Marriage, Divorce, Weight Gain

http://healthland.time.com/2011/08/22/men-vs-women-who-gains-more-weight-after-marriage-and-divorce/

True : You can see it every day in this forum -


Married Couple, Kids arrive, wife begins to neglect husband... maybe gains 20 lbs

Husband finds satisfaction elsewhere.

Wife finds out, and acts outraged, and sometimes genuinely surprised.


then it goes one of a few ways -

Couple break up, ex-wife becomes bitter & twisted "all men are bad" type - and she gains even more weight !

Couple break up, ex-Wife gets back in shape, finds a new man, and repeats.

Couple patch things up.


Question I cannot understand : Why do people have to get to the verge of divorce before they fix their problems ?

CaptDave: Question I cannot understand : Why do people have to get to the verge of divorce before they fix their problems ?


i think it's the same situation as eating junk food or smoking... normally, you know that eating too much fatty food or smoking cigarettes is bad for you, but these are just chronically bad habits. They don;t kill you straight away and the degradation is so gradual you might not even notice. It's only when something acute happens, like a heart attack, that you end up making a critical life changing decision...


same for a worsening marriage... you can treat each less than perfectly, make little effort, etc... and it's not catastrophic, but it can eat away at all that was good in the original relationship.... until the marital "heart attack" occurs....

Sadly, most people teeter for years on the brink of divorce and do sweet FA about it all, coz they are scared. I dunno if being fat can be put into that catagory, you dont one day wake up and go, woah, I got obese! Or do you? Hmmm...


The reality of it is that due to crappy role models or something similar, most folks I know are either overly confrontational in relationships or completely non-confrontational to the point of being doormats.


Its rare to meet two people who grew up sane enough to be able to communicate well and disagree with each other without having to resort to withholding sex or wifebeating! (two extremes but just trying to put things in perspective here)


Two of the people closest to me are in this sort of rut. One is in a marriage where he has resigned himself to a marriage with no sex and with living with the fear of losing the two amazing kids he loves so dearly. The other is in a marriage where she is in a sexless marriage, also with two kids of her own that she fears losing, and where a good hiding from the husband is not an abnormal thing. And no, these two people are not married to each other, its 2 separate married couples.


Its not easy to walk away from stuff if the person you are trying to pull it together with is a complete idiot, wont talk, wont admit wrong, wont take any blame whatsoever. Sad thing is, power corrupts...once one idiot feels more powerful, maybe it becomes a necessity to be in control all the time.


Truth be told I see more examples of sh*t marriages these days than good ones, but the good relationships I do see are based on healthy sex lives, open and honest (and respectful) communication and a mutual caring for each other...and most of these relationships carefully avoid marriage in the first place.

same for a worsening marriage... you can treat each less than perfectly, make little effort, etc... and it's not catastrophic, but it can eat away at all that was good in the original relationship.... until the marital "heart attack" occurs....


usually some foxy girl or guy in Kong Kong. Truth be told if you are totally satisfied in your relationship it wouldn't be that easy to be distracted, but if the object of your affections has gained 20 pounds, "and you no longer have sex, or the open and honest (and respectful) communication and a mutual caring for each other..." then you are just surviving and when someone comes along who shows you the slightest amount of attention (makes you feel alive) then the relationship is over (red rover).....

This is a great thread