Ok everyone...laugh at me as much as you want....but what is S&M??? I have never heard this expression before???
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Sado - Masochism.
one party takes pleasure in inflicting pain.
the other gets pleasure(?) being on the recieving side - while having sex.
Ever seen all those sex shops selling whips, masks and leather accessories?
I'm with mpl on this one. I just don't get it either.
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1. your original question regarding respect: yes I think he would have, in and outside the bedroom.
2. you describe him as an expert. So he has experience and been taught - in a way - in the past to get to this level. Guess we can rightly assume he is not an autodidact, right?
3. Do you talk with him and what is he saying about this? How was he able to get you to the present "mild" stage and if brought to the next level, are bruises a "accidental" possibility, say seeing it from a doing a certain sport perspective, or does he need to see "real" blood...
Am not needing to know details and am not an expert!!! But the answer to perspective is easy.
You need to be curious and need to like it. You need to trust your "teacher"...
But coming back to sport: no matter how good the teacher/trainer may be... if Kung Fu is not your thing but rather badmington, don't play it, you won't like it and never learn it!
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Roxy, I have been in the exact but reverse situation, where I had to decide upon having a relationship with someone who is loving, caring and an expert in receiving pain.
Anything agreed upon and enjoyed by consenting adults is fine by my book, however in your case, like it was in mine, we are not speaking of S&M here, but as only 1 party is full on the game, it is simply sadistic relationship.
Putting worse to the worse, a person really in the S game, would even more enjoy hurting you knowing you are not into it. We all heard the old joke: what is the top of S&M? the M says " hurt me" the S replies "no".
Roxy, you are putting yourself at risk: a S master who is into reasonnable games, would not let bruises or cuts on you at the start of an initiation, get out of there, like I did. If you want more details and chat, your welcome to PM me.
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pumpkin's right. you should talk to the guy or other people who acutally have a good idea of what the whole thing is about.
i must admit that i for one have only the faintest clue.
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The whole thing is about 'no pain ,no gain' and it's a psychological problem.If you can't meet his 'needs' he will find someone else who can.
He will eventually control every aspect in your life and could possibly lead to domestic violence,
Ask yourself if you really want to be in that situation?If you've passed through to the expert stage what are YOU gettting out of the physical side of this?Do you really want to be the submissive victim all the time?
I know these relationships never last.He of course is charming and great because he sees you as his 'pet',he takes care of you to extremes so he can control and inflict pain on you when he wants in the bedroom and eventually all areas of your life if it gets out of control.
Get information by all means but as mpl stated if it's not just a funky bedroom thing and you're not into it well hell why continue it?Plenty of nice guys out there who are not into kinky sports.
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I found myself in a similar situation last year. One that is not entirely finished either.
My partner (then) first introduce S&M into the bedroom and I wasnt ready for it at all. After taking part I was left wondering why I had at all in the first place, he was so upset that he had hurt me, emotionally and physically, that he said that he would 'give it up' entirely. events unravelled, that ended in him re-introducing it.
it's strange the way that you get drawn in, and the reason i write now is to just ask you to be aware of what is going on. I became drawn into it in a sense that I didnt even realise that it was happening. The consequence was that I needed reassurance from him that he loved me. I was forever questioning how someone that could hurt me during 'making love' could actually really love me at all.
I needed him to love me maybe sooner than I would have if we had had a more 'conventional' relationship.
I think that this was ultimately the beginning and end of our relationship. Now looking back , I dont regret it, but I do realise that you need to be ready emtionally to enter into this. I hope that this doesnt sound too heavy. I hope all works out for you whatever u decide. Just remember that you are your own person and if you decide to stay in the relationship make sure you are there for all the right reasons.
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I would say yes it's possible. How is it different than anyone elses fetishs or fantisies? Not that I have anything to do with S&M, but I don't think it has anything to do with love and commitment. It is though about how you handle it...read Savage Love..i'm sure all the interesting people writing letters have had meaningful realationships..
On the other hand..I am curious about how people develop these types of fetishs and if there has been any valid research done to link personality types, or life events to different types of fetishes...does anyone know? Hard to say when so much is unknown!
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Seeking nice girl to ride around in my convertible, have romantic candle lit dinners in expensive hotels... and get tied up and flogged until she begs for mercy. Could you be my Ms. Right?
Love this thread. Ha-ha.
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Typhoon > thanks for finding this ... well worth a read.
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Hugie
13 yrs ago
I can see nothing wrong with liking Marks N Spencer's clothes!
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