How does HK divorce work?

I have been married for thirty years, to a Hong Kong Chinese man. Although we continue to share the same small flat we have not slept together for ten years, since I discovered he was making frequent trips to Shenzhen to visit prostitutes. I forgave him on the first occasion but could not forgive him a second time.


We have two daughters, now in their twenties, who I have financed throughout their overseas school and university education, with no assistance from my husband. They are attractive, well-educated and respectable young women, neither of whom appear to be likely to get married in the near future and both of whom are now living at home.


My husband retired a few years ago, at age 55, receiving a lump sum payment and a monthly pension.


Anyway, my problem is, my husband has just asked me for a divorce. I believe he wishes to marry a mainland woman. That in itself is not a surprise, however, he said he will settle for me paying him half the value of our apartment and that will be our settlement agreement, leaving me with nothing. It will also leave our two daughters with nothing in the event of his death. I am not looking for a big pay out as I'm sure he doesn't have considerable financial resources; I'm only seeking fair play.


I am fluent in English, Cantonese and Phutonghua, have worked all my life in the secretarial and clerical field, albeit on a very modest salary, never exceeding $15K a month. For the first time in my adult life I find myself unemployed, having been made redundant recently. I'm still capable of working, but I'm finding it difficult to find another job, possibly because of my age, most employers seeming to prefer to employ a younger woman.


My question is, what is my situation with regard to a financial settlement with my husband. Am I obliged to pay him half of the value of the flat and, that being the case, can I ask for some of his monthly pension to support me? Who can I go to for professional advice? I cannot afford to employ a lawyer and would guess that a voluntary body or a Government Department might be able to advise me as I'm sure there are many women in Hong Kong who have already gone through a similar experience.


Any advice would be appreciated. I assume that Hong Kong doesn't offer as much protection to a woman who has been betrayed by her husband as some other countries might.

Hi there :)

I don't think you should pay him a single cent -You don't own him anything.Living accommondation is so expensive in HK plus you're unemployed. He's a selfish & irresponsible a**hole! I hope someone will offer you some good legal advise. Sorry, I'm not from HK. Take care and all the best.

Perhaps HK law isn't the same as the law in other countries but it is a common law jurisdiction so you do have rights.


One such right is to free legal assistance if you don't have adequate financial means.


In the first instance there is the Duty Lawyer Scheme run out of the district offices. This service is free of charge and a lawyer will help you to find your next step.

http://www.dutylawyer.org.hk/en/free/free.asp


Depending on your financial assets, the next step might well be legal aid; divorce is covered by this. To be eligible for the Ordinary Legal Aid Scheme, you should have personal monthly allowance x12 + disposable capital of less than $158,300. The Supplementary Legal Aid Scheme you may have above HK$158,300 but not more than HK$439,800.


The monthly disposable income for one person without dependants is HK$3,890. Your disposable capital is basically your liquid assets, such as cash, bank savings, jewellery, antiques, stocks and shares, and property. Some assets are not included in the calculation of your disposable capital, for examples, the value of the house you live in, the value of household furniture and effects, and your personal clothing.


Here is the link to the Legal Aid Dept:

http://www.lad.gov.hk/english/las/overview.htm


The LAD might also recommend mediation. This is not to get you two back together but to help you to settle disputes, e.g. finances.


Here is a how-to guide for divorce in Hong Kong.

http://www.judiciary.gov.hk/en/crt_services/pphlt/html/divorce.htm


And here is some other information from HK Community Legal Information Centre.

http://www.hkclic.org/en/topics/matrimonialMatters/divorce/index.shtml


My main advice is to sign nothing your husband gives you without legal advice. Do not be pressured into signing anything. You may be inclined to want everything done with quickly but you could end up far worse off. I have seen the messy end of these situations and it's heartbreaking.


Explain the situation to your daughters. They need to know that they may have to find their own accommodation. They also have to know that they should not expect any financial support from their father, either he is alive or dead. This will be hard because I'm sure you may want to shelter them from the worst of the situation but it's time for them to support you, even if it's just morally.


It depends on individual cases, but with a good lawyer you might even be eligible to receive part of his monthly pension.


BTW, according to the posters by the MTR escalators, there will also be free legal advice sessions (from Law Society) at Olympian City from 29/10 to 1/11. Didn't have time to write down all the details unfortunately.

Yes, great post Claire.

Dear cuckoldhousewife,


Very sorry to hear about your situation, which is sadly very common in HK. But when I got to this bit I laughed out loud:


"he said he will settle for me paying him half the value of our apartment and that will be our settlement agreement."


'Cuckoo husband' should be his handle. HE has been cheating on you with prostitutes and he expects YOU to pay him for half of the marital home!!! What a ridiculous thought. Kick him out if you can, but battle tooth-and-nail to keep the residence you live in, without paying a cent. Get a Duty Scheme lawyer as suggested above. Your husband will not get a divorce if you contest it until the court decides an appropriate settlement, and if you have any proof of his dalliance with prostitutes then YOU will almost certainly be awarded the home.


Best of luck. HK courts are very fair to the wronged party in a marriage.

Very many thanks for your kind and helpful replies, and all the information provided. Whilst our marriage has always been loveless (we got married out of expectation rather than love) I have remained faithful throughout. It was my youngest daughter, when just a young teenager, who pointed out to me that my husband's passport was full of entry chops at the border and it was she who guessed what was going on. My worry was that he might infect me with some terrible sexually transmitted disease which is why any kind of intimacy ceased.


We live in a two bedroomed flat and for the past ten years I have shared one very small room with one or other of my daughters, and sleep on the couch in the living room when both daughters have been home, generally school/university holidays. If we get divorced I will at least have my own room, my husband keeping what used to be our bedroom locked for his use whenever he decides to stay in the apartment.


