3-4 times a week is pretty normal, I would say.
2-3 times per month...doesn't look nice to me.
Just my oppinion.
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niji
There is no such thing as normal when it comes to how many times. One couple may like 3-4 times a week, another may be totally happy with 1-2 times every six months. It depends on the couple themselves and their own requirements.
Remember, friendship and compatability also determine the strength of relationship as well as sex, perhaps even more so. Try not to live by magazine guidelines - they are there to make sales and do not necessarily reflect true life and cannot in any way reflect on your own individual circumstances.
Stay cool and do whatever you and your partner are happy with.
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Maybe instead of "norma", a better word is "common". Based on what I've read from all sources of info, 2-3times/month isn't as common. But sargirl is right, it's not important; what's important is whether you BOTH are happy with this. Your husband doesn't seem have have a strong libido, what about you? If yous is stronger than his then that becomes an issue and should be dealt with.
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cd
16 yrs ago
Myself and all my friends, male and female had this conversation last year about how often was normal etc, and believe me virtually none of them were doing 'it' 3-4 times a week. 1 or twice seemed more usual and many less than that. If you're both happy with 2-3 times a month then its fine, its quality not quantity that counts. Problems only arise if one partner is not happy.
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Sexual intercourse is only one aspect of a relationship. Admittedly, it is a very important one, particularly in the early days.
But there are many ways that couples can show warmth and affection for each other, and enjoy each other physically, apart from intercourse. Hugs, kisses, smiles, a comforting touch of the hand.......if a relationship lacks these things it is really in trouble, IMHO.
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let say you have been married for 5 years, with 2 kids, do you still do it for needs or must?
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cd
16 yrs ago
Just because you're married and have kids doesn't mean you stop having sex. I have been married 21 years, have 5 kids, but would say sex is better now than when I was younger.
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my two cents
quantity is only an issue if you both want different.
I read somewhere last year that many western couples are opting for celibacy. Lots of reasons why, but biggest is it gets one source of tension out the way.
This study implies that not everybody thinks that sex is important.
Lots of reasons for changes in sex drive. My drive took a dive when my wife miscarried.
Choices of birth control can lead to a loss of spontineity. Even to an attitude of not worth the effort.
Levels of stress at work or at home.
Worrying about sex too much can kill things.
Age
Menopause can actually lead to an increase in sexual activity, as fear of pregnancy has now gone, and so the woman can relax and enjoy it more.
What is normal? I think the term used should be what is average. So for every body who is doing it 5 times a day, there must be somebody at it twice a year or even never, to arrive at 3-4 times a week.
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"My drive took a dive when my wife miscarried."
In some ways it is very refreshing to read this from a guy...... I think even though your sex drive might have declined, your wife's love for you must have definitely gone up, to see that the miscarriage affected you so badly.
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'Menopause can actually lead to an increase in sexual activity', the key word here is 'can'. I read an article on the effects of menopause a while ago now. 'Can' lead to means 'some women', not the majority.
On the subject of Celibacy, there were several books written about it in the 90s.
It took me a while to get my head around this as well.
A commited relationship may not be a passionate one. Some couples fall out of love but stay commited to each other to meet other needs that they have. Others have a minimal libido, so if you get a couple like who both have minimal libido it is only a small step.
Nor does celibacy mean sharing a bed with somebody who has made a vow of chastity. it has to be mutual, as does doing it 5 times a day.
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Doesn't mean a marraige is dead if there is no sex.
Doesn't mean it is merely a convenient arrangement, although I know several cases of this.
And if that sort of relationship is not for you then fine, that's your choice.
You don't have to live with people, but we choose to. But if it works for both parties, and both parties are content, then don't knock it merely because it does not suit you.
It takes all sorts to make a world. There are lots of relationships that not everybody 'gets', or approves of. Doesn't make them wrong.
One thing I learned as I got older. If something seems wrong, dumb, irrational, or crazy then I don't have all the facts.
