Been just told i am a father

It was around 4 years ago , after i broke up with my first gf. Heartbroken , sad and worried , i met a girl online and she came to see me at my place, we had lunch and watched a movie and she left. after 2 or 3 weeks we met again , met 4 times and one day she sent me an sms that she is pregnant (we only had sex twice). After 2 days she visited me with her mom, and that lady made me very angry. We talked for a long time, it was late in the night i asked them to stay as they aint from shanghai, they stayed, her mom slept on the couch while she slept in a vacant room.We had decided to do the abortion. She planned to do it in her home town as it was cheaper than Shanghai, after one week her mom called me and asked for 20000 RMB ( aound 2800$ at that time) to get aborted or ......

i sent her the money. I did meet that girl once after all this happened, and never again . In 2009 she told me she has got married and living in beijing then.

Yesterday night she sent me a msg on MSN and said if i was married ,i said no but will get married soon. When i asked about her married life , she said nobody wants to marry a woman with a kid. And she said she lied to me she didnt get the abortion. I was stunned , speechless and couldnt sleep for the whole night.

She said she was in guangzhou and will let me meet him if i want to.

Now i am scared , worried and tense . what to do?

I am getting married within 2-3 months, this news will be devestating for all ( my family back home).

Please help me with any kind of advice.

thanks

get a DNA test to make sure you are really the father would be my first advice

I am sorry but if you have no plans on being a big part of this kids life you are better off not getting involved with the kid in the first place. Look at it as a favor you are doing the kid.


But then again, cold, hard, calculated, thats the way JC sees it.


The world is full of absentee fathers and this whole fiasco, she took your money and didn't have an abortion as she said she would. Her Mum was right there with her in making this decision. For all you know she might have had a kid with some other gwailo and is now going to meet you at a train station (assuming you go down that road) and you will be the worse for it.


You are going to get married soon, I am assuming it is to a woman you believe is "the right one" for you. If it was this other woman you wanted to marry (you know, the one who claims to be saddled with your kid) you would have done it then. But you didn't, and you shouldn't bother worrying about it now.


Now...if you are feeling the tug of genetics (which really, in the end, I think is the weakest link a parent can have to a child, without the "bond" of having been a part of someones life, that link is genuinely worthless) and you feel that its strong enough for you to want to be a meaningful part of this kids life, then I would go with what cookie09 said. Go get the test, and if its positive, tell your fiance, coz really, thats what you would need to do.


Good luck.

Thanks cookie , thanks JC

But what will happen after the DNA test ?If No (chances are low) then ok , but if yes then what ? what will i do after it?

What does local law says about it?

Thanks

But what do you want, Tim? If this child IS yours, do you want to be a part of the child's life?


Perhaps, if the answer is no, then don't have any contact with the mother. Then it's up to her if she wants to pursue any financial claim with you.


If you are keen to find out if the child is yours then you have no choice but to do the DNA test and prepare for whatever consequences follow. (ie. financial payments...). So this child must be almost 4 years old now?

Hi slammy and others

Well , honestly its too late for me to bring that child in my life if he is mine. I dont have any contact with her , dont even know if she really is in guangzhou. after we decided for abortion , she once said he hates me and her mother as we asked her to do the abortion , i cant imagine she didnt do it , her reactions were so natural.

How much those financial payments cuould be ?

I am not in good financial conditions .

i m not chinese and dont really know th law here.

Thanks all

Sorry, don't know anything about the legal/financial side.


But also, if the child is yours, you should tell your fiance.

Agree with Slammy, Irrespective of what happens with this woman / child you need to prioritise your problems.

a) Be honest with your future wife and come clean about your past. Once you have a supportive partner any problems about the past thrown at you can be handled with a lot more confidence.

b) If a DNA test proves that the kid is indeed your's. There is no guarantee if you even want to be a responsible ABSENT father the woman in question will see it through. From what it appears she seems to be a gold digger. I would (If you can afford it) take some responsibility for say education of the child and set up a trust fund type arrangement that the child gets the benefit but the mother or grandmother has no control over money.

