Posted by
Jeanbuyer
12 yrs ago
I was scheduled to get married at the end of the year, unfortunately things didn't go as planned.
She decided not marry me because I brought up a prenuptial agreement in which she said I didn't trust her and did not want to proceed further with the wedding.
Offcourse I went on to tell her that a prenuptial agreement protects both parties but she didn't want to here any of this. It has alredy been a month now, since we haven't talked.
I have put down a lot money for the wedding deposits and paid quite a lot for the engagment ring. I have asked her back for the engagement ring and half of the deposits but she is unwilling to.
Anyone have any suggestions?
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so now you know! how long have you been with her? if for quite some time, then write off the 1/2 deposit and engagement ring, just treat them as a departing gift for her and end this relation asap so you could start afresh and find another woman. consider yourself lucky, the pre-nup just saved your life.
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actually i tend the agree with rititt. someone who walks away outright because of a prenup has other, more deeper issues. i would actually turn the argument around: if she trusts you, why is a prenup a problem?
anyway, i already commented on the engagement ring thread for the ring. write off the deposit too (or if you have a good venue and a good date, you could consider "selling" the venue/date to another couple).
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I've been with her for only a year, i know it's kind quick but sometimes you just know she's the one that you want be with. The reason I got an expensive ring in the first place was cause she was actually engaged before and told me that her ex fiance has given her (xx "carat/cut/color/clarity") and that she wanted (this type or higher) or if I can't now then give her the ring later. btw she keep the ring from her previous engagment, but she said the guy offered to give it to her. Offcourse I wanted to make her happy so got a higher grade ring. I've even told her that we can forget about the prenupt but she told me i was a changed person once I brought up the prenupt to her and didn't want marry me.
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Yes I have tried to sell the venue/date but there no interested parties. I've contacted a few wedding planers too. Hopefully I can hear back from them. If anyone is interested let me know. I'll email you more details.
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Sorry to hear that.
Maybe, she is a ring collector.
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you got off cheap........
better half the wedding cost and the ring than half of all your assets as that is how it would've ended
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Agree with Gee Whiz. Be more careful next time. It seems like you might have had to fill the shoes of the former fiance which isn't a good foundation. There are plenty more fish in the sea, even ones without teeth.
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I would use the deposit money to hold a smaller dinner with my friends and have a get night.
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It'll be an expensive night :). The venu itself require mininum drink and meal of HKD 288,000 and the ring cost a bit over 160,000. Deposits was about HKD +80,000 which I'm out. So total (Ring plus deposits will be roughly HKD 240,000)
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Etiquette & good manners says she should give back the ring. Her calling off the engagement & refusal to take any responsibility suggests she's spoiled princess. The fact that she demanded a min size ring confirms it. Be thankful you got out now - the financial loss now would be far greater than if you went thru with it and ended up divorcing. Avoid such women in the future.
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Thanks guys for your advise and comments!
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That's a real pity.
I'd be curious if you told us more about this woman. Although you can't build anything on one case, there have been a number of other situations as this discussed here before. Perhaps we can then build a profile of such women. (Poor timing considering it's IWD though)
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Let me guess: She's Chinese, you are a Gweilo......
First of all: A marriage after one year partnership is in my opinion quite risky, however, everybody should do as he/she likes. On the other hand, the description made by her regarding the engagement ring of her former wannabe husband and the expectation to get a higher valued from you tells tales. For me that would be reason enough to get quite a huge distance between me and her and enjoy the rest of time by thinking of the (hopefully) exciting nights spent with her. Her reaction after your proposal of the prenup tells the rest of the story, so in summary you should consider yourself lucky being let off the hook, although it was quite a costy experience......
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A ring collector indeed. So cold and calculating.
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As a local gal, I can tell you that if a gal loves you then price isn't a matter. The girl should not judge you on the size of the gem, where the venue takes place, or whether you can give her a luxury wedding reception.
She has already made a comparison on how much you could spend for her in the first place.
