Posted by
dolphin@hk
18 yrs ago
Guys, I want to hear your opinion. My boyfriend bought a car and I have promised that I will responsible for the patrol. I have been paying for eight months, but I don't want to pay for it anymore as I feel he still spend all his salary every month (I don't mind to pay for the patrol if he is trying to save his money, but I feel he didn't). If he spends all his money every month, why I have to waste my money? We went for dinner tonight, he asked me to pay for the dinner (when we are dining out, he usually pay for one time and i pay for the next time). I have been meaning to ask him about his financial status, but I feel it is not good to do it. But when he asked me to pay for the dinner, I bring the question out and told him what I thought. He said if I don't want to pay for the patrol, it doesn't matter, but don't ask him to drive me to different places. He thought that I am very stingy and care about money. Money issue is very sensitive. What can i do?
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Kek
18 yrs ago
He asked you to pay for dinner because you stopped paying for the petrol.
The agreement was that if he pays for the car,you pay for the petrol.You broke the agreement,irrespective of his status.With the high price of oil and the fact that he's driving you about-why not?
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There is nothing to do with who paid for dinner. But it is not easy for me to pay for the patrol every month. He makes more money than me but he is not good at managing his money, if he is trying his best to do it, I am willing to pay for the patrol; if not, it is not worth. I don't even want to own a car, we don't need it. But he loves car...
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Yes pay for him . It`s up to you to choose between materialism and feelings .
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he buys himself a car but won't pay for the petrol? sorry but your bf sounds like a total loser. it doesn't matter if you offered to pay for his petrol - although i have to ask, why did you do that, did you hire him to be your chauffeur as well? you should have at least insisted he put a taxi meter in the car!
it was a dumb agreement to begin with. like any foolishly negotiated contract, you either live with it, or take necessary steps to disentangle yourselves from it.
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Are you paying his total petrol bill or just when he drives you somewhere? If the former then you are subsidising him every time he drives anywhere - even if it's to take someone else out.
"But he loves his car..."
"...is not good at managing his money..."
Little boy loves his toy. Must help the little boy play with his toy or he won't go out with me.
You are actually paying him to go out with you. Why do you feel you must pay a man for his company?
It would be economically better for you to take taxis and find a man who does not just regard you as a meal ticket.
And don't worry about him. I'm sure there will be another sucker, er... woman who will be willing to pay for his company and pay for the upkeep of his toys.
BTW, the no. 1 reason for divorce is money. A man who can't (or will not - why should he when 'mummy' is looking after him) managed his money is a recipe for problems down the line. Rouge is right. Imagine having a kid with this person. If you want it and he is not so keen, he'll make you pay for everything for it.
Move on and find a man with a more grown-up attitude or you'll find that, as a couple, you will be forever in debt.
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You are being used.
The guy is selfish and mean.
If you were ever ill, or you had kids, who would come first? He would.
Yes it was a dumb agreement to agree to. But what kind of a55hole thinks you sould be respnsible for his financial commitments.
If you were married it would be different, but you aren't.
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lulu
18 yrs ago
dolphin> your boyfriend sounds like someone i know. There are so many cheapskates in this world, especially those rich expats! I found a lot of men are selfish , cheap and disappointing. That's is why I gave up.
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Lulu- that is a huge generalisation! I'm sure that it's not only 'rich expats' that are cheap.
Dolphin - do you and your b/f live together? We need some background on your situation.
If he is asking you to pay for the petrol just so that you can get a ride in the car sometimes, then he is def using you. If you live together and your means of contributing to the household bills is to pay for the petrol then it may not be so clear cut, especially if he is driving you to and from work.
So, 2 things:
1. Do you live together
2. Does he drive you to and from work each day.
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lulu
18 yrs ago
I got a sort of "boyfriend" was like that too, he earn 3 times more than me and he ask me to pay for everything.
Blue steel> many cheapskate rippers , noty only rich one, poor ones , middle income ones...
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this all sounds more like a business trip than a romance . Maybe you should all consult your accountants , not ask me to make trivial comments about things you shouldn`t need to talk about if the relationship is actually a relationship . Ask your BOYFRIEND for the answer .
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We are not living together and he doesn't drive me to work. He drives around 3-4 days a week as he likes driving. He drives me to my grandma's place and pick up things sometimes when we go out. I am with him most of the time when he uses the car. That's why he thinks both of us have used the car.
What I don't really like is what he did. For instance, he drove to the patrol station and tanked up two days before I went to Tokyo...He said " let's tanked up before you leave, not much patrol left"..that's made me feel uncomfortable. Few days ago, when we tanked up and went for dinner afterwards. He said"that's your turn for the dinner"...so I reply, I have just paid for the patrol, but he said" they are two different things".
His behaviours gave me the feeling that he has spent all his money again.
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Kek
18 yrs ago
OK.Now we have a different story.Why does it take so long to extract the full picture?
He will not change,so change !
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strooth , I`ve got no money at all , but It doesn`t stop me , I buy things I can`t afford all the time .
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what the hell is the point of buying something you can afford ??
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Rititt, you are right. Sometimes I think I pay for the patrol is I want to make him happier. He is a person who is pessimistic, feeling unhappy, never appreciate what he has and always complain unfair. Our personality is quite different, I feel happy easily, appreciate what I have. I can pay for the patrol although it's a bit difficult for me. As I said before, even I have paid for it, he still spends all his money every month. In the mid. of every month, he starts to count how many days he can get his salary. If he is like that, I think he should take care of his expenses first. Btw, I feel very insecure with him. I asked him to show me his saving, he asked me why he has to show me and I never show him mine.
When I bring the issue out and told him what I thought, he thought that it is just an excess for me to not pay for the oil. I can just tell him, no need to give him such an excuss.
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I find it odd, not sure which side to take. Well, for starters, why did Dolphin even agree to pay for the petrol. How much thought was put into it? And then realise.....opps, I've been fleeced, and I'm stupid....so I'll change my mind. Well, isn't it not right to just go back on her words. And then that's her boyfriend bit....why would he even make her pay for petrol? He wants to drive, he pays! And if she's not happy, either break up and move on or not pay for petrol and go dutch for everything, meals, movies and etc. And yes, catch a cab to meet him and don't catch a ride home from him.
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Dolphin send this guy to hell. He is worthless and just using you. In future avoid accepting agreements involving money with guys.
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ollie
18 yrs ago
Hello!!! You must be crazy about the guy to not realize he is using you.
There were some comments above that scream stupidity, like the one about the rich expats, and especially the one with the "ladies shall not have to pay for anything", but it looks like the relationship you are in is not even friendship. Business partners who earn each other's money are more generous to one another. To make records of who paid for the previous dinner is just plain ridiculous, and you should have realized that way before investing in a car together with him.
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Leave him, he is wasting your time and money.
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a man is not entitled to pay for gals, howevre, a man is not entitled to ask for gals to pay too.
If a man with accceptable income debates on these tiny amount of money, i see no reason to dumb this man. DUMB HIM! don't waste your time. A man has to be a man!
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