Messy Marriage



ORIGINAL POST
Posted by JohnnyS 12 yrs ago
People,

Need your advice and help. I am stuck in a very difficult marriage for the last five years. I have been wanting to end it for sometime now but havent had the stomach to follow it through. Mainly because, once I start walking on this path there would be no turning back and I am not sure if I have the courage left to make the whole journey as I am certain that my petition would be contested.


My situation is

My wife and I are both xpats living in HK for 5+ yrs and have been married for 5 years. No kids.


There has been multiple instances of serious unreasonable behaviour over the years and I would like to know if they make a valid case for a split.


- She is highly controlling and obsessive. In order to get what she wants she would cry, howl, moan, shout for hours. Often throughout the night - meaning 5-7 hours at a stretch continuously heaping insults on me and my family. So, I have often gone to work a zombie


During the initial years, this was often accompanied by verbal and physical abuse by both sides (I am ashamed but it is difficult for one to maintain sanity in certain circumstances as anyone who has experienced it is bound to know)


The intensity and frequency of this has reduced during the years - especially after a truly violent episode (in which I was more badly hurt). Following which I usually cave in much quicker and usually agree to everything and have not layed a hand.


She gets upset even at the mention of anyone from my side of the family and real and perceived insults/injustices worth half a decade comes tumbling out which goes downhill very fast and triggers above behavior. Ex - "I am missing my mom and am feeling concerned about her health"

(Needless to say my wife & my mom aren't best buds)



Obviously nobody from my family feels comfortable around her and vice-versa. As a result of which I am feeling increasing isolated, depressed and chronically stressed. We do not have any social circle in HK either (wonder why)


This can also arise from a plethora of other issues like money or my individual hobbies (innocent ones like painting) where she cannot participate.


The last such incident being last week where verbal and physical abuse were inflicted on me.


Any mention of divorce/separation is met with suicidal behavior.


My questions are:

1. Do I have sufficient grounds for petitioning a divorce based on unreasonable behaviour?


2. If I file for divorce, I would obviously need to get out of the house. Is there any possibility in HK of getting a restraining order. I am seriously concerned about my safety and the fact that she would turn up at my workplace and create a scene or stalk me in general.


3. In case, the courts do not grant me a divorce. Can they force me to live with her? (I am legally responsible for her and have no qualms about taking care of her within my modest means). In some countries courts can legally enforce cohabitation of married couples.


4. I am worried about what she will do to herself if I proceed. Anybody recommendations from anybody..... anybody had a similar situation?


5. Any recommended lawyers. I have seen the thread below but not sure if there is any update


http://hongkong.asiaxpat.com/forums/marriage-relationships/threads/143593/seeking-some-advice-on-a-marriage-seperation-divorce-situation/


I wish I could hire Haldanes, but cannot afford $6k/hr


Any word of advice.... anything ..... would be much appreciated.

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COMMENTS
Loyd Grossman is Miss Venezuela 12 yrs ago
I've been in a pretty similar situation with a previous girlfriend. I got a hot pot of tea thrown over me and I had never done anything violent or said anything nasty. It's very difficult as she can easily make a scene. I would suggest hiring a female lawyer. Secondly, before you make a move make sure you have a plan such as a) finding a new place to live b) informing work that your wife may turn up and cause a scene (probably backed up with a solicitor's letter) c) Inform security at your office block in the same way d) Change your phone number and say all future contact has to go through your lawyer d) inform family e) delete all your current new media such as Facebook

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cookie09 12 yrs ago
few points:

1) get the hell out of there and do it QUICK

2) i am no divorce lawyer but a divorce cannot be contested (i.e. prevented) in HK once you file and want to do it

3) inform you office that you have separated and ask security to be alert

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Lunatic 12 yrs ago
This sounds like a terrible situation to be in, and I am sorry that it is happening to you.


Do you think your wife may have some mental disorder? The things you mention that she is doing sound very disturbing.


I would get a divorce asap. Talk to your lawyer, mention everything that she has done or said, he should have some suggestions. There is no need for anyone to go through this kind of experience.


