing happened. He what the heck was not aware of the issue until I calmly in cold words told him my upset feelings toward his behaviour in my reply. He apologised remorsefully and tried to save the relationship. In my struggle, I told myself if I was to give him a second chance, I must get it over and not let the mistake become a shackle in my heart. I tried and after some time he was totally forgiven and the incident has not been mentioned ever again once since after, though to this day the images still linger clearly in my head if I to recall. The scar won't go, but doesn't hurt to touch it now.


So all want I to say is if jealously is not your born character, then you have to straighten yourself up over his wrongdoings first before trying to get him back. You've been torturing yourself, and him subsequently for 5 years now.

Please support our advertisers:
wake up call 14 yrs ago
You know, when your partner cheats, it is up to you to work out the paramaters that allow you to forgive. It is not easy but you needed/need to work out what you had to have for peace in your mind and heart.


If you then communicated this at the time or now, and he could not/cannot give it then you deal with the outcome and move on together or apart.


It seems you did not do this (work out what you needed to happen to get your relationship back on track PRODUCTIVELY with your husband) & why you and your husband have felt unrest for 5yrs. And now, it seems like he can't take it anymore.


He tried to make amends for 5yrs but you could not appreciate this until it is now nearly too late : (


But reality is that your husband has been your emotional punching bag for 5yrs for his bad bahaviour. Can you not see by your behaviour now, it has hurt and punished your husband and yourself as well?


So take rittit and sexyboop and others advice, you now have to sort yourself out. Learn to walk alone or eat humble pie and ask your husband for forgiveness for your response. Tell him you see the light of day now. Ask him for one more year to see if things can improve. Tell him one more year does not make any difference to his time if he really still wants to divorce in 12mths time, espeically after a 16yr history and kids together. (He has stuck out this long so he and you can't be horrible cows). Then start doing all those things slowly as a couple to mend the fence.


But this is yur last chance. Everything has come to a head now. So you really need to stop your destructive behaviour. Or else, learn to accept you will be divorcing or living in hell/torture with only a shell of a marriage (but your husband won't let the shell of a marriage be an option so you know the final outcome if you keep your UNPRODUCTIVE behaviour going).

Please support our advertisers:
mimi72 14 yrs ago
Thanks guys for the advices, I will try to control my jealousy to save my marriage.

His ex mistress still working with him so he see her every single day and some times they have to travel together for business!

Please support our advertisers:
ahacha 14 yrs ago
My question to all men here: in your experience, how frequent does it seem to be that men request for a divorce for falling out of love?


(in mine, this is more a female thing and men seem to ask for divorce usually when they have found somebody else).

Just curious...

Please support our advertisers:
cookie09 14 yrs ago
one thing i know (as a man): if i see someone like mimi and her answers, insecurities and 'issues', i will make sure i can run as far away and as fast as i can.



Please support our advertisers:
mimi72 14 yrs ago
:) cookie lucky me you re not my husband!


Please support our advertisers:
bdi 14 yrs ago
He is working with his ex-mistress and sees her on a daily basis and even travel together.... of course the jealousy is justified. It is he who should change things to give the marriage a chance.

Please support our advertisers:
CaptDave 14 yrs ago
Elvis Presley had a song that went something like "we can't go on together; with suspicious minds".... Never was a truer word sung.


Your suspicions may be justified in the circumstances, but you need to stop the jealousy. It's tough because when faced with possible divorce you will tend to hang on tighter, which is exactly the wrong thing to do.


Men flee from possessive and jealous women, and tend to be attracted to arrogant, had-to-get bitches. (sick, I know) You need to shift gear a bit here. Upgrade yourself, Feel better about yourself.


good luck.

Please support our advertisers:
Slammy 14 yrs ago
Wow... you're husband works and goes on business trips with his ex-mistress. That would drive me insane with jealousy. That's truly unbelieveable!

Please support our advertisers:
sexyboop 14 yrs ago
Things are clear now. Why did you only tell us bit by bit with the discussion goes on?


Sorry in that circumstances, there's no way you can get rid of your jealously (even he does not actually cheat now), go divorced as he requested repeatedly and obviously. I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Work out a term on raising the children that you feel most happy about in the agreement. Say a big "no" to his sex request.


What else significant haven't you told?

Please support our advertisers:
mimi72 14 yrs ago
Sexually his very attract to me I m sure of that even after 20years as a couple ( this coming September will celibrate our 20th years together) his 40 I'm 38 we ve been together since high school. (First love!