It is very common in such cases for the child to grow up hating the absent parent as their minds are poisoned by the one bring them up.

I guess its not about you or the mother anymore but about seeing what is good for the kid in the long run.

The "You've-got-me-pregnant-you-must-pay-for-an-abortion" is the oldest trick in the book. (Incidentally, why should it be the man's sole responsibility? True, a guy shouldn't be riding bareback, but neither should she let him...). If she really believes it is your child, she could be expected to have contacted you before now. The question is: do you want to play a parenting role in this child's life now? Think of the constant demands for money the mother will make. Think of the effect on your relationship with your fiancee. If the answer is "no", you should consider having nothing more to do with her. Forget demanding a DNA test at this stage. If you demand this now and she refuses, then it would seem unlikely that the child is yours. But, if she agrees and the test is positive, then you have to face the legal consequences of your irresponsible behaviour. If you just ignore her now and she really believes you are the father, she will start the legal process rolling and this is likely to involve a DNA test. I do not know about Chinese law, but would imagine that you would be on the financial hook (and why not?) so you should take legal advice.


I suspect that this is a try-on, otherwise, why wait so long?

Timyuan,


There is a high chance that you have been cheated. Have seen many cases like this on CCTV12 , the law channel.


1) Pequoda is right, get a REAL DNA test, done by yourself. ( They can fake the DNA test report as well, if you are not witnessing )

2) Abortion cost in mainland should be around 2-3k RMB. The 20k RMB you paid is way out.

Hi All

Thanks Sander

Should i wait for her to contact me ? i dont know where she lives and what is she doing now!She said she is in guangzou now.

I dont know how much should it cost , when her mom called and asked for money she wanted the money for abortion as well for some recovery medical assistance.

I am not Chinese, Canadian national of Indian origin. been living in China for 7 years. And these days i m really in financial crisis, been almost jobless for 6 months.

Telling my fiance wont be very easy as she wont understand.


@MASON

I dont think i ruined the girl's life. She wanted it like that . She agreed to get aborted, i visited her when she was in hospital, i was worried , she cheated me . i am not talking about money, she lied to me , i dont know why she told me now , its useless already. It was her decision to keep it ( if she did) not ours?

i am feeling bad , swear i am it wont be easy for her to do this . Dont you guys think i am the one who is being tortured. She did all this cause she wanted , i never wanted this . I met her after she got aborted( i dont remember when it was late in 2007 or early 2008). She didnt tell me and after some months she said she is working in beijing and getting married it was 2 yrs ago and now .......

Some of you guys would know the life in India , it will become very ugly .. very very very ugly

frankly, you visited her when she did the abortion? i would simply ignore her and wait for her to do anything. the chance that they are trying to extract more money from you for a kid that does not belong to you (or that might not even exist) is considerably high...

Don't worry. Seems she is after your money. It sounds all to familiar.


Did she send you a picture of your "SON"? I guess not.


There are a couple of reasons to do nothing. If you really want to do something you can contact law enforcement to sort it out


If the kid was real,

1) She could already have started a lawsuit against you to enforce your fartherly duties. i.e. pay the money to support HIS life.....

2) The kid would have problem to go to school as he has no Hukou

3) The lady would have no life, because no one would marry her with a child.


It is a fake, a scam.

a) The mother was not her mother

b) She has definitely used contraception


I hope you make a wise decision.

Hi All

Thanks for being supportive

@cookie , yes cookie i did visit her in jiangsu when she was hospitalised for the abortion, though i couldnt see her as when i arrived she was in the OT , i met her mom though.

She was a good girl , and i hope she is still a good girl. She didnt ask for any money when she told me this.

I dont know why she did it now !

@ Sander

No she didnt send me any picture ,

What should i do?

Should i try to find the truth or just let it be.

