Posted by
ziggity
16 yrs ago
my boyfriend is wonderful, and we have been dating about 4 months. The sex we have is great, but its a bit same same all the time. I want everything to be more adventurous, but he has had some conservative girlfriends before and its hard for me to talk to him about sex and suggest stuff (I'm a bit shy bringing it all up because it makes me feel like a dirty whore or something when he is so uncomfortable talking about the topic). I think he'd be fine if we got through this little barrier and onto the actual sex, but not sure how to approach the topic without it seeming like I think he's bad in bed (which he isn't at all).
Anyone have any suggestions?
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I agree with dadda, don't try to talk about it. This can be a relationship killer.
Bear in mind that he might actually be the conservative one, not his Ex.
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Thanks for the suggestions guys, much appreciated! Will rent forgetting sarah marshall and definately won't talk to him about the whole more adventurous sex thing. Lets hope its not him who was the conservative one in his last relationship, but I guess there is only one way to find out.
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Sounds like you should stop giving a damn about being considered a ho for wanting a bit more in the sack. If what you are saying is true and he is actually a good lay then I think its just a matter of finding out exactly how vanilla he is. Sometimes folks are vanilla coz of christian guilt and then again sometimes folks are vanilla coz they simply never tried anything with sprinkles or in a different flavor.
And lord, Forgetting Sarah Marshall??? LOL, that was a funny movie but I dunno if that newly married virgin is the right way to broach it, hahaha, he was like ALL UP in that christian guilt! *SMH*
I think ziggity, you need to quit being repressed and just do whatever you want to with the bf, if he's all freaked out and thinks you are a skank, I would say DTMFA...really. I mean, 4 months...its the walk away point. If you cant see him loosening up, hey...you can take a camel to water...but one boring hump isnt always gonna get you through the desert unscathed...or something like that! You get the picture.
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Posted by tigerbay (8 days ago)
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I agree with dadda, don't try to talk about it. This can be a relationship killer.
I'm sorry? I'm a 23 year old male and I find it strange to see that verbally communicating in a relationship will do it damage?
If someones partner cant handle having a discussion about their sex life and what they would like to change or try I don't think they are going to be able to tackle really difficult problems later on........
I am all for the drink a bit and go for it idea btw....but....I would suggest that you find a more neutral less confrontational way to discuss it, get yourself a nice looking note book and call it the love book or whatever - each week (take it in turns) one of you must write down one of your desires/new thing you'd like to try for the other, that way you avoid having to openly discuss something your both uncomfortable talking about but still have a safe open avenue of communication.
Men watch porn (at least most of us do) If you've never tried it then ask your husband/bf (i cant remeber what he is) to watch it with you (via the book if ur too shy) even if you dont really get into it the first time it will relax him about sharing his desires with you.
If you need a first step - cover each other in baby oil and massage each other with ur bodies, its simple, effective and a lot of fun (plus baby oil will wash straight out of sheets nps)
good luck
oh and you thinking your a dirty whore cause you want to have more/varied sex........? I don't get it.......I thought dirty whores were that way because they sold their bodies and would have sex with anyone.....
You and almost every other person in the world enjoy having sex and finding many different ways to do it is quite normal, no one wants to eat the same meal over and over again without any variation, same deal with sex - relax its completely normal, the challenge is trying to dream up new ways to do it - it should be a never ending quest.
Good luck.
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Thanks for the comments! I have laughed quite a lot at the comments and realised how silly I am. Had a great weekend with the b/f and I don't think it going to be a problem anymore ;-) Thanks again!
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Posted by kanevast (5 days ago)
I'm sorry? I'm a 23 year old male and I find it strange to see that verbally communicating in a relationship will do it damage?
___________________
There is a continuum of what can and cannot be said, it is not black and white.
If some things come across as critical, epecially in the bedroom department, they can be extememly hurtful/damaging to a relationship.
Imagine your g/f compared your performance (or even your size) to that of an ex.
How would you feel? Do you think that it is possible that this could damage the relationship?
Or somebody constantly telling the g/f she is too fat and not as sexy as before.
These are extreme cases, but like I said it is a continuum.
Some things are best left unsaid.
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I am with tigerbay on this...one needs to know HOW to communicate...and as we can see, Ziggity just "communicated" with the bf over the weekend and doesnt believe there will be any problems anymore. :o) Words are not the only tools for communication, our bodies are tools too, I guess its totally possible to communicate anger, disgust, happiness and joy with just our bodies...
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ludma
16 yrs ago
Dirty............! Please....
No coment........
Sex is the most wonderfull, beautifull thing that man and woman can share!!
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maxis
16 yrs ago
Oh man, some guys have all the luck!
Just some sex would be nice.
If you are incompatible, move on.
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Well at least I've established that if it doesn't work out there are plenty more fish in the sea ;-)
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maxis, I totally agree. I would love to have a pretty GF that likes to have sex!! so ziggity, your BF is the luckiest guy in the world!!
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alk
16 yrs ago
just give him good sex the way you want it to, if you like it, maybe he will like it to. have a great sex life. enjoy!
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pup
15 yrs ago
What do you mean by more adventurous? What exactly do you want to do with him?
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I think its not good to talk other,
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