Please support our advertisers:
CaptDave 14 yrs ago
rititt - what makes you think daily sex is an accomplishment for the over 40s ? Of course it will vary by person - health & libido are factors - but daily is not ab normal.


It’s noteworthy that women consistently under estimate the amount of sex that men need, which is a major factor that contributes to cheating.


Please support our advertisers:
mimi72 14 yrs ago
Cara, the last thing I want is DIVORCE. I m trying my best to change my behaviour. I will take the kids back home for 1month this summer after that we re Planing to have 2weeks holiday all together. So for me divorce is out of my mind . I just need to work on my insicurityy jealousy I just want to live my life with him as normal as possible.


Please support our advertisers:
chicken wings 14 yrs ago
mimi,


I know your situation is different. But I wrote the following to my husband who had to continue working with the third party. It does take a lot of strength but you really need to let your husband work in peace. He needs to provide for you and the children. If you keep your jealousy/paranoia up, you only hurt the children and yourself. In fact, what your current experience is, is as a result of your jealous behaviour. You need a circuit breaker to stop yourself.


Also, in a sense, there seems weakness from you to face a divorce because he was your first love. You seem not to know a world outside of your husband and family? No man can stand a desperate and closeted woman so you need to expand your mind/life and give your husband some slack for staying a round, even if it is for the childrens sake and he actually has not wanted to be a round you for a long time already.


You seem to be hanging on for sheer life to the marriage, or whatever morsels your husband gives you as a reminder that you are still a couple.....eg. that is why you cling on the hope that because he sleeps with you often enough it means something. In your case I actually think not. I am I am not being harsh.


If not, maybe reading this will help. It is long but it was written straight from my heart when I had to deal with ongoing contact between my husband and the colleague he had feelings for. I do not know and i do not keep wondering if they are still together. It would only destroy my marriage if I did. I have said my piece and there is nothing else I can do.


As the wife, can never control what your husband will or will not get up to any further with his ex-mistress if he really wants to. But you can stop torturing yourself because your current attitude and bahaviour has not brought him back to you. So why repeat the same record?

Please support our advertisers:
chicken wings 14 yrs ago
To my dearest,


I still love you. I am just trying to make sense and understand everything that has been happening so I can feel less pain and more peace in my heart and mind. It is even more difficult because I know those words you sent to her were real and had meaning for you. No matter what anyone says. I know they were real and not in order to keep a dirty 'mistress' set up going. Which makes it all the harder for me to work through because I really need to make sure it is over between you two inorder not to be insecure or paranoid and scared and angry anymore.



My feeling is, I understand that you may have used such sweet words to her as you were trying to say your final goodbye.


I know that in telling her everything must stop and needs to be finished you were also trying to make the ending as nice and comforting as possible for her.

I know those words also came from your heart because you did have some feelings for her that you had to work through. Afterall, she did make things clearer and more beareable for you in the year you felt so down and pressured from work. And I know that she did make you feel good about yourself. For this I know you are grateful and hence why you loved her.



But I also know it is a completely different love that you had for her and for me. I still truly believe that our love is in fact more meaningful.



...Because in this day and age and with so many Asian couples having BIG regrets about who they chose as a partner and then having affairs or really awful shell marriages, I do not think our marriage is in this category. We have our differences and our difficulties but I really do not think it is that bad? I hope you agree? We still have many compatible things as well, we interact well, I get along with your family and lifestyle. There are no major conflicts with your family or daily activities. We have a good undertanding about each other's little preferences and how each other's mind works. We kind of have the same goals for life, kids, business, travel, etc. We have trust over each other's finances. We still enjoy each others company and have love and respect for each other. Which really, is a lot more than I can say for other marriages.


I hope I am right when I look at those words and our relationship. I know there are issues, but ALL marriages do, and finding a new PARTNER just means there are different issues, not necessarily that there will be no issues or a lot less.



My dear, I also know she is, most women are, sweeter and more sentimental and playful than me. The thing is, yes, my nature and characterstics is different from most other women. But you need to realise, that is also why my nature means I am less suspicious and clingy than most other woman and more understanding in other ways about when you want to go out etc.



.....You cannot have a perfect partner in this world. Learn to manage this conflict in your mind about me as I have managed it about you. This is what a good strong marriage is all about. There will always be differences no matter what woman you go with. It is not necessarily going to be better or no conflict with another new woman.