If you go on the street, or MTR, you can see that a lot of the girls now wear a ring, it's not any normal silver or golden ring, but with a gem on it. I know it's a fashionable trend nowadays, some girls would rather eat bread or skip meals just to save the damn money to buy one. And of course, if their hubby or bf can give her one is the best.
All I am saying is, a relationship doesn't build with an expensive ring, a luxury flat, 5 stars hotel wedding reception and a chiwawa.
Move on!
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I am sorry to hear that...
It must be hard to realize the story behind, what I want to say is, if someone does something purposely, it is just difficult to avoid...
In fact, you are lucky to stop further loss at this moment, things become more complicated when marriage gets involved.
For the money lost, don't worry, you will earn it back very soon.
Good luck!!!
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But there still one thing i'm trying to figure out. Is it wrong to ask somone to sign a prenuptial... I mean is it an insult?
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Sorry to hear about your situation, but really, what a b***h she is... I don't mean to hurt you saying like that, knowing that you love(d) her, but really she is cold and calculating and only after money and expensive things. She dictated how big and costly rock she wanted, and was planning on getting half of your worth in a divorce, thus of course backing up immediately when pre-nup was mentioned. She does not want to keep the ring to remember your love, she never loved you, only your money. Count your blessings that you got out before things got really bad.
- Can you make any excuse to get her to meet you and get the ring back? Borrow an even bigger rock from a friend and pretend that you want to start over with a new proposal and a promise of no prenuptials this time "because you really love her and realized that you cannot live without her". She might be greedy enough to extend her ring finger to you so you can slip out the old engagement ring in order to replace it with a rock twice the size. As soon as you get your ring off, it's of course time for you to back off, saying something like you are sorry to see that she's willing to replace the "love" ring with "money" ring and you cannot possibly marry such a shallow person. Then beat it out of there with both rings!
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That's very ironic as she actually told me that I was being caculative and that I was already thinking about divorce by me bringing up a prenuptial agreement. She says if guy trully in love they should be willing give 100% what they have and not at all think the girl will take it away. She brought up the story with Jet Li on how he gave everything to his wife. I dunno if you guys heard of this story. Is it true?
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prenuptial is totally fine in here, at least to me as i was preparing to go thru this with my ex aussie bf.
afterall, it's you and your heart that she should be thinking not your wealth.
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secondly, the Jet Li thing is totally a chinese culture. gives all and everything you have, and let her to hold onto anything/all. and that's what my dad is doing, not that is right or wrong, but I sometimes think the current law and thinking are outdated.
prenup is a long thing overseas, the great example is michael douglas and catherine. happily everaafter.
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the irony of it all is that prenuptials in hong kong are not really enforceable to their full effect, so in essence they are really a test of trust that she puts into you
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She love(d) your money more !
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When I read these threads I always wonder why some expats in HK are so desperate or so clueless. Some of these people are even senior managers in global corparations, yet the show such a poor judgement when it comes to relationships. If you are not aware yet, let me give you a reality check: Most HK women are gold diggers. So, why are you so desperate as to try to marry one? As many people pointed out, you were very lucky that you did find out before you've got married. If you are attracted in Chinese women, go to Shanghai and try to find one there. Some might also be gold diggers, but at least, it will cost you much less money. Good luck...
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From what I remember in the UK and HK should be the same, an engagement ring is treated as a contract product (a "conditional gift"), that is, it is given as a "promise to marry", if the contract i.e. marriage doesn't go ahead, she is legally required to return the ring otherwise it is considered theft.
Or in more formal language: "Unless there is an agreement to the contrary, the engaged ring is considered a conditional gift, given in contemplation of marriage. When, as in your case, the implied condition of marriage is not met, then you are entitled to recover the ring or its value."
Should she state that she's thrown it away in anger you would need the receipt or original valuation/shop to confirm its last known value".) For any other present other then the ring however, general gift laws apply and they are considered hers.
