Posted by
ludma
17 yrs ago
my husband is cheating me with prostitu..., i need help because i want to catch him, but i dont now how?
ladies help pls...
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ludma
17 yrs ago
when i ask mmmm, every time is "imagination".
and about "men look for elsewhere if they cannot get it at home"
that dont have any sense , becase , i'm a pretty hot latina wife.
it's me, who dont have all the sex i need , so that mean i have the excuse to go with another men?
but i don't do that , because i'm honest person.
and i want to catch him because i prefer to be divorce, and i dont like play games, i want some one like me, honest and i want to build something beautiful and strong.
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Len that is tarring everyone with the same brush big time dude!
Let me see. Living in HK (90%). Check. Western (5%). Check. Between 30 - 50 (5%). Check.
Now lets add - how many years in HK? 5. How many years in Asia? 15.
Am I married? Yes. Middle Class? Well by whose judgment(?), but probably a yes. How long with wife? 5 years. Have I had in that time someone on the side, a ONS or another long term relationship? Well actually NO. Does that make me boring? Well probably depending on how you look at it.
Remember we are not all out there shagging anything with a pulse. Some of us do have a happy marriage or relationship. My wife, to me, is an unbelievable person. I would never, ever again meet someone like her, someone who pushes my buttons, and it's not something I would ever risk. In fact when you are in that situation then you don't even think of it! Add to the fact she looks stunning and we have the most beautiful daughter.
Len, please be careful when you are referring to "all" men. You are actually referring to yourself and the people you know. I know many others just like me but I don't shut my eyes to the fact that others maybe different. I know many who are just like you also. So ease up a bit and take the time to realise that not everyone is like you or those you know.
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I have to thank ludma for her courage to put her personal concern up in this website. I have no opinion or suggestion as I was once also in her situation. it's really hard to get out of a marriage once one is in. There are always damages to both sides. Many modern women want divorce while many modern men also want no divorce. It's really a mystery for me to know truely what one wants in life. Sex, intimacy, relationship (in this case family) are things that many of us (may I say most of us, certainly including myself?) see as complicated. Many traditional men and women choose to have family and remain loyal till the end regardless of how good or bad the sex is. At the same time, many modern couple may rely on sex to measure how happy they are in a 'relationship' (and maybe in a marriage). Intimacy is the main ingredient for all relationships that involve sex, as one may say. If one say all of sex, intimacy, and marriage are three seperate things, what we have will be consensus. But, when the real world is not always in consensus in everyway, we have an issue of conflict both in mind and in practice, which all have to do with 'morality.' And, cheating is one big 'immoral' thing for most people everywhere. This 'cheating' can be from a little small thing in game playing to a real life relationship. what lead to cheating?
I am a woman with bad experiences with men. I still don't know much about what they think, believe me. However, I have to say that I do like what len2, evildeeds, and mangotango have to say about 'other men' and their reactions about chinese or asian women. If what len2 and mangotango said were right, I guess I know the answer to why my white husband left me, a southeast asain wife, the under privilege woman, the type of women that are suddently abundant here in hong kong, or maybe in shang hai as well.
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hush
17 yrs ago
Ludma, Im sorry for your suffering. Like flashback have said, you should seek evidence through professional services to confront with your husband. His reactions and attitudes toward the evidence shall help alot in your decision. He might put on a puppy face asking for forgiveness but knowing what best for you in the long run is more of the bigger question. Just dont be vulnerable and manipulated.
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Dear Ludma,
I’m so sorry to hear your story…
I was once in your same situation 8 years ago…
try everything to exposed him, and when I did it just turn in to a horrible nightmare
since he didn’t had anything else to hide; he use to do openly ( that was worst)
any way I divorced him after that was very difficult times but not impossible to get over.
My advice seek for a privet investigator if you really need prove, and face him
Be ready for a hard fight but be strong.
BTW not every man in the world/asia/ Hong Kong are
Cheaters, regardless what it look like.
I have meet in HK very sweet guys decent so don’t get involve or affected by the comments
Of len2 that I personally find rude and help less
Any way wish you best of luck and if you need some one to talk send me a PM
Take care
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I recently caught my husband cheating but I secretly knew this for a long time. I was scared to face the truth even when I got hpv, I believed his reason for my illness was from the tiolet.