....That is the way STRONG LOVE works. Lasting good marriage and life partnerships comes from working through these feelings when you can't stand the other person or something about their nature. But you also realise the good side of why you came together even though you knew in the begninning that you were both slightly different from each other. Because you know deep down in fact, there is more benefit and goodness from the differences than bad. And we have proven this to each other over time. In fact, we are a reasonably ok choice together, otherwise we would have hated each other long ago and would take this chance right now to stop everything.


Please be more undersanding next time that when you feel tempted like this, a little dissatisfied or a little down and lost, it is always dangerous to mix up your feelings of need and think the answer is to look for comfort from an unknown emotional female. There is too much risk involved.


As you can see, trying to then detangle yourself from the situation always becomes a mess, and distraction your efforts from us, and comes at a higher cost than if you had not got involved.



...I can always feel when you are distracted you know. No matter how smart you think you are covering up, you do not even realise you are not 100% with me but I can sense it.....The reason I feel it is because I pay in fact a lot of attention to you. I can't help it, I do because I love you. Sometimes I wish I really could keep one eye closed but I think I just tend to sense things all the time.



Next time, try harder to seek a solution with me. Not away from me.



Speak up and tell me if you start to have feelings for someone. It is the only way to not go any further. The extra feelings are not a crime. When you tell me about it, it means you are asking me to help you deal and work through the feeling. When you hide the 'feeling' like it is wrong to have the feeling, the 'hiding' is when the 'feeling' becomes out of control and make your choice a wrong behaviour. Please learn to realise the difference. Please learn that having the feeling is ok, we are all humans. What you then do with the feeling is what causes the problems.



The point when you realised you had feelings for her and did not tell me is when you made the mistake. It is fine to have the 'feeling' on someone else, this is called temptation. It happens everyday or very often**. Recognise it and stop it with me next time, please.



**(Just like shopping, we see nice stuff everywhere. But we do not go in to the shop and max out our bank account or steal 'tempting' things when we want them when we can't properly afford them. We realise it is wrong and not possible to want and have everything you see. It is not reasonable or smart when we cannot afford it financially/practically(emotionally/practically in a relationship/marriage/kids/family situation).



I can forgive and move on because I love you very much and you are worth a lot to me. I really do love the fact we really do have a very good life together, we can still talk and travel, enjoy each other's company, even consider taking a risk to do a business together means we have our doubts but trust each other enought to try it together. I know I am very happy when you are so sweet and gentle to me....



Sometimes, I really need you to communicate better what you want and need emotionally from me...You seem to like a guessing game because it makes it sweeter but I know I am not 'Chinese' in my thinking and have not grown up in HK/China/Asia so I really do not have a natural understanding of the 'sweet' ways Asian woman play with a man. But that is why when I do not know it I ask you very outright. It is because I need you to teach me even more and more obviously in a way that I can understand what you need/want. Otherwise there is no chance to give you what you need and I do not want you seeking it elsewhere and I really do want to give you what you want FROM ME as your wife who loves you very much.


Also, on a practical level, to help out my mind and anger at ease and build trust, you need to tell me when you have a phone call from her or make a call to her. Keep the phone call purely for work. And if you ever have a business trip where you will meet her or have met her, you need to tell me that you did....If you lie and I accidentially find out again that there was contact, no way can the trust ever come back. I have a difficult time as it is dealing with not getting paranoid and emotional and attacking you after all this in trying to go forward. And have to accept that you still have to work with her. If you feel this is not possible, you need to speak up now.



Please work through this situation with me and have some patience and understanding. This is not easy for me. But if we are to have a family together I really need to know from you that 'everything is going to be alright' my dearest. And that this really will not happen again.


Otherwise, I prefer that you please leave me now. Don't stay from guilt or responsibility. In the end everyone can move on separately and will still be ok eventually. It is that I would rather just move on together with you instead.....



Pls take some time to think about things a little more. You need to be clear in your heart and mind about your love and commitment for me.


It is a matter of whether or not you want to spend time with me in future, you can enjoy my company and pay me more attention/be focused again on me, talk, laugh, cry, and pick on each other but all this still together, take the risk of a business together, whether it means our finances take a hit or not, and can see us having a family together and becoming old together.



