Posted by
BHHK
14 yrs ago
Hey all,
Am back on this board, for better or worse!
I'm interested in people's views on the adage that if a person is uncertain, then they are not - and will not fall - in love.
This is relevant to me at the moment. I've been dating someone for half a year or so. We have been saying I love you to one another for around half that time.
The other person has recently said they're not quite sure - sometimes they feel in love, sometimes not. They want to keep dating and see what happens.
I will stop expressing my love for now and think I should stick it out.
But I can't shake the thought that if someone is feeling this uncertainty by this stage then they're probably not in love.
What do y'all think?
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Tough call.
Sometimes if someone is insecure, or under pressure, they cannot get a fix on their feelings. Maybe he is out of the 'in lust' stage, but is not sure where he is now. Is he someone who has not been in a long term relationship before, if so he may not know what love is. If he has been in a LTR, then he should have some idea what love is.
Love is a bit of a weasel word (hard to get a grip of). There is the Mills and Boon type of romantic passion, then there is Jane Austen style, and then there is what all the magazines say love should be, and then go ask your grandma. Perhaps the guy is confused about definitions, as opposed to confused about his feelings.
But if he has a clear (and realistic) notion of what love is, and has been in love before, then the diagnosis is not so good.
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Tigerbay
I don't think you mean "Love is a bit of a weasel word". Weasel word, doesn't mean hard to get a grip of! Weasel words are word that sucks the meaning out of the words around them.
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women know when they are in love
men are more practical (or senseless literally), so i can well imagine a guy who is not sure
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BHHK
14 yrs ago
Hi there,
I was really interested to read these responses. I deliberately left the gender non-specific because I didn't want to slant your reactions. It is in fact a girl. Anyway, we've had a long talk and we're going to stick it out. It's a bit of a risk on my part but worthwhile.
My gut feeling is that everything will be fine - and I think I'll regret it if I dip out now. I think she does know what love is so she probably has a bit of uncertainty, that she will ride out. Maybe I'll be totally wrong and have my heart broken, but I'm inclined to worry about that later....
Thx for your comments - look forward to any more!
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Spurio, badly put by me. The word love is however hard to tie down.
BHHK. The other factor, apart from gender, is cultural background. This affects expectaions and there are cultural pressures. Particularly if it is a cross cultural relationship. I don't know your situation though.
I am in a cross cultural relationship. I am caucasion, my wife is Chinese. This is not an issue. I believe a big factor is that my wife was married before and the family already have thier Chinese grandchild.
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Funnily enough, I thought it was a man who was posting this!You should definitely try to stick it out BHHK, since you say that this is instinctively feel what you should do.I suppose only time will tell, but good luck with your journey!
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Also, a few people have questioned BHHK's decision to stop expressing his love- I expect he doesn't want to pressure his girlfriend at a time when she is unsure.He's obviously fairly committed to her, or he wouldn't be willing to carry on seeing her.
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for a woman, when we re in love, we know; different if one can fall out of love too, after a while. though six months sounds to me bit short for that circle.
there's such saying as "i love you but i am not in love with you".
there's also the difference between love and lust.
you guys know what you talking about? what you want?
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He's not in Love with you, he's in "Like" with you. All men have this fear that the moment they "settle" for a girl, they will meet someone better. This is what woman get for dragging men to sappy chick flicks.
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i agree with the phrase im in love but i am not in love with you. i think that people need to differentiate whats the difference between both.
i also wonder, why do people feel uncertain about love and relationships?
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