Honest Experience of Motherhood in HK

Dear all, l really appreciate your honest advice. First, my big respect to all mothers and fathers. After a few years of marriage we are now considering making a family. Truthfully lve never had a big desire to have children, although l do like them and once a month recently get a deep hormonal urge and am drawn to babies. As now in my 30s pretty much all my friends have children and they are always pushing me to do it saying its 'amazing'. The thing is though, lm not sure lm buying it... since having babies they all seem to have forgotten about who they were before, have lost their freedom (and free time) and kind of dispise their husbands (who they previously adored). It is really sad to see friends like this...yet all saying how 'amazing' children are and that you should do it too?! It seems to have been kind of a trade for everything they had before. I cannot find one example of a woman happier post kids (with her husband and life) than before?


I love my husband so deeply. We laugh together, sleep in, travel, hatch fun plans, work out, spoil our pets, have our careers, get dressed up and go for dinners etc. I am so scared this all has to stop when having children? As l cant talk openly to my friends (they are in full mummy mode) l googled and found dozens of sites like these that make motherhood sound like a jail sentance that no one admits to.

http://childfreedom.blogspot.hk/2011/08/why-do-women-lie-about-motherhood.html?m=1


So l would like to honestly know, is it possible to still have your old life plus have children here in HK? Consider that in HK with full time help, maybe a nanny/night nanny we could possibly have A LOT more support than the women in that blog post. I know some people are quick to judge mothers (fathers too) that have a lot of hired help. I think that as long as there is a lot of love and disipline it is ok if balanced.


We have a lot of love to offer children but l am very scared and do not believe it is worth trading the relationship with my husband and my hard earned freedom. Is it possible to have both? If so and you have it, how did you do it? Please do share. Thank you for your kind and honest answers.

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=18144030


read the second q&a from dan savage. i think it hits the nail on its head and pretty much goes in the same direction as your question.


ignoring the challenges/downsides to having helpers (i.e. you have to manage the helper, your kid might be taught some undesirable things, etc), i would venture that there are not many easier places to have kids than hong kong or singapore. at the end of the day it boils down to what life you want to have.


re some of your comments above.

- have lost their freedom (and free time): i don't buy this argument in hong kong. you can hand off your kid 100% to a helper so this is simply self-inflicted problems if they exist at all. more likely these parents actually don't value freedom or free time in the sense as you do right now, which is fairly normal once you have cute kids

- kind of despise their husbands: this is a real issue however. problem is probably more that they didn't talk things through before they had kids and expectations clash.


in my personal surroundings, i have many friends where a woman feels as happy as before. i have to admit though that all of them have ok support networks (family, helpers, husbands) and take it sometimes easy on themselves and their kids (i.e. not 27 after-school classes for the kid to organize).