Dealing with family pressure

Hey there,


Got a question for people who have been in a mixed relationship for some time. I fell in love with this great girl and recently we started a relationship, but I am a little worried about some of the issues that are probably gonna come up in the future...


In Shanghai, apparently, the family of the man is expected to buy him a house and this seems to be something of a prequisite for a serious relationship.


Now, in my case, I've been financially independent since I was 20 and I'd like to keep it that way. I have a good income and I save quite a bit, but since I'm only 29, actually buying a decent place is gonna take me a few more years.


My girlfriend doesn't seem to care so much herself; she could easily find herself a rich husband and/or sugardaddy, but she seems to care much more about love than material stuff. But, I do know she'll be under a lot of pressure from her mom. From what I know her mom is really quite nice, but because of her neighbours, relatives etc. showing off, she'll end up loosing face. And my girlfriend's father died recently, which will put even more financial strain on both of them


I'm fine with staying in China and even with the idea of settling down here. I've known my girlfriend for quite some time already and I really think she could be the one.


But, I'm just not sure how to deal with the face & house owning issue.


Thanks for your experiences / thoughts.

You seem to have a good attitude towards cross-cultural issues, in that you are prepared to keep an open mind, and to try to see and comprehend all sides of a question.


I have no specific knowledge of this requirement. However, from the standpoint of many years living in Asia, and of having married an Asian woman, I would say that you and your girlfriend have the right to decide the rules that govern your relationship, and your eventual marriage.


There are lots of exceptions to rules. If your wife-to-be's family is rigid about believing that their rules should govern your and your wife-to-be's life, then it is up to your wife-to-be to negotiate more appropriate rules, rules which take into consideration the fact that your family's rules are different.


There are two sets of in-laws in every marriage or relationship, and both sides need to respect the beliefs and the values of the other. Otherwise, trouble happens, sooner, or later.