But why have you stayed with her for so long regardless of everything? Do you love her still?




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Justin Credible (Part Deux) 12 yrs ago
Im sorry, but as Tina Turner sang, "Whats love got to do with it?"


The relationship is obviously toxic and man wants out!


I am with Lloyd on this, get a female lawyer. And by no means are you responsible for her mental health if she threatens suicide. Call the cops to go over there if there is any concern and she will get stuck in the mental ward over at the hospital in Chai Wan. I know this because I once had a friend who was threatening suicide and said his goodbyes to the lot of us over the course of a month...and then his gf at the time called the cops all worried...when the cops got to his house they found charcoal going in the kitchen, all the windows and doors taped up and his belly full of vodka and pills! Oh yeah, buddy was put in the insane ward over in Chai Wan and after two weeks of being strapped to a bed with lunatics mastrubating beside his bed while insisting "I'm Jesus Christ!" he realized yelling for help and saying "I'm not supposed to be here! I'm not nuts!" was futile.


He learned his lesson...and got mentally back on track after that.


Plus the nurse who discharged him warned him: "Next time, if you want to avoid another 2 week stint in here, make sure you are successful!"


So yeah, you could always call the cops, or social services, say you fear she is a danger/menace to herself and then leave her...they can be the once to cart her away for a holiday at the looney bin.


*shrug*


Sorry, but I have heard SO many stories about people threatening suicide if they are dumped. The only time I have known of someone to commit suicide because of a break up, there was no warning about "I'm gonna do it", it was just something that came out of left field because, obviously, in that case, if was for real, no threat was ever made.


The threats are something that are there purely to torture you to live in fear, for yourself and for someone you are forced to care about.

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Justin Credible (Part Deux) 12 yrs ago
Also, divorce lawyers, I used Weir & Associates, they charged me a HKD3500 retainer (which then went towards their fees) and I think I paid something like HKD3000 per hour. But don't worry, they don't go billing like crazy people. I found the final bill totally payable with monthly income, lol. All you need is to move out and live elsewhere. You need to be seperated for a year or two before you can even get your divorce, so I wouldnt worry about what goes where first.


Don't go for the most expensive lawyers as they don't necessarily guarantee you success, but don't go for the cheapest you can find either, as the saying goes, "You pay peanuts, you get monkeys!"


You pay too little and the letters that go out will be insh*te english, totally embarrasing, I know because I tried that all of about once and then got a decent law firm, lol.


She would have to take you to court if she wants money out of you now, before any divorce comes through, and trust me, she needs to have the money to do that first!


Leave first, and take only whats important to you, then let the tsunami come in a clear out the rest of what remains of your marriage.


Good luck.

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flashback 12 yrs ago
You poor thing. Hope this helps.

http://hongkong.usconsulate.gov/acs_divorceinhk.html


It's a brief summary of HK's divorce law. I think you do have sufficient grounds for divorce on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour.


Even if she does contest this, it would only hold up the procedings for a further year if you moved out.


Your lawyer can advise on restraining orders etc.


I don't think you should suffer this any longer. It appears that your wife is bipolar or something, and I am wondering if this was ever discussed.

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bayview 12 yrs ago
My ex spouse contested my divorce application a few years ago. We had no kids. As a result of a (more than 2 yr) separation and no kids the rules were a lot easier. I too could not afford a lawyer but managed to file the papers one step at a time on my own. many times the forms I filled were wrong but the clerks at the counters would smile and ask me to come back with new papers etc. Overall quite helpful considering I am and expat. Instead of the usual 6-8 months it took 12-14 months but got there in the end with ZERO costs. Despite her ranting and raving the judge granted a decree Absolute as an ex parte in the end. It is mentally exhausting but better to be single than in a bad relationship. you should surround your self with 1-2 good friends who can hear you out and bounce back ideas in case they feel you are being unreasonable in any department. I was v lucky to have people around me who gave a lot of mental strength. If you have no kids the only issue you can have is financial settlement. Usually HOW MUCH. this leads to the usual questions of how much you both earned/contributed, did you build assets together, what assets you both had before being together and now. She can not stop you from divorcing her. Its a question of what are you willing to pay her from your joint portfolio.

