What can I do ?

My husband and I married 7 years plus now and in beginning of 2011 we planned to come to anther country to settle out of HK.


So I came here first then he planned to followed but luck are not with us so left alone in HK and supporting my study fees and living expense.


We have not big issue during our 7 years of marriage and I planned to come back after my study finish suddenly last 3 month ago he suddenly sent me email that he met another woman and have a baby . Actually the day before we talked over the skype everything was fine.

He love me so much since in the beginning and never see he so angry . I am younger than him and I like to scold small matter and want to contol some stuff on him but we don't have big issue thought sometime he told me to change my behaviour.


But last 3 month ago suddenly send me email about his new affiar and even have baby now it is hard to believe and he cut the phone and no contact. He cut all financial support and I still need to pay my final years school fees and I am half way preparing to return HK. And he didn't apply dependent visa for me . So I can't come back . I am not sure whether affair thing is true or not because we used to talk everyday morning and night whenever he on the way to work weekend all the time. There no doubt about someone there.


How can I ensure about it and I want to save my marriage. The big issue is I am in trouble oversea money issue and he no longer reply email . Last few day he talked to me on skype even there seem someone type said " I am his wife , he no longer read his email all the message and email read by her " so I am not sure what is going on .


We have very beautiful memories spent so much money for our wedding , wedding photo and etc. I have no idea how do I do it . Even I want to come and see the truth I don't have enough money if he don't allow me to stay in the house . What can I do ? He also cut all contact with his freind so it is hard to find out the truth. I knew is his health is not very good during the time as he can't stand work pressure ,supporting money for my school fees and etc and I am not sure what time he can meet someone and even have baby .


I am in big trouble now , financial problem and not sure what to do ? Is there any association can help for foreigner to support to solve those problem and provide some temp accomodation for a person like me when I come to HK and see my husband to solve out the issue ?


Please give me advice . I have no idea what to do and I don't have much freind and help me out to find out in person to him . My life is really bad right now .

It seems to me you care more about loss of the money than you do about losing the husband.

Well I accept that everyone has different perceptive . If I love money I won't support and marry him because he came to me in beginning zero man no job ,no money . He hide and didn't tell me he has wife . I support him to stay in the country for visit visa extension till he got job then I provide his food and live with me. Then we slowly move on our life then he become change to better job .


He used to hide and lie a lot of thing all the way . Now also when I went to oversea then he met another woman and dump me but we are officially married.


If I care money , I have many choice since in the beginning and now even I can get one . What for I waste my time for suffering of losing him. Just because I love him and want to maintain my marriage.

A lot of ladies don't understand this, so let me spell this out - Having a beautiful wedding means almost nothing to a man.


Marriage is about daily life. If the daily life is good, then you are on the right track. Keep a nice figure, talk with him politely, admire him, and have happy times together. And don't neglect the bedroom.


You problem is that you and your husband have been living apart; you were not in his daily life. This created an opening, and someone else has inserted herself into this space.


This other woman should get out of his life, and put the kid for adoption... but you can't start by saying that... you have to make him want you back first.


You need to get on an aeroplane now, and find your man. Do whatever you have to show that you love and cherish him and want to be his wife.

Telling him he's wrong is NOT going to work (even though he might be). You need to start by apologizing for not being there, and every other thing you did that offended him. When he accepts you back, he should start to admit he's been pretty bad too.


Good Luck.

Thank CaptDave for your suggestion . For Malka . It is 100% impossible to have baby within short time . Worst case it is ok he can have choise but he need to be done officially and talk to me over the phone or settle face to face not run away. It is not professional . I sacrify a lot in beginning married divorce man as single lady who has lot of better choise for the sake of love but he just kick me out without telling me . How bad is that ? It is not fair at all . Money problem isn't big matter as I am educated person I can manage it . Just it is not good the way he done to me .

There are a lot of good men also plenty of bad ones out there.

If he wants to cut the contact there is really nothing you can do.

That's sad when i see a woman 100% financial depending on a man. Do you have your family? Can you go to your family and forget about him?

I don't suggest you come back to see him face to face unless you have things here belong to you. I doubt that he would change his mind anyway, things will turn out really ugly.

You don't have children, so consider yourself VERY LUCKY.

Hope you will have better luck next time and please, get yourself a job and don't depend 100% on men anymore.

Thank PuiK for your suggestion . It is very hard for me to go on without seeing the truth . I am ok if he don't want me atleast I want to settle and get in peace my mind from ambiguities . I have decided to go on my new life . I am depending on him due to our agreement and plan as I am pursuing my higher degree for our future . Sound that I should consider him as bad man and my faith is not there for me anyway. I do have some of my stuffs there anyway . In future I will not depend on men anymore . Learn the lesson . Just better to stay with my two lovely dogs .

Pfff, like you being proud of her is at the top of her wish list! *SMH*


OP - I suggest if you are having money problems take a year off before coming back to your university degree with money of your own or a loan. It seems foolish to think you can continue now without the money to back it up. If what you say is true, that even now, you have options for finding a better man, then I suggest you put your money (its just a saying) where your mouth is and move on. This guy may not already have a baby, maybe a baby on the way. OR he has a baby and was doing the dirty on you since 9 months ago. Whatever the deal is, he ain't keen to take your call.