Timyuan, are you in your best mind right now? How could you worry about something that has happened 4 years ago, without proof or evidence, to even bother you? Can't you psychologize what this woman is doing to you? Or you are better off jobless like those 6 mos of your life if you cannot even think what is REAL and what is NOT?


Timyuan, from your stories, I got what that woman is like: She dont know what she wants and everything she and her mom is doing are scams! Aren't you really not seeing this? First off, they came to your house demanding money for abortion. Then she said she have aborted the child. Then she said she is getting married. Then she said she cannot get married bec she's got a child. Timyuan, if you still think there is some truth to what she is saying, and get yourself beat up with it, then you are really better off jobless.


Timyuan, ITS ALL FRAUD ! A single woman cannot say she has aborted the child and then NOT get alimony from the father for 4 years. A woman CANNOT tell the father of the child that she has aborted the child when she actually havent! All these are just NOT AT ALL POSSIBLE!!!!


My Advice: Lay your consceince to rest, and DO NOT even care to investigate the case, bec what she is saying right now is: "I had a child with another man who have just left me, so can you please father this child?" If you dont believe me, try swimming in that same river and see what happens. But before you come out of that same river, the crocodile is gonna eat you alive!


DONT BE FOOLED TWICE ! That woman is SO OBVIOUSLY playing with your emotions. And you are so damn stupid to have been played !


Fool me once, shame on you, FOOL ME TWICE, SHAME ON ME!

let it be for sure

Timyuan:


You will NOT:

1. You will not talk to that woman again.


2. If she knows where you live, phone numbers and all, change them all. And when given the unfortunate chance to speak to her again, tell her you have been fired and is going back to India for good. Dont say Canada.


3. You will NOT CARE ABOUT DNA TESTING SHIT, bec u dont want to fall into another scam. So what if its your child? Tell me, are you gonna tell your fiance that u fathered a child etc etc? o right? so dont even think about it. Never! That child falls into the concern of that chinese woman whom have palyed a trick on you 4 years ago and going.


4. You are not going to tell your finace about her, and that child, bec yes, she will not understand that!


Think about yourself, dont go back 4 years back.

VEEbaby is right.

veebabe is talking crap.


Firstly, whether this woman is playing tricks or not is one thing. But if the story is true, then Timyuan is as responsible for the kid as the woman.


Find out first whether there really is a kid or not, and if so, whether it is yours. Even a picture would be a good start. There can't be that many Indian/Chinese kids around, so if she manages to produce a picture of one, then it gives the rest of the story some credibility.


If there is no kid, or at least it's not your kid, then there's no need to tell your fiancee. On the other hand, if the kid is yours, then you owe it to your fiancee to tell her. And if she dumps you, well that's the price you have to pay for behaving irresponsibly before. If you don't tell your fiancee, then your just as bad a scammer as the woman.

@AiZhongwen

Thanks for the advice , as you are based in Shanghai i assume you may know how these kind of things should be dealt with.

What if your kid became a huge success? I suppose you would want to be assocaited with him/her then, wouldn't you? Fortunately, these days, it is very simple to find out whether you are the father so a 'a scam' can easily be detected (not really an issue - I'm surprised some people think this is the case). Arrange to meet the lady and then get in touch with a company like Oxford Ancestors to get a paternity test done. Very simple, just take a swab and brush the inside of the mouth. It's up to you whether you tell your fiancee but the kid is vulnerable and needs your protection. You can't be much of a man if you run off and leave him/her. See http://www.oxfordancestors.com

@LGMV

Iagree with you , she wont be that stupid to make a claim unless she is 100% sure. Is it justified what she did. May be she thinks she is a goddess by sacrificing her life. But what she did wasnt the right thing to do , If she wanted she must tell me, People feeling i sould be equally responsible , dont you think she shouldnt do this to me and more importantly why after so many years, except you are trying tobe a martyr what else you could get out of it now.

About my wedding , I am already legally married, it was an arranged marriage, i am not afraid of taking responsibilty of the kid, i m afraid of what will happen back home , when i think about it it stuns me. Only people with same social backgrounds would understand.

