Posted by
Raven767
18 yrs ago
I hate it when you respond to an ad and she does not respond. Or, worse, when she initiate, I respond, and she doesn't respond. I consider this "inconsiderate" and it is a game. It only takes about 20 seconds to write "No Thanks" and hit send - and it removes all doubt.
What do you think?
[Removed my response because people were not answering the above. Rather, they were responding to my response.]
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Thank you. Proves my point and removes all doubt.
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Oh, I also wish to thank you for your opinion. It was well thought out and very insightful. I will take your words of wisdom to heart.
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No actually, it is AsianEuro and FilipinoFriendFinder and they are good sites. I have made good contacts and some are still friends. But, I have also uncovered scams for the site by identifying fake ads.
Since I do not know what your sex is I cannot guage your response. I have asked this same question at other sites and the overwhelming majority of men have said that it also bothers them. And, one woman said she was upset that so many men are angry at her for what other women have done. But, she admitted she did not respond to emails.
It is interesting that, after I write and say goodbye, then they reply and try to explain why not responding is okay. The general answers are that they do not reply to ANY email, or they have found someone but haven't changed their ad, or they read the message and were going to respond later, when they got the time.
I give another response, no bad language, and let them know they had their chance and goodbye. My reasons for this is that I have found that inconsiderate people also lie, never apologize and cheat in relationships. But, that is probably just my experience.
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If you moved to Asia-why do you need to go through a web service to meet an asian woman? Stepping out of the door is a better option, and at least it makes the money you spent on your plane ticket worth while.
Your response was overwhelming. Sure it was a bit rude not to reply. But don't jump to conclusions that their intention was to be rude or to hurt your feelings. Sure- perhaps westerners like to be upfront, but for many asians, not saying anything negative or rude is often viewed as the more diplomatic route.
I am not sure 'finding an asian woman sexy' is enough to ensure that you'd hit it off with them. How well do you understand the asian ways and habits (bad or good)?
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Not in Taiwan. That is why I will move to HK this summer or Seoul.
And, read above what I wrote about what they (the non-respinders) said.
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I think people are missing the point. I want your opinion on people who don't respond, not my reaction.... I want yours.
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For those based in HK or BKK, I agree with you. Getting out on the street and going to places is the best way. I have been there and will probably move to HK this summer. But, I am based in Taiwan (not in Taipei). Try coming here and acting like you do in BKK or HK.
As I said, I have met some nice ,adies and have had some good dates.
I will say again, I am looking for opinions on those who do not respond to your interest.....
T3 was at least close. Hanuman, if I was in BKK, my computer would never be on - it's a different world.
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trix
18 yrs ago
Why should everyone behave according to how you expect them to? Or see the world the same way as you do?
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I am not asking anyone to. I am:
1. Asking how others feel about this.
2. Pointing out that, in my experience, inconsiderate people are egocentric and terrible in relationships. So, I use this (response/non-response) as a gauge of their consideration or lack thereof.
They can behave anyway they want, it just won't be with me.
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Raven, no offence, but don't you think you are getting just a little to worked up about this??!!??
People have so many things going on in their lives that you wouldn't be able to even comprehend. It's unbelieveable the different things that people do each day, who they talk to, where they go, what they think etc. I'm sorry but I really think you are judging people you don't even know just because they don't reply to you. It could be for any reason that they don't reply - for all you know they could have family problems, they could have had a accident, they could be in hospital, ANYTHING!!! Their lives don't just revolve around your internet messages. Sometimes people really don't have time to respond.
It seems like you need to develop a little patience, otherwise you will drive them all away.
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Raven, I have just read your last post...
"They can behave anyway they want, it just wont be with me".....
So if you are seeming to have such a carefree attitude about all this now....why bother with this thread??? It all seems a bit pointless.
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Two reasons:
First, because I want to see how others handle inconsiderate people.
Second, on another site, many men thought that writing a second time and telling the "lady" how inconsiderate she was is a good idea. If nothing else, she gets twice as much mail to ignore. There, they understood the question and answered the question.
And, another side, if a lady who does not respond reads how many men are upset with this, maybe she will stop being so inconsiderate.
I do not enter the situation carefree. I read the ads, I decide if this person might be a good person to contact. I show intereste and wait. I do not write to 20-30 at a time - maybe 2-3. Maybe if I did write to more, it wouldn't be so bad, but I find that a vast majority do not even respond after they read it - that is inconsiderate. But, that is just my opinion. I was hoping others would say whther they felt it was or was not. Maybe I'm just too considerate and I should start acting like them.