After counseling, talking to other men and to him, I realise this cheating in Asia is bigger than I could imagine. Every man I knew had cheated on his wife at some point in time. Even my brother in law who was the sweetest of men back at home accidentally got a blowjob at a massage in China and from then on went to massages every night thereafter. At that point in time, I was unaware of how normal this was at almost every massage parlor
Whan len2 is telling you may be the painful but real thruth of how men think. It was a real shocker to me that men still dont grow up at all.
Of course it is true that not all men cheat but from what I have heard from the people around me, its darn well almost all. This is especially true in Asia where temptation starts as you leave your apartment door.
If I had to do it all over again, I would definately hire a private investigator and get this all over with instead of living with the pain and hurt for all these years.
I am so sorry that this is happening to you and believe me I know what it feels like because my husband had prostitutes and a mistress. His friends even helped him find the women and cover up.
Hope things work out for you and if you are believer, put this in God's hands. I can truely testify that with His help, things worked out differently.
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nom
16 yrs ago
hire a detective to follow him.
Easy eh.
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I feel for your pain, I realise the deep hurt you're feeling and I can understand your anger...but although I agree a Private Investigator is the most effective way to evidence infidelity on behalf of a spouse, it must be noted that it is also the most effective way to guarantee no way back....for both of you....
It's time for you to ask yourself the hardest questions about who you are, who you want to be and where you see yourself being, say in 3 years... The reason I say this is; For this to be happening, something fundamental has changed in your relationship. This may not necessarily be directly related to you, your husband or anything either of you have done or failed to do...it may be circumstances, location, environment, time or simply meant to be... the key to figuring this out is understanding the change and defining how you want or can deal with it.
If you really want to recover your marriage and feel you can both can put this behind you without it recurring, then I don't advise hiring a Private Investigator.
I strongly advise writing a letter to your husband, telling him that you know of his infidelity, describing to him how dissappointed you are and how much hurt it has made you feel, explaining that you don't understand why but you would like to and ask him to look upon you and treat you as his closest friend who offers her care needs his help and understanding.... Post this letter to his office address and wait his call.
If you feel you don't want to recover the relationship and don't feel there is any future for you both then, hire the PI and be hardcore...
I hope this helps and I really wish you happiness and fulfillment whichever way your path takes you...
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I have tried talking to my husband several times but he denied it each time. I was even very calm and collected about him. It is a man's policy to deny until death. His friend's even helped him along the way.
I even tried packing my bags and nothing a single reaction from him. He knew that I would not really leave him.
Not all men are the same and you may make some headway talking to your husband.
Prepare yourself. If you really hire a dectective, it will be the end of your marriage. However, it may also have a surprising consequences. Once I really decided to end our marriage, it was only then did he try to admit and stop.
There are days though I still hate him and dont want to be with him for the things that he did to me. Be careful of STD also. I got genital herpes twice. My husband claimed it was the toilet seat.
Sometimes this cheating is like a drug. The only way to stop it is if something drastic happens.
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alk
16 yrs ago
i do not see any point in trying to catch him. the best thing is to be happy in your relationship. do what you can to make things better.
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merm
16 yrs ago
Interested in hearing how the men started to cheat.
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How do men start to cheat ?
A buddy of mine started to cheat when his wife lost interested in sex. She always had excuses about this or that ... his sexual frustration built until he took the first step with a girl he met in a topless bar (yes, not very classy !).. after that he began sleeping with every woman who was available. The wife was very supportive of his career, and his position in the community, she was not dumb, and she kept herself in good shape .... Sex seemed to be the only problem. The marriage went down hill, and ended in divorce when the kids finished high school.
Several US call girls have written books answering the question why married men visit them... one even offered advice for wives who wish to avoid it. The books did not sell well; one must conclude that many wives not only do not understand their husbands, but they actually aren't every interested in doing so, and the old "my wife doesn't understand me" line might not be the cop-out/lie we all assume it is.
Dave.
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x&y
16 yrs ago
How to catch him? Unnecessary....
Leave him!
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Capt Dave
You wrote 'one must conclude that many wives not only do not understand their husbands, but they actually aren't every interested in doing so'
Perhaps there are also touches of the idea that it is a man's job to understand thier wives, and not the other way around.
And with regards to the book a touch of burying heads in the sand, and people taking the moral high-ground (what can an immoral woman teach anybody about marriage).
Both notions are erroneous IMHO
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You are going to have to spend some money and hire a professional detective to collect evidence for you- evidence that will be admissible in court when it comes to take your fair share of the pie.
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