I just want to understand what herintentions were. Why did she do all of this. She said she just wanted to keep it ( After the so called abortion was done , she said she hates her mother cause she made her abort the child and she could understand why did i ask her to). I asked her how old is he , she replie with , i dont need to know. my question is i have no rights to know how old is he and how does he look like , i shouldnt know he existed.

I am going through hell if you guys can understand.

BTW , anybody with the same experienc????

No need to make a fuss or tell your wife. Just find out if it's yours. If so, then help out. Telling your wife would be a mistake. If you cannot afford it, then speak to someone on your side of the family you can trust.

Timyuan, are you retarded or just plain stupid? You are being scammed!!!! 20,000 rmb for an abortion....You do know your in China right? haha and you must know that things get cheaper once you leave the big cities like Shanghai and Beijing for the smaller cities in China?? The local people here feel that the person orchestrating a scam like this are not at fault, but it is the fault and stupidity of the victim. So, it serves him right if he is that stupid.....bro, that person is YOU!!!


First off,


- that 'mom' that arrived is just a lady who discussed this girls situation (about dating a foreigner, not about being pregnant) with her and probably put the thought of this scam into her head...so, she tagged along for the confrontation at your place to convince you. Local Chinese will not go straight to their moms if they get pregnant....odds are they will discuss it with you or their friends.


- did I mention that your in China and abortions are a fraction of what you paid? Oh....Yeah, I did! Regardless, you got scammed once..... but, I'm surprised your willing to let it happen again? You had a verbal agreement to abort the child (if there was one) and you paid your share...plus, for this. At this point, you should feel no remorse or guilt. If she did not get the abortion than what happened to your money?....I would consider it a one sum payment for the child.


I read some of the comments on here and I can't help but laugh... AiZhongwen must have graduated in the same class as you, actually, he thinks he holds some sort of moral ground and could only make moral judgements and thoughts. Why would the actions of person" A" reflect on the other if person "A" did not follow the agreed upon course? especially, if you had a oral agreement and had made all payments to achieve the objective. You are not a scammer...just stupid. We agree to start a business, we agree on a goal and the business plan. Eventually, we decide it's not working and we agree to dismantle the company and go our separate ways. I pay for the legal fees, sign all the appropriate papers, and pay all costs to dismantle the company. However, you decide to venture into another business without telling me. 4 years later, you call me out of the blue and tell me you lied and didn't dismantle the company. Instead, you have been running an illegal business without my consent, all the previous legal fees and payments to dismantle the company were fake, the documents forged, and you have racked up incredible debts with everyone and need an out. I would tell you to "F@ck yourself" and I would call the police and my lawyers to protect my interests and make sure you get charged for fraud. But, according to Aizhenwen, you should be found guilty because you are an accomplice. Bonehead remark by Ai. At this point, this sounds like a major scam and you should not follow Ai's remarks... I have to agree more with veebabe.


You wanted to find someone with a similar experience...


I met a girl and we got along well, we hung out a few times and went out for drinks one night..... She decided to come to my place afterwards, cause she lived so far away (I had a hand in convincing her to come to my place, just being honest). After a little foreplay, I put on the condom (did I mention you were an idiot for not using one?) and I 'tried' to get down to business but it was strange because she had her hands down there the entire time....she was squirming and trying to control all my movements (I thought that maybe I was just too big so I was trying to be gentle with her). I was getting tired of this and basically settled for a hand job but she thought I didn't know...I should explain this, I was on top and she had her hands down there holding my one eyed jack (again) and pretending like I was inside her. Like I said, I got bored quick and just wanted the release now to get it over with...even though I wasn't inside her. When we were finally done, I got up and discovered the condom was not on anymore.... I FREAKED out! I knew she had pulled it off and all I could think was that this c_nt was trying to give me an STD. I yelled and kicked her out of my place (didn't raise a hand) and was pissed at her.... she just kept texting me and telling me that she didn't do this or didn't know cause she was drunk (btw, the condom was a couple of feet from the bed with no residue on it....so it was never 'used'). How sorry she was and how much she liked me and she swears that she didn't do anything with the condom coming off.... told her off and thought that was it. Two weeks later I get a call and she tells me she's pregnant. Now, I know her motives.... anyways, I told her congratulations an to leave me alone. She kept harassing me with calls and texts saying she's pregnant and that I need to pay for an abortion and all this other crap... I told her to try and scam the last person she slept with (she says no one else) because I didn't have sex with her, just a handjob. She finally begins threatening me and telling me she will be at my place and call the police, etc..... I told her to meet me at the police station because I have a friend who works there in a high position. I told her that if she calls or bothers me again, I will go to the police and let them resolve this matter cause I KNOW I didn't do anything wrong... we have some rights in China so don't be scared of the police. Haven't heard from her since....