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selda 12 yrs ago
Separation may be the best solution at this stage. To file for divorce you don't need a lawyer. Just fill a form as i did. It's not rocket science. A divorce usually gets messy if there are children involved or assets. My ex-husband and i were renting, had no joint accounts, and both worked. It was easier and a lot cheaper than getting married :-)

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Justin Credible (Part Deux) 12 yrs ago
bayview and selda have very good advice.


It has to be noted that I used a lawyer because there was a kid involved, hence the messy necessity to ensure the kid wasnt used as a pawn.


No kids, no assets, go for the 2 year separation and you will get granted a divorce whether she likes it or not.


And one more thing: DONT ever, even for a night, let her "stay over" coz then she can say that you lived together again and then your 2 years would start all over again, that threat has been made to me once in the past, never made the same mistake again!


As bayview said, its totally possible for you to file your own papers and it wont cost you. I would recommend you get the heck out of dodge first and dont expect her to "come to her senses" and start being nice to you for doing so.

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metamorphicjess 12 yrs ago
Very Well Said, Justin Credible...

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rob378 12 yrs ago
+1


I cant add much to JC's post, really hit the nail on the head again.


Regarding the violence in your relationship, it really is an awful situation to be in. Obviosuly you want no part in that, and everyone has their limits on how much verbal/physical abuse they can take. For that reason especially, dont put up with it, get out of there, before you do something that you may regret.


Reading all these posts, its really sad to hear how ugly relationships can turn between people that once loved each other..


Goodluck, and keep us posted on how its going!

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CaptDave 12 yrs ago
She is a toxic manipulator who has subjected you to emotional abuse. She is not insane, just very selfish. Plan carefully your exit, because a manipulator like this will start playing all kinds of tricks. She knows not love to keep a relationship going, just manipulation.


I would not worry about what "she might do to herself" Anything she might do is not out of anguish or despair, but just another manipulation.

I had a friend went thru the same thing. His wife was similarly manipulative and threatened to "kill myself" - she never did - she was too self centered.



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bayview 12 yrs ago
In the absence of kids, at the end it all depends on your assets. If you are fighting over a portfolio of say 3 million plus (if all you have is 500k to a million in equity in properties or assets I would say do it yourself. Even if you lost it all, you can make a clean start with a clear head) you should go through a lawyer assuming you will end up paying 200-300k for a contested divorce as the only bone of contention will be your finances (IRD tax statements and asset proof (HK and overseas) will be transparent) . Make a list of individual assets before you got together. List of assets added together during the past 5 years and list of assets now. Immovable assets like property are easy to sort based on the valuation and if one person buys the other out. If you were the ONLY earning member and she was TOTALLY FINANCIALLY dependent on you, you will be hit for maintenance charges depending on your past and present standard of living. If you both contributed in the past and she chooses to be a couch potato NOW, the courts are not that generous. The more info you consolidate and prepare the easier it is for a Lawyer to give quick advise about the reality of your exposure. The HK legal system and courts are quite fair in my limited dealings with them.

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Justin Credible (Part Deux) 12 yrs ago
Amen to that. The Hong Kong system in general is very fair.

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JohnnyS 12 yrs ago
Firstly, thank you all. A lot of great advice.

I just hope that I have what it takes to do the right thing.


I have been married for only 5 yrs and in HK only slightly longer than that. I was a little unsure of taking the step since my residency in HK was slightly uncertain in the volatile economic condition of the past few years. And in the country of my nationality, getting a divorce is a nightmare (laws heavily biased towards females and towards protecting the sanctimony of marriage). In fact, cohabitation can be legally enforced. Hence I was reluctant to start something in HK that I may not be able to finish. And then I would I be totally screwed.


Besides this of course, I really did love her at one point of time and really hoped things to turn out right.


Denial.


But, all is not lost yet. We are without kids. Both of us are earning. Although she cannot afford to be independent. Also, she is on a dependent visa..so I am legally liable for her upkeep.


Also, all our assets are liquid and generally opaque to each other.