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I agree fully with your last posting Ribbons
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Thank God for this article! I wanted to write so much on this thread and the article says it all.
Sex -- the Stress buster
According to a survey, revealed at an Indian Psychiatrists Society (IPS) seminar held recently, more and more couples are turning away from sex simply because they are too tired after work.
This is especially true of young couples in metros who are too busy running the rat race to devote time in the bedroom. The keeping up with the Joneses syndrome has overtaken all desire for physical intimacy.
So, is it time to push the alarm button? Yes, say experts who feel that physical intimacy between couples is the key to a happy and stress-free relationship. Sex is much more than just a physical act and is very important for one’s physical and emotional health. Some recent studies claim that sex practiced in a cozy atmosphere works as an effective stress buster.
Because of deep breathing and touching involved in sexual activities, our body produces hormones called ‘endorphins’. These hormones are also known as ‘feel-good’ hormones, because of the moment of pleasure they bring along. Therefore, sex does not only bring in a feeling of well-being but a calming effect too.
Shriya Gupta, a homemaker opines, “Though it’s only for a short period but sex actually relives you from all your worries and you feel much better. Not only intercourse but foreplay also helps in decreasing the stress level to a certain extent. Sex is a way of expressing your feelings with your physical self involved in it. I think it is a very romantic way of relaxing with your spouse. Above all, it really helps you in burning so many calories.”
Many individuals believe that because of their healthy sex life, they feel more emotionally involved with their partner. However, we cannot forget that only pleasurable sex can increase the sense of attachment between couples.
Noted psychiatrist Dr Sameer Parikh says, “There is a very scientific way to look at it as merely sex will not help much. If you consider sex as one of the daily chores then you will not get any satisfaction out of it. Sex demands your physical as well as mental involvement. I think it is an extension of a relationship which strengthens the bond between two individuals.”
Unfortunately, in the quest of attaining a stress-free life, sex is taking a back seat. The desire for material pleasures is killing the basic desire of pleasuring each other.
Sex is a dimension of love and experts believe that ignoring yours and your partners’ sexual desires can be hazardous for a relationship.
Dr Rachna Singh, holistic medicine and lifestyle management expert says, “With today’s fast paced life, pressure on relationships has increased. With demanding professional lives, most of us end up ignoring our personal needs. Not having a good sex life can result into dissatisfaction between couples. ”
The fast pace of life today is leaving us with no time for basic and simple pleasures. With our busy schedules, it is quite easy to forget about your partner’s needs. Experts feel that couples should set themselves extra time for those special moments – after all, there is no simpler and effective stress buster than some action between the sheets.
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It says it all indeed! V. good article, thanks!
Except i read "stress booster" instead of buster, was taken aback for a while... lol
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But one thing I have to clarify : even I did not always think this way (that good and a lot of sex is a wonderful thing to have in life).
It takes to be with the right man, to feel the connection and chemistry.... and then it is addictive, nothing less than that.... to make you realise how wonderful and beautiful sex can make you feel and even look!
And if you ever experience that in your life you'd never disregard the importance of sex.
And so, definitely people who are sexually unhappy with their partners have something vital missing in their relationship.... not having sex or not having enough of it is only a symptom of the existing problems.
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I agree with you to a point zonked.
But the implication is that sex without love is not as good. When in fact rampant lust can lead to fantastic sex.
You also say "people who are sexually unhappy with their partners have something vital missing in their relationship'. I think the vital is to strong.
Important, yes. Vital, no. Necessary, no. People and relationships can and do survive without it.
The view that implied here (and I know it is not your intention) is that if you aren't getting enough you are in a bad relationship. And this sort of message can add to stresses and cause cracks in otherwise functional relationships.
Great sex does not equal great love/relationship.
Bad/no sex does not equal no bad/no love/relationship.