Now, don't listen to the people on here about telling your fiance....


What is the point of it???? You didn't do anything wrong.... except the stupidity.


- You didn't cheat on your fiance...this happened well before she was in the picture.

- You were scammed/cheated/lied to before by this girl and there is a incredibly high chance that she is trying again


A lot of people online like to think they are morally superior but this is because they fail in their own personal lives. Honesty is not always the best policy! Some things don't need to be brought out in the open.... There is no 'win' in doing so.


I have a girlfriend, but I don't want to hear if she was involved in some deviant sexual orgy at one time in her life...that will definitely change my perspective of her. Something I don't need to know or WANT to know. We all have done things in our past and we've all done "the walk of shame", but we don't ALL come forward and tell our significant others of our pasts. So, why would someone tell you to be truthful and let your fiance know everything??? Just ignore her, threaten her with a call to the police, and enjoy your life. If things turn out in the future that there is a baby out there that is yours.... admit to your wife at that time. BUT! explain the scams in the beginning with the money and that since that time, you never believed a word that she was saying...... "once bitten, twice she...."


How would you be expected to believe this girl again if she lied and cheated you before?


Take the necessary precautions and look at the steps that I have taken....most importantly, DON'T BE STUPID!

LOL... whats the point of people posting anymore... Timyuan is going to do what he wants.. he's already emotionally compromised.


The fact that he's assuming that she's a good girl and wouldnt do this.. should be a huge neon sign about this.


Timyuan - you got scammed. and are getting scammed again. BUT do as you wish.


Close this thread.. its a waste of bandwidth.

I was just interested in the money of the SCAM....


I have been living in China for many years. This is just a straight case from CCTV12, where the fraudster scammed with a 1M RMB the settlement amount.


How much is TIMYUAN willing to pay.......?????

Well , i may be stupid or retarded ,

i havent done anything wrong in my life , never even got a traffic ticket , so you guys could understand how could i feel about this.

yes i am emotionally compromised but not for the girl but for the kid , what if he really existed. Even if this is a scam ( why after 3 years) , she wont know i m still in china! and she didnt complain .

Sander i dont have 1M , so i aint worried about it.

I just needed to know if she wante to scam , 3 yrs ago was the best time , she knew where i live , where i work etc etc,

she said she will let me know if i could meet him , then why tell me he existed.

My whole life has turned up side down.

or you guys think she just tried too disturb me cause she hates me????

Timyuan, you got different points of views here and this should help you think about your situation. That's the purpose of a discussion group...sharing thoughts, ideas and experiences and not really answering questions.


You are faced with 2 options, meeting the boy and his mother and taking it from there (the child might not be yours and even if he is...you have loads of questions to ask and different ways to go about this because she mislead you in a very big way) or disappear.


You last sentence (or you guys think she just tried too disturb me cause she hates me????) worries me.

Tim. Try to calm down and be more mature. It's not that big a deal. If the kid is yours, it may be enjoyable to bring it up. Don't jump to conclusions about people and motives. Obviously, don't give money without a paternity test but if the test shows you to be the father then try to see how much money you can give the mother without your wife finding out. Don't give too little either or the mother will end up turning the kid against you. Later on life, this child may be a great help to you instead of the burden you now see.