Can you accept that we are not the best match in the world, (yes, we could have both gone with better people) but that because we are a GOOD match that we should stay together? Is this enough for you or not? I know I always thank my lucky stars and the gods that I could have done worse no matter how tempting other people are. I always tell myself, you never really know how horrible it could have been neither, despite what you see on the surface. People's public face and the real practical life with them is never what it seems. The grass is not always greener on the other side. I hope you can be at peace with this understanding in your heart as well. It has helped many times for me to work through thoughts that have threatened my love for you. Temptation is everywhere. We are BOTH reasonably attractive people, smart and not awful personalities so we can always attract others if we chose to - Can you work through each time of temptation correctly or not?


If you can honestly answer 'yes' then we can stay together with love and at peace. Take your time to think about this. This is not a timed test and there is no model answer. Only what is the 'right' answer either way from yourself for our/the long term future.

Please support our advertisers:
mimi72 14 yrs ago
:) agree rititt!

Chicken wing will answer you later!

Please support our advertisers:
ahacha 14 yrs ago
what i don't get here is: your husband wants a divorce.

if that is right... what can you do? he can get a divorce even if you don't want it yourself, can't he?

now, I AM confused...

Please support our advertisers:
hellokittyhk 14 yrs ago
Jealousy is not a sickness!


Unless you also want to call 'love', 'happiness', 'annoyance', 'satisfaction', etc. sicknesses too.


Mimi, I'm not quite sure why you are asking for advice, when you don't want to hear it. What you seem to be asking for is how to change your personality to make someone, who doesn't love you, love you.


It sounds like one of two things: either your husband says mean things to upset you (telling you repeatedly he wants a divorce, but not actually meaning it), or he does actually want to leave the relationship, but is too gutless to make the move, instead he tells you this so that perhaps you will do the dirty work.


Either way, it sounds pretty awful.


Think carefully about what is best for your children, and yourself.


Please support our advertisers:
Slammy 14 yrs ago
Jealously won't be solved just by visiting the therapist.


The way to solve it is for the husband to say or do things that can prove to Mimi that she has nothing more to worry about his infidelity.


So Mimi - what does your husband say or do to reassure you that nothing more is happening?


It takes two people to rebuild trust... or maybe 3 if you include a therapist. But Mimi can't rebuild the trust by herself, by trying to forget her feelings. Her husband needs to help her do that too.

Please support our advertisers:
CaptDave 14 yrs ago
I am mid 40s.

Please support our advertisers:
mimi72 14 yrs ago
In first place my question was how come my husband want sex ftom me if he doesn't love me any more (that is confusing me)

he talk about divorce only when I give him hard time. In the past 5years he tried to fix thing between us, we went

on therapy together. He really tried to help me but after 5years seeing me not able to get over the past he said.

stop is enough I want divorce! And at that moment I realise that I m going in wrong derection . May be it s too late may not.

Regarding the kids they are not aware on what's going on between me and their father. In front of them

Please support our advertisers:
mimi72 14 yrs ago
We act like nothing, we still take care off them as a couple.

Please support our advertisers:
hellokittyhk 14 yrs ago
Believe me, they will be aware.


CaptDave... I was going to say you'd probably be in your 40's, but I didn't want to insult you, just in case you weren't! I know some Capt's in their 30's, but mostly they are beyond that ;)

Please support our advertisers:
mimi72 14 yrs ago
Just told me that he is traveling tomorrow with her for 3 days to japan. I can't discribe how I m feeling know!

Please support our advertisers:
mimi72 14 yrs ago
Now!

Please support our advertisers:
CaptDave 14 yrs ago
MiMi, Sadly, sex for men CAN be very mechanical and mean no emotional attachment at all ... that's why we can enjoy prostitutes, one night stands, and other flings with women with no strings attached. Obviously Not all men and not all the time, but this CAN happen. It's possible (and I hope this is not the case) that your husband is making love with no emotional attachment to you.


It's more likely he does still has feelings for you, but the "pain" from the relationship is too much, which is why he wants to divorce.

Please support our advertisers:
sexyboop 14 yrs ago
Sorry but who cares a chip about your feelings? Weren't you putting all your blame on yourself by saying "I m trying my best to change my behaviour" (though it should be case before) when now both the brutal fact and his intention to give up are so obvious and clearly expressed? Well if by now you still stubbornly drag on this empty marriage, then please put aside your human feelings and accept it'll always be the least concerned, so you can live blindly in your dream of "live my life with him as normal as possible."


(One hand up) Ms Cara! I know I know who is the one deaf, blind and stupid!