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Fightingcock 12 yrs ago
yes it seems so. not that i've been divorce in other countries to compare.


But I have just traveled down this path myself, and I guess I'm one of the luckily ones.

Although the seperation is not what she wanted, she understands and we are better friends now, than in the last 4 years of a 10 year marrage.


To qualify for a divorce in HK, you only need to wait out 1 year of seperation or have proof of adultary.

I thought this second option would be easiest. "yes i did bang the neighboor"

although I'm in no rush to get remarrged so happy to wait a year.


I've also been told you can cross the border and get a divorce on the mainland only taking a few weeks... and the HK gov have to abide by it. although not sure on the exact facts for this matter.


As for this type of women I was forced to study in my youth with a g/f of 3 years whom used to take me on major gultiy trips and I soon leant to spot them early so tried to be immune to them.

Later g/fs soon learnt that I wouldn't stand for this bollocks.

As I would explain if you want to senablily discuss the issue we can try to work it out and compromise if possible or at least come to a understandable conclusion.... but "if you want to act like a 5 year old... I will treat you like one!"

although i'm yet to spank anyone... it does seem to make them consider what they are doing and my past relationships seem better after this talk.


Although pending on the women and what the tamptum is about, one still needs to proceed cautiously.

talking about it later when she has carmed down could be considered.

but word it well, or you could just open that wound up again.


As for geting out of your current situation, I would consider geting out before she knows you are out. Try to prep well and be as covert as possible.

Once she knows it could be war!

Or she could turn tables and seem to change for the better over night.

But take a leaf out of Dr Phils book... once the meaningful verbal abuse has begin, then there is no going back.


But the good news here is once you are all sorted... there are some good women out there that are honest, open, sensible, muture and will not attemp to use emoitional blackmail.... too much.

;)

Good luck.


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TLW888 12 yrs ago
GTFO. Run. You dont have kids. You have nothing to worry about.

RUN.

Good luck, bro.

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bayview 12 yrs ago
'Laws biased towards women'. The only place I know of with such tilted laws is India as I had Indian friends go though it there. All the wife has to do is to make a claim that you harrased her for money in the form of a dowry and your whole clan (if you live with an extended family) gets into prison under a NON BAILABLE offence.


The laws were initially made to protect women who were genuinely being harrased by their spouses and in laws for money but the laws are outdated and freely abused by women there.


On the flip side, sadly there were many scams involving Indian and Pakistani men going to their home countries, marrying a woman, pocketing the dowry while the wife was waiting (supposedly) for her dependent visa, returning to their overseas country and repeating the same process with another woman in another town. Great business model when it worked. Maybe the consulates here are not very sympathetic to their (Male) nationals as a result of incidents like these...


Based on the limited info you have given about the background and finances, I feel you should have no issues in going for a divorce in HK if you want one. Appears you did not get married in HK so check from some professional experts about the HK court jurisdiction in your home country. Can your divorce granted in HK be overturned overseas or not.


Pre 97 Hk court judgements were enforceable overseas specially if the country was a part of the commonwealth. I am not sure of the current laws.


Good luck

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PENMAN 12 yrs ago
pm me i can recommend you a layer who charges very fair price

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lailaiilove 12 yrs ago
I feel bad for yr situation, but since u guys concern abt yr wife feelings? If u choose to go away, just do like other guys are doing---pack her stuff, kick her out, book a service apartment for her if u are nice enough. Not return calls, just message BK, if she turns up in yr workplace, get security ready, but I don't think she would as a Expat. Seems harsh? U are not the first one! U know u can do it

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JohnnyS 12 yrs ago
I wish that I had tried to reach out to other people a lot earlier. I have made great progress in that I have a much clearer idea of what I am dealing with now. I received a pm from a member who suspected that my wife has "Borderline Personality Disorder" since she had been in a similar situation with her partner and adviced me to read the book below irrespective of what I choose to do (stay or get out)


http://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901/ref=dp_ob_title_bk



As soon as I had googled Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) I realized that this is it. I am currently halfway through the book and I am 100% certain that this is exactly what I am dealing with.


The book obviously doesnt solve my problem. Just gives me a better understanding of it.