All of us would like someone to "tell me to my face" in the assumption that will give you closure...trust me, it won't. You are still the one who got unceremoniously dumped, there is no need for fanfare, the guy is a rat for having done the dirty on you and a coward for not having the balls to tell you to your face, but lets face it, when its over, its over, do you really need to have someone tell you to your face? Whichever way the delivery system, you are still left feeling likesh*t!


Anyway, good luck...and yeah...well, sounds like this dude wasn't exactly a winner in flying colors when you met him either...so no surprise how he turned out.

I accept what justin said. It is very practical . But over here we all guess and not seeing the truth of what the other side happening as he is sending me email first two mails talk about affiar and following mails show care on me and our future and about his health nearly dead or something . He might have depression and loneliness when I am away from me . Everything is possible .

After all I just want to take a risk once and for all before I start my new life. Then no more second chance to him and forget everything if it is true . This is my plan. If you guys can really help me out I am welcome to meet anyone to go with me to see him . Kind of social service :-) Please let me know.

Not a good idea. Move on.

I'm sorry I know this is out of topic... But pls anyone help me how to view my threads reply? I can't view the replies. I'm just new here just registerd today. How to view them? Maybe something wrong with my settings... Pls help!


Thank u in advance!

your husband has another woman and has a baby??? in which country do you live? it is strange that your husband dares to tell you that and if it is real, then i don't know what you are waiting for: either you accept or you don't accept, in which case get a divorce and with this info about his new woman +baby, you wouldn't have any problem to get mony from him.

"In future I will not depend on men anymore . Learn the lesson . Just better to stay with my two lovely dogs": don't let this bad experience affect you so much. you have no children yet, you still have a whole life in front of you, just consider it a bad experience and consider it as a blessing since you have found out his real person now, still not too late for you to find a nice person, it is possible. just concentrate on your studies now, finish, get a degree, finda good job and a nice man will come, don't worry but don't let this one experience destroy your life, it's not worth it.

Sure. Thank for the encouragement rititt . I have no problem of starting my life as I possess high qualification level . Just not happy about his neglects and attitude . Thing have to be done properly instead just send me an email and disappear suddenly for our offical married and treat me like even can't see me or talk to me ?

now that you know he is such a person, you should feel better, because you know it's him, not you. very often people feel hurt because of that "betrayal" feeling and so you should be smart and use that feeling to record it in your memory database in case you meet similar person in the future. just think he doesn't deserve you and stop thinking of him, the more you think about it the more you will feel depressed. learn how to accept and admit that a mistake was done and draw a line and start new. good luck.

wow,


Man are.


A saying say's "Man with good intentions make promises. Men with good character keep them." With your story it's unfortunate he is not a man of good character. So donot waste your time,he do not deserves you. A man proposed to me and and after that I saw him walking and holding hands with an Indonesian DH in Wan Chai and he said hi hello to me. I did nothing except smiled and told myself let it go I know it hurts really hurts because you trusted him and then he betrayed you. Man are by nature polygamous. I have a life to enjoy. Let the bastard beg on you later. Get a job and move on a guy out there deserves you not him.


Enjoy life ok!

Thank elleine8838, yes I should not suffer from those kind of man ,I recommend. I just don't want to blame on particular country but the problem in Hong Kong is such a big issue with DH who are trying to get visa stay and snatch others husband. That's really bad because it is a big sin. And I just found out that my husband has being cheating me for sometime while I am away, he secretely went to Cebu and enjoy there with Phillipine lady may be DH or massage lady or may be someone from Hong Kong because she sent me email with very poor level of english mean I can guess what kind of person is she . How dare is that .. Yes I just agree that he is consider to be bad person break the loyalty and the worst thing is kick out the wife who are from same country and follow the junk . I have no idea he is stupid or the lady is too powerful . Something is wrong here..

Silkfabricus,


You are welcome. Good to know that you had realized you are not to suffer just because of a man.


You know what yes in Hong Kong there are so many ladies and these ladies came from different cultures, backgrounds and ubringings. It is not that because he is a DH or a filipina or an indonesian...it is because of the type of person they are.Well on my case the guy is well he likes me because of my wit and because of my visa. I am too a Filipina grew up in a nice environment,nurtured by a loving parents full of dreams. We are not rich and not poor either.We are contented on what we have because we love to spend money that we sweat on it, that is our fortune. " I am a person when I love I give all to that relationship but when i am betrayed O love my self more than enough to let go".


Your husband and my x bf are nurtured in a way not like us. they treat us like this for sure they want their siblings to be treated the same in the future. Remember what comes around goes around. when Karma reigns later for them they will come and beg to you. Now, make the best for your self and let him watch you later...I am doing the same. He will soon read my book about him.


Everything happens for a reason and the result of what he did time will tell but now i can see what that will be.


Be strong do not give up, if you know the company he works with go there you are the legal wife fight for your right but do not fight for him to come back to you give what is due to him. Make him suffer not you. If one day u come back in hk and fight for that right am here pm me.


Be strong