Boyfriend cheated

he used to loved in HK and relocated almost 2 yrs ago , I paid a visit every 2 months for the last 2 yrs , I just found out he has been cheating on me for at least 8 months. I found a empty condom pack 6 months ago , he said is not his, then 2 months later I found out his used 2 condoms, but I didn;t confront him. I could;t help to ask him if he slept with anyone , and he said no , he didn;t bring any woman back home, I came back to HK, and my feeling got stronger, and I flew back without him knowing , went back to the apartment. all my belonong was hiding inside his suitcase, my drawers is replaced by other women clothes, my shoes are hidden. I took some of my stuffs back and left, I suppose to wait for him to after work to drop hi a surprise , because I need him to tel me three are no one else wince I didn't have any proof.... until I back to the apartment.

i stayed in a hotel , he texted me at night , said he wanted the key back ,( which he knew i was there )..

I went through his bag ad saw the picture of him and the woman ... he always accuse that I m lying, being suspicious .anyway I m trying to move on , but I don;t know how , I have no job ,, no experience .....i hate myself ,being so naive and stupid. I so wanna to go to slap his face, but I think ignore him is the best way. he Email me on and off. what can I do in life, I can't be a waitress ? and how can i ignore him and stop thinking about him , I was crying in my dream and tears in reality last night, I m having a lot of hidden pressures... and How can i trust a man again....

You must be very hurt, but you need to stop blaming him and accept that the relationship was doomed the moment he relocated.


Men cannot wait for 2 months between sex. What did you think he was doing while you were away ?

Even if he were a eunuch, He is going to get lonely. How will he spend his spare time if you are not around ?


Men are not perfect. And, if he is half decent, there are always other women coming along to steal your man. The key is to keep your man satisfied so his is not tempted.


You need to forget this guy and find a new man, and without being posessive work hard to guard him from temptation.

If you are short of money, I suggest you move back in with him and say you don't know if you can forgive him or not.... then walk out the moment you find a replacement.

CaptDave: The woman just found out that her boyfriend cheated on her and your response is to somehow justify the guy's actions? You make it sound like the guy didn't do anything wrong at all.

Men cannot wait for 2 months between sex? I find this really hard to believe and I like to think that there are some decent men who are not just in it for the sex. If he was really feeling sexually-frustrated within those two months apart, surely he can take care of it himself without seeking a partner?


If you insist that women should keep their men satisfied to keep them from being tempted by other women, then the same can be said vice-versa: a man should also keep their woman satisfied so that they don't get stolen away by other men.


From the OP's post, she seems to have done her part by visiting him every 2 months in those 2 years. What exactly did the guy do in return to keep her from straying?


The only thing I find irksome about the post is her complaining about not having a job nor the experience and yet for some reason 'can't be a waitress'. I have never worked in F&B but I have friends who do, and they are some of the most hard-working people I know.


Personally, I don't think we're getting the full story here. For the OP, did he try talking to you afterwards so that he could explain why he did what he did? Or did he just not care now that you finally found out?

Thanks Frankie.

To be honest with u. If I want , I can get more guys I want then the cheater getting women. I not bragging who is better but I would be defiantly one of the kind. He defeat my self confident.....

He did try to contact me. He didn't explain anything . Just email me say hi or how r u. He tried to reach me but I ignore. He emailed me to say I m sorry ( that's it) after 3 weeks.

If the relationship is base on sex , then I should've worry becuase guys just wants sex definitely would cheat. As long as who ever just strip infront of him.and these people won't get a real ture relationship.



My issue is that I don't know how to due with betrayal , how to trust , how to

Build up my confident again.

Second issue is what can I do with my life .... I m not young anymore . And pushing towards the time limit to have kid.

I m just like those housewives.... When things gone bad , life is screw. I won't be able to act like the local tai tai. They stayed with the guy for financial freedom. And I defiantly can't be the author of Harry porttor, she disvorce and she make a successful career. ( I would love to but there are ap many BUTS") sigh.

I

So

Want to confront him why he did that. How long has he been cheating . But no point, I m upset. What's the point to find out if

I plan to

Move on with my life.

He is not a good

Person but i chose to stayed with him. He did cocaine once in HK and smach my phone) I understand he was going through rough time. He wine and dine me. He read people , he has comment about things like me. So I felt like we connected.... But is all sugar Coated . He is acting infornt of himself. He is jusgemental. What ever I order he has down thing to say. What ever I wear. Even a color contact lens.....( brown color) I couldn't put my knees on the sofa. Etc. These things are irritating. I saw him as the one I got upset . Do I go

And f*ck someone else ? He cheats not for 1

Night stabs but a start a relationship with someone else. He introduce me to his co workers for the last 6 months ( trying to

Gain my trust , I m such an idiot )

Frankie, I’m not justifying the boyfriend’s actions. I am recommending she dump him. But to suggest that men will be satisfied with sex once very two months is rather naïve; The effect of testosterone is too strong.