Its still gotta be me that has to make the HARD HARD DECISION between what is right and what is wrong. Or more appropriately what is wrong and what is more wrong.


If I continue as I am

- My wife & I will live our lives only about 50% satisfaction

- All my loved ones... example aging parents (I being the only child) will be impacted and be about 75% satisfaction


If I kick my wife out

- She will probably be 0% maybe 10%

- I will be about 80-90% (I dont imagine I will escape unscathed)


Unfortunately, I have had a very decent life so far and have never had to make tough personal choices or face tough personal losses. This is like the most difficult thing that I have ever faced. And I guess its the same for everybody in similar situations.


I was very fortunate to have had a functional family growing up and I truly understand what it means to have a home as a sanctuary. If you cannot be at peace and relaxed at your own home then life is not really worth living.


@rititt

Of course, I have tried talking to her at various levels, but nothing have helped solve the problem yet. Issues have been blurred but not resolved and keep coming to the forefront - Its like a sword hanging over your head .. one never knows when it will drop.

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Amparo Kia 12 yrs ago
"I truly understand what it means to have a home as a sanctuary. If you cannot be at peace and relaxed at your own home then life is not really worth living".


Can't agreed more!! A home is a shelter, not even a 5-star hotel can match the level of comfort in one's own home. I can fully understand what you are going through, I sincerely hope you can come up with a decision that you think is correct, at the end of the time, Life is just too short to allow someone else's anger and fear to control your life.

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Mikemcsf 12 yrs ago
The problem many men make is trying to work hard at a marriage. I tried it and am now financially and emotionally much worse. I've learned that most women aresh*t. They just want to suck the man dry. They do not know how to share. I gave a lot emotionally and financially to my ex and she got it all in a divorce. Now I can not trust women. Even those that I suspect are good I can't seem to find common ground with. Never knew what hate meant until I met that whore. Never knew what lonliness meant until I was stuck in ash*t marraige and tried my best to work it out.


In short - get out of a bad marriage and leave the psycho-bitch. If she committs suicide than it just justifies leaving her. If she is threatening it than it just shows the bitch is selfish, as there is nothing more selfish than suicide.


FYI - hide your money, transfer all assets to people you trust. Do not even flinch and get the f*ck out. Also - don't f*ck the bitch because she may get pregnant which just complicates things. Masturbate or go to an honest woman and just pay for sex. In long run it is cheaper than staying with a selfish bitch.


I used to really respect women - and still do - but I doubt I'll ever be able to form a bond with them the way I'd like to.

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Justin Credible (Part Deux) 12 yrs ago
Lots of anger there, Mikemcsf. Sadly, even though it may seem like you will never get over the shock of being hard done by, I think, if you are lucky, and if you are a tad more positive in your outlook than you are now, good things will come your way and possibly a good woman too. But first, you gotto learn to let go of all that negative emotion, or at least bury it deep enough for it not to be seething from every pore...


That said, good advice to the OP on the finances and how not to get dicked over.



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Bluedon 12 yrs ago
Sometimes I'm in the dog house too just like your case but I try not to be physical unless she is really going to hurt someone ie herself or the kids then it is simply lockdown.

Next day at work I write it all down in chronological order even the smallest incidents verbal or physical. Speak to someone at work too so as you're not covering anything up and they are an ear to help you.

Look at getting a place to live, then go and file the divorce papers yourself. this can be dealt with less than 2 years, my bro in law did it. he's happy.

protect yourself and get out! enjoy life again. if she says anything about suicide tell her go ahead then and give ideas to call her bluff. Be honest and let her know what is happening.

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Gingunyah 12 yrs ago
you have to get away from her and quickly .... Nobody needs to live that life of hell. I would get ready to go covertly - get a flat, secure all your files and any items items that are precious to you like photos etc etc. Then GET OUT and make it swift. As the others have said alert work and security about her.


Don't fret too much about the divorce. That will happen but you need to leave ...tty and some good friend or family member can come and stay help you pick up the pieces. Life is very precious so look after yours . She doesn 't care about you and will probably leave HK .... That's what normally happens.