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It sounds like that YOU (niju) would like to have more frequent encounters but your hubby is the one that's not interested. If you do want more sex it's important to communicate your desires to your partner. Also, you could try to initial more often and put on some sexy lingerie. I think if you feel sexy and are in shape then you send out certain signal and your partner should pick up on them. On the other hand, if you think your infrequent sex life is a sign of distance growing between the two of you, then have more sex will not solve the problem.
Sex is not the most important part in a relationship but a good physical relationship does strengthen a close emotional bond. The important thing is BOTH parties are satisfied with the quality and frequency of sex. Personally my hubby and I have been together 7 years and we have a 5 month old and we still have sex almost daily.
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RINZ
16 yrs ago
Wow you should be proud if your husband says he loves you not lust. And having sex 1-4 times a month is healthy. In a marriage, sex is only 10% of the total activity. You should know that. So count with all the other activities, communication, spending hobbies together, working, etc etc, 1-4 times a month, that is no more than 10%. Right?
Sex is a secondary thing, relationship is the first thing.if i were you, i will be very happy that my husband loves me not lust. And that will be exactly what i wanted!
NEVER believe what is written on a magazine! I stopped reading magazines because it destroy my knowledge completely. They often twist the truth just to get sales and to get readers excited and want to buy the magazine! That's what reporter's do. They twist or add a lot of recipe inside the original story.
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maxis
16 yrs ago
can't compare with others.
what is good for some is terrible for others.
But if one wants/expects more or less than the other (by a fair amount) you are looking down the barrel of some difficult times ahead.
Some partners feel they should permit the other to "play" elsewhere if it is purely physical. Like if one likes cycling more than the other, they don'd the other doing it without them
But it seems quite weird to me for relationships like that. Not very nice.
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Sex is a form of communication and if there are feelings of rejection about it you should address him about it. and then act as if he wants you all the time, ( ie. act sexy like you really believe you are his only desire) refuse to admit otherwise to yourself and try if it's been a few days and he's not exhausted or having some other problems to seduce him in loving ways.
Hey there can be plenty of lust in a love relationship!!!
I think at least 1 time a week would be more normal in todays busy lives although I read couples in HongKong have the least amount of sex in the world. Not surprising when both parents work, and you have kids that share your bed though!!
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science... how old is he??? o.O... give him when he wants it... dont force him when he doesnt want it... lol its not fun to have it with someone who doesnt or has no mood want to! Or if you feel... something's not right... you have the right to ask... if he doesnt a have a reason and if ur not suspicious.... then back to sqaure one "give him when he wants it... dont force him when he doesnt want it"... (ITS AN OPINION)
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no such thing as normal. been married 10 years, 2 little boys with more energy than the sun puts out in a century, and we haven't done it for 2 years simply because we're TOO TIRED.
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I can understand the reason, but I think the problem might be a little deeper then you think if you have allowed celibacy to persist for two years, that is an awful long time. That is 1/5 of your entire relationship.
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FKKC
16 yrs ago
Totally agreed with you on this one DB.
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yes well what about the last one?? you still haven't answered the question I posed?? weird how women don't seem to answer it every time I ask it.
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FKKC
16 yrs ago
Didn't know you posed a question that needs answering ....will see to that....guess I have to find the thread first......
niju...sorry about this....using your thread to reply to DB on another matter.
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what about this situation? my friend's ex gf is a transgender...they loved each other and lived together few years but his gf lost sex drive after the transgender surgery and she said she is no longer physically attracted to my friend. his gf decided to split but they are still emotionally attached even till now.
does this relationship work again?!
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For me the normal is to have it 2-3 times a week. But still the most considered thing is the quality. Its useless if we have it everyday but dont enjoy it. As long as the couple happy with it, its fine and normal. So it depends on the couple itself.
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glad
16 yrs ago
that's odd. If he is contented with that and as long as you are also contented with the situation theres no problem but once one of you is nnot happy of the situation I guess you need to talk and discuss about it.
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