Absolutely, men need to take care of women’s needs - both physical and emotional. I’ve seen a number of cases where the wife was dissatisfied with her husband, and she strayed. Just becauase women are more discreete people think it never happens.

Aside from the infidelity is the problem of dishonesty. He has gone out of his way to conceal his two-timing. There may be many more lies. You've seen him use drugs, who knows what other bad behaviour he is hiding ? Do not blame yourself for being fooled by this guy - he is an expert liar.



This will not make you feel better today, but realize that one day you will be hapy you caught him out before you were married or had children. I assume you are still young, and can find someone else..... Move on, and find a decent man. There many more fish in the sea.


Good Luck.

CaptDave: It certainly sounded like you were justifying the boyfriend's actions from your post. I don't think you were defending him of course, but you kind of dived right into giving reasons why he would cheat without stating that you think it was wrong.


Yes, perhaps it was a little naive of me to assume that there are men out there who would be willing to control their urges for the sake of being faithful, but are they truly not capable of it?


Besides, I don't think it's the lack of sex itself that could drive such a wedge between two people and cause one of the two to stray. The long distance relationship--like you mentioned in your post--could be a more fathomable reason. Not because of the lack of sex, but rather, the lack of...presence, I guess? It would be hard to maintain the same closeness as before and constant communication is usually key in keeping most relationships intact.


But judging from mac.apple's second post, the way he was pretty indifferent after getting found out may mean that he never took the relationship seriously to begin with. That could explain why he would make the effort to hide her things--he was probably also cheating on the other woman without her knowing it as well.


mac.apple: Personally, I think that the best way to move on is not to force yourself to move on. This guy hurt you, pretty badly if I might add. Yes, there is no real point in dwelling on why he did that to you or why you fell for it--it's not your fault he turned out to be a total scumbag--but he did toy with your emotions. You're allowed to cry and wallow in it until you yourself feel strong enough to move on from there and trust me, you will.


I also recommend surrounding yourself with people you truly love and trust (and who love and trust you in return)--friends and family. For me, that's the best thing to do when one's feeling down in general.

You need to hold your head up high and just move forward. It wasn't your fault for sure. You were with a loser scumbag so why dwell on it. The best use of your mental energy is to use it to focus prospectively. There was nothing you did wrong. If you really need to and have any additional energy to release from this tell him off on how much of a jerk he is then move forward. I'm sure you will meet a better guy.

Thanks Frankie S.

If we really want to get down to sex part, around 4 months ago, he started ask me to play around myself infront of him and watch porno together, he would even ask me to imagine a big xxx inside me, get a stranger , and he watch. Blah blah , I found it annoying. Then the trip after, as long as is turn him on , I m willing to be open minded, he can find me a guy and do me infront of me. But didn't happen at the end. Trip after ( last Trip) I have been thinking ...I have been doing research that why your husband / partner would suggest these things... So I realized, WTF, don't even let anyone to touch me. I won't do that for him.


Yes , he is cheating on other woman too, but I don't know why he still send me a blank email with the subject every few days, he emails me last night said ( don't shut him out) seriously , what do u expect. I really don't know how come he is not shame on himself. Still got the guts and expect I would talk to him. Dont know what this mind game is. I have been naive....

We we're just a fling when we start , then he wanted to get serious , and we were falling for each other and we got into a proper relationship......I can't get out of my mind, I think of him daily non stop .


Frankie S , Thanka for your senseable reply. I feel better reading your view.... But I would get back to my own thoughts and mind after a while , we texted a lot daily, I miss that ( although I blocked him on messages) I created filter on email. But I m constantly checking my mail to see what he wanna to say. And if he email me.

He is defiantly toying me. That's why he so worry women are gold digger. Yes he toys around my emotion , u think I surround by ppl I love and trust would help me to trust a man again ? I trusted him , I don't understand why he is doing that. I defiantly don't want to see him any more, how can I get rid of this guy in my life, i m trying ( like deauthorize my computer with his US account ) these little things. I told him I needed to be alone and I wil be traveling 3 weeks ago, he asked me if I need money for the trip and I didn't response to that..... I think what he is got left , is money , these kind of person won't able to charm anyone which the personality.i feel sorry for him , at the same time , no matter how much I reminded myself of my thoughts , I still can't help to check my email....

Why don't u find a new guy simple just forget him & try to move on

If you love someone, set him free! If he comes back, he is yours, if hedoes not, you never have!!Most men want to have a wife at home and sleep around for joy and fun, morally acceptable?? if not look forsomeone who does not! how can you tell if you are not around? your worry makes you suffer and anxiety almost kills you as you try to think of it....So why not face it and talk tohim, give him a chance and tell him what you want?! if he agrees, carry on the relationship, if he reject, find someone else.