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CaptDave 12 yrs ago
I've seen cases like this before - quite credible.

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chanlim 12 yrs ago
My Ex and I are also expats but we both hold PR status already.


I petitioned my divorce 4 years ago with two teenagers in the picture and got my final divorce papers (Decree Absolute) 2 1/2 yrs ago. Compared with other friends that I know, it went quite smooth and pretty fast. For me, I think the main step is to find a way through her good friend or a 3rd party (maybe your lawyer) to let her know and recognise that you have both drifted apart and that she gains nothing by hanging on to the marriage but that you appreciate her part in the marriage and is willing to financially take care of her for a monthly fixed sum (until either one party passes away or remarries but you don't need to raise this part during the conversation) or a lump sum payment which you are willing to offer (I know you may not like this part)


If you can afford, go for the lump sum payout because it simplifies your life. Try to negotiate the settlement with her by email before you start seeing the lawyers because it will cost you tons of legal fees if you have the lawyers to go back and forth with her on the negotiations.


Once you can have a general sense of what your wife is willing to accept, then go to the lawyers with her email confirmation.


Having suggested the above, and it all fails, then just tell your lawyers - this is what you are willing to offer her and get the lawyers to start submitting your papers to court and let the judge sort out what is a reasonable lump sum payment to her.


It took me about 1 month of 24-hour back and forth email communications with my Ex before I got the final compromise and then off to the lawyers and the rest was easy. I paid a total of less than 50k for the whole process using the senior lawyer for consultation work only and junior lawyer for the paperwork. I was told the best female divorce lawyer in HK is Sharon Ser but she is very busy and costly! I used someone else and can give you the name and referral if you still need one.


* By the way, I too didnt have my family or close social circle around inspite of having been in HK for 16 years at the time of my divorce petition.


Hope above helps.


Eve







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JohnnyS 12 yrs ago
@ stubby.

Both of us are Indian nationals.

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galaxy78 12 yrs ago
get the hell out of there before you find yourself wrap in a carpet...

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greentrees 12 yrs ago
agree with "staring at you"


please give both yourselves a chance. messaged your inbox too.

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KHENGLC 12 yrs ago
I am a malaysian currently working in Vietnam. I have a vietnamies girlfriend pending married. Can you advise me whether i can purchase land in Vietnam under joint name with my girlfriend ? How is the procedure ? I understand from them they usually not engage any lawyer to act for them. Is it safe or secure if not engage a solicitor to act for me on my behalf to purchase the property. The transfer of ownership can be done by way of what ? Just a sales and purchase agreement enough here or need registration with the land office or not ? Is there any land office in charge for transfer of ownership in Vietnam ?

Rgds

From CK

e-mail= lck4889000@hotmail.com


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Opinion 12 yrs ago
Wow. I was unaware that this kind of abuse happens amongst exaptriates. I mean I see Chinese couples openly arguing on the streets all the time and some even trying to beat each other up. I guess that's the major difference between toxic relationships of East and West. Westerners sort of handle their business at home.


I am sorry to hear that you guys have grown to have a bad opinion on women in general. I mean to be honest, I cheated on my husband but I would never verbally or physically abuse him. My mistake was a mistake and it wouldn't happen again. I was in a vulnerable and confused state and just felt unhappy at the time.


No matter what though I couldn't do what some of the girls you talk about did.


Hope you all find faith in women again. There some good ones ;)

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Olympicstyle08 12 yrs ago
No offense Johnny, but by staying you are as nuts as she. Maybe even more. And most especially that you don't have kids makes this as simple as apple pie. So, go to the deep freeze, take your balls back and leave--with all the various good advise stated above. Good luck!

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Hewiegal 12 yrs ago
This topic is mind blowing.. Glad to be single and unmarried :)

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mail4et 12 yrs ago
I really feel you as my wife is also violent and unstable. The worst part is we have 2 kids and I have been trying to wait it out. I have recently decided that its time because her temper is really affecting the kids. I totally agree on one of the post said her behavior is like a kid. She would throw things and have temper problem. One interesting thing is she only throw my stuff. Especially important stuff like hard drive and important things like my gadgets. She never mistakenly throw her own device or stuff. This tells me that she do these thing to get attention and by doing these I would give in. Lately she is doing damage to the kids because she knows that I love and value my kids the most.


