Posted by
adiavr
18 yrs ago
Here's a question for the guys.
So, i met this guy who claimed he is done with the games and looking for something serious.
So, we meet up, and he claims that he is really attracted and really likes me. So, trying to set the next date, he offers i will come to his house (and we all know where that will lead).
For weeks now he keeps SMS me that he wants me.
SO, don't get me wrong, i'm flattered, but why do you come out on this false pretence of looking for something serious, when all you're looking for is SEX.
Sorry for the generalization, but i'm just tired wasting my time on guys claiming they want one thing, when in fact they want something else.
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For a moment, thought you [adiavr] have met the same jerk I had experienced. Not only he was looking for a fling... he is a downright "cheapo"... He thinks he is the only one who has to pay mobile phone bills... during the time we were together, he would (to the point always) sms me to call him (he's got incoming calls free)... Quite unbearable was that he would purposely leave his wallet in either his or my car on our dinner/movie dates and then tell you in the face that he did just that...
More "cheapo" acts he committed but these few are enough to "kill"... NEVER in my life, I had met such a guy... Overlooked his MAJOR shortcomings as at that time pretty like just a long-term companion...
Doubt there is another man like him in the planet earth... Oh, God forbid it...
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All guys want one thing. And we will say/do anything to get it. If things end up being "serious" at a later stage and the guy is ready for it, that's an added bonus.
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Hey Regis27. You miss understood me completely.
have nothing against sex. i am simply saying "why can't you guys simply come out and say that's what you're looking for" rather than wasting our times just to get sex.
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ok....as requested....more details ahead:
we met up for coffee, and the conversation was flowing.
Since then non stop communication by phone/SMS.
I suggested we meet up one evening for a quiet dinner to try and get to know eachother more, he says sure, but then goes under for a while. then communications starts again, and he asks me to come over saying, and i quote "I can't promise i will be able to control myself I Want you", so i say, fair enough, let's do dinner then, cause a one night stand is not what i'm looking for. his response "neither am i" :o)
Anyways, he's been SMS me for few weeks now, trying to lure me to his apartment.
Again you guys, don't get me wrong, I do not have a problem with sex, Sex is part of the dating process, i know i might be at it for a while before i find someone, but that's not the point.
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adiavr: you should suggest meeting somewhere in public...if everything goes okay after few more dates then you can make up your mind about going to HIS place..good luck!
...and about him wanting sex...err...who doesn't?
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Chat Noir, i did not go to his house! I simply explained to him that i'm ot interested in that.
Anyway, to all of you, I wasn't really looking for advice for my specific case, i was just curious to hear your opinions on the matter of 'false pretence'.
Thanks for all of your posts, it was interesting to hear them all :o)
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It's simple.
If a girl asks a guy if he is interested in a serious relationship and he answers "actually no. But sex would be great yeah?" he is going to end up sleeping only with a) seriously skanky gals b) and not having sex often.
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Karl
18 yrs ago
What am I missing exactly? For the second date he made it pretty clear that he wanted you (sexually) and might not be able to control himself (a rather stupid statement actually -- looks like a warning that rape might be on the cards).
And you say:
"i'm just tired wasting my time on guys claiming they want one thing, when in fact they want something else."
In fact, if he SMSed you for weeks saying that he wanted you, seems like it was very clear.
There is a VERY simple solution -- he said he was also not interested in a ONS; he said he was looking for something serious. So .. explain to him that you need the relationship to develop over a few dates/weeks BEFORE you will have sex. If he bails, you have your answer.
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In my 'experience' I have met someone who said he was looking for serious relationship, settling down bla bla bla, then not long into dating, I think he realised that I was not what he was looking for, though he was attracted to me physically. (I was too young and naive at the time, so I did not realise)
So he insisted on sex and all and it happened. Once he had his fill, he just stopped his efforts and did not take the effort to tell me he's started dating someone else. Just stopped calling
While I know, and still believe that he was indeed serious about looking for someone to settle down with, it did not stop him from wanting a simple shag just for the fun of it. It was very selfish of him.
About your guy- we have no way of knowing if you're just a shag as only time can tell. No harm in waiting a bit longer till you're more comfortable or confident where the whole thing's going.
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I really don't get the post -- at all.
Why are "wanting a serious relationship" and "wanting sex" mutually exclusive?
Nothing in your posts suggests that this guy doesn't want a serious relationship. Is there something you didn't mention that would explain this?
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I just met someone wonderful. On our first date, we closed down the restaurant. He took me home walked me to the door and asked when he could see me again. The conversation brought out the coquette in me, so I said, "When would you like to see me?" He said, "Tomorrow."
I held him off a few days but our dates since then have been beaches, barbeques, trivia nights, as well as indoor movie nights. He rearranges his schedule to see me.
He simply enjoys being around me (the feeling is mutual!) - and I knew that without him speaking the words. He has a look in his eyes that goes far beyond the sexual.
I say this because I now wonder why, for so many years, I was hopeful about the occasional smss or the relationships that I knew deep down were one-dimensional or temporary. Maybe I needed those to keep my mind and/or libido occupied. Maybe I believed that men like this were meant for other people and that I needed something more "grounded." But trust me, you'll know if he's really into you.
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