Posted by
HelpMaBoab
18 yrs ago
Ok, enough about "why are all men bastards" - one for the girls.
Why does "you're a nice guy" feel like such an insult? And it can, believe me. Generally offered as a consolotation and immediately followed by the word "but".
I don't much like generalisation but recently it really does seem to me that you girls very often deliberately go for the bastards. All these posts about how to find a nice, honest guy - we're here, but do you actually want that?
The best answer I got from my highly scientific survey this evening was that you enjoy the challenge of converting these f***wits that want nothing more than a few minutes of your time - then you complain about men lacking commitment.
So. What gives? Come on, I really want to know.
Mr Nice Guy (currently studying for Bastard Level 1).
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Um, yeah... regis, whatever you're on, pass it round!
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HMB: I believe that things happen for a reason. A lady saying those words probably meant that you just don't match up. I find it difficult to have a relationship with a man who can match up with me in nearly all aspects or at least in aspects that are important to me. Sometimes, I like a man's character/personality but don't like how he looks like. Sometimes, it's the other way around. Sometimes, I just can't simply bring myself to like him for whatever silly reason. I guess I am still trying to find my one true soul mate if ever he exists :-)
So, don't take it personally. Someone better will come along...
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"you're a nice guy but..." simply means you are lacking in one or two traits that a woman considers essential to a deeper relationship. "nice" is just a word. don't imbue it with too much meaning.
it's impossible to say what those traits are because they differ from woman to woman. one woman's bastard is another woman's nice guy.
we women use the phrase because most of us find it impossible to actually get specific - and potentially cruel and hurting - about rejecting a guy. and who really truly honestly wants to know the reason(s)?
if you do want to know - and only if you really do! - then next time you hear "you're a nice guy but...", ask the woman exactly what she means, after assuring her you won't go ballistic or psycho. then you just might learn something valuable.
don't get discouraged - truly nice guys do finish first...eventually. ;-)
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for me, I always like a GOOD challenge, which also applies to man. Most people want something that they can't have, which includes me.... so all I can say is that I do like dating "bad boys" as they are fun and unpredictable =) However, once the dates and phone calls start to disappear.... the "why are all man bastards" thread will "suddenly" be posted here hahaha
come on girls, I'm sure that I'm not the only one there that thinks like this..... =)
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Women get rejected all the time.. Women get criticised all the time.. Whats the problem? Men cant take it no matter how contructive... women insinctively know that so they rarely offer it, to guys that is.
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Well, thanks for your views. Nice to know there is hope! :-)
Yes, I suppose it does often mean simply that something doesn't match, and it's seen as a "kind" let-down. Problem is it doesn't feel kind - how many guys come away with a feeling of "oh well, at least I'm nice!"? If I call myself a "nice guy" I don't mean boring, predictable etc, but that's the feeling when someone uses the phrase against you! Maybe not what's meant ... or, horrible thought, maybe as rouge says it is!! Ouch.
I guess the question was more how can you deliberately choose guys who you know will treat you badly - seems the challenge is the thing. Guess it all keeps these websites in business anyway!
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feather, "who told you that women deliberately choose guys who treat us badly"
Some female friends. Obviously everyone's different, but the guys there (nice, obviously) could only sit and shake our heads! :-) "wouldn't it feel fantastic to be the one who managed to change them" was roughly what it came down to. I'm sure it would, but.... Sheesh.
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recently my lady friend told me about her blind date.
She said ' he seems like a NICE guy and things went really well. In the end he asked me to go to his place and I refused. than he disapared right away. (they were in the taxi and suprised that my lady friend was actually wanted to go home and he got out from the taxi right away)'
so, should we interpert ' you are a nice guy, but..." as you are boring? or you ass....
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men are like toilets, either they are engaged or full of cxxp - joking...
but seriously, i think one of the problems is guys are way too driven by physical needs while women by emotional one. a woman sleeps with a guy she likes and it's not necessarily the case for the guy, so the guy never calls again after he gets what he wants.... and we call guys like this basxxds!
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Years and years ago, I almost ditched the opportunity to date my now-husband because I thought he was "too nice".
Back then, I had preconceived notions and a picture in my mind of what type of guy I wanted to have a relationship with. Looking back, I too was challenged to date good-looking bad boys, with the hope of molding them into my liking. But after a couple of heartaches, that's what they still were at the end-- gorgeous bad boys (who didn't seem too gorgeous anymore).
So guys, my point here is, let the women you're dating see beyond the "nice" halo, and let them CONSISTENTLY experience the interesting, charming, responsible and caring guy that you are.
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mlkh
18 yrs ago
Perhaps the female saying "you're a nice guy" is equivalent to the male "she's got a great personality"?
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:)
i think women come to here to post message, normally want "help", they have quesitons or meet problems in their relationships. so they wonder where is nice guy.
but there are still lots women don't come here, as they don't think it is necessary to post " am being with a nice guy"
(:
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u know the old saying -- treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen. Wouln't have stood the test of time if there wasn't at least some truth in it
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"So how nice are you?"
Oh, disgustingly. Kind to animals and small children. Hardly ever use my elbows against little old ladies, even in Wing On sales. Handsome, honest, extremely modest.... :-)
I planted a minefield by starting this thread, now you want me to run though it! :-)
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rats
18 yrs ago
wonder if someone modest will go public and call himself handsome !
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It's called "humour". Spot the smilie. The big obvious one at the end of the paragraph.
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