Posted by
rosylei
15 yrs ago
back from chicago just a week now, with my heart keeping sinking down to the deep ocean..
we met from a match making website in August, he seens to be a good catch except for the distance, he is in Chicago working and Part-time MBA and i am in Shanghai with a quite well-packaged work& life, except for a soul mate..
we developed an intimate relationship after meeting two times in shanghai and in chicago. the feeling of being with him is just so good and so true though i was informed from the beginning that he doesnt think he can have a serious girl friend due to the current work&study life and long distance..he made a wonderful vacation for me and we live together for another 3 weeks for the Xmas and new year..
at the end of the stay, he became very rational about stoping me the relationship.. the reason is he doesnt have time, energy and money (pay for my flight and others, actualy itis not prob for me) to have a girlfriend...
he said he loves me and likes me a lot but just different life priority, and he said i dont want you wait for me for several years and get frustrated. man is so cruel and just can be so rational when they want to focus! he is not sure i am the ONE, he doest want to lose millions of chance to 'taste' others cakes, he can only afford 'no strings' one....
but why you tell me i am really the special one and chance many values of your world, who cares if i am not the one!?
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Well, if he tells a dozen of other girls the same thing, it would make sense now, wouldn't it?
He made it so blatant to you that he wants chances to "taste other cakes", and wants "no strings" attached. Do you REALLY need more?
Come on, get over it, you are just one of his, many, many booty calls.
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thanks to fatkid's 4 being straight.. just smth to add, he doesnt want me to wait for him is because he doesnt belive he wont be poly if we have relationship.. he did cheat once in his last realtionship. ad he is from a broken family ...
i am not trying to justify him, but the truth we havent spent enought time together, no commitment can be made so fast, plus with such a long distance... he is not confident about the result.. and dont want both spend money , energy and concerning i am ard the corner of 30s, waiting for a commitment-free relationship with 14 hrs time difference is just HARD.
now we become sort of soulmate, i am still in love with him, but not like first three days feeling terrible for my 'gone love'.
maybe he is right, 2.5 yrs MBA , then green card, he said marriage might not be a subject for him for few years, and i probably already become a 2 kis mother when he realized i am THE ONE.. he said...
we probably are core-sharkers for each other, but what else we can do.. ??
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Rosylei. Please try to get over it. If he really thought you were the one, he wouldn't have been so direct. I'm sure he likes you a lot but you have to give him some credit for being fair to you and making it obvious. I know it's tough for you because he has time on his side. These things are difficult to handle if you are on the receiving end but they happen all the time I'm afraid. You also have to look at the possibility that you are one of many.
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He says he does not want a commitment.
Everything else he says is just trying to let you down gently.
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I think it is rather harsh to call the guy "without brains", I agreed with LGMV, at least the guy is being honest rather than pulling u for years and dump u.
My perception is after a few encounters, maybe he felt he is not that into you, so he uses the usual reasons to end the relationship. I know it hurts being rejected but you should consider yourself lucky - at least you only have invested a relatively short period of time and emotion on him. It is just not the right time, not the right man. I hope you feel better soon.
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Being in a long-distance relationship with someone you are not incredibly keen on is, in a word - boring.
Let's face it, without regular contact, or a lot of zing in it, then who can be bothered sitting on one's computer skypeing for hours, or spending trillions on mobile phone calls to share inconsequential things....? Long-distance relationships are hell. I've tried them a couple of times. With the people I was keen on it was easier... but honestly, with someone I didn't feel a whole lot for, well, it was agony.
I just don't consider typing IMs, phone calls and such 'a date', and they are no substitute for real life experiences.
Your boyfriend is absolutely right. Pursuing this with someone he's not jumping out of his skin to keep in his life is a form of insane self-torture.
Get over it, go out and have some fun with someone who's available physically as well as emotionally.
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rosylei, stay away from MBA guys. They are ego boosted, think they are something that they are in fact not. A lot of them are dreamers thinking someday they can be big, can change the world... totally immature, save your time for some nice guys. Let these kids live alone through their 30's and become a 40-year-old family-less loser.
--- honest opinion from these losers' female classmate
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i appreciate you guys taking time to write this back. life is short, it is just a decide made at different life stage. there is no right or wrong, good or bad...
i am not a person can live with a distance relationship either, keep reachable distance is so important, esp. when everything just started.
maybe cannot afford is just an excuse, but i see it in a better way that no attachment life is better for this moment...
thanks to all, am done and am good now
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I'm sure he'll get a decent job but I think the era of the MBA is over. All the pseudo theories have been proved to be junk. Most employers now looking for solid experience I should think.
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yanfangyf - I have no doubt that some MBA candidates (as with some men in general) fit your very rational and well-thought out description, but your generalization is just astounding. I can only deduce that you either have been played by more than one of your classmates or for whatever reason you have some sort of inferiority complex. Unfortunately, with that attitude I hope you don't expect that any man from any walk of life will treat you better.
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First of all, I want to point out " LDR ( Long Distance Relationship )" will never work out ! Maybe you can talk on the phone non-stop everyday and seeing each other on the computer every moment but it just won't work !
Another thing is, why should the guy pay for her vacation ??? It really scares guys, especially gweilos ! No wonder he asked for break-up at the end !
This is another typical sample of " Hong Kong Local Girl " !
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Beijingman, you are either not reading or not thinking.
it is not a question abt who paid the bill, i am not a spoiled office lady.
he insisted to pay i guess only because he knew he cannot afford any thing other than that.
PS: am well packaged.
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Sometimes YES = NO and NO = YES, understand ? " Somebody offers something free. ", it doesn't mean you have to take it !? Or I can just say you don't know gweilo or men good enough then.
Good luck for hunting in the future !
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i paid back in some other way and also being polite.
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I don't know what did you buy him but never mind !
Money ( Cash in bank a/c ) brings people " Safety Feeling 安全感 ".
If you have insisted to pay him back the money, the ending may be not the same !!!
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I don't think Yanfang was talking about qualifications. MBA is a term those men use to describe themselves.
MBA = Married But Available
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