With this information in mind, perhaps ask a lawyer friend if the same rules apply here or research yourself. Following that you could contact the police to report the theft, or tell her your intention to do so if she doesn't return the ring or write a cheque to the value within a certain time. Considering the value and your desire to redeem some of the money spent, it sounds worthwhile.
But given the comment you made earlier about wanting to outdo the last ring she was bought hence her giving you specifications, that sounds a lot more like fraud in the first place e.g. Girl with the Eagle Tattoo if you read that book Hong Kong Noir which just came out.
I've been engaged twice as it happens (:|) and both times I managed to get the ring back. The first time was straightforward the second required persuasion with what I just recommended.
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Unfortuanlly, the comment about outdoing the last ring... wasn't from me. But you made a lot good point. thanks!
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I was referring to this post in the latter part of my message:
Posted by Jeanbuyer (2 days ago)
[ Message | Report Abuse ]
I've been with her for only a year, i know it's kind quick but sometimes you just know she's the one that you want be with. The reason I got an expensive ring in the first place was cause she was actually engaged before and told me that her ex fiance has given her (xx "carat/cut/color/clarity") and that she wanted (this type or higher) or if I can't now then give her the ring later. btw she keep the ring from her previous engagment, but she said the guy offered to give it to her. Offcourse I wanted to make her happy so got a higher grade ring. I've even told her that we can forget about the prenupt but she told me i was a changed person once I brought up the prenupt to her and didn't want marry me.
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Ah... I see what you mean... Actually, I didn't buy it from a shop... I bought the ring from her not exactly her but from her partner, to help her with a new start up jelwery business. She is currently in the process of starting an online jewlery shop and to help her out, I purchased the ring from her partner, offcourse trusting that they will give me a good price and never even tried to negotated the price down. As her partner is related to her (family) But, I didn't obtain an actual receipt as I didn't bother to get one. She offcourse knew about it. I guess i'm pretty much stuck.
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Brother, you just got scammed!!! It may be hard for you to believe it but your ex and her partner are professional thieves. They are criminals. Sophisticated ones. Go ahead, make a police report, hire lawyers, you can afford it. Sue both of them to return you the ring or at least the money. Don't think that scammers are only from Nigeria because the people there are poor n black. They are also here in Hongkong and they are far from poor. Though outside they may not looking so black (thanks to all whitening creams) but their inside is damn black. They are criminals who disguise themselves as business professionals, women with beautiful legs, lovely smiles, perky breasts, puppy eyes looking at you 24/7 while their hands very busy digging deeper and deeper into your bank accounts, and while they distract and keep your brain very busy calculating the plus and minus of all costs needed for some sumptuous wedding banquets where she will parade herself with different colors of wedding gowns, honeymoon dreams, baby moon, etc. Sue them. Don't let them off the hook so easily!!! You dont deserve to be treated like idiot.
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i give all my sympathy to you! She's definitely lying to you in the first place.
i dunno hk gals do this kinda thing, but as songyu recommended, go and report it to the police rigetaway.
this is not about man and woman relationship anymore. no girls should tell the bf/hubby the size or type of rock they should buy em.
go to the police.
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Kind of agree with the previous two posters. It seems she is some kind of scammer. It's worth getting an independent valuation for the ring. It is relatively easy to work out the value by letting us know how many carats and the type of setting. Why not share the link of the photo of this $160,000 ring?
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"Most HK women are gold diggers."
No they are not. But your quote shows us the type of people you generally hang out with. Open your eyes, get out of your comfort bubble and you'll be surprised.
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so sorry for you.one message says you are gweilo she is chinese
i can add most probably mainland
it's a lesson.
take it as it is,and learn for next time.
a person who refuses pre -nup is a person who has in mind to take all what you have.Where is love?where is sharing?where are the feelings? just the size and clarity of a rack.
maybe this is her businees.collecting the rocks...
be smarter next time.
not all women are gold diggers as one letter says.I'm a women,but surely not a gold digger or a rock collector.you have been fooled by her,the partner (only for business??)Who buys a ring for so much without a certificate nor a receipt.Check with GIA hong kong,they might have a solution fr you.Or check ith the police
(I'm based in Hong kong)
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Milty
12 yrs ago
Consider yourself lucky ! She was clearly after your $$$$$$.