I am not complaining as I know there are many women far worse off than myself. Neverthelss your replies have given me some hope for the future.

I have been looking for an experienced assistant for a while, would you be interested to have interview with my company?

Dear Cuckoldhousewife,

You're skillful in clerical area and proficiency in English,Cantonese and Mandarin. Did you consider of applying for jobs in international schools? I think the wage is much lower than your previous job but at least you have some income. Try the American School, Canadian School, etc. Why don't you give tuition - teaching English! That's a great demand. Teach it in a fun way not the tradition Chinese way. Hey, you could also teach conversation Mandrain and Cantonese to those westerners who want to learn those languages. Create your own job and put up some ads.

All the best and smile.

I am deeply touched by all the kind and thoughtful responses received to my original question, grateful for all the suggestions received regarding improvement of my personal cricumstances, and moved by hkfrenchie's offer of an interview with his/her company.


I should explain that I am Chinese, educated only to Form 5 level and self-taught otherwise. I have always been self-conscious of my poor educational background which is why I encouraged my daughters to pursue their education as far as I was able to afford, to the extent that I have no savings as such. My fluency in English is a result of spending most of my working life employed as personal secretary for expatriate bosses.


If I am able to retain our apartment that will be a considerable relief and I will try to see if that is negotiable, following the advice given. My husband will then be free to share his life and his pension with his new wife.


During the period that our daughters were studying my concern was that if I died my husband would automatically inherit the whole apartment and that could have ended our daughters' education. Both daughters have ended their studies and are now able to make their own way in the world. I have an elderly mother who is reliant on me for support and I have no wish to ever place that burden on my children's shoulders, preferring instead to be self-sufficient and independent.


I look many years younger than my actual age. I am mentally and physically fit and, whilst there is an age hurdle to overcome when job hunting, I am certain I can find a job, no matter how menial. I appreciate the suggestions about teaching but there is my lack of qualifications to consider. Also, whilst appreciative of hkfrenchie's offer, I could never follow up with an interview as I simply couldn't face the embarrassment of someone knowing so much about my personal life. I feel comfortable with the anonymity that this web site provides.

point taken, however please note I am myself a lady divorcee who went through the same type of history, my ex-husband having had a child with another woman while he was still married to me. Here you go, you know as much about me as I do about you :-) please apply.

For many mature women, it can be difficult to come to terms with the breakdown of a marriage. But with courage, confidence and dignity they build new, happy lives. Just by reaching out as you have, you have shown you too have that courage, confidence and dignity. After living a life for your husband and then your daughters, you need to know that you can only go forward from here.


If you need someone to talk to in confidence, SoulTalk is a Hong Kong charity for all women in emotional / relationship crisis. Women of all nationalities, cultures and languages are welcome. SoulTalk operates a 24-hour Hotline (2525 6644) for immediate counselling, a support group, and face to face counselling free of charge.

http://www.soultalk.org/index.htm


Now for a little kick up the whatsit! Stop says "I'm not complaining". Now IS the time to complain. Complaining is not always about moaning about things. It's also about demanding what is right and what you deserve. Your husband has treated you badly, so don't feel sorry for him during the divorce. You might thing this is a bit of a "western" approach but Chinese women have always been proud and tough... so be proud and tough. And stop putting yourself down. You have raised two intelligent, sucessful daughters really by yourself. And that's something to be very proud of! You yourself are intelligent and resourceful, qualities any employer would want. You have so much to offer!




Sorry, back to earth... on a legal note again, but things you should know. You can apply for an injunction to stop your husband removing money from joint and individual bank accounts to outside Hong Kong. You can also get an order to freeze his accounts. And, even if the home is only in his name you can get an order to stop him from selling it without approval. There is nothing you have to settle on with him now.


Go get yourself along to Olympian City 2, North Atrium, G/F, on 29 October to 1 November between 10am and 10pm to get that first bit of free legal advice.


Sincere best wishes.

My Dear Cuckoldhousewife,

Please do put your embarrassment and shame aside and go for the job interview. My parents are divorced and I know what you're going through like my mom. I also have some learning difficulties. I received my diplima about 15 years ago. I'm working as a teacher assistant and give private tuition esp. to kids that have some form of learning difficulties. I'm learning and teaching at the same time - we need to build up their self respect and confident. I have seen some teachers who are degree holders - even with master or Ph.D. but don't know how to teach and show no concert for the students.

I hope my personal sharing is an encouragement to you.

GO FOR THE INTERVIEW, MY DEAR :-)

cuckoldhousewife


You need to contact legal AID, at

24/F, Queens way 2 ( pacific place)

high court, admiralty.


Tell them your case and they will help

however you need to give all very personal details, they do not offer

any moral support, they may asked you if you want to do counseling

Wish you good luck and if you need more details send me a PM

Hi Ladies / Gals! do you have any good contact for relationship counsellor?

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Here is my divorce experience:


your are entitled to 1/2 of the matrimonial home. Since you have been married for a long time, you are entitled to spousal support and half of his asset. If you can produce proof of your financial contribution to your daughters' education, you have a strong case here.


Please get yourself an experienced family lawyer. There is a women centre in shamshuipo that runs a free legal clinic once a week, by family law lawyers.


Don't pay your husband a penny!

I would like to thank you all for the emotional support and encouragement you have given me, and all the helpful advice. I am deeply touched by your concern.


Our relationship ended so long ago that ending the marriage is just taking that final step, enabling him to go his own separate way. I am now able to move forward with my life thanks to you all.

I don't know how to send emails through this forum, cuckoldhousewife, but if you do... I have a friend who is a HK divorce lawyer and I know where to post for tutoring jobs. The going rate for English tutoring is HK$500-600 per hour. You can take on one student for a pre-determined period of time and then see if you like it.