When is loving too much, too soon?

A male friend once told me that he like the woman and would want to know her more and for their relationship to develop. However, she started to love too much, too soon that he don't have the time to catch up and got drowned in the process.


At first I thought he was kind of weird and being a player ( to which he admits he is but would have " re-formed" for her) were just trying to find an excuse. Then I've heard same sentiments from at least three other male friends too! one just this morning told me that he is just enjoying to woman's company and she is already thinking of a relationship. To which I said that I'm worse because I am already thinking of having a pregnancy craving when we have not any sex yet ( just to make him laugh!).


So when is too much, too soon?

I have heard of the pregnancy craving before- something to do with feeling very tender towards the guy. I had a house mate who wanted to prove her love for her BF by having a baby. Her BF was pressurizing her too to prove his manliness, I believe. And these are reasonably educated people, mind you. I couldn't believe my ears and I have had shudders ever since!

Agreed. But, one would hope that education might make a difference...

*lol* first, the guy I was talking to is more of a confidant and BUOYFRIEND ( as I am to him) - friend that keeps us afloat when we feel like giving up- . We were in a conference chat talking about the proposed charity work in the Philippines organized by our group ( where I am creator and the moderator )Since our rule is that of benefactors we let the others do the talking and we were on the phone, discussing what we thought as benefactors about said projects without letting the whole room know yet. It was almost 1 am and our cams were on and he saw me eating some green mangoes ( back in the Philippines, when a woman will be seen eating green mangoes especially in what other think as not the proper time of the day, they will surely jump into conclusion that she is having pregnancy cravings). He actually teased me about it before he raised his concern about the girl he used to correspond and is very fond of for 8 months who is in HK too before h himself move here ( from the states). They've been going out about a year and yet he thought she is TOO much and putting pressure on him simply because she said " I love you's" to him in the recent past. He felt rushed, to which I somewhat disagree . He is being stubborn so in the end I told him ( in part lobbying for his gf who, btw thinks I'm a threat) so I blurted I'm worse than her because I'm having the cravings- a private joke he started to begin with- he asked, in full jest who the dad is and I replied in a somewhat graphic blah blah blah which ended with "we're not having sex yet" that sent us laughing out loud for he knew full well I'm always sassy but when it comes to that, I'm still on the conservative side.

Souffle Queen, Just like you and your friend probably do not want to get stuck to the wrong fella or with a huge responsibility like a child alone for the rest of your lives- Same goes for the guys.


Take it slow. Get to know each other. Keep it simple but not stupid. Life is already complex, don't complicate it with rash emotions.

Agree. And hope that people should know there is always more to what is being asked/told before jumping into anything. It helps to wait for replies. and also that education does not make for an educated guess/assumptions.


Thanks all for the replies, will try to get back later.


But please let's all not get too carried away..the whole point of my thread is to ask (especially the guys) what they think or when they think is loving too much, too soon. Those friends do care for their women and yet they seem to fear or would rather contemplate breaking the whole thing off than try to see it from their gf's perspective and the fact that in this instant generation... time and effort has already been given to make the relationship last.


Hearing what they have to say - and some sort of validation from several forums- made me slow down a bit too. Before I see to it that I touched base with someone ( as he does) but later on I wait 1-3 days to reply to his emails ( but will always return his calls when missed, which is not always easy for he is constantly on the move and time difference is a bummer) Anyway, he started to "worry" .


Anyway, I certainly do not have any academic achievements ( unless you count being promoted from 6th grade to Junior high) but I certainly do have lots of common sense. He won't hear pregnancy cravings, but he may be asked to be taken home with a promise of me, being bad. And now that I thought about it, I'm afraid if he hear those words...he might say " let's go forth and keep multiplying"! That is something I'm not ready yet.

788 Again, for emphasis it was a private joke. A joke that obviously give some a shudder but simply ended our long day with happy faces. In fact it's becoming a fav punch line.


now, would you care to share your view about the topic?

Really, thank you guys. No offense meant and non taken. I got to run for a v important meeting ( I'm putting up a foundation to benefit all foreign domestic helpers in HK like myself and today is the meeting with our would be benefactor)


Wish me luck.

I agree there may be no relationship between common sense and education. I am more unforgiving of people who are more educated; Who, I assume are exposed more, compared to their peers with less education to the world through books, lectures, web, whatever.


You will find three different answers from same person on your question, because it depends on the chemistry and connection people have with each other. Calling each other too much, being clingy, moving in, marriage and children in first or second, or 3rd date are absolute no-no s, in my opinion. I bet there are other no-no's. Impossible to give time limits for how soon is too soon.


In the past, I have become irritated with men who assume what I want out of life and behave accordingly. It made me claustrophobic and I would promptly dump them. For some it was after second date, for others it was over several months.


It all changed when I met this guy.... he gave me my space (he didn't have to ask but knew instinctively) and all I could think of was spending time with him. Within 6 months I proposed marriage and he accepted. We have been together, happy for 7 years. Was it all too soon? May be. I trusted my instincts about his feelings but I also had to be ready for the consequences of a NO and/or to back off.

Mmmmmmmmmmm when you meet the 'right one' when the heavens open,the angels weep etc. etc. then you know it's not too soon to love to much.As for pregnancy cravings? Gee my exex of years ago asked me after a night of passion how did I like my eggs? Weeeeelll unfertilizd please!

Don't normal well adjusted adults know when the right time to start being lovey dovey is? And wanting to get pregnent BEFORE the first sex is had definately is NOT the right time! Geeeeze!


A message to all the ladies out there: Try before you buy, because the returns scheme is waaay too expensive!


I'm with the dots, I once dated a guy... well he was more like a fbuddy and he started talking about a relationship. I wasn't interested in that. I didn't like him that much.


I think sometimes people just date folks they're not interested in. The other party gets interested and that's where the problems start. If everyone was just honest with each other from the start, then there wouldn't be any problems. Like, I told that fbuddy that it was really just sex and I wasn't interested in a relationship. He didn't seem to mind. A subdequent fbuddy did mind. It's all different.


I think normal well adjusted adults just know when it's the right time to be all lovey dovey.


And guys ALWAYS say girls are too clingy and needy and stuff. All my male friends say that about women, and I listened to them well so maybe that's why I'm not clingy. I think the more people you date, the more experienced you get and the better your subsequent relationships are.