Wont it be a good idea to at least ask for a birth certificate?

i doubt she can present a fake birth certificate and you should be able to get a fairly good idea about what time child was born(if he at all was) to her?


and just ask for a swab of cotton and get paternity tests done yourself, there should be no need to meet her or the child,


and then you should be able to decide how to proceed.

Regarding scams: Yes there is a chance it is a scam but, like I said, it is unlikely as a paternity test is pretty iron-clad. The girl may have been scared to have the abortion and could be from a poor background where HK$20,000 is significant so might as well keep the baby and ask the father for more cash as it grows up. Not saying this is the case, just one of many scenarios.

@ dickwoos

I may be retarded but i aint selfish , thats why i am asking for advice, i didnt know ho to handle this problem.

@LGMV

Thank you very much for your advice , i aint thinking he is a burden i m just scared.

She was not very rich but not poor either , she was working with a very big company at the time i met her , i dont know what is she doing now and where she lives(except she said she was in guangzhou).

If there is a baby it would be mine 99% sure about this, i dont understand why she tells me this now , he should be around 3 now. I remember when her mom asked for money and i replied i cant pay 20000 but only around 8000, the girl sent me msg and said " pls help me, i m in a big problem " , i think i did what a responsible man should do, i first sent her 10000 and after some days sent her 10000 more (borrowed). i didnt want her to be punished for what was not ONLY her fault , i was also responible. She cant be that stupid to make a claim which she knows can be easily medically challenged. we dont live in the stone age anymore. She also knows that i aint that stupid to take the bait without any proofs.

Now i just dont understand why she told me now , it is already too late. even if i want to play some part in his life i cant.

She would definitely know what Consequences she could face in this society after she gives birth to a child without marrying his father ( China is still not Europe and America).

And i really dont want him to grow withoout a father.

I am not a good lair , i will be caught sooner or later by my wife or family.

Next time she contacts you, ask her why she waited all this time. Also, ask to see a photo, and like someone else suggested, a birth certificate! How often does she call you, by the way? Was is a one off phonecalll and that's it?

Next time you chat with her, tell her that you would like to meet at the police station, as you know one of the chief officers there, to sort this out. If she doesn't contact you again, you know enough.


But Tim, honestly, you come across as a headless chicken at this moment, when I read all your comments, you have made up your mind about the following already:


1) it is your child

2) this woman is not capable of lying

3) you have to tell your family/ future wife, as you are not able to lie


Get your head straight, don't do anything stupid! Also, what I can tell you, -and I know a couple of Indian woman myself-: if you tell her you have a baby somewhere is rural China, she will be out of the picture for good, arranged merriage or not!

Tell your fiance the truth. If she's a decent woman, and the right one for you, then she'll support you and stand beside you.


I am confused as to why she took your money and then didn't get the abortion, especially if you went to the hospital and waited, whilst she was in the operating theatre. I would question whether she was there at all. I think you got scammed. I know that you want to believe her. I know it's almost inconceivable that someone could lie that well, but believe me, they do. It's devastating to think people like that exist and they do it so convincingly...


She told you she got an abortion. You were at the hospital. Then years later, she contacts you and asks if you're married and then tells you that you're the father of her child... I'm sorry... but this seems a little unbelievable. Why now? Ridiculous.


If I were you and you want to know for sure, get the DNA test, then decide how you will show support. Do NOT give any money to her anymore... in fact, I'd be asking her for the RMB20,000 that you have already given her... where is that? And why wasn't she honest enough to give it back to you last time? You see... none of it makes sense.


And don't worry if others criticise you. They are passing their moral judgements onto you. Do what feels right for you.


I wish you the best.

i agree with everything Mickey_Hongkong says.

Me too, I agreed with what Mickey_HongKong reply.