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Mr. Credible, good answer. Very well thought out. Okay, except for the "'if you dont want some of this you can f-off'" because that I do not do.
Businesses that do not reply to a CV are probably ones that you send them to that are not solicited. I have had a response for every CV I have sent.
But, women (if they are really women) who place an ad are soliciting for interviewees. That is what their ad is all about. You do not see businesses sending out flyers and then locking their doors. That is the same thing inconsiderate people do.
And, I have yet to receive a negative response to my photo, actually quite the opposite. That is much of my point. I lay everything out and there are no hidden agendas or only a head shot in my profile, it is complete. Those who do respond are very nice. And, as I stated earlier, almost everyone I send my "inconsiderate email" to responds with an apology. I think that many people (women) do not understand that it only takes 5-20 seconds to say "no thanks" and hit send.
Thanks for your comment.
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Thank you Jungle Duet. I never said anything bad about Taiwanese women. Everyone I have met in this country is nice.
I alluded to the fact that folks in HK or (especially) BKK cannot compare apples and oranges. There is not the same atmosphere here as there.
I do have a Taiwanese FWB (friend with benfits) and she is hotter than a pistol.
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As far is how I come across, you are making assumptions. I am honest and straightforward. I will not be ambiguous. My profile is complete and many of these ladies write me initially. Then I respond. And then they don't. It is a case of either they are just collecting phone numbers (ads) or they think I am intersted so I will wait. I think the former - the bar game women play to see who can get the most phone numbers from men.
Maybe if everyone - men/women - treated everyone with respect then everyone would not treat everyone with disrespect. As I said, almost every answer I get is an apology for their behavior.
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trix
18 yrs ago
Gosh Raven, you talk as if the women owe you just because you've exchanged a few emails. You're beginning to sound more and more like one of those psycho-stalkers off the Internet- maybe that's why they are too scared to respond?
Ok that was a bad joke. But my point remains- lighten up pal!
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Okay, now that I have taken out my response and you folks aren't confused, how about answering the question.
How do YOU feel about people not responding?
It is not how do you feel about how I feel.
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Internet dating is a numbers game and you're basically getting a lot of "no"s. End of story.
You want and expect people to give you the time of day, but it's just like American Idol, you have a one email to get you onto the next round. Who said it was easy? I know I've tried it!
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Thank you. Good answer. And I agree about those I sent emails to unsolicited.
But, what about those who write first? They have read the whole profile and they initiate contact.... I only respond to what they ask or comment. Then they do not respond. (And, as I said before, after I confront them, they do apologize.)
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If they respond after you've confronted them, then they're more polite than me. But, why do they respond then? Is it because they genuinely feel remorse at their impoliteness, or do they think o.k I'm not really interested but he sounds like he's desperate enough to be my ticket out? I think you're leaving yourself wide open to be honest Raven.
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trix
18 yrs ago
If someone doesn't reply, I will assume he is not interested/has lost interest. I won't be banking any hopes on a stranger I haven't even met face-to-face and I certainly wouldn't get bitter about it. Why even confront? The person is just not interested. Sending him an email doesn't change that. In fact, doing so only gets you remembered as the Scary Pyscho Guy. Is that really what you want?
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Would you get all confrontational and indignant if some girl who started talking to you in a club didnt come back after excusing herself to go to the bathroom, then you saw her talking to some other guy eh?
You see, she probably checked you out enough to know to move on.
It's life, it's internet dating, it's the way things are - relax and move on to the next profile and don't try to equate other peoples' your standards with your own so much, less misery for you!
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As to your first question Tiger01 I've seen some men that do!
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yep matches, me too, and they come across as pretty poorly and sour grapes. That is my point really.
So does the same behaviour over email make the guy look the same?
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Actually worse on the email to be honest, because they've invested nothing much.
Kind of endearing in person though! (JMO)
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From Matches, "Is it because they genuinely feel remorse at their impoliteness, or do they think o.k I'm not really interested but he sounds like he's desperate enough to be my ticket out?"
Actually I think it is because they really didn't realize they were being so inconsiderate. And, to answer the unasked question, I inform them that I said I was no longer interested and I tell them goodbye. There is no openness for inconsiderate people. I have learned, through experience, that inconsiderate people have many personality (loyalty) short-comings.