A pre-nup is not unusual these days.
You got scammed on the ring front , but think on the bright side it could have been worse.
Move on. Find someone who loves you for you.
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"The reason I got an expensive ring in the first place was cause she was actually engaged before and told me that her ex fiance has given her (xx "carat/cut/color/clarity") and that she wanted (this type or higher)"
Oh Dear!
It sounds like you came across a Psychpathic "ring collector"!
That conversation should have given you pause. When you heard her "requirements", you might have known that she was in it for the money.
I reckon an early exit is the very best thing - and you have learned a valuable, but expensive lesson.
Thank goodness, you will say when the emotion cools.
If you are still smarting, maybe send her a link to this thread, and say: You are "onto her" and her ilk. Together, we can smash this sort of behaviour from selfish and materialistic females on that sort.
Thank goodness, not all women are like that! (But some do hide it well until the man is hooked.) Unfortunately, the law and tradition seem to enable this sort of behaviour, which is a great shame.
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Lucky escape.
The 'I wanna ring this big...' would have been a red flag for me.
Consider cost of ring a sunk cost, and same for deposit. As you are in HK speak to a lawyer, as she broke off the engagement you could be able to sue. The threat of legal action may bring the family around.
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The story becomes more and more weird. Now you release the fact that you bought the ring from her own stock, of course without any negotiation of the price. First of all, I'm quite sure it was heavily overpriced, secondly I would strongly recommend to check her new online business. I wouldn't be amazed when you'll find the very same ring on offer again.......
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It's not actually her own stock, but from her supplier. They don't own stock goods, but instead sells directly from their supplier. But I've checked the prices online now.. and it seams I did indeed get a pretty good price on it. I do have a copy of the scanned GIA certificate that they emailed me. We
I know it sounds bit strange to buy from her, but I just thought since they starting out I might well help them with their business. I guess I choose not to see certian signs, I sure see them now.. I guess thats what happens when your in love.. why they call it blind love..
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crxuk
12 yrs ago
Sorry to say but you are arghhhh.... I am fuming....
What is your plan now? xxxkxxxkxxxk
Do something don't stay quite!!!
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Hey Crxuk... It's tough I still have feelings for her.. even though she not even talking to me... i think notifying the police or presenting a lawsuit is kinda harsh.. and I belive in karma. I'm just going to let her be... even though I'm really hurt.. but thanks to you all for advice and suggestions
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Oh by the way if anyone is interested in the banquet, is transferable till end of April and the party can hold an event anytime till end of the year but need meet mininum food/drink. If anyone is interested send me a PM as I'm going to lose the deposit anyways.
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Jeanbuyer,
I have understanding for you as I had this "love is blind" experience. No matter how bad your lover hurt you, you didn't want to be mean to him/her.
You are a gentleman, you deserve something good and you will get it soon. Good luck :)
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Poor fella met a Gong Ju Beng and didn't know it...
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Sorry to hear your situation. However, i strongly think that you are very lucky now to stop further loss. It seems to me that she loves your money more...
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Absolutely she;s a users! a ring collector , don;t be sad of what happened today the earlier you know, the better rather than to marry her and end up in divorcing that lost half of your resources. a chinese gal? sorry i did;nt mean it but i;m pretty sure she loves your pocket first before your heart.... chin up ! lot;s of fish in the ocean!
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crxuk
12 yrs ago
Thank you for the advice everybody...
SOMEONE POP UP IF YOU NEED A BANQUET THIS IS WHAT JEANBUYER NEED NOW...
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Thanks crxuk
Here's link: http://www.bridelicious.hk/blog/tag/wedding-packages/
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AMC is a private club, don't you have to be a member of AMC to enjoy their facilities? i heard many years ago, the club just lease its facilities to non-members.
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