Something just doesn’t add up here, how could she be in a hospital if she did not go through the abortion??You were at the hospital. Then now, suddenly, she contacts you again, all bitter and everything, and drops the bomb that you are the father. Never explain why she pocketed the money you gave her for the abortion instead of doing what is being agreed. I'm sorry... but like Jules's comment, it is unbelievable.

A lot of ideas and suggestions have been given for your consideration. I would think your major problem is not whether this child is yours or not, I trust you would do the right thing based on your own moral standard. Your major concern now is how you will handle this piece of information and works toward minimizing the impact on your current relationship. Assuming this kid is yours, should you or shouldn't you let your fiancé know, to come out clean and risk losing her because of one stupid mistake or try your best to hide the truth and hope that it will buried under the ground . You are the only one who knew your fiancé best, and how strong is the foundation of your relationship, I disagree though that a poster said if she's a decent woman, and the right one for you, then she'll support you and stand beside you. It has nothing to do with being a decent woman or not, it is how she will take the news and the fact that how this child was conceived, it is not like the child is a product of a past love relationship but more on a one night stand x2.. not a normal traditional relationship for someone who is traditional or conservative. So she might get to know you on a different angle, one that she might not be aware of before, if she can accept it or not.

@My Hong Kong

No it wasnt a phone call , it was a little chat on MSN , and she doesnt really come online often , she didnt after our last chat.

Thanks Mickey ,thanks syed

@Amparo

When she was in hospital , i went there to see , it was a big hospital and i didnt know which room she is in , i stayed there for 2 hours and kept calling her , she didnt pick up and i also called her mom who said she is in the OT, and asked me to wait , but i left after waiting for some hours and came back to shanghai, when we talked on phone the same night i told her i went there and she said the same that she was in OT and i asked what about it and she said didnt i ask her to do it asap so she did it.

Tim, i think the girl is just trying to extract more money from you, to support the so-called your child. She probably was not pregnant before and did not have the abortion at all. I can share with you one story of my friend, who met this girl in Shanghai and who was from Hangzhou. He picked her up from a Chinese restaurant in Shanghai and they had sex the same night. About two months later, she sms him saying that she is pregnant and want some money for the abortion. My friend told her that he has a police friend in Shanghai and he wants to meet her with his friend together, to talk about this money for abortion. He is firm with this arrangement. After several sms exchanges, she did not bother him again! This is a true story. This is the same advice from Mickey Hong Kong. So just ignore her demand and my advice to you is dont talk to your current girl friend of this case at all or you may lose her, not worth the risk! Good luck!

Tim, get the answer from a horse's mouth, get a DNA test, be responsible, for good or worse, get the facts straight. The worse decision is not decision. The biggest fear in a war is not when you are flighting but when you were waiting for it. God Bless !!!

Wait, so you said you were at the hospital but you didn't get to see her, you saw her Mum instead?


Pssshhh, does anyone else think he was royally scammed in the waiting room?


Most abortions, carried out before 4 months are a walk in and walk out procedure, you do not end up being admitted to the hospital.


How could she have been admitted to the hospital if she didn't even have a procedure done? I'm guessing part of that RMB20,000 was used to bribe a hospital orderly to loan a bed! *SMH*.


Woah...

@p.mason


She can buy a the fake positive DNA test report

total scam.......from the start... no baby... no abortion.....and no need to feel stupid for falling for it. Girls and mum's who peddle their daughters onto men look for sweet smart and naive men to take advantage of. And personally after seeing how mainland Chinese women basically try to pry my husband off my arm when we go up to visit it doesn't shock me at all. Sometimes the moral compass is different, and what we feels is bad they just think is a smarted way to get ahead. ANyways.......CUT OFF ALL CONTACT! Tell your wife to be you can't believe this crazy thing that is happening to you, that some girl you had a one night stand with 4 years ago is claiming you are a father. ( laugh it off together, say how unbelievable it is and lighten the mood a little!) and then at least you have someone on your team so that if it comes to pass the child is real......and it's proven.......your wife is a part of your team in dealing with that.

I think whole thing stinks like a scam.

