Posted by
Vulvic
19 yrs ago
Hmm a bit like that book Man and Boy.
Did you ask your ex why she kept it from you for so long and why she was telling you now? It's a tough one as you now have a family of your own but I would take the time to get to know your son. Otherwise in 20 years he will come back and stalk your family and kll your black Lab. Only kidding, have been watching too many episodes of Cracker.
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I had a friend who experienced just that. An old ex rang as she couldn't support the five year old child anymore by herself, the child was asking about Dad, and she hadn't wanted to burden him with it before.
They got the DNA done, and it was his, and he helps out but they are in no relationship other than being co-parents, and his life goes on.
He is a very nice guy and would not have done otherwise....yeah, but for him it was an almighty shock as well....
Get the testing done, and then deal with from there....but you obviously have the first fears....what happens to me now, why after all these years etc. if she wanted to continue a relationship with you, she would have done something about it when she became pregnant...so no worries in that direction....but find out a bit more...
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So there you go, sound advice from Flabbergasted.
But mark my word, turn your back on him and the family dog gets it. Sorry, I am joking. Have a v sick sense of humour.
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19 yrs ago
10 years is an awful lot of childhood to let pass without telling you about it!
Don't let it get between you and your wife. Let her know what is going on, let her be involved in whatever you decide, then she won't feel threatened, she will most likely want you to do the right thing by everyone.
Get the testing, do what you feel is the right thing, but don't allow it to affect your wife and new baby.
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DBonkers, It si my opinion that you should try and take measures to confirm that the kid indeed is yours. If he is, make an effort to be part of his life. One day, he will try to find you and the situation will be even more difficult for you and your wife. Good luck
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19 yrs ago
I did misread original post. I missed a "not", as in "This will NOT affect my wife and me....
Apologies..will get back to work..
Good Luck with it all. Him being 10 now is a good explanation for the sudden revelation from her. But still, to never tell you and then now is going to be a hard one to ever understand.
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Umm, am I missing something? This person broke up with you ELEVEN YEARS AGO and you are still E MAILING? WTF? Or, did she use an international tracking service to find you? Do you plan to pay child support once this new relationship is proven? How much can you afford? Do you plan to have the kid over for holidays? If so, who will take care of him while you are at work? As things stand right now, nothing is proven and you have no obligation (other than moral). Feel free to pay voluntary child support all you wish now, but OTOH if you pursue a DNA test and / or submit yourself to the jurisdiction of a court, new legal obligations may appear and you may not have much choice in the matter. Which of course, the child has even less choice so better you pay than him, if one must make the best of a bad situation.
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