Please support our advertisers:
sexyboop 14 yrs ago
(One hand up again) Ms Cara! I know I know another one who is deaf, blind and stupid!

Please support our advertisers:
Slammy 14 yrs ago
To me... it doesn't sound like it's only 1 person who wants the marriage to work.


Her husband tried for five years to patch things up but unfortunately Mimi could not forget the past. It seems that now the husband doesn't know what else he can do for his wife to forgive him - that's why he insists on divorce, only in the heat of an argument with Mimi.


Mimi - of course it's difficult to forget the jealous feelings because your husband spends so much time with his ex-mistress.


So it seems that the best solution - if you've really tried everything else - is that the husband should not see the mistress. So the question lies with him now. How much does he love you, and love his family and his marriage, that he will change his career/job so that the source of the jealousy is not there anymore.


He has made efforts to patch things up - but at the same time, it's also reasonable for you to feel jealous due to the situation. So I believe the solution also lies with your husband, and not just yourself - in trying to change yourself and bury your emotions.


In terms of the sex question: from what you've said, I think you're husband still loves you - you've been together for 20 years, you have children and a long history together. He had an affair but he came back to you. Unfortunately, because he still sees the ex all the time, it's difficult for you both to really forgive and forget the affair. So that's why he's asks for divorce, because after five years, he doesn't know how else to keep the marriage working.

Please support our advertisers:
mimi72 14 yrs ago
One thing I didn't mention is she is 14 years younger. He told me that he never had sex with her.


Please support our advertisers:
Slammy 14 yrs ago
Well, he could be lying about not having had sex with her.


But if it's true, then what role did this "mistress" play? He had an affair, but no sex? So what exactly happened?


More importantly, are you convinced that it's all over now? Are they just good friends and you're jealous of the friendship?


You're story is like a soap opera, unfolding on television. We are all dying to find out what exactly happened! :-)


On a serious note though: if there was definitely no sex involved, and their relationship has moved on, and it's just a friendship, and you are very keen to stay married - then yes, you need some help to put the feelings of jealously behind you.


Perhaps you both need to take a short holiday - a weekend away somewhere - and just be all romantic again and remember the reason you first fell in love. Leave the kids and the troubles behind, and see if you can start anew from there.


You started this forum because you were confused about the sex / love part. I still think there's enough there for you to keep the marriage going, but you both need a fresh start with each other.

Please support our advertisers:
Amparo Kia 14 yrs ago
What kind of mistress is she when there is no sex? Your quote : Off corse there is a reason of that it started when I found out about his infedility 5years ago.


Why did you call her a mistress when there is no sex involved, why would you consider your husband's friendship with a colleague infidelity???


now I am really confused?!???

Please support our advertisers:
mimi72 14 yrs ago
It's complicated. I call her mistress because they were flirting change SMS where they said they love each other & bla bla... So romance ! This was going on for 6months before I found out about this affair. When I confronted him he told me it was just because he was feeling lonly and need attentions so no sex was involved.( I was already jealouse about this cute young Chinese girl since the first day I saw her in my husband office)

Please support our advertisers:
Tommyknocker 14 yrs ago
Face facts - he has slept with her despite what he says. The fact that he works with her and travels on "business" with her makes it pretty obvious. You don't have txt sex with someone for 6 months, work in very close proximity, profess love for each other if there ain't something going on. He's having a mid life crisis and this 26 year old cutie has turned his head to the point where he has made a decision to leave you.


He'll live to regret it, but he will take you down with him. Does he realise how much he is going to lose?

Please support our advertisers:
mimi72 14 yrs ago
Thanks to all of you for the advices. I'm sure that if I can be less jealouse he will be back. And in any case he still having an affair with this girl he is just using her to have some fun. Any way he is planing to change his job o may we will be going back home.

He talked to me over the phone saying that he appreciate the effort I m making to change.

Please support our advertisers:
rainbow1980 14 yrs ago
Only thing is what you care ? the relationship or love ?


What's the problem he get sex somewhere else since he doesn't love you anymore? do you only want his body instead of his love ?


If you just want to remian peace of your relationship, you can keep in this situation as long as it last.


If you want to gain his love back... you have to say NO. (he might get sex somewhere else, but he will come back if he really care about you. if he doesn't care about you, what is your lost ? )


You have to know, as long as you accept this situation, you can never gain his respect and love.

Please support our advertisers:

< Back to main category



Login now
Ad