Posted by
pearlv
15 yrs ago
I have been dating this guy 4 months, yesterday he is telling me that he feels lonely, we seems don’t know each other much, seem I don’t understand him, he doesn’t feel close to me and saying he may not good for me. He does cares about me, like my company. He just fears we are really fit each together or not as we are different culture and he had twice divorce experience. He like to talk about that. (this is the third time, we talke abt our relationship)
Anybody can give me adivce or what is his really meaning.
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sicn
15 yrs ago
I am curious how do you feel about what he said. Do you think what he said is true that you don't understand him and you two are not close and Do you think he is good for you and why?
I think he had told you honestly how he feel. He is asking for improvement or an exit. So what do you think you can do to understand him better or be more close to him?
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sounds like he thinks you are his rebound
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The guy has been divorced twice. He runs a higher than normal risk (about 70%) of divorcing again. He is probably doing some serious soul-searching but in need of female company from time to time whilst keeping a sense of detachment. How recent was his 2nd divorce? It is not unusual for divorcees to go through phases like this after a divorce.
You need to be sensible here. As cookie said, you are probably a rebound relationship for him. These rarely work and most times end badly for everyone. The fact that he say she feels 'lonely' despite being with you probably shows he is in a depressed state (again not uncommon during and after a divorce). The guy is probably no good for anyone right now - least of all you. Be careful. Leave the divorcees to other divorcees.
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I agree with Dr Strangelove mostly but have some other new idea.
Yes. I think he is in a rebound relationship with you and more straight forward is no matter who you are, he is UNABLE to love at least for a while maybe longer.
You may need to let him go, recovered (or maybe he will never be recovered). If you insist to stay around him now, its probably another tragedy. Divorce is different from break up. After you swear to love your partner forever, signed the marriage cert and annouced to your frds/relatives around and you failed it. It is more than a relationship problem but a persnal problem also. Its kind of a failure and will make you scare to make descision again. Especially he failed twice, girls around him may not trust him but the more accurate is he may not trust himself.
Leave him until he gets back to normal, but may it happen soon? or never happen?
Its not neccessary divorcee to other divorcee, i saw some good couples in which one is divorcee while the other is not. Timing is very important. If you meet the right guy in wrong timing, let go is the only way.
but be realistic, dun hoping for him to recover soon, not every divorcee can recover from their marriage failure.
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If it was me I would be out of this relationship. If it doesn't fit it doesn't.
You can now try really hard to fit... but in my experience the harder you try the less you are yourself and there's nothing more horrible than pretending to be someone else.
Also it could have something to do with the fact that he's had way different experiences than you eg being divorced twice, which makes him feel that you can't relate to him.
I am like that. I find it to be very tiring when I talk about my experiences with a person that thinks he understands but doesn't at all and he doesn't even know it.
You know it's like when you think it must be horrible when a person you love dies but you only really, really know when u been there.
Maybe you just don't have no connection. Sometimes it is just the physical that keeps a relationship up. You should know best. Do you in your eyes connect with each other? And if you think you do why aren't you seeking the answer in him, in you instead of on this site?
And if not... why are you with him? And why is he with you?
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Four months is the turning point. Most people ditch by the 4 month mark if they are smart.
That said...just coz you make it past that won't guarantee a long run, lol.
Personally I would like to know what is so awesome about this guy that you would like to stay with him. Sounds like you two already established that you work like a mismatched pair of crocs.
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If my bf / date saying this to me, I may interpret as:
I like you, you are a nice person but I don't think we fit each other as couples and I don't think we are going anywhere. Don't expect me to offer what you want but if you like you could stay as I do not mind to sleep with you. If you wanna go, yea, free choice and wish you a happy life, goodbye.
I will quit if I were you.
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it's an awful situation in which one is lonely in a relationship. It's his way of telling you this is not going to work, for you to make a decision. And let it go.
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This sounds like a real drain. Consider what it is doing to you, not him, to be with someone who is not particularly overjoyed to see you. My innate vanity and sense of self-protectiveness would not be able to cope with that. His heart is not open to you. Find someone who's responsive.
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