Expat couple married in HK last year.
I knew that he is an axxhole but we had a baby coming. so i signed on the paper.
He is still an axxhole.
- What he does really makes me depressed. He ruins my day, ruins my life.
- Don't ask why he's an axxhole. He is a certified one.
So, I would like to finish this marriage. Cannot waste my life anymore. I have a job and can support my baby.
The problem is that
-he doesn't hate me as much as I hate him.
-he doesn't want divorce.
-he will try to send the baby to his country(US) w/o my consent.
1)What should I do?
2)Should I just fly to my country with my baby?
I would like to ask you ladies before I ask HK lawyers.
Thank you..!
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Your post does not present a very flattering portrait of yourself. Obviously, if you want to get out a marriage you simply go to a lawyer. Divorce is very cheap and straight forward and - as regards the child - it is likely you will get custody being the mother (unless you are some kind of psycho crack addict). You have obviously made up your mind about him but if you want advice, why don't you give us more details? It's anonymous after all.
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Oh, sorry, yes I am a normal, healthy person.
My question is.. Will the court allow the divorce just because i want it? Should I make a record that I had a consultation with a doctor? to prove that I am depressed by husband?
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No need. Just say you want a divorce. Locals do it all the time. We're not living in the Middle Ages or some crazy Swiss Canton.
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And you don't want to say "I am depressed" coz then he can use it against you in court saying you are mentally unfit to parent.
You can apply for a divorce, you would be "the petitioner" and that would make him "the respondent". You will need to be separated for at least a year before you can apply for a divorce.
So if you haven't done that yet, living in separate houses, then well...best start the countdown once you move or once you kick him out, whichever one works better.
Do you have a helper? Do you plan to fight for sole custody with adequate visitation to the dad? Or what...HK courts tend to lean towards joint custody but if you can find anything within the "he is an a**hole" assessment that also translates as "he is a crap dad" then maybe you can fight for sole custody...but good luck on that coz that will cost a lot of money and take time.
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Thank you all. I don't want sole custody. It's not healthy for baby and he loves baby. I just don't want my kid to watch dad and mom fighting. We have a stupid fight all the time. (My husband doesn't seem to have a concept about "verbal violence".. I feel insulted all the time. So sometimes I shoot it back and it makes fight. Typical unhappy couple story..)
I just want to seperate after a grown up talk, but he's very irraional and hard to have conversation with. He was threatening me that he will send the baby to USA when i tried to leave the house the other day.
So even if the HK court gives me the custody, he might ignore it. and send baby to some where else. => This part, I am very worried about..
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lalib
13 yrs ago
Get in touch with a local lawyer ask for the procedures for divorce and mention that Husband has threatened to take the baby out of the country incase of divorce.
If he ignores the court's order - That's an arrestable offense! Besides, it not like a Man can take a one year old baby out of HK without its mother, can he?
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First of all, he can't just "send the baby to the USA". So calm down and don't get threatened by that. The first thing you should do is to get a separation agreement drawn up, then get your lawyer to contact the immigration department to inform them that there is a marital dispute and a move for separation and that you want to ensure that the child of your said marriage does not get kidnapped since custody is in question and your spouse has threatened such action.
Even with joint custody you can set it up that the child cannot leave the country without written consent from the parent not with him/her. This can work as a double edged sword. One, if your husband ever has plans to trot off with the baby, he will be stopped at immigration and will have to produce a written consent from you to state that you have permitted this. Of course the other issue is that in the future, if your husband becomes a bitter douchebag, he can then make it hell for you to go out of the country on holiday with your kid...ever! So yeah...thats what I mean by that.
But before you go getting bent out of shape, he can't just take your kid and bugger off to America. If there is a custody dispute especially. There are laws there, as there are here. Of course, he could end up trying to file for divorce in America which is why you have to beat him to it here in HK. Go for the most amicable way, joint custody and with you getting care and control or going for joint care and control.
Not sure if you even thought much of this through, but I would highly recommend you meet with a lawyer and cough up the 3-5K retainer to get the advice you need and get the ball rolling as you being the petitioner. And inform the immigration department pronto before your husband is served with papers. If you are saying he is irrational and won't talk this through, maybe he will sit down and talk once he reads the papers.
*shrug*
Joint Custody should work, but if what you are saying is he is an a**hole, well, expect for him to become a lot bigger one. But then again, if the problem is simply that like many women you have fallen out of love with him before he got to that point, its possible he is not that big an a**hole and you are just sick of being married to him once you realized you made a mistake in the first place.
It takes two hands to clap. If you are unhappy in the relationship no doubt he is too. So yeah, good luck with getting legal advice first and foremost.
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Thank you so much for your advise..
Helps a lot.
Thank you.
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No problem, good luck. There is a lot to think about for the future of your kid if you go for joint custody, so you would be a fool to not get proper legal advice. Any advice I am giving is from my own life experience, so take it as a "got the t-shirt" thing.
Take care of yourself and your kid, but above all, be fair and put your kids best interests first, sounds like you are already thinking in this way by not underestimating the importance of the childs father in his/her life. :)
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As was said, but maybe not overtly.
Once divorce proceedings start in one country, they can not be started elsewhere.
Also, the US will take a dim view of kidnapping the child. Now if it were one of a few developing countries you may have an worry. But not with the US or EU.
And if you can document his being an a**hole, then this does count in the US if it can be shown to include mental cruelty.
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I know of several situations within the lst 18 months where parents travelling alone with a child or children of mixed race were stopped from a) purchasing tickets b) exiting HK immigration and/or c) boarding a plane out of HK until or uless they were able to produce a certified letter of consent from the other parent. And in all cases but one, the parent was simply going "home" for a holiday. This was not even at the stage of entering another country, regardless of the nationality of the parents/ children. So just a word of caution to get the legalities covered, or you could walk into a charge of flight with the baby.Best of luck in dealing with it all.
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Qualityoflife. I'd take time and reflect on what Inkpot88 has to say. From a male point of view, you're coming across as a bit of a drama queen, I'm afraid. Your husband may just want a bit of peace and quiet at home so he can think things through. He's probably quite aware of what you want and doesn't need reminding a million times every time he comes home. Does he a) gamble b) sleep with prostitutes c) have affairs d) beat you up e) have a drinking problem or do drugs f) have poor personal hygiene or g) is utterly charmless h) hugely overweight? If none of the above, then maybe he's not so bad.
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It would be interesting nonetheless to know what it takes to be labelled an "a-hole" in this particular case, so that we can see if the guy really is one or if QOL is being a drama queen.
Sometimes being an a-hole can be just as bad as someone having a problem with drugs or drink! Lol.
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Is there a specific Unit for Child Alert with the HK Immigration Dept?
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Check with your family lawyer on this matter, I reckon even if you called the immigration department to inform them they could possibly need proof, you could always give the ID a call of course, nothing to lose. I am not sure if the Immigration dept has a specific Unit perse, unlike the police with the CPPU, but if I were you I would consult a lawyer first and then get the necessary paperwork submitted to the ID if there is any concern about possible abduction of a child.
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I never knew Bob Marley was gay.
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There is so much we do not know about this relationship... I am not sure who the A-hole is here.
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qualityoflife, just send me a PM for more information as I believe I can help.
however - just to calm you down, he can not take the baby to the US. if he will fight for the baby - the divorce will be ugly and expensive and it is not for the bebfit of your baby.
please contact me.
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