Do you believe "Once a cheater always a cheater"? It is worth giving them a second chance?
For man: Is it kind of addition once you have tried you just cannot get rid of the excitment?
For woman: When you meet someone and he tell you that he cheated on his ex before. Can you trust him?
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No - if they have proved unworthy once, why give the another chance to prove you were dumb for doing so.
It's a matter of breach of trust.
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tia
18 yrs ago
I'd like to think that if it was an occurance for which the cheater was truly sorry and was willing to mend her/his ways, that yes, they can be different.
Perhaps part of the biggest problem would be their spouse/partner who never forgot and never let them live down what they did...so if they are going to be accused of cheating daily, they might as well go out and do it again.
1: Honey did you get the drycleaning?
2: No, oops, sorry, I was in a rush and forgot.
1: Ah, crap. I really needed that suit for tomorrow.
2: Yeah, well, you cheated XX years ago, so a suit is pretty minor. Get over it!!
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Fadil
18 yrs ago
Why cheat in the 1st place? Perhaps we have to understand why he/she cheats. There are many reasons behind it and one will have to figure out whether the reasons are acceptable or worst, just plan damn excuses.
We are human afterall and we're driven by carnal desires and not logic.
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Just for the sake of being unpopular -- have you asked yourself what is missing in his life that makes him want to cheat. Why is cheating attractive/irresistable to him?
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I think there can be reasons why men are driven to cheat and one of them seems to be an inability to talk about how they feel to their partners. I know to women that sounds lame because we're good at talking but for men it's a different thing and in a weird way cheating on your partner is a kind of communication. They're trying to tell you something.
The big problem is how do you regain that trust if you believe it to be a one-off? Is it possible?
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What is cheating?
Self satisfaction whilst watching a porn movie, or reading a magazine? picking up a short time girl in a bar, or a long term "secondary" (or more) relationship?
Or all the above?
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hcwh
18 yrs ago
The reason that most men cheat is because of opportunity. The joy of meaningless sex should never be undersetimated. Meaningless, opportunistic coupling...
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If the cheating constituted "meaningful sex," I'd assume it would continue because it means something to the person.
I'm trying to figure out reasons behind meaningless sex as stated by hcwh. Is it enjoyable? opportunistic? filling a void? other possible options?
If meaningless sex can be enjoyable, then the person will most likely cheat again. They enjoy it.
If meaningless sex is opportunistic, impulsivity may be a character trait. The degree to which you can trust one who makes capricious decisions is highly questionable.
If meaningless sex is filling a void, there might be hope for the person but not the relationship.
Just my logic. Are there any other reasons for meaningless sex?
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Once a cheater always a cheater? Totally agree because it is in their blood to lie no matter what situation it is.
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When i first met my ex, he told me that his gf cheated on him and that he believe "once a cheater, always cheater..). he told me that this same gal cheated on him 3-4 times before he decided to let her go....
And then, guess what? That bastard, he is a cheater himself. The story , he told me was him! not his gf! YES i believe in "once cheater, always cheater". When you try it once, it's so hard to say NO... These bastards believe in "if she doesnt know, it wont hurt". That's their philosophy. Not everybody got the decency to know what is rite or wrong. Some ppl think that it's OK if nobody knows... It's like a green light.
My answear is clearly NO I WONT TRUST HIM. Why would he treat you differently? It's nice to believe that you are the special... let me tell you.. he'll always find somone as special near him when your not there....Find someone nice and worth your time darling. You can do better!
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it's a bit hard to say
but maybe once a cheater always a cheater
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I feel that cheating is rarely a singular event. I can't honestly think of a time when I kissed someone (or was kissed) where I didn't see it coming. Even if I had just met the person, we were probably having a drink, we had probably cozied up closer in conversation than I would with mates, our hands or arms had grazed, and there was something in the eyes that indicated a kiss was of interest.
In the midst of a committed relationship, there is something that clicks in my brain when I see the aforementioned body language that says, "Run. Run for your life. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Do not even wait for the waiter to bring your change." In reality, I end up saying, "I forgot to ring my bf/hubbie about something. Do you mind if I make a quick call?" I then spend the release time figuring how I can gracefully exit the situation.
I'd really hope that a partner would have those sirens in his head. I tend to think that people either have that "smoke alarm" or they don't.
I suppose it would be possible for someone to install that "smoke alarm" retroactively after their life crashes and burns from an affair. That said, if they weren't brave enough to avoid the affair in the first place, I suspect they wouldn't have the courage (perhaps self-esteem) to do the long, hard work it would take to put things back together. There are exceptional people out there, but they are not the majority.
Flirtation is a game. Relationships are not.
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