99% Scam. Cut off contact. Don't be a fool, you will wreck your future for a small mistake of the past. All the posters regarding this SCAM are correct. The reason this scam works is because she and the "mom" know you are a responsible person. Scams work best when they leverage emotion, etc.


First clue is the 20K, vs 2K real cost. Think about it before you F up your life.

What about the rest 1%

what if the kid does exist and its mine , what would i do ?

what should i do? i dont want to live with the twinge of guilt througout my life.

thanks

tim you are a whimp, sorry. even asking this question...

TIM,


Seems the only advice you want to hear is:

See the girl and your kid. then everything will be like a fairytale ending.


Go see her and your child and share with us your result. You want to learn this SCAM the hard way.

Tim, EVERYONE on this forum is telling you the truth: you are being scammed- BIGTIME!!! Com'on, are you really that stupid? Please!


However, apparently, you have made up your mind already! "Fooled once, shame on her, fooled twice, shame on me!"


You are being a fool and throwing your life away. Someone who contacts you via MSN to inform you about this (4 years later), clearly does not have the right intentions with you, everyone sees it, except you!


Wake up and smell the coffee!

For goodness sake, Timyuan - just grow a set and, whilst you are at it, get yourself a brain. If this is your child you would have known about a long time ago. A pair of women who can scam you out of 20K would have been milking you for every cent had she really decided she "just couldn't go through with it". Just get on with your life and stop being so pathetic.

Why are so many people talking about "learing this scam the hard way" and "fooled once, shame on her, fooled twice, shame on me" and so on? What's the harm in pursuing it to find out the truth definitively? It does sound like a scam, but on the other hand, it wouldn't be the first time someone finds out they have a kid they never new they had. Noone's suggesting Timyuan hand over any more money, but there's no harm in trying to determine the legitimacy of this woman's claim. If it turns out to be a scam, then at least he can put the matter to rest in his mind and not think about it any more. Otherwise the possibility that he might have a kid, however unlikely, will remain at the back of his mind for ever more.

Ahhh, AiZho, and you my friend in your answer, prove why this scam works so well. Because the price for the comfort of the clean conscious is something many people are willing to depart with their money, relationships and their future for that precious commodity... The scammer relies on that, sets the hook and reels Tim in.


Think how good this business model is. You have 20 - 50 girls working for you. Each one is able to get "pregnant" 3 times a year. You get 60K HKD from say 40 on average a year. That leaves 60 guys you can go back with in 3-5 years to hit up for another 100K HKD for the lifetime support, or even better a monthly stipend of guilt free living.


I could franchise that in China, but it is space already taken.

@tplskylrk

Except you missed one point I made explicitly: Noone's suggesting Timyuan hand over any more money

Finding out the truth shouldn't cost him anything (except maybe a paternity test). The fact that he handed over 20000RMB in the first place is a different issue.

Oh, and another point you seem to have missed: it wouldn't be the first time someone finds out they have a kid they never knew they had

I think people suggesting Timyuan completely cut off contact with this woman are the kind of people who use resisting fall for a scam as a convenient excuse to evade any responsibility they might have.

And I'll just reitterate it in case it has escaped you again, noone is suggesting Timyuan hand over any more money to this women. If he doesn't hand over any more money, then there is no risk in pursing the truth. Get it?

If you want nothing more to do with the child or its mother then I dont see any point at all in telling your fiancee - why put her through the pain for something that happened long before she arrived on the scene however if you are going to do something then I think you should involve your fiancee and work out the problem together.


Stop thinking about the past and what happened as you cannot change it now - just think hard about what you want in the future and go for it - seems to me that until the text message you wanted nothing to do with the mother so maintain that position and move on.

You are not responsible for her own decision to keep the baby. Perhaps you guys would say i'm mean, but some people are really thinking all the ways to steal money from your pocket - especially she may catch a longterm funding from you.... forget it and don't let this thing ruin your life.

I'm hk chinese stationing in china, i saw too many happening like this.....