Posted by
confusedhk
19 yrs ago
To all the men out there that read these threads started by confused women...at what point when you realise that you are not"in love" with your girlfriend do you have the decency to end it? Weeks...months..do you stay for fun even though you aware how she feels? Too much fun in the bedroom? Somebody to hang out with on an afternoon in HK? Why not just go out and find a sh*g elsewhere? Why do men have no back bone in these situations? Is it pure deceipt, weakness..? Why ruin somebody that you supposedly care about? Enlighten me..
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a fill in until theat get married to some young chick 20 years theor junior...
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I think the point here is that HE knows it isn't permanent but she thinks it could be... and there is an element of "leading her on" because he stays.
So-- for all of us [no gender bias]:
How long do we stay when we know it won't last?
WHY do we stay?
For me, I seem to need irrefutable proof [I'm into over-forgiving] that he REALLY REALLY doesn't care before I will leave. And, I stay because I care.
On the other side, when I KNOW it won't work... I miserably drag along with him, usually thinking that there is something faulty about ME!!
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shaq
19 yrs ago
Let's get real confusedhk:
If one (here, a lady) could revisit the beginning of a relationship and how lovely it was, then, she'll know when there is no more love left for her. At this point, she could either find out what is wrong and work things out or quit and move on. This is just common sense; you don't expect the guy, who probably doesn't wanna be looked at as a bad person, to tell you (decently). Life/love is how you make it.
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Shaq - ??? Sorry but I could not make head nor tail of you posts.
Agree that this is another 'woe is me' thread.
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shaq
19 yrs ago
Vulvic >> Sorry!
Just trying to tell confusehk not to sit and wait for a bf to end a relationship before she gets to know that she's not loved any longer.
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Fair enough.
I think the problem is that many people are afraid of ending a relationship becuase they can't handle being on their own. Sad but true.
Similarly many people are in relationships with people because they feel is better than no relationship at all.
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shaq
19 yrs ago
JC has said ti all.
We should all take responsibity and stop the blame game. Being in a relationship is good. But to be in there and treated like nothing, but 'sex-machine', is sad. There are so much love around. Open your eyes and go for one that treats you like human.
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This is tricky, most marriages will wane down, the couples may not necessarily be in love but they do love each other. I find it hard to believe that you can actually be in love with a person for ever, but you can always love someone without being in love with that person. As long as you still love each other, it will worth staying in the relationship.
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WOW-I have been away for a day, but my post certainly has had responses which I did not expect. I should have explained my circumstances because it is not a "woe is me" situation at all! We were together for 8 months only and everything was fantastic (sohe made me believe)- the entire "pure deceipt" question was relating to how a man can manifest himself as a loving,giving,devoted partner and out of left field dump somebody. Thank you for all your rants and advice but I am moving on nicely thanks very much. General comments on what makes a man stay and look himself in the mirror every morning when he knows he does not feel the way was all I was asking...
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>space-dust: I wonder how you love somebody without being in love with her? Of course, we are not talking about parental love or love to our siblings, relatives or friends.
For me it's a kind of stages in one's emotional development.
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wildorchid, judging from your question, my guess is you've never been married.
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