Posted by
vagabond
18 yrs ago
Over the past couple of years, my relationship with my husband has become quite dead. He no longer has the desire to be intimate with me and shows no interest in making love no matter how I try to seduce him.
I love him but I don't know how to cope with a sexless marriage. It is making me very depressed and I have very low self-esteem and confidence.
I've tried discussing with him about this problem, but he doesn't see anything wrong with it and reassures me that he loves me alot and his feelings hasn't changed.
What should I do??
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We've been married for 12 years and married in Hong Kong. It was our wedding anniversary last week and he forgot.
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Meanwhile, how long has your hubby been sexless?
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We haven't been completely sexless, but he doesn't have the desire for sex and has problems 'completing' the task. The last time we had sex was 2-3 months ago and was urged on by me. This problem started around June last year.
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I have been thinking about getting counseling, but I know that it will only be me going to the sessions coz I discussed this with him before. I'm not sure if it will be worthwhile to have a session with a counselor on my own since the problem is between the two of us.
Do you know of any marriage counselors in Hong Kong?
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What made your hubby to lose the desire, it is very vital to find the root cause.
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Could even be a health problem. A couple I know were having problems, guy was not interested. Turned out he had found a lump in his testicle and was worried his wife would find it - he was hoping it would just go away. Eventually he did go to the doctor and it was cancer. He survived.
So consider all possibilities.
BTW, don't assume he is too young for a similiar scenario, the guy was only 23 when he was diagnosed.
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When we discussed this problem, he thinks it's due to his stress at work. He travels alot and we used to be intimate before he departs & when he returns. But now, we don't even when he will be away for up to 3 weeks.
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I have such experience with my gf for a while, I did have any desire from her that I don't know why. But I intend not to believe that it causes by heavy workload.
I always believe Love and Sex can motivate ppl in work!!
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Your husband may not have a clue himself about the reason for this. Does he consider it as a problem himself? What does he suggest you two should/might be doing about it?
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Hi JoeandChris,
He did try taking Cialis which is like viagra but he had a bad side effect which was a pounding headache.
I didn't know there were booster shots & will ask our doctor about these.
I was also thinking about seeing a sex therapist or urologist but not sure there are any in HKG.
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would you mind to let us know how old he is?
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mid 30 should be still healthy!!
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vagabond, has you husband displayed any signs of depression? Is his lack of desire reflected in a general lack of get up and go? Even a mild depression can affect your libido. I agree with Joe & Chris that low testosterone can really affect a man, viagra and cailas can help him physically but without the testosterone he won't have the drive to have sex.
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Thanks for all your comments!
Can anyone recommend a good marriage counsellor & sex therapist in Hong Kong?
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Dr David O'Rose is very good counsellor - tel: 2975-4056
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Hi Chrispy,
Is he a marriage counsellor?
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