I really feel for you and I actually saw her problems when we were dating. I just didn't thing that she can worsen. One would expect that she will grow up and after being a mom she would mature more but it didn't. She just gained more chips on her hands to gamble with you.


I know it not easy and the Chinese saying "you would rather tell someone to hit their kids but don't tell someone to divorce!" I have to admit I felt into this trap and that's why we kept going. Get out of this relationship. I am sure her behavior has affected your lives and probably have affect some of your work performance.


As far as the legal stuff and the arrangement, i think you better find somewhere you can hide out both yourself and your important belonging(documents, passports, statements,etc).


I am using a very good lawyer with very sensible solution. PM me for a beer!


(Hong Kong)

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silkfabricus 12 yrs ago
Yes totally agree with opinion and other who encourage to save the marriage. In a relationship two person become one life is hard. I believe that your wife will not shout for no reason . May be husband make something not satisfy to her . No one can create a clap with only one hand. If you really love and want to save the marriage please sit down and open communication with her seriously . Give her time to change .Then worst case both of you agree upon some way out such as give the wife for the time frame to let her change and talk to her whatever you don't like .

Because every realtionship have all similar situation . Who know you are going to meet similar new wife again and upset again ? Instead better solve out issue face to face thing will be ok . Already 5 years relationship and if she really love you and she found out you have been so sad and thinking of divorce she will feel very painful as well. I believe due to 5 years long attachment both of you will hurt the feeling and all those memories . So please try discuss and solve out instead of going divorce .


I am also facing same problem with my husband , I didn't behave physically but I used to scold him but i didn't realise that hurt him a lot . I do care him but sometime I hide my feeling with me . When I am come to oversea for further study apart with nearly 2 years then I plan to go back to see him then he suddenly send me he met anther woman and have a baby and suddenly cut all contact and financially . I am in very difficult situation and I regret now and when I read all those threat I realise more . And it is normal for all relationship so better solve in peaceful way . Please give lady chance for one last time. Hope my husband can do the same thing to me . But it is hard . The worst thing is I am in oversea middle of nowhere and not enogh money to survive as well.


So Please think about our woman emotion . We are not that bad . And especially me I just scold just few minute and later I don't keep thing inside and never physically hurt him . Always care his health , cook nice food for him that he like . But I am not sure my luck go to where right now.

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CaptDave 12 yrs ago
Silkfabricus, The wife of JohnnyS is controlling, manipulative, verbally and physically abusive, who will spend 5-7 hours non stop insulting her husband.


Is that how you behaved ? If so, then I guess you got what you deserve. Learn your lesson; find a new man, and treat him better.

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silkfabricus 12 yrs ago
I am not . I just only did like 5 to 10 min never physically abusive . I respect my husband. I just scold him such as when we went to buy rice with taxi , he left in taxi so I scold him becuase we went so far and buy the rice then he left in the taxi .

just small matter we are mostly ok . The problem is I went to study far from him quite sometime then he met another woman and ask for divorce . It not my fault and not even let me talk over the phone .

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CaptDave 12 yrs ago
Angelique,


No, it's not OK.


Please read silkfabricus post. She says she is facing the same problem with her husband as the original poster, and she had hurt her husband a lot. I was asking if she really behaved as bad as OP's wife. The answer was no.


How about you stop replying without reading carefully.



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CaptDave 12 yrs ago
Angelique, Why is it problematic ? Please be specific. silkfabricus and I have exchanged messages, and she does not seem to have a problem with me - why do you ?


Furthermore, what gives you the right to tell me what to do ?


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Mr Bigglesworth 12 yrs ago
Telling someone to stop posting in a public forum because you disagree with them is not ok. Just ignorant. Ok?

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Tyler69 12 yrs ago
Has anyone realized that Angelique is either a troll or some teenie bopper having a laugh. Where is ED? Oh that's right, too busy posting doomsday links.

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