From Trix, "only gets you remembered as the Scary Pyscho Guy. Is that really what you want?"
Since I am no longer interested, I could really care less what they think, but I will tell them why.
From Tiger01, "Would you get all confrontational and indignant.."
No, because that is a face to face thing and I would see it in the eyes and hear it in the voice. Would she be rude? Yes. But, I would know how she feels and would not be waiting for a response. That is inconsiderate.
As I think I have stated, those I contact I can almost understand. But, those who contact me..... that is a different story.
I do go back to my Business analogy, why do they post an ad and then close the store?
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A little side note, I wrote a lady and she worte back and said she was no longer looking because she found her man. I wrote back and asked her, "why don't you deactivate your ad?" She wrote back and thanked me because she hadn't thought of it and was upset about getting emails.
My point, sometimes, people do not realize they are inconsiderate until it is pointed out. This is a "me generation".
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If it's not someone I'm already friends with, who cares if they don't respond.
Women on AFF with new profiles get 20+ emails a day. You can't expect them to respond to them all.
Guys on AFF send the same email to 20 women at a time, verbatim. And the women know this.
Other sites may have a different environment, but still, you've got to assume women get a hell of a lot of mail from strangers they just don't feel they have to bother with. Even if they themselves made first contact.
I get the same thing on Friendster. It's just the nature of anonymous internet communications and we have to accept it.
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Don't YOU care? Aren't you considerate?
You're right about AFF. But, their major problem is the number of fake ads and scam ads. I even had one lady tell me to go see her other ad... where she had the same picture but with her real age and fact - yes, I reported it and she was deleted.
On FilipinoFF, I use to get about 10-15 winks/emails a day - yes, I responded to every one of them. But, I changed my profile and stated that I would only respond to emails - not winks or one-line emails. Now, I get maybe 2-3.
I may be wrong but I think when I was on AFF, someone wrote me and said they saw my profile on Friendster. I do knbow they saw my ad on another source that was linked to AFF. -- I have quit AFF.
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Someone said on another thread - "Being ignored hurts (me) a lot. More than anything else, even, except being lied to. I think people sometimes don't understand how much pain this can cause an individual."
I hope that doesn't apply to you because when you do not reply, it is ignoring the other person. Ignoring and not responding??? Pretty much the same thing.
Thank you for the point though, it highlights my point about inconsideration - but it doesn;t hurt me, it angers me the callousness. The author of that is sensitive and would never "not respond" if he actually meant the above.
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J_C.... good one, I also laughed. And, I have gotten some good ones.
I have to say I am confused. I thought you were male, but the response indicates female. Not important just a reflection on the nom de plume.
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"Someone said on another thread - "Being ignored hurts (me) a lot. More than anything else, even, except being lied to. I think people sometimes don't understand how much pain this can cause an individual."
Good job - you've connected it. But there's a difference. One of the threads is dealing with exes. The other is strangers.
Yes, bing ignored by an ex-girlfriend, or an ex-friend hurts a lot. But being ignored by a stranger? Meh.
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I do understand your distinction. But, how one treats strangers is often more relevant to their character than how they treat loved ones.
Always be respectful and always treat others as you wish to be. And, I am Agnostic, that is a rule everyone should live by, not just the religious.
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We could debate this for hours. But, I am too old and too Southern to be inconsiderate or rude. So, while you have your belief, I have mine.
I am interested in the different opinions though.
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I think the shop open for business analogy is a bit incorrect though because a shop wants tons of customers, a woman advertising usually just wants one man so she's obviously going to vet the replies.
Did you send back those reprimands to the women on AFF too?
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By the way, I personally do respond politely to strangers, even if I'm not interested... I just have to allow myself to not be upset when they don't respond to me.
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Not on AFF... that is just for sex. But, if they contacted me and I responded and they didn't, I worte back, "I guess you aren't interested?"
I don't get upset. I know how some people are. I just tell them they are inconsiderate.
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kT, I am sure what you wrote made sense to you. But, could you explain it so that it could be better understood.
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Or..... they say they are 5'5" 122# and are 5'2" 152#..... and then think it is okay that they lied!!!!!
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No. It's called lying when they switch numbers. Advertising is not giving all the facts. Lying is changing the facts.
I don't understand what age has to do with advertiements or lying.
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